Finding Your Eternal Partner While On A Mission?

[Bini]

Browsing the forum, I came across the topic Missionary Girlfriends and found this statement interesting:

Mission Presidents tell missionaries all the time that they will not meet their eternal companion in the mission field.

Is this an unwritten rule that many Mission Presidents try to stress upon individuals before entering the mission field? I'm curious because my cousin married a girl he met while on his mission. They both were serving missions in Scotland and coincidentally returned home around the same time. Shortly after, they were married in the temple and now they have three kids. So this all happened quite some time ago. Still, I can't help but wonder when a relationship like this starts. When are the seeds of romance and companionship sown? I can only assume that "interest" was there prior to finishing their missions and returning home, otherwise, there probably wouldn't have been any contact. I say this because his home was back in the UK and her home was here in the US. I remember this being somewhat of a big deal because my aunt didn't want him leaving England but he did. And now they live here in UT with their kids.

How is something like this viewed by the Church? I've met a couple people who have served missions in "x" and ended up going back to "x" to marry their eternal partner. Just seems like a grayish area. But maybe I'm reading into this waaay too much as well..

[BenRaines]

No grey area and no stigma. I met my future wife in the mission. No interest at the time. Came home, went to BYU, she was there as a student. I spent time not in class with a bunch of missionaries from the mission and kids from the areas we served in. Dated and married. If people ask I say "Yes we met there, dated at BYU."

That has been my experience.

Ben Raines

[Mahone]

I can only assume that "interest" was there prior to finishing their missions and returning home, otherwise, there probably wouldn't have been any contact. I say this because his home was back in the UK and her home was here in the US. I remember this being somewhat of a big deal because my aunt didn't want him leaving England but he did. And now they live here in UT with their kids.

How is something like this viewed by the Church? I've met a couple people who have served missions in "x" and ended up going back to "x" to marry their eternal partner. Just seems like a grayish area. But maybe I'm reading into this waaay too much as well..

Missionaries are still human while on their mission. It's not against the rules to have attraction to others while serving your mission because this is just human nature. It is however against the rules to act upon that while serving your mission.

Once the mission is over, the restrictions that were on you are lifted and if you want to date/marry the person you liked while on a mission, there is no issue with that, regardless of where you originally met.

I've never heard a mission president suggest what you said, but if he did then it's his personal opinion and I'm sure most of us known someone who married a person they met on their mission.

[mnn727]

Mission Presidents say that to re-enforce that the missionaries are there to serve God, not meet the opposite sex.

I think you may be reading too much into it.

[john doe]

The point is that missionaries are not to go on missions to find a spouse. It is not a singles' tour, it's the Lord's errand. Some people may meet a future spouse there, most will not. You don't go on a mission with the aim of expanding your dating pool. The Lord does not send you halfway across the world to find your soulmate, He sends you there to preach the gospel, and if you are looking for potential spouses then you are there for the wrong reasons.

[Mahone]

The point is that missionaries are not to go on missions to find a spouse. It is not a singles' tour, it's the Lord's errand. Some people may meet a future spouse there, most will not. You don't go on a mission with the aim of expanding your dating pool. The Lord does not send you halfway across the world to find your soulmate, He sends you there to preach the gospel, and if you are looking for potential spouses then you are there for the wrong reasons.

That isn't really what they are supposed to have said, but yes your point is valid.

[Bini]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. What has been posted makes sense.

[Misshalfway]

It's not an unwritten rule. It's a policy that is shouted and printed loud and clear. Missionaries are to lock their hearts!

I am happy for anyone who finds an eternal companion no matter where they first made contact with each other. I have just seen the sad results of those missionaries who couldn't handle two intense relationships at the same time; the one they were suppose to have with the Lord and the one their needy girlfriends demanded from the homefront. I also have seen converts fall in love with the Elders who baptized them and who caused some to sin. I have also seem Elders and Sisters who couldn't keep the mission rules and subtly played the field while posing as a committed missionary.

Maintaining a romantic relationship while serving a mission can be done. I am not saying that some haven't handled the situation with proper balance and maturity. But 19 yr olds are for all intents and purposes still kids! They haven't learned how to stand on their own yet and the ones who can't stop crying in the hall of the MTC because sweet lover dover misses them so much is an illustration of that.

Girls need to let the Lord have their men for a time. Then when the time is right they can start making attachments.

[georgia2]

That statement is in regard to missionaries teaching to investigators and THEN asking them to marry when off their mission. It's not about meeting another missionary and then establishing a relationship when they get home.

[Tarnished]

My brother met his eternal compainion while on his mission. It was much like Ben's experience. He went and didn't notice her, then later she sees him on facebook and asks how he is, he responds and asks her how her dog was doing (turned out he remembered her dog better than he remembered her) she was impressed that he remembered the dog and realized that they were attending the same school (BYU - I) they hooked up and got married and that was that. I think it really depends on the things that led up to the marriage.

[georgia2]

My brother met his eternal companion while on his mission. It was much like Ben's experience. He went and didn't notice her, then later she sees him on facebook and asks how he is, he responds and asks her how her dog was doing (turned out he remembered her dog better than he remembered her) she was impressed that he remembered the dog and realized that they were attending the same school (BYU - I) they hooked up and got married and that was that. I think it really depends on the things that led up to the marriage.

I think this scenario is different than what they were talking about. I've always thought the advice to not marry someone on your mission is when people met someone they find attractive, sorta flirt with, get back in touch immediately when home and start up the affair. I do know of marriages that did result in a situation like this and every one ended in divorce.

[Misshalfway]

I do know of marriages that did result in a situation like this and every one ended in divorce.

I know of one where the missionary baptised the girl and the girl fell in love and basicallly stalked the dude until his mission was over, and practically had the wedding planned by the time the dude got off the plane. It was a problem because the missionary got sudduced into all the exaggertated emotions and lost his missionary focus and was married to the girl sooner than three months home. They are still married and trying to make it work. But both of them were so incredibly immature about how they dated....or failed to really date each other. OR prepare their own characters for marriage in the first place. Instead they got caught up in their misguided feelings of destiny and spent the first three years throwing plates at each other.

[Bini]

I know of one where the missionary baptised the girl and the girl fell in love and basicallly stalked the dude until his mission was over, and practically had the wedding planned by the time the dude got off the plane. It was a problem because the missionary got sudduced into all the exaggertated emotions and lost his missionary focus and was married to the girl sooner than three months home. They are still married and trying to make it work. But both of them were so incredibly immature about how they dated....or failed to really date each other. OR prepare their own characters for marriage in the first place. Instead they got caught up in their misguided feelings of destiny and spent the first three years throwing plates at each other.

That is really so true for so many people.

[Moksha]

Missionaries are to lock their hearts!

Hearts are not the most troublesome part.

:)

[deseretgov]

I met my wife while on my mission. And I have to say on MY part the interest was there. But she didn't remember me at all when I called her three months after returning home. We dated over the internet for about a year. Then we were engaged for about three years. The whole time we were only together for one month every year.

My dad's companion in England married a Sister missionary he served with.

I heard that one of the missionaries in my mission had it in his patriarchal blessing that he would meet his wife on his mission. We always thought it would be a local. But it turned out to be an American sister missionary he despised while on his mission. They met at BYU I think.

There were another pair of local(Filipino) missionaries that got married after their missions. But they served in the same mission.

That's all the "missionary" marriages I can think of. I have some "great" stories of missionaries who dated while on their missions.

[Bini]

deseretgov, thanks for sharing. That's very interesting!