Vort Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 While reading this Glenn Beck article, I was trying to understand my own feelings of irritation at it. What I came up with is that the author hits too closely to the truth about some things (read: Mormon men crying) without providing context. The effect is to make Mormon men look foolish, which of course was probably the intent.I remember my dad crying on only a very few occasions when I was growing up. Once, actually. But when I entered adulthood, I saw him tear up and even cry on several occasions. The older he got, the more likely he was to cry. And there was never anything calculated or premeditated about it; his feelings just got the better of him.I was asked to offer the benediction in our ward last Sunday, after the Primary program with the theme of eternal families. A few days before, one of our ward members miscarried in her second or third month, and another went into premature labor in her eighth month, delivering a live baby who died minutes later. So after offering thanks for the beautiful presentation of the children, I tried to offer a prayer in support of those in our ward who were suffering from recent events.Well, I was struck so hard by emotion that I bawled and blubbered my way through the prayer; I think at least some of it was unintelligible. I was personally embarrassed, of course, but felt much worse thinking that the private pain of loss of these families was now being broadcast across our ward meetings and that I had somehow drawn attention away from the Spirit of the meeting and the difficulties they were facing and placed the spotlight upon myself. (The families involved certainly made no such public exhibition.)So now that I've publicized my faux pas, I wonder: What is at the root of this malady of bawling Mormon men? I'm not the only one to engage in such theatrics, though my performance was perhaps more ill-timed than most. But seriously, you don't see men in general bursting into tears over sad, touching, spiritual, or otherwise emotional things. Is it a Mormon thing? Or do I just need to accept that I'm a pathetic specimen of manhood? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Mods, I intended this for LDS Gospel Discussion forum. Will someone move it for me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
talisyn Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 I like seeing the priesthood holders weepy. People who hold that much power should also be know for compassion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Vort never ever be embarassed or mortified by an outbreak of emotion. I think it's beautiful when men who want to maintain that air of machoism..actually show some emotion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 John Wayne would not approve of this thread. He's dead though, so what does he know? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 I have done that too any times.....I stood up one sunday to release our Relief Society President. While doing that I teared up. This was my first one that I released at the time. I noticed over the years each time I released a Relief Society President I always teared up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAngelPalmoni Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Tearing up is okay, full on weeping is reserved for more severe spiritual or emotional situations... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpacktr Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 I cry like a little girl at times during my talks. I have learned, thru speaking, to not out and out weep, but I get choked up from time to time. Some of it is emotion, some of it is the Spirit bearing witness things to me. It happens during prayers as well. Nothing to be ashamed of. One time, many years ago, in PH meeting, I was asked to read 2nd Nephi, Chapter 4 (Nephi's Soliloquy) (sp??). The teacher thought that I'd take about 30 or 40 seconds. I cried like a baby. O wretched man that I am! still touches me deeply. I think it took me about 5 mins. I was embarrassed, but what are you gonna do? We're a bunch of gurly men... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarnished Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 I think our current Bishop cries every time he stands at the pulpit. With him I think it is the spirit that causes him to get weepy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Tearing up is okay, full on weeping is reserved for more severe spiritual or emotional situations... Why? Why should men feel they have to hold back their emotions? I've never understood that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Why? Why should men feel they have to hold back their emotions? I've never understood that.Because it's weak. A man must confine the expression of his emotions to appropriate times. There is nothing wrong with feeling things deeply; on the contrary, the more decent a man is, the more deeply he will feel things. But feeling something is not the same as expressing that feeling. A man who cannot control the expression of his feelings is weak and is less fit to serve himself, his loved ones, and his fellow beings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh hogwash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 You may think it's hogwash, Pam. But you are not a man. Men know how it is to be male, and what it means. Whatever you may think, it is weak for a man to be unable to control his expression of emotion. You never saw the Savior, or for that matter the prophet, reduced to ineffectual weeping when the situation called for him to speak forth manfully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Is it because men think that other men will think of them as a wuss? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Is it because men think that other men will think of them as a wuss?It is because a man must act when it is time to act. When a man's emotions -- anger, fear, sadness, or whatever -- interfere with the performance of his duty, he has failed, even if that duty is something as simple as offering a congregational benediction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alana Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 There is a man in our ward that when ever he has a silent moment at the pulpit (trying to regain his composer) I feel the Spirit so intensely. Even though I'm female, it might work similarly with men. The more spiritual I am the more kind and nurturing I am. The more empathetic, the more emotional I am, and thus the more I cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Well as a woman, I like that a man can show that he's vulnerable. That he has emotions. That he has feelings. And I am glad to see those come to the surface. That's more macho to me than being stoic and pretending nothing bothers him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 I really want to read others' thoughts, so I'm going to avoid responding any more. I replied to Pam because I would rather my feelings and ideas on the matter not be dismissed as just so much hogwash. But if those are Pam's thoughts, so be it. I personally think there is an important kernel of truth to the trite expression "big boys don't cry". But regardless of my opinions, I want to read what others think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxel Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Jesus wept, both because of his own anguish and the anguish experienced by those he loved. The Father weeps for the plight of His children. I think the truth is that the Gift of the Holy Ghost opens the human spirit to the things of God- which are so powerful and true that, when witnessed of, brings a firm resolution and often tears. Crying's not a bad thing- especially when contrasted against the stereotypical, emotionally dead "macho-man" that some men seem to idolize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Well as a woman, I like that a man can show that he's vulnerable. That he has emotions. That he has feelings. And I am glad to see those come to the surface. That's more macho to me than being stoic and pretending nothing bothers himOh, I agree. At appropriate times, I think appropriate expression of emotions are a good and edifying thing. At appropriate times. Such appropriate times are typically in private, I think.Anyway, I'll be quiet now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh, I agree. At appropriate times, I think appropriate expression of emotions are a good and edifying thing. At appropriate times. Such appropriate times are typically in private, I think.Anyway, I'll be quiet now. Then we are more on the same page than you would have thought. I had just gotten from your comments that it's not good for a man to show emotion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxel Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Regarding showing emotion when it's appropriate-Overt expressions of emotion aren't always the best or appropriate thing to express. However, it's also harmful to not show emotion when it's not inappropriate to do so.Regarding Glenn Beck's crying- he really doesn't cry on air that often. And when he does, it's when he's speaking on a topic that he's very passionate (and often worried) about. When we're discussing those topics, I think it's not inappropriate to get emotional here and there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxel Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Oh, I agree. At appropriate times, I think appropriate expression of emotions are a good and edifying thing. At appropriate times. Such appropriate times are typically in private, I think.At times, yes. Just as there's a time to pray in private and pray in public, I think there's times to show strong emotion in private as well as in public. I think that one of those appropriate times IS during prayer. As long as we fight off the urge to stop the forward momentum of what we're doing and indulge in nothing but a display of emotion, it's not detrimental or detracting to the presentation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted October 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 I keep saying that I'll shut up now, and then I keep talking. So let me offer a couple of (hopefully) final thoughts before ceding the floor to everyone else:The topic I was hoping to discuss is why Mormon men tend to be so weepy compared with others. Is that a true observation? If so, why is it like that? If not, why is there that perception?Off the top of my head, I don't recall any incident of another man showing emotion during a talk or prayer or whatever that I thought, "Hey, that's really inappropriate. For heaven's sake, why doesn't that guy get ahold of himself?" I suppose I was really referring to myself and my own embarrassment -- which perhaps shows that I need to quit worrying so much about myself.I do believe that the machismo culture so prevalent in certain segments of our society is an evil, something that encourages men to be less than they are and to feel less than they otherwise might. But that culture arises from some kernel of thought that emotional expression can sometimes be a bad thing. I think this is true, so maybe I'm just wondering how that works in with the LDS world.I acknowledge that the honest expression of worthy emotion in a spiritual setting is probably never an evil thing, so maybe my whole embarrassment with the prayer incident is overblown.I have never watched Glenn Beck or listened to his radio program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneEternalSonata Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Vort, what if Heavenly Father felt that was an appropriate time for you to cry? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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