Problem with parents..

[naturelover]

Hi! I'm Carissa, and I'm 15. I'm having some problems that have to do with my parents, and I thought I would ask here and get some opinions.

Well, I have been wanting to become LDS for a while, for quite a few reasons. But my parents are Baptist, and they won't let me. For some reason they are really hostile towards Mormons. They always bash them and say how the LDS religion is a "cult" and how Mormons are lost. I do not agree with this AT ALL, but I also don't want to create a big uproar by arguing with my parents. My mom is especially bad for doing this. Out of the blue she'll just start insulting Mormonism, like she's daring me to defend it. I've never told my parents that I want to convert, but I think they can kind of see that I want to, because sometimes I do get a little defensive when they constantly bash Mormonism. I think part of the reason they do that is because they sense that I want to convert, and they're afraid of that.

They always force me to go to "mega-churches" with them, which seem to have absolutely no standards at all. They play rock music, and people wear whatever they want. Besides, of course, their doctrine being false, it really bothers me how people dress. They have no respect for church. Once I actually saw a woman in short-shorts passing out communion. Whenever we go there, I'm one of the only people dressed modestly and not wearing short-shorts and tank tops.

I've never asked them if I could go to an LDS church, because I'm afraid of what they'd say, but I really want to start going. I'm hoping maybe when I start driving and get a car I'll be able to start going to LDS church, that way we can just drive separately and they can still go to their huge church. But somehow I think they'll still try to force me to come with them.

We live in Arizona right now, but we're moving to Michigan. I've already looked it up, and there are hardly any LDS meeting houses in the part of Michigan where we're moving. I was hoping I could maybe meet some Mormon kids at my new high school there, but I doubt there will be any because there's not even a meeting house in the whole town. The nearest one is about 20 minutes away.

This is really stressing me out, because I feel like I'll never be able to become Mormon, even though that's what I believe in, and I disagree with my parent's religion. I'm afraid I'll be stuck going to my parents' church until I turn 18. And now, I probably won't even be able to meet LDS kids my age, because we have to move to a part of Michigan that is sadly lacking in Mormons and most of the people there are either Catholic or Baptist.

What do you think I should do?

[skippy740]

Have you thought about attending seminary before school starts every day?

You can call the local meetinghouse and find out where and when they meet.

Where there is a temple, there are members:

Detroit Michigan LDS (Mormon) Temple

[Gatorman]

It is a difficult path you are on. However, with all the other beliefs of our faith comes one that makes this more difficult. Honor they mother and thy father...

You are 15, but, still have some growing up to do. That is not meant to be a put down or to suggest you could or should grow away from the church. But, I have a question for you, can you truly honor your parents while you keep this secret from them? As with most things, I would suggest you kneel in prayer and ask of Heavenly Father. He can provide answers where I can only provide thoughtful, frail, human suggestions.

Pray about it

Talk to you parents

Continue to honor and respect your parents, no matter what

Having grown up around them, yes, Baptist's are pretty tough on Mormons often times. It will be a difficult situation and I would consider praying for strength from Heavenly Father as well.

[hordak]

When i was 15 i wanted a tattoo. I knew it was for me and i wouldn't regret it. My parents wouldn't let me. They don't like them, didn't think i should get one so i had to wait. When i finally turned 18 i got it. While my parents still looked down on it they knew i was an adult i could make my own decisions. I was right. I love it and don't regret it. (This isn't a parents know best story:) ) Parents don't always know what is right for us, but they do what they do out of love.

Point is 3 years is nothing. At your age it seems like forever but far too soon you will realize a year goes by like the snap of your fingers. Take solace in the fact your parents love you so much they are trying to protect you (even if you know you don't need to be protected) Use the next 3 years study the church, read the BoM etc.

In Michigan LDS are few and far between. But then again you have the web.

And always remember that University of Michigan is better the Michigan State and Ohio state (regardless of what wingnut says)

[Generally_Me]

Yes, 3 years seem like forever. But, you can't be baptised in the church without their permission (I think) until you are 18. I agree with Hordak, use the next 3 years to study the scriptures, and try to honor your parents. If you are truly uncomfortable in the mega church (don't blame you) see if they will be willing to let you go to a more conservative church.

In the vast scheme of things, 3 years are nothing. You have the internet and the library, for study of the gospel. Your friends don't HAVE to be LDS, just stick with a good group of teens and keep out of trouble. You can live the gospel wihtout actually being baptised; pray, do good works, study, and be a good example.

I don't know why your parents hate LDS, but odds are they won't be happy when you do turn 18 and get baptised. When the time comes, remember what it says in Matt 19:29

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

*evil giggle* I think I could give you some advice. You're a 15 year old girl and this is the age most dads dread. In a word, BOYS. Here is what you do. Go hang out with some Mormon girls and take pics with them. Then go hang with some chicks from Mega-lo-church and take pics with them. When you show your dad the pics and he sees that Mega-Jesus-Church girls like to dress sexy and cake on the make up and that you couldnt get a single pic without at least one boy in the back ground, he will take a second look at the mormon girls and see their modesty and lack of drool dripped on their shoulders from lustful boys and I assure you it will plant a seed in his mind....hmm, perhaps those mormons arent so bad after all.

[Elgama]

OK some advice I was 15 when I got baptised. It really doesn't matter if you get baptised right now as long as you make it your goal now. You can live as a Latter Day Saint, read your scriptures (even if its just the Bible) everyday, say your prayers, you can dress how you want to dress you show respect the way you want. When you go to Church with your parents look for the good in it rather than the bad, it will contain some truth and you will be able to feel the spirit, maybe take notes or meditate whilst you are there. How other people dress is not pertinent to your spirit and salvation it doesn't matter, learn to love them for who they are not their outfit

Keep praying to soften your parents heart, but in the meantime keep the Word of Wisdom, Law of Chastity, read and gain inspiration online from President Monson and the apostles.

This way when you get baptised you will be absolutely ready. Respecting your parents is important if you respect your parents and live your life as a Latter Day Saint but do as they wish their heart will be more likely to be softened, rebel and you lose their trust, and become a rotten missionary. Do what they ask, respect curfews exactly etc, do your homework etc show them as much respect as you can

-Charley

Edited August 22, 2009 by Elgama

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

Reading Elgama's post gave me a thought. Pherhaps you could view this time in your life you have to wait as your own pioneer trek? If you know anything about mormon history you know about saints having to endure long hardships across vast country as they worked towards their goals and promised lands. You wont have to cross space, but rather time. Your pioneer trek is across possibly 3 years of time towards your goal. But who knows, perhaps your parents will cave and let you join sooner. But even if they dont let you and you must wait until you're 18... you'd better not lose sight of your goal because there will be a lot of people there in your life who've been waiting for you.

[talisyn]

*evil giggle* I think I could give you some advice. You're a 15 year old girl and this is the age most dads dread. In a word, BOYS. Here is what you do. Go hang out with some Mormon girls and take pics with them. Then go hang with some chicks from Mega-lo-church and take pics with them. When you show your dad the pics and he sees that Mega-Jesus-Church girls like to dress sexy and cake on the make up and that you couldnt get a single pic without at least one boy in the back ground, he will take a second look at the mormon girls and see their modesty and lack of drool dripped on their shoulders from lustful boys and I assure you it will plant a seed in his mind....hmm, perhaps those mormons arent so bad after all.

Excellent. I am so gonna use this on my daughter's dad when she's older.

Carissa, you have access to the internet and so you can go to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and look up LDS.org - Young Women Chapter Detail - Young Women Resource Guide 2009—Manual 1

It has a lot of links to even more good stuff. Now is the time to prepare for the rest of your life!Use the next 3 years to develop good habits so that when you're finally baptized you'll be ready for all that entails. Good luck to you, and remember your parents love you dearly.

[Misshalfway]

I absolutely agree with Elgama. You can "be" LDS in your actions, the intents of your heart, your prayers, your inner belief system, your study, your conduct in dress, word, and deed. Remember that part of being LDS is to learning and applying the attributes of charity. (patience, tolerance, meekness, long suffering....etc.) Love your parents even though they don't understand things the same as you do. Listen to their teachings, especially the moral lessons that cross over into your beliefs. Build on those common bonds.

Honor your parents. God does expect this even when the situation isn't perfect. They still love and want the best for you. You have lots of time to figure out your religious differences. God doesn't usually change things over night and he doesn't always bring people to the promised land in a day. Look at the Jaredites. They spent a good year on the sea before they reached the promised land. Nephi and his family spent a good 8 years on the beach long before Nephi was told to build a boat.

Make your camp on the sea and be grateful for the blessings and bounties of today. Count your blessings. Be gentle with your parents. Obey them. Learn the lessons of obedience. These concepts are crucial to being a mormon too. And then when you are 18 you can revisit the idea of baptism.

In the meantime, pray that your parents hearts will soften and be patient as Father does what is best. Try to teach or gently introduce concepts to your parents. Let them argue and wrestle with it. This process seems scary, but it is ok. Time is on your side.

Best wishes

[naturelover]

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful responses. I've made up my mind now to just try to respect my parents, and if they won't let me be baptised or join the church, I guess I'll just have to wait until I'm 18.

But also, I really want to go to BYU, even though it's so far away from where I live. Besides the fact that it's just a good college all-around, it's a huge bonus that I would be taught LDS doctrine and I would have Mormon professors. That's something I could never have at a college around here. But I'm sure my parents won't help me pay for tuition to go there because it's against their beliefs, and I probably won't be able to pay for it all by myself unless I get tons of scholarships.

I have bad allergies that bother me in humid climates like Michigan. My eyes itch and burn all the time, and allergy medications don't really help. It's hard for me to even do normal things like go to school and have hobbies because I have to squint my eyes almost constantly. So now I'm afraid that since my allergies are so bad there, it'll prevent me from getting good grades in high school, and then I'll never be able to go to college out of state, let alone BYU, because I'll have no academic scholarships.

I'm just pretty stressed out in general, and I can't talk to anyone about it because no one understands why I want to become Mormon. They just assume that I'll fall in line behind them and never question their religion.

-Carissa

[Maureen]

...We live in Arizona right now, but we're moving to Michigan...

Carissa, your profile says that you are located in Afghanistan?

M.

[Guest TheLutheran]

Carissa, your profile says that you are located in Afghanistan?

M.

Perhaps it was a typo -- Arizona / Afghanistan -- they have some letters in common. Or maybe it was a commentary on Arizona.

[Jenamarie]

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful responses. I've made up my mind now to just try to respect my parents, and if they won't let me be baptised or join the church, I guess I'll just have to wait until I'm 18.

But also, I really want to go to BYU, even though it's so far away from where I live. Besides the fact that it's just a good college all-around, it's a huge bonus that I would be taught LDS doctrine and I would have Mormon professors. That's something I could never have at a college around here. But I'm sure my parents won't help me pay for tuition to go there because it's against their beliefs, and I probably won't be able to pay for it all by myself unless I get tons of scholarships.

I have bad allergies that bother me in humid climates like Michigan. My eyes itch and burn all the time, and allergy medications don't really help. It's hard for me to even do normal things like go to school and have hobbies because I have to squint my eyes almost constantly. So now I'm afraid that since my allergies are so bad there, it'll prevent me from getting good grades in high school, and then I'll never be able to go to college out of state, let alone BYU, because I'll have no academic scholarships.

I'm just pretty stressed out in general, and I can't talk to anyone about it because no one understands why I want to become Mormon. They just assume that I'll fall in line behind them and never question their religion.

-Carissa

Your HS should have someone who will help you figure out the process for applying for scholarships, grants, and loans. Student loans don't require you to pay them back until after you graduate, so you'd have a few years to work (while going to school) to save up money to pay the loans back, and then hopefully get a job soon after graduating to pay the rest of it off. And there are TONS of scholarships out there, not all of which are tied to acidemics. (especially if you're a member of any sort of minority)

Explore your options. :)

[naturelover]

Carissa, your profile says that you are located in Afghanistan?

M.

lol Sorry about that! I guess it was just a glitch or something. I don't really live in Afghanistan.

[melissa23]

I've been reading this, and I wasn't really sure what to say.

But I guess in a way I'm in the same boat as you, with wanting to convert, and my parents don't know, although it seems like your parents might. Oh and my parents don't bash the LDS church. But I do know how nervous it can be, you don't want to hide this from them, yet at the same time you don't want to just give this up for them.

Try not to worry about college too much. Like Jenamarie said there's lots of scholarships out there for so many different random things.

I am sorry tho that your parents seem to be so against your beliefs and the LDS.

But one thing I've been trying to do, is just pray that my parents will be accepting when I actually tell them about it all. Praying helps me a lot (: and thats definitly something to pray about haha.

[naturelover]

I've been reading this, and I wasn't really sure what to say.

But I guess in a way I'm in the same boat as you, with wanting to convert, and my parents don't know, although it seems like your parents might. Oh and my parents don't bash the LDS church. But I do know how nervous it can be, you don't want to hide this from them, yet at the same time you don't want to just give this up for them.

Try not to worry about college too much. Like Jenamarie said there's lots of scholarships out there for so many different random things.

I am sorry tho that your parents seem to be so against your beliefs and the LDS.

But one thing I've been trying to do, is just pray that my parents will be accepting when I actually tell them about it all. Praying helps me a lot (: and thats definitly something to pray about haha.

Thanks, that's exactly how I feel. I guess the best thing to do is keep praying that their eyes will be opened and that they'll be accepting.

[melissa23]

Your welcome (:

And yeah praying can get hurt!

[StallionMcBeastly]

I think it's awesome you feel so passionately about religion at 15 years old. You're obviously very smart. Good job!

All you can do is be the best example and pray. Hopefully your parents will come around to the notion of you joining the LDS church.

Maybe I missed it, but how have you become familiar with the LDS church to the point of wanting to get baptized?

Good luck!