How can I be more proactive in my dating?

[yenni]

I'm 26, been attending the single's branch for 6 years now. Only ever been ask out on one date. Tried asking asking guys out on dates myself because they weren't doing the asking, and got turned down. And I've gone to plenty of LDS dating sites where the only interest I generate is in men older than my father. This is bit of a unique area because it's a military area so there are plenty of men, when it is usually the opposite from what I've seen there tends to be more women in singles wards. Also because it's military, our branch is allowed to extend the age to 35 instead of 30, which leaves room for more members. And during the summer we get a huge influx of people coming in from Idaho doing security system sales. So there is no shortage of LDS men for me do date. Although they've made it quite apparent non of them wants to date me. I feel I've done everything short of moving to Utah in order to find me a husband. Either that or getting me one of them mail order spouses from Russia

I am trying get best I can and getting no where fast!

[Elgama]

I had very few dates before my husband we got married very quickly and it was lovely, in my case Heavenly Father did have someone in mind - have you had a blessing?

Maybe instead of trying concerntrate on being happy single and appreciating it it has its advantages and place it entirely in Heavenly Fathers hands.

Oh but I have heard Seattle and Alaska are better bets than Utah lol

[yenni]

True true, I can always get me one of those Alaskan mountain men

[Hemidakota]

Hmm! Here I thought being 23 was too old in being asked out. Now, that was years ago. But I was also turned down by a few (BYU Hawaii) myself. Don’t let this get you down Yenni.

Surprising though, you have not been asked out by droves of military men when living in the same general area of a military installation. Is it an army base? Sorry! Being a former Marine, we like to throw stones at the army occasionally. :)

What I did, I went back and evaluated my own issues to find what was lacking in my life and made changes. It took some major changes in not only manic marine behavior (humor) but enhancing the spiritual, the physical, and depended on GOD to aid me. When thing I did recognize early into this dating concept (convert here), we date to find that person to be sealed too.

Do some internal analysis and see what can be change immediately. If you were turned down, find out why.

[yenni]

Do some internal analysis and see what can be change immediately. If you were turned down, find out why.

Well that's easy enough, I'm a plain Jane boring white chick in a sea of hot Filipino girls which the Navy men apparently prefer

[Elgama]

Well that's easy enough, I'm a plain Jane boring white chick in a sea of hot Filipino girls which the Navy men apparently prefer

or my experience with some LDS men is they find it inappropriate you asked - the famous quote about the man proposing marriage by Brigham Young usually misses off the last part that said it ought not to be but it is (or something similar)

I didn't date much at all but I do have a really good marriage, after 7 years he is sexy, fun and reliable not to mention lovely etc And a great Father you don't need a lot of boyfriends to get married happy (I know YW manuals say you do), you only really need to be a good person and find one good one and your sorted for eternity

[Dravin]

Oh but I have heard Seattle and Alaska are better bets than Utah lol

Sounds like I shouldn't have left Alaska.

True true, I can always get me one of those Alaskan mountain men

[Joey Tribbiani] How you doin'? [/Joey Tribbiani].

Actually as a guy I don't see turning down a date unless I actively disliked a gal, she was slovenly or she reeked of, "I've decided you are going to be my husband." I'm not saying these apply to you, but the mindset of turning down a gal seems odd from my perspective, at least for a first date. Oh, and if I was poor. Dating costs money.

It sucks because you can't (in a socially acceptable way) ask why they turned you down, leaves you without any constructive (or even non-constructive) feedback.

I suppose that isn't overly helpful, but its my 2 Italian lira.

[yenni]

or my experience with some LDS men is they find it inappropriate you asked - the famous quote about the man proposing marriage by Brigham Young usually misses off the last part that said it ought not to be but it is (or something similar)

See I was wondering the same thing. And after plenty of guys on here exclaiming how they wouldn't mind being asked, I certainly thought it couldn't hurt. Just want to go on a casual friend only date and go from there. So far my attempts to just get to know the guys in the branch and make friends with them get thwarted. I really only have one guy friend in the branch. I'm friendly, active, don't reek of BO Nor am I chasing them down with a club (maybe I shoud start?) And sometimes it seems like the branch in general is full of a bunch of teenagers at the 6th grade dance with girls on one side of the room, boys on the other.

My previous RS pres was so dead set against girls asking guys, and that guys should always be doing the asking. I guess that's all well and good if you are being asked on a regular basis. And it's not that I want to date tons, or have all these boyfriends. I'd gladly skip all that jazz and go straight to marriage if I could, hahah. I guess sometimes it make me wonder what's wrong with me, etc? I dunno

Not to mention girls just like to be asked out.

[Elgama]

nowt is wrong with you - you describe my situation perfectly (cept I do ask em to dance lol won't let them stand around), there was nothing wrong with me - like my Gran used to say your pretty, your kind hearted and I love you, its them with the problem lol

[Wingnut]

Either that or getting me one of them mail order spouses from Russia

Sure you don't mean male order spouses? Heehee. I've actually never heard of a male mail order "bride."

[Dravin]

And after plenty of guys on here exclaiming how they wouldn't mind being asked, I certainly thought it couldn't hurt.

I am not... how do they say? Representative? :)

[Bini]

OK I have a suggestion and it may be waaay off the wall but it's a good one!

When my bestfriend and I got out of high school, we really didn't know what to do with ourselves. We both wanted to experience life to the fullest now that we were out on our own but didn't know where to begin "living" life, sightseeing, meeting new people and dating. So we thought about signing on as employees on a cruise-line. There's many departments you can work and some of those departments rotate every few weeks I believe. You're on sea nine months I think but get to explore the different ports the ship stations at.

.. I did say my idea was a bit out there but this is something I still would have done if I hadn't gotten into a rotten first marriage. But all things happen for a reason I suppose. Anyway, working and traveling can open up so many opportunities, both financially and socially :]

[Hemidakota]

Well that's easy enough, I'm a plain Jane boring white chick in a sea of hot Filipino girls which the Navy men apparently prefer

Ok! That answer the why question but what can you do to make your physical appearance better? Now, you other women before you start throwing stones, we are here to help her to solve this issue.

Edited December 31, 2009 by Hemidakota

[Dravin]

Ok! That answer the why quesiton but what can you do to make your physical appearance better? Now, you other women before you start throwing stones, we are here to help her to solve this issue.

Sorry Yenni, I couldn't resist. From what little I can make out of your avatar you're a fine looking gal... now please ask the other women to please not hurt me! :)

[yenni]

LOL Ya'll are just too funny sometimes

I dunno, sometimes I think so far as my appearance is concerned I need to be made of plastic, and possess impossible measurements. Something along these lines.

In my profile picture was taken just after a visit to the Clinique counter. While I like make up from time to time it's just really not me. I dress nice, though not trendy, when most the girls in the branch are very fashionable. It's not that I haven't tried to be but it always never feels right, to me anyways. I'm average height, on the more curvaceous side let's say, but I do always make sure to dress for my size. It tends to get scary when people dress like a pixie when they clearly aren't. So eh, I dunno ^^;

[Hemidakota]

If Barbie was a real woman, I wouldn't date her. I think the animal channel did a mock life rendering of Barbie in human proportionate size and it gave me the jitters.

I know from a male aspect, what we are the generalities of first line of sight contact with any given female, whether it is the rear, legs, chest, face, or overall physical look (dimensional). It does vary on each of us before conversation startup. Dressing is another issue itself on how we chose to talk or not to open a dialog with a female.

What about communication with other male singles? Do you smile alot? Do keep your eyes focus on the person (Face) eyes when talking or look nervous? Are you confident when you speak? Are you soft spoken versus exhibiting male type traits (harsh vocabulary, lower male range tones - ect…)?

[yenni]

And of course no sooner do I create this thread that I go to a New Years Eve YSA party and meet someone that lives relatively close by. Exchanged numbers and everything! Hey that's a first for me Weird thing is though, I gave him my number and told him to call me so his would then be in my cell. No matter how many times he tried it wouldn't work, I even double checked to make sure he put it in right. Well at any rate he's also got my email. Hopefully service was just being glitchy then and either by phone or email I'll hear from him. *crossing fingers & toes*

[FairChild]

Wish you only the bestest of luck and that you make an exceptionally wonderfully exciting new friend. One that gets a working cell phone.

[yenni]

Yeah, I just hope I didn't speak too soon >_<

[FairChild]

Has anyone here have any sucess on eHarmony? Just curious.

[yenni]

Oh eHarmony... I am an eHarmony reject. Spent ages taking the survey, got to the end of it just for them to tell me I'm not compatible with anyone Humbug!

[FairChild]

You were just too cute and attractive for them, that's all.

[Dravin]

Oh eHarmony... I am an eHarmony reject. Spent ages taking the survey, got to the end of it just for them to tell me I'm not compatible with anyone Humbug!

That's just weird. I wonder how often that happens. I guess they wouldn't exactly tout it, "29 levels of incompatibility!"

[Islander]

Hog wash! It is nonsense. They have never made public what psycho-social instruments they use or even commented on how they were validated. Statistically speaking you would have to be a space alien not to have ANY point of social overlap on a site that claim to have 10 million people.

[Maya]

Hi there yenni and others... I was pretty desparate at your age.. everyone getting married getting kids. I was not an LDS then. Took contact with a penpal thingy... he was ok... but a BIG mistake! I was 39 when the REAL love hit me... and BOY did that hit me ... it completely sweeped me off my feet... and all we neded was a sinles conferance . I never tought anyone can fall in love like that. I still tell him I am in love and he asks if he should get the shotgun... I dont think I will ever get over this one....

21 years this May and it feels like it was yesterday... not that he would not have been a REAL jerk sometimes! But I quess I am no better, I give him a good competition on that.

OPS am I revealing something here... I am 21 just in case someone has other ideas!

You guys really should go a bit around world to find HIM or HER. We have conferances around here too you know. Look for Fest i Nord or Balliaden or Baliaden or Special Nord for over 35. Need translation PM me.