can the atonement heal relationships?

[lost87]

I was dating my best friend and was absolutely in love with him...i mean head over heals completely devoted to him in every way...we both fell away from the church for a few months and did a lot of things together that we really shouldn't have (law of chastity)...we ended up not talking for a couple of months and now we want to try to work everything out. I don't feel the same way anymore...and i don't trust in him or us anymore...we both want to repent and change and be strong in the church again...I guess I am just wondering if the atonement is strong enough to not only heal our souls but our relationship as well? As we both move towards the Lord will it help us move back towards eachother in a more righteous way? I love him so much...just not like I used to.

Thanks

[Guest missingsomething]

I was dating my best friend and was absolutely in love with him...i mean head over heals completely devoted to him in every way...we both fell away from the church for a few months and did a lot of things together that we really shouldn't have (law of chastity)...we ended up not talking for a couple of months and now we want to try to work everything out. I don't feel the same way anymore...and i don't trust in him or us anymore...we both want to repent and change and be strong in the church again...I guess I am just wondering if the atonement is strong enough to not only heal our souls but our relationship as well? As we both move towards the Lord will it help us move back towards eachother in a more righteous way? I love him so much...just not like I used to.

Thanks

Yes it can. Can I make a suggestion that may help inspire your studies and investigation as to whether or not you want ETERNITY with him ? Go rent Fire Proof (can find it at blockbuster -but you may have to ask the clerk)... then do the Love Dare (which can be found in any bookstore).

But a parting thought - relationships are hard work....making it through to eternity is even harder. If you are doubting your relationship and your feelings now they could only magnify with time. I believe the atonement can help this by helping you. You and he will need to do the work to heal your relationship and you can renew your faith and your testimonies by the atonement.

Seek answers in prayer. Prayerfully make a list of all the qualities that you want (spiritual and temporal) that you would like in a husband - but make sure - hard as it may seem... to not think about your boyfriend when you do this. Then pray about the list again. Then prayerfully consider if the boyfriend is truly what you want. You cant expect to go into a relationship hoping to change someone...

And sometimes, when we do sin - the hardest thing to do to move past it (and in this case perhaps heal your relationship) is to forgive yourself. One other thought - I knew a young woman once who broke the law of chastity with a boy (member)... she convinced herself that since she had done this - the only way to be truly repentant was to marry him when he asked. They divorced 3 years later after abuse and an affair on his part.

Good luck!!

Edited August 15, 2009 by missingsomething

[Misshalfway]

I think there is always hope with regards to healing relationships. I don't however think that the healing always means a restoration to things as they were. I think sometimes these traumatic or emotional events change people. And like all trials, I think that is what they are meant to do. We grow, mature, and refine and sometimes that means that it isn't in our best interest or for the people we love to resume relationships as they were.

I am not saying this for everyone. Sometimes relationships are restored to a 'new and improved' status. But I don't think if relationships don't work out we need assume the Atonement isn't at play.

[desirexnoel]

I was dating my best friend and was absolutely in love with him...i mean head over heals completely devoted to him in every way...we both fell away from the church for a few months and did a lot of things together that we really shouldn't have (law of chastity)...we ended up not talking for a couple of months and now we want to try to work everything out. I don't feel the same way anymore...and i don't trust in him or us anymore...we both want to repent and change and be strong in the church again...I guess I am just wondering if the atonement is strong enough to not only heal our souls but our relationship as well? As we both move towards the Lord will it help us move back towards eachother in a more righteous way? I love him so much...just not like I used to.

Thanks

You asked this in Yahoo Answers didn't you!

[KrazyKay]

I was dating my best friend and was absolutely in love with him...i mean head over heals completely devoted to him in every way...we both fell away from the church for a few months and did a lot of things together that we really shouldn't have (law of chastity)...we ended up not talking for a couple of months and now we want to try to work everything out. I don't feel the same way anymore...and i don't trust in him or us anymore...we both want to repent and change and be strong in the church again...I guess I am just wondering if the atonement is strong enough to not only heal our souls but our relationship as well? As we both move towards the Lord will it help us move back towards eachother in a more righteous way? I love him so much...just not like I used to.

Thanks

I haven't read any of the other replies yet, so some of this might be repeated info, lol. But I did want to tell my story first.

I was 18 years old, the year was 1997, and I was leaving home to go to Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah. My parents were living in Houston, Texas at that time. I was never a rebellious teenager; however, once I was no longer under my parents roof, I stopped attending church and Satan got a hold of me. That first semester at Westminster College, I met this one guy online and we fell in love - at least I thought he loved me at that time. I also was learning and for some stupid reason thought I would like BDSM which is what that guy liked. I found a guy in SLC who was also into BDSM and was looking for a no strings attached encounters - that was when I lost my virginity. Then a month later I took a weekend trip down to see him where he lived in Phoenix, Arizona and we had sex.

To make this short, I failed that first semester of college and thought I was too stupid for college, so he and I decided to get married. 6 months later, I caught him cheating on me with another woman in our bed who he had told that he was living with his sister. I was so mad and I left him - moved back in with my parents. Luckily he and I had no children.

After moving back in with my parents, I was depressed and spent so much time online mostly learning how to code HTML to make websites (the website I made is still up but I can no longer edit it if anyone wants to see, send me a PM). I also met another guy online who is LDS, but inactive. So a year after leaving my husband, I was able to get that marriage annulled.

A few weeks after that marriage was annulled, the inactive LDS guy I met came down to Houston to meet me. I wasn't fully active yet myself, that guy and I did have sex in the back of my car during that trip. He then went back to Indiana. A few weeks later, I found a job in Indiana and moved up there so I could be with that guy.

To make this short, that guy and I did get carried away a few more times and I ended up pregnant. We decided we needed to start going to church again and went through the repentance process. Our daughter was born March 2000 and we had a civil marriage June 2000 with our bishop marrying us in the R.S. room. Our daughter was the most beautiful person there (in my opinion). Anyway, in 2003 we were sealed together as a family forever in the Houston Temple and he and I are very active at church and go to the temple as often as we can. He is the Elder's Quorum secretary and I play the piano in R.S.

So what I am saying, through the atonement, yes you can be forgiven as my husband and I were forgiven. A great book to read that will help with understanding the atonement and forgiveness is "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by President Spencer W. Kimball. My husband and I have read that book while we were going through the repentance process. So yes, someone like me who broke the law of chastity not with one guy, but with 3 guys, can be forgiven. That means that you can be forgiven too.

[HEthePrimate]

lost87,

That's what the Atonement ("at-one-ment") is all about, healing relationships and bringing people together. Because engaging in unchaste actions with him has hurt you, him, and your relationship, perhaps part of the repentance process involves working with your friend on healing your relationship, on resolving the trust issues, etc. For now, I would suggest not worrying about having a romantic relationship with him; focus instead on simple friendship, trust, and respect. If romance follows later, that's great, but if not, you'll find somebody else. In either case, those issues need to be resolved first.

I wish you the best! :)

HEP

[Snow]

lost87,

That's what the Atonement ("at-one-ment") is all about, healing relationships and bringing people together.

Well - no. That would be pop-theology.

The atonement "is all about" Christ having offered himself as a redeeming ransom for the effects of the Fall of Adam on all mankind and for the personal sins of all those that repent. It is the bringing together of God and man who becomes estranged due to sin.

It's trendy to talk about the atonement as being so infinite that it can heal everything, including boyfriends and girlfriends getting back together again or a father who is frustrated with his son because he forgot to take the trash out, but that kind of gloss does a disservice, I think, to what God did that man may have eternal life.

[pam]

I have to agree with your statement Snow.

[Just_A_Guy]

Ditto.

[Snow]

That's not to say that there isn't healing power in the gospel to help us with our problems, whatever they are; I just don't think there is much value in trying to extend the atonement to, ultimately, what are relatively minor or even trivial things, in the bigger schemata.

[Justice]

I, too, get a little uncomfortable when I hear mothers tell their little kids who fell and scraped their knee that the atonement covers that pain and they don't have to be sad or sorry about it.

I think we gain understanding and strength through doing as Christ taught. Obedience is the powerful equalizer. We can feel calm and at peace through obedience during even the most difficult trials in our lives. If we know the Lord's will for us in a matter, and do it regardless of the cost (sacrifice), then the powers of heaven are opened.

I have found that a lack of obedience leads to virtually all my problems.

You description of the Atonement, Snow, is spot on.

[Misshalfway]

The "At-one-ment" means that we are one with the Savior...all the "together-ness" that happens after that is a result of each individual being yoked to Christ this way.

I, too, get a little uncomfortable when I hear mothers tell their little kids who fell and scraped their knee that the atonement covers that pain and they don't have to be sad or sorry about it.

I think what you are saying is that we shouldn't make trite sentiment, But I do want to say that our Savior suffered so that he might succor his people. He can heal our hearts and help us pass thru sorrows and trial with divine comforts and sometimes important miracles, even if we are a child and the suffering we feel seems stupid to others. I do want our kids to know that Jesus understands. I think it is wrong to tell a kid he/she doesn't need to feel sad. Sadness is part of the earth life deal. And learning to deal properly with it is very important. Denying feelings isn't healthy. And telling ourselves that we "shouldn't" be sad because of Christ is stupid too. Christ know things are sad. Sometimes there is healing and sadness all at the same time. And that is ok.

[lattelady]

I believe that scripture teaches that Jesus shed His blood and died to take away not just our sin but our shame as well. That's comforting to me that when I confess my sin He is "faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).