LostSheep rants on about nothing...again...

[Kawazu]

Fine, I'll open up.

Confession:

Almost every time I mess up, I repeat the same pattern...I close all the browsing windows, I delete history and temporary files, I open FireFox back up, and stare at the blank Google homepage. Then my thoughts creep up on me. And I'm scared of them. I don';t want to be alone with them, so I either look for friends on MSN to talk to, people in the LDS.net chat room, or at some of my weaker moments, random christian websites. Let me just say, I am not someone I would choose to be friends with. Lets be honest. I'm a selfish person. I demand far more then I give from my friends, and I'm constantly complaining about my "terrible" life, instead of listening to others advice and trials. I try to make myself feel better about what I did by telling others I'm sorry. I hate my self too much to comfort myself, so I rely on others to do it. And honestly, I usually AM sorry. But I can't bring myself to talk to God about it at the time.

Therepy:

The reason I wanted to close this thread is because I saw a dead end. Therepy (I'm sorry, I spell the word wrong every time) is the only answer I get. What more is there to discuss? As helpful as the advise may be, the addict part of me gets angry at the advise, as it's not a "quick-fix" solution. I know I'm NEVER going to find a quick fix solution. The other reason I'm scared of the therepy solution (And as lame as this excuse sounds, I swear it's how I feel) is it not only make ME feel powerless, but it makes me feel like God is powerless as well. As if I'm in a situation that requires me, God, AND an therepist to get out. No other way. Other than that, I really don't know why I hate the idea. I guess because that option includes getting my parents involved.

Negative Attitude:

After an honest evaluation of my attitude, here's what I came up with. I don't hate myself. I really don't. When I act like I do, don't be fooled. That is the addict part of me talking. Here's why I think I do it. I could be wrong, and if you think I am, go ahead and correct me. I guess If I judge myself, and beat up myself, and hate myself, then by tthe time I'm done with myself, there's not much more room for judgement. Only sympathy. I guess I figure I'd rather beat myself up, then have someone else do it for me.

Positive Attitude:

Why don't I celebrate the good, and only concentrate on the bad? Well, I guess

the reason for it, is I don't see much celebrate in most of the time. For example. As of now, It's been 24 hours since I messed up. 24 hours doesn't sound like an achievement. It sounds like a joke. Why would I celebrate going that short a time? I mean, is three days even cause to celebrate?

My head is flowing with thoughts right now. I fear I didn't say everything I wanted to say, and that the things I did say, I phrased wrong. There. I've exposed a wound to the flies, so to speak. I'm as vulnerable as ever. I pretty much just told you that the only reason I'm here, is for pity. I don't know whether that's true or not. I don't really know anything about myself right now.

I am being as truthful as possible right now. I'm not looking for sympathy or love. I guess I'm just looking for myself.

LostSheep,

The advice to find a counselor is not a, "quick-fix-answer"; it is probably given because long-term problems may require professional guidance, as opposed to just good advice from friends.

About having no person to whom you can speak in your area--have you considered counseling, online? Here are a few resources:

Online Counseling - About Online Counseling at 4eTherapy.com

Online Counseling with Licensed Internet Counselors

NOTE: These sources have not been vetted by me. A good way to check for shady businesses, online, is to Google "name of service" scam.

There has been some wisdom in this thread.

Regards,

Kawazu

Edited December 10, 2009 by Kawazu

[Misshalfway]

Now there is some strength, LP! YES! Truth is always strength even if you share it while on your knees! Don't let the humility you feel fool you. Can you feel the warmth of my smile?

I guess I'm just looking for myself.

Yes! What did you think we are recovering anyway? :)

Each time we make a deal with the devil he takes a piece of us in exchange for the pleasure. Don't you think its time to reclaim them? This is the hard work of recovery as we stand and take back our ground, but hopefully it will start to feel like coming home. And when you start to smell the baking bread and the home cookin wafting past your nose, you will forget about that lousy cave your hiding in.

is it not only make ME feel powerless, but it makes me feel like God is powerless as well. As if I'm in a situation that requires me, God, AND an therepist to get out. No other way. Other than that, I really don't know why I hate the idea. I guess because that option includes getting my parents involved.

Hmm. If God usually answers our prayers through other people, how could the presence of a therapist nullify God's power? In my experience, it enhances it! I used to go to therapy and my jaw would be on the floor because my T would speak like an angel from heaven!

That voice in your head.....it reminds me of the black spider man muck stuff that gets inside of you and changes who you are. And then when you try to take it out, it puts up a fight. Just keep ringing the dang bell!

Surrender is what gives you your power back! Remember that and scream that back at the addiction voice! The exaggerated power you think you feel now is a fabrication....a hallogram....a big fat convincing satan lie that works just like the spiderman goo stuff as it inflates ones overconfidence. Know that therapists don't run people's recovery efforts or they don't pass judgment. In fact, they sit back and let their clients drive the discussions and help them discover important tools that work. Asking for help and employing people in your healing efforts is tandamount to hiring a staff for your home or establishing yourself as the CEO of your life! You become the boss. Right now, you aren't the boss. Doesn't that really suck?

Its scary to let go. Especially at first. It might feel like you are hanging on to a bar and the dropoff feels like 2000 cabillion feet below you. You might flirt with letting go but then regrip your fingers when you feel the bar slipping away. But when you actually do let go and fall to the ground, you realize you were just holding onto the monkey bars in the playyard and the ground was only inches away. Instead of holding on with your hands, feel the strength of standing with the whole earth beneath you and see if that doesn't make you feel safer than all the controling and hiding and resistance. And the cool part is that you can start to walk and move and jump and run! Freedom baby!

And remember you don't have to do it all in a day. Maybe its a hundred little parachute missions to help you to relearn how to trust standing instead of running away. Or maybe you are just finally sick of it and you are ready to say goodbye to all the rationalizations of the past.

You can do this LS. There is no going around it. The only way to healing is THROUGH. And I know its like climbing Everest. Hardest dang thing.

[LostSheep]

I'll talk to my bishop...About the therapy. This Sunday.

*Sigh* Peer pressure...

[Guest mormonmusic]

Lostsheep -- this is the best post we've had from you in my recollection -- let us know how it goes. I care about it and want to hear about your path to conquering this problem you're facing. I believe you can do it.

[LostSheep]

Lostsheep -- this is the best post we've had from you in my recollection

Yeah, I know, I hate long posts too.

j/k, I know what you mean.

Edited December 10, 2009 by LostSheep

[Maxgreen1]

Fine, I'll open up.

Therepy:

The reason I wanted to close this thread is because I saw a dead end. Therepy (I'm sorry, I spell the word wrong every time) is the only answer I get. What more is there to discuss?

I can share the experiences that allowed me to escape the vile grasps of PA.

And provide advice.

And testify unto you that no matter what happens, HF is all-powerful, and through that realization, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we may be healed of our sins.

As of now, It's been 24 hours since I messed up. 24 hours doesn't sound like an achievement.

It is not wise to sit around and expect oneself to free themselves of their addiction through wishful thinking.

Only by being productive, hopeful, and humble may a person free themselves from the shackles of addiction. Therapy is only a means of achieving that. It is not the ONLY way, and it will only work if you allow it to.

There MUST be something positive that you enjoy greater than such a disgraceful thing as viewing pornography. Find it, and do it.

And I admire your honesty.

-Max

[Maxgreen1]

YOu will have to forgive me for interjecting here as well. I appreciate the sincerity of this post. I have no idea what experience you have with PA and so I don't want to undermind the heart felt sentiment here.

Several years.

BUT......it is my experience that telling an addict to keep reading and praying and serving is counter productive as it helps keep the cycle of failure and despair alive. I am not saying these things are not essential pieces to a recovery program. But someone who is as deeply entrenched as many in our church need professional interventions and emotional therapies.

I should establish my point.

As mentioned earlier by someone, PA is not a sexual issue but an intimacy issue.

As human beings, we have this natural urge to be physically and emotionally close to a member of the opposite sex. According to HF's plan, this closeness is to be achieved during marriage.

PA damages the spirit, and allows these natural urges to be quenched artificially, through lust. Such lust is both a harmful sin, and a distraction from HF's plan

On top of that, Pornography is HIGHLY addictive;

Pornography is also addictive. It impairs decision-making capacities and it “hooks” its users, drawing them back obsessively for more and more. A man who had been addicted to pornography and to hard drugs wrote me this comparison: “In my eyes cocaine doesn’t hold a candle to this. I have done both. … Quitting even the hardest drugs was nothing compared to [trying to quit pornography]” (letter of Mar. 20, 2005). -Dallin H. Oaks (Speech transcript)

The purpose of prayer, to create a greater intimacy with HF.

The purpose of humility is to realize that you are part of a greater cause, and distraction by such a thing as PA just messes everything up.

Repent. Lust is a sin, and it will weigh you down. Repentance is necessary to rid yourself of the burdens that pull you down into further sin.

Studying allows us to learn more about ourselves. The standard works and the speeches of the general authorities put us back on track and allow us to realize that there is a path out of sin.

Reading the standard works allows us to strengthen our testimony, to create bonds with HF, and allows us to feel the spirit in times where we are not usually able to.

Serving your neighbor allows one to feel the spirit, and is a productive way to spend leisure time. You will only get further blessings through service! These blessings shall strengthen you!

Professional interventions and emotional therapists, I agree, will help people out of PA, but we cannot bring ourselves out of such a thing successfully without some sort of guidance and blessing from HF.

Sorry for the long post

-Max

[talisyn]

Poor LostSheep, I feel for you, really. Addictions are hard to break. The chemicals released in your brain when participating in the addictive behavior don't help, it's like your own body is fighting you fighting. But every hour..every minute (!) you are not engaged in the harmful behavior is a victory.

As of now, It's been 24 hours since I messed up. 24 hours doesn't sound like an achievement. It sounds like a joke. Why would I celebrate going that short a time? I mean, is three days even cause to celebrate?

There was a time when my baby brother would consider 24 hours without alcohol a huge victory. It's all a matter of perspective.

You have said you want to want to stop. Sometimes the hardest part of the Atonement is giving your woes to Christ instead of holding on to them like a miser. You know they aren't precious, yet you can't quite give them away. So you huddle over them despite the pain they inflict. IDK why, maybe because they are yours and you feel a sense of ownership. I challenge you this week to visualize literally putting your hand in Christ's. That's all. Just that. It may not sound like a lot, but I think you'd be surprised at what happens

[Guest]

The Sunday before Thanksgiving, the teacher discussed PA in gospel doctrine class. Somebody mentioned that the Book of Mormon is a great pornography filter. Put a Book of Mormon right next to your computer monitor. Another one mentioned that the "missionary pass-along cards" with the picture of Christ is also a great pornography filter. Tape it to one corner of your computer monitor. I laughed with the rest of the class when they said this. But then, I really thought about it and realized, yeah, maybe that WOULD work...

So yeah LS. I have some pass-along cards here, want me to mail them to you?

[Misshalfway]

Several years.

I understand and I am deeply empathetic. I know how hard this can be and how long it takes. My husband is in recovery. 5 years now. But he has battled since he was nine. Let me assure you, I do understand.

As mentioned earlier by someone, PA is not a sexual issue but an intimacy issue.

That was me.

On top of that, Pornography is HIGHLY addictive;

Who doesn't know this? All the more reason to bring the best people to help.

The purpose of prayer, to create a greater intimacy with HF.

The purpose of humility is to realize that you are part of a greater cause, and distraction by such a thing as PA just messes everything up.

Repent. Lust is a sin, and it will weigh you down. Repentance is necessary to rid yourself of the burdens that pull you down into further sin.

Studying allows us to learn more about ourselves. The standard works and the speeches of the general authorities put us back on track and allow us to realize that there is a path out of sin.

Reading the standard works allows us to strengthen our testimony, to create bonds with HF, and allows us to feel the spirit in times where we are not usually able to.

Serving your neighbor allows one to feel the spirit, and is a productive way to spend leisure time. You will only get further blessings through service! These blessings shall strengthen you!

Professional interventions and emotional therapists, I agree, will help people out of PA, but we cannot bring ourselves out of such a thing successfully without some sort of guidance and blessing from HF.

You aren't reading my posts very carefully. There is nothing that I said that denies this. In fact, I believe I stated that no one can overcome without the power of God.

If my FIL has cancer, yes we pray. But we also go to the best specialists. This situation is no different.

You don't have to defend you post. I didn't disagree with you. I simply expanded on it.

[Misshalfway]

I'll talk to my bishop...About the therapy. This Sunday.

*Sigh* Peer pressure...

Going for the gold here........what about group? Can I talk you into continuing that and the twelve step workbook?

[HoosierGuy]

It's good that you are going to talk with the Bishop. If you do the Church therapy, give the therapist permission to give updates to your Bishop so he can help you too. If there are no church therapists around then get to a non-church therapist.

[Maxgreen1]

I understand and I am deeply empathetic. I know how hard this can be and how long it takes. My husband is in recovery. 5 years now. But he has battled since he was nine. Let me assure you, I do understand.

Thank you

You aren't reading my posts very carefully. There is nothing that I said that denies this. In fact, I believe I stated that no one can overcome without the power of God.

If my FIL has cancer, yes we pray. But we also go to the best specialists. This situation is no different.

You don't have to defend you post. I didn't disagree with you. I simply expanded on it.

This was not a defense statement, but rather, a formal declaration. I understood your post. And I agree with you 100%

Now, let us focus on LS

May Heavenly Father bless you, and provide a way out of temptation.

-Max

[LostSheep]

Ok, for the record, this post isn't for pity, self hate, or to make me feel better in any way. I just messed up...Not porn...the other thing that goes with it...I'm not saying it...its a scary word...figure it out...uh...anyway, my point is, I thought I was gonna make it...At least until the end of the week. The fact that I only made it 3 days scares me. Heck, a few hours ago, I was listening to conference talks. Something is wrong with me, and I want to get better. Will a therapist help with the other problem? Not the porn, but, you know...Or would only an LDS one help? I'm trying my best right now to be positive. Three days is...better than average for me...that's good, I guess. Anyway, just wanted to ask that. Thank you...

[Guest]

Ok, for the record, this post isn't for pity, self hate, or to make me feel better in any way. I just messed up...Not porn...the other thing that goes with it...I'm not saying it...its a scary word...figure it out...uh...anyway, my point is, I thought I was gonna make it...At least until the end of the week. The fact that I only made it 3 days scares me. Heck, a few hours ago, I was listening to conference talks. Something is wrong with me, and I want to get better. Will a therapist help with the other problem? Not the porn, but, you know...Or would only an LDS one help? I'm trying my best right now to be positive. Three days is...better than average for me...that's good, I guess. Anyway, just wanted to ask that. Thank you...

I'm just going by my understanding of these things without any personal experiences on seeing therapists... I would think an LDS one would be best with the other problem because they're coming from the same value system. Society doesn't seem to think the other problem is a problem in this day and age. Catholics have the same value system as LDS on that one, so a Catholic therapist would probably be a good one to help out as well.

LS, I say though, the two is just one problem manifesting in different ways.

Do you play sports?

[Dravin]

Ok, for the record, this post isn't for pity, self hate, or to make me feel better in any way. I just messed up...Not porn...the other thing that goes with it...I'm not saying it...its a scary word...figure it out...uh...anyway, my point is, I thought I was gonna make it...At least until the end of the week. The fact that I only made it 3 days scares me. Heck, a few hours ago, I was listening to conference talks. Something is wrong with me, and I want to get better. Will a therapist help with the other problem? Not the porn, but, you know...Or would only an LDS one help? I'm trying my best right now to be positive. Three days is...better than average for me...that's good, I guess. Anyway, just wanted to ask that. Thank you...

It takes a while. As quaint as it sounds President Packer's talk about a factory is spot on. Things are on high idle, it'll take a while for things to settle down into a low idle. 3 Days is great, I know that was longer than I was doing to start off, way back when I was pretty much using it for a sleeping pill.

Backsliding on something like this is all but inevitable, doesn't mean we embrace the backsliding, but it does mean we recognize it for what it is, one step back to our two steps forward and not a surrender. I counted one time less a week as a victory (though don't get into a pattern as counting the others as 'freebies'.)

BTW, for what it is worth, when I stopped looking at pornography (started to stop, I won't say there were no lapses) my masturbation issues became a whole lot less as the pornography was just adding fuel to that particular fire. And yes, when the pornography was gone my brain tried using my mind instead, any halfway attractive female risked becoming a star in a decidedly not wholesome mental play and it took a lot longer to get that under control, and I won't lie, it still isn't under complete control, I have days when it seems my libido had taken control and it's all I can do not to give in, I gut it out and remember the covenants.

I think one of my biggest moments is when I changed my attitude. Back when I reactivated I received a witness that the Book of Mormon was true (long story short) for about a week I was on a spiritual high, wasn't any desire in me at all, I thought it was awesome. But then the world eventually reasserted itself, the desires came back and I gave in. When I did so I had the standard hopeless thoughts, "How can I resist?", "What is the point?" and decided giving in was easier than fighting (it is) and deactivated as quickly as I'd reactivated. A year later (or so) I decided to go back to church. This time I had no spiritual mountain top that made everything peaches and cream. It was gutting it out from the get go, and the big thing was I decided that even when I fall flat on my face I will get back up and keep trying.

[Misshalfway]

Ok, for the record, this post isn't for pity, self hate, or to make me feel better in any way. I just messed up...Not porn...the other thing that goes with it...I'm not saying it...its a scary word...figure it out...uh...anyway, my point is, I thought I was gonna make it...At least until the end of the week. The fact that I only made it 3 days scares me. Heck, a few hours ago, I was listening to conference talks. Something is wrong with me, and I want to get better. Will a therapist help with the other problem? Not the porn, but, you know...Or would only an LDS one help? I'm trying my best right now to be positive. Three days is...better than average for me...that's good, I guess. Anyway, just wanted to ask that. Thank you...

Three days is good. Certainly better than three times a day. Maybe what you do is try to make that stretch to four days and then five.... If you can stop the porn use piece of it and work on the mbing piece that might be helpful too. And then even after you master that, you may have to address any fantacizing or dreams etc. Sometimes when addicts give up one compulsive behavior, then they pick up another like shopping or eating. It's less about the behavior itself and more about the compulsive/avoidant tendancies of the person.

From what I can tell, I think most who specialize understand this. Even Dr. Drew on TV agrees with this. I do think cold turkey is important so an addict can learn to deal cuz even a little improper sexual comfort acts like a slippery slope or at least keeps one excused from healthy coping. Kinda like how an alcoholic can't even have one beer. Make sense?

I think what therapy does is try to separate the addict from all their compulsive comforting behaviors while trying to discover why they need so much comfort to begin with. And then while working on healing that pain, they try to teach better tools and thought processes. And its hard while the chemicals in your brain learn different pathways and processes, but you will soon find that this "need" will slowly let go of you as your aptitude with the new tools increases. The cool part about you is that you are boldly stepping out of the denial and excuses. That is a huge victory in and of itself.

If you said that mbing is your worst problem, I can't imagine they wouldn't help you with that. You can even interview the therapist beforehand so you know they will be in your court. Having an LDS one would be ideal, but it sounds like you gotta make the best out of what you can find.

Sometimes it might even be good to have a therapist that isn't LDS. They can sometimes help you see outside the box and that's helpful especially when dealing with shame or religious components of shame. Sex addiction works the same way with just about everyone and you use the therapist for those general helps. Then you add your bishop and LDS addiction authors to help with spiritual healing and worthiness stuff.

Wish you were here in Utah. I have a therapist that rocks!!!

[Guest mormonmusic]

Lostsheep:

Congratulations on your three-day run!!!!! This is great news, and to me shows me you're on your way to overcoming this.

Like most men, there are probably times when you just feel aroused for no apparent reason -- the position of your body, or just random sensations. Consider the cold facecloth in these times when circumstances allow it.

Also, have you written out a script of all the reasons you will NOT MB? Read that when the temptations start. In fact, why don't you consider writing out a script here in the forum? We can suggest reasons for you to consider including in the script to help you stay in control of your thoughts during times of temptation.

Also, going for three days is an achievement when you've been far more frequent in the past. Ultimately the goal is to be free of it -- but let's do what MissHalfway said, and try again. During that three-day period, didn't it feel good to be on the spiritually "right" side of the addiction -- overcoming it? And the peace that knows if during that 3-day period, heaven forbid, you had to pass on from this life, that you would be in reptentence mode, with your heart in the right place?

Also, when you feel tempted, consider repeating these words to yourself "I'm becoming a stronger and strong person in overcoming this habit". Because that's what you've demonstrated to yourself and the people on this forum -- that's what you are.

Edited December 11, 2009 by mormonmusic

[LostSheep]

I find it really hard to overcome at night, because I think I use it to sleep...If the makes sense. Something about the endorphins in my blood knock me out. I have a confession. I said I wasn't looking at porn last night, and, well...that was only a half truth. What is porn exactly? What I was looking at wasn't intended to be looked at in the way I was looking...I won't go into detail, but if you were to see it, you would be confused as to why I could even consider it to be porn...But I guess it all comes down to one point. I probably should have walked away.

You know how earlier I was wrongfully blaming God? Saying he didn't care? Something happened last night that has happened only a few time during this addiction. Maybe there's a physical reason this sometimes happens, or maybe God is trying to give me a sign. When I started to make the wrong choice, every muscle in my body would physically contract, causing my to literally "shake at the appearance of sin". It doesn't usually happen. And I don't know WHY it happens.

Right before messing up last night, I tried to bring to mind reasons why it would be better to walk away, than to give in. I was unable to bring ANY reason to mind. How could that be? There are so many? Every consequence was literally minimized to almost nothing. All I could think about was the pleasure.

I know a lot of the things I just wrote sound like excuses. Maybe they are. I'm really really trying my hardest to not lose hope over the small mistakes. I guess I have more of a "cold turkey" or nothing mindset about it...

Thank you for the advise people.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Do you suffer from insommnia? If so, consider talking to a doctor about it; perhaps he can prescribe medication that you can use instead of MB.

Here's where that script might help. Add to these reasons in this thread, and then read these reasons next time you feel tempted.

1. I already have a track record of staying strong; I don't want to blow it.

2. This habit only makes me miserable. Overcoming it will increase my inner peace and happiness.

3. MB only weakens the Spirit in my life. I want the Spirit to be strong, and that means overcoming this temptation.

4. Knowing that I'm not giving into this temptation will add to my self-esteem.

5. Giving into temptation only weakens my character.

6. The Savior died for behavior like this. In NOT GIVING IN, I show my gratitude for what HE did for me.

Others? Anyone?

[LostSheep]

Okay Mormonmusic...Here's my script...what do you think?

The Script

After you read carefully through this list, you can then proceed with the sin. If you are too ashamed or guilty to read this list, YOU NEED TO TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER, AND GO OUTSIDE.

You will only make things harder for you later on.

You will lose any feelings of happiness and worth. The hunger you are feeling will only return.

Don't even think about getting as close to the edge as possible. You WILL fall.

You will be letting God down. He offers you love. He offers you hope. He offers you another chance. And you will be making a mockery of the atonement by thinking you can just repent later.

You will be letting the following people down...

Yourself

Parents

Bishop

People of LDS.net

People in your ward

Close friends

Future wife

If you are too weak to do this or yourself, do it for everyone else. These people just want you to be happy. They love you. Return the favor, and don't let them down.

The joy you will experience by overcoming the temptation will be worth it. You don't go to a gym, and then complain that the weights are too heavy once you get there.

Already messed up today? This isn't about how many days you can go. It is about showing God that you are truly sorry, and not just when it is convenient for you.

Want to serve a mission? Want to go to BYU? Want to take the sacrament? Want to bless the sacrament? Want to be an elder? Want to go to the temple? If you want blessing, you need to earn them.

Trust in the lord. If you feel like you cannot do this alone, pray to God for help. He will not allow to to be tempted beyond that which you can endure. God is on your side. He loves you. This is important. Please remember this.

Hold the scriptures. You don't have to read them, although it might be a good idea. You know you won't be able to sin while holding them.

Music can help you here. Don't let it replace praying though.

If you just messed up, it's not the end of the world. You should have read this letter first though. If you did, read it someplace else next time. Don't give up.

Do not think of this moment as a curse, but as an opportunity to prove yourself. Without opposition, you can't grow. This is the moment of truth. You can let it consume you, or you can fight it. The choice is yours. DO NOT think you have already lost. It is a lie. Now the choice is yours...I hope you make the right choice.

[JudoMinja]

MB to help myself sleep was one of my downfalls in overcoming the addiction as well. It makes sense. The release of the endorphins relaxes your body. Night literally is when Satan has greater power. It is easier for him to tempt us, and this is when I would mess up as well. You also have all the worries and stresses of your life coming to the forefront of your mind when you are trying to fall asleep. During the day, it is easy to push them aside because there is so much else occupying your mind. At night, it all comes out to bite you. MB can help relieve the stress.

I used to rationalize like that when I felt the urges and wanted so badly to give in to the temptations. When I did give in, it was usually because doing so was just easier than devising reasons to fight the temptation.

Only when I started planning ahead was I able to overcome the addiction. I knew that night was when I struggled the most. So I started making scripture study the last thing I did before going to bed. I removed all stimuli from my room (and I had to revise this when I would give in, removing more things that stimulated the feeling as I went along). I even made sure to sleep in a position that did not encourage the activity as just laying a certain way would fill me with temptation.

Eventually I was going two weeks between slip ups. Then entire months. At that point, when I felt the urges so strongly that I thought I could not fight it anymore, I fasted. I was so focused on my hunger that any other bodily urges seemed nothing. I fasted until I just couldn't fast any longer, and after that it was like the desire had just disappeared.

I still feel the beginnings of that feeling on occassion, but I recognize that this is normal. It is just a part of my bodily functions, and as long as I don't act on the feeling it will remain small and easy to ignore. I am clean, and I know I can stay clean now. I am sure that with time and with dedication you will reach the same point.

[LostSheep]

Thank you Minja...It truly is a comfort to know that it gets easier after it gets harder.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Okay Mormonmusic...Here's my script...what do you think?

I read it and suggest revising this sentence:

After you read carefully through this list, you can then proceed with the sin.

I'd take that out entirely and start with the sentence that says "If you're too ashamed to read this, then turn off your computer....etc.

The rest of it is pretty good. I say, keep it handy so you can read it whenever those tempting moments present themselves.....