Loneliness

[coyotemoon722]

Tell someone you love them. There's no lonelier feeling in my opinion than admiring someone and having them not reciprocate, or even reject you. Even if you can't reciprocate in admiration, you should tell that person you love them. For they are your brother or sister, and you used to love them greatly before this life, and you will love them even more so after.

The Savior teaches us to love unconditionally.

Rejection often spawns loneliness. I've been rejected a lot in my life, I assume most people have in this latter-day world. Rejection drives us into solitude. So lift up your fellow brother or sister by telling them that you love them.

I'm a recent convert, so take what I say as you will. But it's 3:45am, and I was awake and feeling lonely, and so I felt moved to write this post.

-coyotemoon722

Edited December 8, 2009 by coyotemoon722

[Guest mormonmusic]

It sounds like you're suffering from the loneliness that comes from being rejected by someone you have a romantic interest in -- correct?

I think that's a different kind of loneliness than the kind you get when you simply don't have any meaningful relationships in your life. I had the latter kind of loneliness when I was a young adult. It eats at you.

The first kind is awful too -- for example, you're at an activity, and the person to whom you feel romantically inclined leaves early. It smarts because obviously there was something more important for them to do, other than socialize and potentially be with you....

[coyotemoon722]

To be honest, it's both. Being a recent convert 99% of my former associates held a different lifestyle (i.e. going out and partying every night) and I don't really have any new friends except missionaries which are 15 years younger than me. Although they really are great, and we try to see each other a lot. I've grown really close to them.

I want to move to a city/state with much more LDS members so I can really be surrounded by peers, but the problem is my mother lives out here (Washington DC area) and I don't want to move away from her. What I'd like to do is find work out in Utah and take my mother with me, and we can buy a house together, or something along those lines. Anyway, I still don't think people realize how lonely it is for people out there that don't grow up in strong communities.

[Hemidakota]

I would prioritize who should be your closes friends at first - it starts with GOD the FATHER and HIS son the Savior. Being a convert myself, I never felt alone and would spend more time in becoming acquainted with the Godhead before the world. My life dramatically changed over those two years and I never regretted in not going out and socializing with others. When I reached a level of comfortability of knowledge and testimony, it was then I made it point to socializing with others and helping or aiding those who I could.

You are never alone and overtime will make friends no matter where you are at.

[Misshalfway]

Loneliness is a universal emotion. I would guess that many experience it. How courageous of you to follow the dictates of your conscience knowing that this may be a possible result. I admire that.

I don't know you, but I know a little of lonely midnights. So, I'll send you a little love if ever you have need. You can look up this post and feel that you aren't alone. You know, maybe that is why online communities are great. You don't have to be in the heart of mormon central to feel the camaraderie with the Saints.

[ryanh]

Hey Coyotemoon, we would love to have you out here in UT. If you get some job leads, I'd be more than willing to help you get acquainted out here.

And yes, as of late, I am very familiar with the loneliness of rejection. We've been best of pals - hanging out together a lot lately. Awesome reminder you give us to remember to tell our brothers and sisters we love them. We could all do better to lift and enjoy each other.

[beefche]

Coyotemoon, I would encourage you to get active in the Single Adults in your area. Especially the Mid-Singles. Are you on Facebook? If so, do a search for Virginia LDS Mid Singles group. You live in an area that has a lot of single LDS people. You can build some friendships there and attend some great activities to build your spirit.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Coyotemoon, I would encourage you to get active in the Single Adults in your area. Especially the Mid-Singles. Are you on Facebook?

I think this is good advice from Beefche.

Coyote -- when I was 20, I was baptized into a great ward with a ton of single adults who were also like me -- going to university etcetera. My best friend was the person who baptized me. It was highly social and lots of happening people who really upped the quality of my social life.

Then there was a boundary change and I was put into an entirely different Ward. Plus my best friend and most of the single adults left the area for the summer, being students. I felt REALLY alone, and was pretty new to the Church.

The "cure' -- I just got involved in the Ward. First I was a counsellor in the YM presidency, as well as Single Adult Representative. This kept me busy and I became friends with all kinds of families in the Ward, met a girl who became a really good friend and girlfriend for 3 years.

I think it's a matter of looking for ways you can contribute, and then let the relationships come.

I also want to empathize and agree with MissHalfway that these online forums are good ways to curb loneliness too, although getting involved in your Ward will probably be a really powerful way to counteract that loneliness ....post here so we can get to know you. Hopefully that will help too.

Edited December 8, 2009 by mormonmusic

[coyotemoon722]

Yeah, because of my age and where I'm at, my Ward has very few singles my age. Most members are either a lot older, or married. I am involved, I actually design and print our weekly church program. I've heard of some classes in my area that I can take to meet people; I'm currently trying to get more information on them.

The days aren't bad at all really. For some reason at night is when it really hits me. Probably because I used to be around people at night before I changed my lifestyle. I do have a facebook profile, but I'm probably going to start a new account because there's a lot of pictures and items and acquaintances that I'd rather not have on a personal page where I will have people from the church on it. When I do get around to creating it, I will look that information up.

Thanks for the advice guys, and especially MissHalfway for the love. As unusual as it may be, even just a little note like that helps.

[beefche]

coyote, I feel for ya. It's tough making the changes when one joins the church. The doctrine is fabulous, but the social life (especially for a single person) can be very tough. Keep attending singles things. I thought I saw that you were in Alexandria VA (you don't need to confirm or deny). I have a single friend in that area. I'm going to check with her to find out about some websites, etc that announce singles activities.

And you are in that in between age for singles. Too old for the young single adults (18-30), too young for the majority of active people in the single adults (I find the most active are women about 55 y/o or older). Stinks, doesn't it? Been there, done that--still there, doing that....

As someone else suggested, come play with us here at lds.net. We have some crazy goofballs (I'm looking at you, pam!) up at odd hours willing to interact with you.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I second the motion.

[Moksha]

.

Rejection often spawns loneliness. I've been rejected a lot in my life, I assume most people have in this latter-day world.

-coyotemoon722

When I have been rejected by one person, I know that I still have over six billion more to reject me too. :)

This is a good place for acceptance. Knowing that, you are not truly alone.

[coyotemoon722]

So, went to the institute class last night. It was on The Pearl of Great Price. Apparently it's the last class of the semester and the next one is in January. It was 100% college interns from Utah attending. All of them much younger than I. And they were leaving later in the week because their internship was up. There was a really nice intern couple from my ward there though so I got their email and we're going to keep in touch.

But I realized something in the meeting. The spirit was really strong in the room, and everyone was really getting into the discussion. But I also really felt the spirit. Old and wise, speaking through us in the room. It was kinda wild really. It sort of made me feel not alone. Also, almost every member of our church has been very friendly to me, and that makes me feel less alone too. I think it really is just a transitional state that I'm in, and that I will get through this eventually.

I haven't told my background story, and I'm not comfortable enough to at this time, but part of it is basically me needing to get my life together. My lifestyle has completely changed for the better, but I'm out of work at the moment, and dealing with some internal issues as well. But I have full confidence that with Heavenly Father's grace, he will bless my life and put me where he wants me to be.

[Hemidakota]

Exactly... You will find it can become a daily event if one chooses. Or those who will minister to you, I consider friends, will pay a visit when it is necessary. You are never alone.