What happens when a member stops coming?

[bcguy]

My bishop called me who is "very UNJUDGMENTAL" and very nice. I have known him since he was just a member. He emailed me about a member who was broke, and her car was broken down for three days and needed her car fixed. Being that I am a mechanic on the side with tools "I used to work in a shop" , he forwarded me the info. I followed up, from experiance knew almost what the problem was talking with the member over the phone. I troubelshooted the issue, and replaced two parts and got her car up and running. Church paid me for the work I did on the car. This is a simple case of the church helping two people at the same time. and trust me, I REALLY needed this payment. Our bills are piling up!

Now, after not going to church in 10-12 weeks, I attended church. I was going to say almost, but in this case, Everyone did not ask me where I was!!!!! What the heck no concern for my whereabouts?

When me and my wife pulled into the parking lot 5 minites before sacrament, I counted 12 cars!!! Thats it 12 cars! I said to my wife, where in the world is everyone??? She made a comment that ohh thay are probebly late. After sacrament started, the ward was not as full as in the past.

Now, We have a ethnic majority that live in our city. I know, with time, our ward will shrink and you may ask what is the primary reason? two or three obvios reasons, one is tithing. It is hidiosly expensive to live here. Second, member not being warm and receptive to other members. Three and the one the ward cannot control.

The ethnic pupulation have a stranglehold on the realestate here. Thay immigrate from asia and buy the homes built and occupied by cacausion owners. Once the homes are sold, These new owners then get city to approve plans to build these illegaly designed homes after thay crush the small bungalow "1,200-1,500sq feet " homes. Thay build monsterous 4-5 thousand square foot homes and wall in the patio AFTER the inspector leaves and rents that as space. These new immigrant land barrons are from asaia and no way, would thay be canidates for our religion. Thay have there own faith to attend to here, and thats why thay moved here from over seas.IT is a huge problem that the city is not enforcing its own bylaw violations! Imagine 5-8 cars parked in front of these homes! thats what is happening! Familly and extended familly and renters live in these monster homes. There are about 20,000-50,000 of these homes here.

Anyway, we attended our ward and no members who normally in the past said hi to me, just ignored me and chatted with other people. Also, I have noticed our ward SHRANK in the time I was gone. Now, this is just one sunday. Obviosly, three things are against the ward

1. rapidly increasing living expenses making it harder and harder to consider paying full tithing.

2. a less then receptive ward to new commers or those, who are hurting emosionaly.

3 The asian immigrants crushing these bungalow homes, then building there own.Dont expect it to get any better! Cacuations now, are a minotity here

Edited November 25, 2009 by bcguy

[Wingnut]

I'm guessing that your numbers were low this week because of the holiday. My ward's numbers this past Sunday were about the same as usual, but there were a lot of usual facing absent, and a lot of new faces visiting.

As for your first reason, I think it's bogus, personally. A person doesn't get banned from attending church for not paying tithing. A person doesn't usually stop attending church because they can't afford to pay tithing, either.

As for your third reason, it's also doubtful. All your ward members weren't replaced by Asian land barons in the last 10-12 weeks.

Finally, your second reason may or may not be accurate, but it is definitely tainted by your own personal experience.

[Moksha]

If I were to take an extended absence, I could still count on a once a monthly Aaronic Priesthhood visit to collect fast offerings. When I go to Church I can count on seeing my home teacher.

:)

[bcguy]

wingnut, the mega house issue has been going on for years! The is the TOP city in all of canada for the particular majority of all cities. EVERY single home in my neighboorhood has been crushed in the last three years. Those were small 1,200-1,500 sq foot homes all replaced with 4-5 sq foot homes. Before, all were cacasion now, all of the same ethnic majority and all, illegal rental suites!

This and many others were the reason why our mayor was kicked out of office after his second term. HE did not give a crap what other people felt and his moto was "Development at all cost!" The controverey has been in the news papers for years and the problem was really bad during the hight of the construction boom when interest rates are really cheap!

On a typical sunday morning while going to church, you can see down the main ave for 1/4 mile and count mabey 5-10 cars. On any given weekday or weekend, you can count thousands in a 1/4 mile! This ethnic majority has there religios day on another day of the week.

[Snow]

Just curios to know. No one has visited me in 8 weeks except, last week..and that was because he was NOT told to visit me. He visited me, not for my welfare, or concern that why I have not been to church, but because he wanted to show off his rebuilt engine on his car. The second counsoler, asked me 6 times!! what my email and phone number was, and said he would visit me! well that never happened. Every time I goto the ward, most people don't talk to me or perhaps ignore, NOT once did thay ask "Were were you?"

G, I could be in the hospital with tubes in me and no one would once seek out where I have been.

I am getting the idea, that members are to much into them selves and perhaps, very judgmental.

I'll take "irony" for $1000 Alex.

[rodheadlee]

It been perhaps, eight weeks now. Five times before, he promised to call, email me and never did. Anyway, he is coming after church to see us. Wonder what took him so long?

In two months, I could have circumnavigated the planet twice! :)

Not by sailboat :)

[bcguy]

This is perhaps the first time ever, I have seen the bishop bring up a issue of members ignoring member, members offending members or just being to busy to help other people. finally, he released the valve on the pressure cooker! It was a very candid discussion in how we treat each other, and not to get hostile if a even does not go as planned. We even had a appoligy from a member for being to opinionated and arogant and may have offended people. I can hear the steam being released in this combined priesthood and womans class in Sunday school.

Issues such as:

-Treat each other as a familly member not just another member.

-Don't get upset if a function goes as planned as possible.

-Don't talk behind some ones back. That can cause real problems in a ward.

-Visit a non attending member or go and ask a non attending member to ask for help. You would be surprised if some one would. As one member said "People want to be needed"

- Help people with there emotional and physical needs.

Just a whole slew of other issues that came up. Finally, a bishop that cares!

BTW, no body has yet to ask where I have been in my four months.

[Guest mormonmusic]

bcguy:

I have a couple questions:

Are you a home teacher? Is your wife a visiting teacher?

Just curious.

Also, you might live in a Ward where everyone who is active is stretched really thin. I'm in one now, and I could spend a 60 hour week visiting all the people who don't come, have issues, etcetera.....and there just isn't time. Many members have been negative on me as a leader because they've had needs and no one has reached out -- and my response is "why don't more people step up and give us the help we need???"

I suggest you go out of your way to invite people over to your house, be friendly at Church -- and if you're not already, find ways of making a contribution. You REALLY get noticed when you're not there if you've been helping out in the Ward.....in case that's not part of your routine in the ward yet.

In an ideal world, I think every single person would feel wanted and loved without a lifting a finger, but in reality, I find the scripture "that which you do send out shall return to you again, and be restored", applies when it comes to feeling part of your Ward and being noticed when you stop coming.

Edited November 30, 2009 by mormonmusic

[bcguy]

There are several factors that perhaps, are streaching the ward thin. 1. our province has the lowest religios attendance of any province. 2. the squeeze of the ethnic majority. Alot of member years ago, moved out because the cost of living here!

I may invite but, we are not doing to well financially! 2nd, my wife has a HUGE anger fit when inviting people over unannounced or even announced. So I don't even bring it up! Thats part of my wifes personalit

Third, never been made a home teacher in the years I have resided in the ward.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I think I used to live in the area you're talking about -- I'm from Canada and lived in ---- Toronto! Am I right? I always commuted long distances because I couldn't afford to live where I worked in the city. and that's the reason I left for the United States....

Regarding home teaching -- if you've never been made one -- go and ask to be one --- it's a good way to meet people and get out there....you can make friends without having to invite people over.