Infidelity

[MisterT]

If that was what a Bishop said, he needs to repent.

Divorce is definately the LAST option, but nowhere in any Church doctrine or procedures is it said to counsel against it when a divorce is necessary.

I honestly can't imagine ANY Bishop saying that to anyone, ever. But if he did, I would recommend you telephone the Stake President's office and report that interaction; it was totally inappropriate.

[crazypotato]

Hi MacGirl,

I believe that bishops are human beings and can make mistakes, but you can't automatically dismiss what he is saying as a bunch of bunk. I carefully read what you wrote. From my understanding, your husband didn't have an affair until you separated, but you are still legally married. I think the bishop may have said that your husband sinned by cheating on you before the divorce was final, and when he said he wasn't welcome back without you by his side, he is referring to disfellowshipping or a disciplinary action.

When someone breaks a major commandment (adultery), especially if they don't seem to feel guilty about it or are not trying to repair their marriage, a bishop is well in his rights to tell that person that they could be disfellowshipped or excommunicated from the church. This is common for unrepentant people and also is done sometimes for people that are trying to repent. They can be exed and then if they show that they are sorry and take steps to repent, they can be re-baptized back into the church.

Divorce is not completely wrong, but should be avoided at most costs. If you guys can't stand each other, I would ask, why? Is it because there is abuse or sick addictions or lots of adultery? Then I can see divorce. If it is communication conflicts, personality conflicts, arguments, power struggles, etc, then from our church's viewpoint, you should both repent and work on the marriage.

If your husband is hesitant, maybe his conscience is a bit tweaked over the affair, and maybe rather than blaming himself, he is taking his anger out on your bishop. Whether you guys are active or not, the fact that your husband went to talk to the bishop tells me that he may still believe in the church.

[Guest mirancs8]

We are now back to living together because both of our families can't accept that we aren't going to stay together so we are showing them that we can't stand each other and that we are better separated and friends then together as husband and wife. The other Sunday, my husband was pulled into the Bishop's office and told that even thinking about getting a divorce is a sin.

WHAT?! I so badly want to ask if you are serious but I know you are. You got back together just to show how much you both can't stand each other. And boy that's just backfiring on you now isn't it? I can't even imagine doing that. Thinking about divorce is not a sin. Really it's just your husband trying to make you feel guilty because he's having second thoughts about it. The question you might want to ask him is "so deary what's changed?"

[ryanh]

other Sunday, my husband was pulled into the Bishop's office and told that even thinking about getting a divorce is a sin.

Something is wrong. Either your Bishop misspoke, or your husband or you misunderstood. The handbook is very clear that priesthood leaders are not to advise one way or the other, only to help individuals understand the consequences of their own decision.

I suggest you go to LDS.org and search for talks on Divorce, such as Elder Oak's talk.

[Guest murrayskeeter]

Infidelity has been one of reasons for divorce for most marriages. But you can stop this by starting all over again and commit yourself that both of you will work on your marriage. You may need to go through counseling to fix the problem. Don't rush in going through a divorce. Make sure that you have gone through the factors a million times. Edited May 21, 2010 by murrayskeeter