Honor Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Carolyn Hax - TELL ME ABOUT IT - washingtonpost.comWhat do stay-at-home moms do all day?....It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.This is an article that I sure needed, even though I knew everything in it before I read it. Though I'm working now, when I was exclusively at home th my son, I was never able to explain what it was I did all day. I just knew that I was exhausted with not a whole lot to show my husband for it and dying for time to just be ME! It was a really big contributor to the collapse of our marriage. There aren't usually huge highlights to most days as a SAHM, but all the little things add up to being something bigger than huge! Suddenly I'm feeling what I can only describe as retroactive validation.Now, I know that some people who are likely to make anything they do sound like it's the hardest job in the world, and I hope I'm not like that, but I'm REALLY fighting the urge to forward this article to my ex in hopes that it'll help him be a little more understanding in future relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annamaureen Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Interesting. A lot of people look down on homemaking (as seen by the asker in this article) but it can be very tough work at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 My family is now at the stage where SAHM is considering work. It's probably best for her, but I will always treasure the years she's been able to stay at home and raise our children (and me). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.this is the one i wish ppl could understand... by ppl i mean my husband. lol he has a couple hours in the house alone and he can clean nearly the entire place. then he says later "i don't understand why you can't get things done. i can do it in a few hours by myself. you have 5 kids helping you....." excuse me? helping? i have 5 kids between 8 and <2... that's not help. that means i have to tend them and clean the house.... while they mess up everything faster than i can clean it. give me 3 hours alone, full capacity and i can clean the entire place too.by the way the SAHM acronym is frustrating to me, i'm dyslexic and keep reading it as SHAM. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 this is the one i wish ppl could understand... by ppl i mean my husband. lol he has a couple hours in the house alone and he can clean nearly the entire place. then he says later "i don't understand why you can't get things done. i can do it in a few hours by myself. you have 5 kids helping you....." excuse me? helping? i have 5 kids between 8 and <2... that's not help. that means i have to tend them and clean the house.... while they mess up everything faster than i can clean it. give me 3 hours alone, full capacity and i can clean the entire place too.by the way the SAHM acronym is frustrating to me, i'm dyslexic and keep reading it as SHAM. lolNo, no...you're reading it right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 What's worse than the feeling of being looked down on for being a SAHM is being a SAHD. I have a friend who is a SAHD and it is doubly frustrating for him because all the support groups are all geared for SAHMs. He can't do the baby swap - they don't trust him with other people's children (for some reason sexual predator concerns are reserved for men and not women!), the other dads don't trust him spending group activities with their wives, etc. etc. A lot of times there are no diaper changing stations in the men's restrooms! My heart cries out for him. And what's worse is the stigma that he is, somehow, a worthless member of society because he doesn't have a job! Uh, raising your kids is only a job for women? Okay, another one of my frustrations is being a Work-At-Home-Mom. I have a full time job but I work from home. My husband keeps on forgetting that just because my job is at home doesn't mean that I can take care of the children during my work hours. We still need a sitter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahone Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 What's worse than the feeling of being looked down on for being a SAHM is being a SAHD. I have a friend who is a SAHD and it is doubly frustrating for him because all the support groups are all geared for SAHMs. He can't do the baby swap - they don't trust him with other people's children (for some reason sexual predator concerns are reserved for men and not women!), the other dads don't trust him spending group activities with their wives, etc. etc. A lot of times there are no diaper changing stations in the men's restrooms! My heart cries out for him. And what's worse is the stigma that he is, somehow, a worthless member of society because he doesn't have a job! Uh, raising your kids is only a job for women?They ought to see this: Vanessa George: from angel to paedophile | Society | guardian.co.ukOkay, another one of my frustrations is being a Work-At-Home-Mom. I have a full time job but I work from home. My husband keeps on forgetting that just because my job is at home doesn't mean that I can take care of the children during my work hours. We still need a sitter!I couldn't work from home. A lot of people who want to do this see it was not having to leave home in order to go to work. I'd see it as never leaving work - your home is your workplace. I already have issues separating the two, I think this would just make it a lot worse lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 I couldn't work from home. A lot of people who want to do this see it was not having to leave home in order to go to work. I'd see it as never leaving work - your home is your workplace. I already have issues separating the two, I think this would just make it a lot worse lol I know exactly what you mean! If I had a choice, I would go to work - unfortunately, my office is 2 hours away. It takes a lot of getting used to. I insisted on having a home office. I get ready in the morning like I'm going to the office, but instead of getting in the car, I walk to the other side of the house. I close the doors and don't surface until lunch time or quitting time. If I go outside of the office, it gets very difficult to work especially when there are dishes piled up in the sink, mile high laundry baskets, and floors to scrub! That's why I can't have the kids then - I cannot monitor them while working. If I have a sick child, I will let him sleep in the office with me and I'm okay with that. But, that's about all I can do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hordak Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 What's worse than the feeling of being looked down on for being a SAHM is being a SAHD. I have a friend who is a SAHD and it is doubly frustrating for him because all the support groups are all geared for SAHMs. He can't do the baby swap - they don't trust him with other people's children (for some reason sexual predator concerns are reserved for men and not women!), the other dads don't trust him spending group activities with their wives, etc. etc. A lot of times there are no diaper changing stations in the men's restrooms! My heart cries out for him. And what's worse is the stigma that he is, somehow, a worthless member of society because he doesn't have a job! Uh, raising your kids is only a job for women?Okay, another one of my frustrations is being a Work-At-Home-Mom. I have a full time job but I work from home. My husband keeps on forgetting that just because my job is at home doesn't mean that I can take care of the children during my work hours. We still need a sitter!It's official. You are my favorite poster:clap: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CornMuffinsMama Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 What a great article. I totally identified with it. It really is hard sometimes to describe why I'm exhausted when DH gets home and yet cleaning did not get done, etc... "All" I did was take care of the baby. Thank you for this link. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
talisyn Posted February 23, 2010 Report Share Posted February 23, 2010 After my divorce I spent some time with my daughter being a nanny to my sister's then 2 kids, and wow that was a lot of work. The three of them would run me completely ragged all day and be perfect little angels when my sis and her husband came home. I know the last thing my sister wanted to do after her hard day at work was clean the house but it had already been cleaned 5 times and I wasn't doing it again SAHMs have my total respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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