mom_of_jcchlsm Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 Since my kids were very young, I have wanted to give them the fantastic experience of living and studying abroad. As the time aproaches to let my oldest go (two school years away), I'm getting nervous. I know that you can request that they be placed only in homes that share the same religion. But that's not the same as knowing my child will have daily family scripture study, will attend seminary, will see host parents attending the Temple, etc. 9 months away from the influences I have carefully chosen for them may make or break their still-developing faith. Hey - they could end up in a better, stronger family than ours (and how would I feel then? What if they don't want to come home?) I guess I was just wondering what value, if any, you all place on experiencing different cultures, learning foreign languages, having a time away from parents. When I think foreign exchange, I think of great missionary preparation, a chance to see and do things that most of their peers have not done, seeing the USA from another perspective, learning how others of God's children live, learning to get along on their own, gaining confidence and experience meeting new people and adapting to new situations, career booster, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But I'm really afraid to let go! Maybe if there were a way to find a similar LDS family somewhere and make a deal with them - we'll trade you our kid for yours for an academic year. That way, we have a vested interest in each other's families. We still have plenty of time to think about this. My daughter is afraid of getting behind in school, and doesn't want to be a year behind her friends when she gets back -- she's talking about taking summer classes to get ahead before going and then afterwards to catch up. She's been studying her chosen language since fourth grade and has been planning to study abroad since then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrawberryFields Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 What a wonderful thing to consider. I have not heard of this done very often at all. I have seen many students come to the US to study but not the other way around. Where is she considering going to to study? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
begood2 Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 mom of loving daughter, I too would be afraid for my daughters safety abroad. I think that your idea of finding a host LDS family early on that you can get to know... will ease some of that fear. I think that most exchange students do fall behind in school, but your daughter's idea of extra study before going and after returning will definitely help. Best Wishes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 Since my kids were very young, I have wanted to give them the fantastic experience of living and studying abroad. This issue hinges on the age of your child(ren). I went on two exchanges during my college years. The first to Hong Kong, where I stayed in an apartment with two other American exchange students. The second, was to South Korea, where I had a homestay. In neither case was I with those of "like precious faith." However, I was in my early twenties, and found the experience invaluable. In fact, the second exchange led to a six-year mission stay!If you students are high school age (which is what I gathered), then of course, more caution is necessary. However, by 16 or so, you've probably done your work "raising the child in the way s/he should go." Let 'em lose, let them know you love them, and that you'll nag them for eternity if they mess up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 ....I know that you can request that they be placed only in homes that share the same religion. But that's not the same as knowing my child will have daily family scripture study, will attend seminary, will see host parents attending the Temple, etc. 9 months away from the influences I have carefully chosen for them may make or break their still-developing faith. Hey - they could end up in a better, stronger family than ours (and how would I feel then? What if they don't want to come home?) I guess I was just wondering what value, if any, you all place on experiencing different cultures, learning foreign languages, having a time away from parents.When I think foreign exchange, I think of great missionary preparation, a chance to see and do things that most of their peers have not done, seeing the USA from another perspective, learning how others of God's children live, learning to get along on their own, gaining confidence and experience meeting new people and adapting to new situations, career booster, a once-in-a-lifetime experience.But I'm really afraid to let go! So let me get this straight...you want your children to experience different cultures...but you don't want them exposed to a different religious culture? Sounds like you want to shelter your children from other influences more than you want them to experience other cultures. My advice...keep them at home, send 'em to BYU..happily ever after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 So let me get this straight...you want your children to experience different cultures...but you don't want them exposed to a different religious culture? Jason, just because people want to experience new cultures/adventures, etc. (or because their parents think it would be good for them to do so) doesn't mean they should give up the good things they've already experienced. Especially concerning ultimate truth. Keep in mind, the LDS sends out 60K missionaries a year to experience new cultures--and to change the religious culture wherever they go.BTW, Most Christian groups, and many Muslims, and even some Buddhists do the same. Evangelicals do it because Jesus told us to. I think some of the other religions with less of a religious mandate, figure it's good marketing. B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 <div class='quotemain'>So let me get this straight...you want your children to experience different cultures...but you don't want them exposed to a different religious culture? Jason, just because people want to experience new cultures/adventures, etc. (or because their parents think it would be good for them to do so) doesn't mean they should give up the good things they've already experienced. Especially concerning ultimate truth. Keep in mind, the LDS sends out 60K missionaries a year to experience new cultures--and to change the religious culture wherever they go.BTW, Most Christian groups, and many Muslims, and even some Buddhists do the same. Evangelicals do it because Jesus told us to. I think some of the other religions with less of a religious mandate, figure it's good marketing. B)Basically ditto to what Soulsearcher said. Experiencing new cultures does not mean changing those cultures into your own. Defeats the purpose doncha think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanstress70 Posted January 30, 2006 Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 Religious differences aside, NO WAY would I let my supposed high school daughter go to a stranger's home in another country! I don't care what religion they are... If she wanted to do that, there would be plenty of time for that in college when she's more mature. But that's just the neurotic mom in me talking, I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 If I sent my kids away as an exchange student I would request that they stay with an LDS family....I see nothing wrong with that. If they are in another country they will have plenty of cultural expierences regardless of religion. We had a female exchange student with us from Latvia for a year. She was not LDS and I told her if she wanted to attend a church of her religion to let us know and we would see to it she got there. As time went by she started attending with us every Sunday. She would get up and get ready on her own. She is back in her country now and we miss her dearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Syble Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Jason is a man, a fairly closed minded one. I believe that there are things you feel about your own child no one else can know. It is a mother's intuition to know what her child can handle and what they can't. At the same time you want your child to grow and experience a broader view of the world and grow at their own speed. There is nothing at all difficult to understand about this mother's concern for her daughter when it comes to the religion and wanting it reinforced at this stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom_of_jcchlsm Posted January 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Several of you have given me good things to think about. Like I said, we have time still. Few of you have addressed my question about the potential value of the experience. Any voices on that topic? Also, please notice that I figured out how to add an avatar and signature! Go me! hey! my signature worked, but the avatar didn't. I'll try again... Ha! Now it works! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Syble Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 I found a great deal of benefit when I lived abroad. I also found some dangers and hardships. I would not like to do it again. My own daughter is living away from home in another state for college. When I sent her, I contacted a stake president in that area of her coming and gave her phone number to him, and his to her. I also paid for a cell phone so that she could have unlimited contact with us. Its because she is a daughter that I have more fear than I have had with my boys. Women are more often the victims of violent crimes. My daughter has experienced being stocked for a short term, and getting lost late at night in her truck. Both of these things have given me stress, but she is having a good experience over all, and is active in the student wards. Maybe if your daughter could have some contact people in the church before she goes, she would be assured a better and more safe growing experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Jason is a man, a fairly closed minded one. I believe that there are things you feel about your own child no one else can know. It is a mother's intuition to know what her child can handle and what they can't.This is not about her child's safety. It's clearly a concern about religion. She's afraid her little girl might realize that Mormonism's not all there is out there. If she want's to shelter her little girl, that's fine. But it makes little sense to send her out to experience other cultures, except when it comes to religion. As for me being "closed minded," Im pretty sure that I am the most open minded person on LDSTALK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aristotle Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 As for me being "closed minded," Im pretty sure that I am the most open minded person on LDSTALK.The problem with being open minded is that all your brains can fall out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
begood2 Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 If I sent my kids away as an exchange student I would request that they stay with an LDS family....I see nothing wrong with that. If they are in another country they will have plenty of cultural expierences regardless of religion. We had a female exchange student with us from Latvia for a year. She was not LDS and I told her if she wanted to attend a church of her religion to let us know and we would see to it she got there. As time went by she started attending with us every Sunday. She would get up and get ready on her own. She is back in her country now and we miss her dearly.Palerider,I hope and I bet that she has some fond memories to share with her friends and family now...about good people and good families being in the USA as well as back home in her own country.Student exchanges can be a great learning experience for all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanstress70 Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Why does it automatically make it safe if she is staying with an LDS family? Bad people can belong to any religion. It's just kind of funny to hear people talk like that. For example, if your daughter were to come to my family's house, she would be looked out for like she was one of our own, and be treated more hospitably than you can imagine. But guess what? We aren't LDS. OTOH, I'm sure there are some LDS families who would NOT treat her that well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom_of_jcchlsm Posted January 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Shan, that was sort of my point -- even requesting a fam of same religion is no guarantee. Within any faith, family standards and kindness and goodness very broadly. Without KNOWING the family she goes to, I have very little assurance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanstress70 Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Shan, that was sort of my point -- even requesting a fam of same religion is no guarantee. Within any faith, family standards and kindness and goodness very broadly. Without KNOWING the family she goes to, I have very little assurance.I see your point. That's why I would tend to wait till the college years. But only you guys know what's best for your daughter. Good luck with whatever works out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outshined Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 I would personally wait until my kids were older as well. I was at a birthday party for my wife's grandmother and her twin at their Church a couple of years a go, and one of the ladies there had a German high school exchange student with her. Since I spent some years in Germany I struck up a conversation with her. The young lady told me that she'd promised her mother that she would go to Mass faithfully while she was gone, but had not been able to go yet. A little later I heard her host talking to the local minister, and he asked her how things were going with her student. She told the preacher that it was going well, and "I've been able to keep her away from the Catholic church since she's been here." The minister chuckled and said "keep up the good work." I was disgusted by that attitude, and it gave me some perspective on not knowing who will be taking care of your child on the other end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 I don't think its close minded to request your child stay with someone of your faith....all faiths do the same thing....its a choice for parents to make..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiannan Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Personally, I think a typical LDS youth would do just fine in an exchange program. Usually you only have programs that involve families with kids the age of your's and those involved in such activities tend to be on the upper end in maturity and academics. There are things that one might consider involving the culture of the country you send your kid to and just let them know that things might be a bit different there. In Holland the parents might offer your child tea or something else with an herbal origin. Many nations in Europe are quite open when it comes to nudity and so don't freak if your kid sends you an e-mail that when they went to the beach she might hae been the only one with a top on. Also, try to prepare them that if they go to a place like France they may be barraged by anti-American comments in the form of questions. As for food, probably not a big deal. Contacts with foreign peoples are fun and educational. My 14 year old spent a week on a remote island community between Iceland and Denmark last year, my oldest has been to Ireland, Honduras, Germany and Russia, the second oldest has been to China, Russia, Denmark and Germany. My third oldest (16 years old) has been to Germany and Canada. All my kids hae also spent considerable time in Sweden. It's good for them I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom_of_jcchlsm Posted February 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Fian, What programs did your family work with for all that travel? Were the kids in chaparoned groups or on their own? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiannan Posted February 3, 2006 Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 Generally groups. I have a lot of connections that I utilyze to get my kids active in international projects. Some have been model UN and others have involved connections to teachers in foreign schools. I will have to say that I have contacted many schools in the USA about how easy it is to do activities with foreign schools -- and with the exception of a few schools in Utah teachers and administrators are more talk than action when it comes to connecting to the world. Worse schools for checking into such possibilities? In my opinion those in the Pacific Northwest (usually run by liberals who talk a lot about opening the world to their students, but that's about as far as it goes). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garyla Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Three years ago I found a post by mom_of_jcchlsm Senior Member I am wondering how that worked out? Did any of your children take advantage of this opportunity? If so what did you/they learn from the experience? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul_Searcher Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 I did a french exchange when i was 13 but it was only for 2 weeks. I would highly recommend it to anyone, its great to see other cultures and families and religions. If its for a year, thats a long time for a school age child. We do 'gap years' over here where students take a year out after school before they go to uni to travel etc. Maybe that would be a good idea so she doesnt get behind with school. I wouldnt worry about the church side of things personally. If she was 18, it would be upto her to make her own choices by then anyway. If you feel you brought her up right then there should be nothing to worry about anyway x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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