Morning vs. Night

[Wingnut]

I am a night person. I always have been. My dad tells me that when I was two years old, I was up at 9:35pm every night, in the backyard, watching the Disneyland fireworks. My dad is a morning person, so even then he groaned, knowing that I wasn't. My mom is very much a night person. It's not uncommon for her to go to bed around 2:30am. For me, my typical bedtime is between midnight and 1:00am, sometimes later. If I go to bed earlier, I often just lay awake in the dark for an hour or more, not ready to sleep yet. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning (despite a cheery two-year-old serving as an alarm clock), and I'm lucky to be up before 8:00am. Once I'm up, I'm usually fine. On the rare occasion when I'm up "early" by choice (earlier than 7:00am), I really enjoy it, and I feel energized and productive.

My husband is very much a morning person, more than my dad was. It's pretty much unheard of for him to sleep until 7:00am, even on a Saturday. It causes us a small but significant amount of contention in our marriage to have such opposite and incompatible schedules.

So here's my conundrum. I would like to become more of a morning person. Aside from "just go to bed earlier," what might you suggest to help me? Are any of you reformed night people? What helped you change your routine?

[FunkyTown]

When I worked shift work, I had to stay up all night.

I guarantee you if you don't sleep one night, you will be able to fall asleep at 8 PM the next night and then wake up at around 5. If you keep it up, it'll end up being a habit and you'll be able to sleep. You just have to reset your clock. It'll be hard if you've never had to do it before, though.

I am a night person. I always have been. My dad tells me that when I was two years old, I was up at 9:35pm every night, in the backyard, watching the Disneyland fireworks. My dad is a morning person, so even then he groaned, knowing that I wasn't. My mom is very much a night person. It's not uncommon for her to go to bed around 2:30am. For me, my typical bedtime is between midnight and 1:00am, sometimes later. If I go to bed earlier, I often just lay awake in the dark for an hour or more, not ready to sleep yet. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning (despite a cheery two-year-old serving as an alarm clock), and I'm lucky to be up before 8:00am. Once I'm up, I'm usually fine. On the rare occasion when I'm up "early" by choice (earlier than 7:00am), I really enjoy it, and I feel energized and productive.

My husband is very much a morning person, more than my dad was. It's pretty much unheard of for him to sleep until 7:00am, even on a Saturday. It causes us a small but significant amount of contention in our marriage to have such opposite and incompatible schedules.

So here's my conundrum. I would like to become more of a morning person. Aside from "just go to bed earlier," what might you suggest to help me? Are any of you reformed night people? What helped you change your routine?

[Faded]

I'm very much a night owl. I've had frequent occasion to need to become more of a day person -- usually for my work. But I think the key is this: Decide when you want to be up and set a specific routine of things that must be completed between then and perhaps 3 hours later in the morning.

The reason night people can sometimes change over to being sorta-kinda morning people is because they have something in their life that they either can't or won't compromise. Work schedules can be quite the motivator because we all know what happens when you don't show up for work -- both physically and mentally. Currently I'm working evening shift. So in my case, I set myself a daily deadline to exercise, study scriptures and do a few morning chores. Waking up for a purpose seems to be the key. My work schedule certainly doesn't allow for waking up at 7:30AM, but perhaps you're circumstances are different than mine and allow you more flexibility there.

My wife is a morning person and I am not. We occasionally will have a half-hearted debate over which is better, but as long as both of us try to be understanding and accommodating for each other, it doesn't become a source of contention.

[Faded]

When I worked shift work, I had to stay up all night.

I guarantee you if you don't sleep one night, you will be able to fall asleep at 8 PM the next night and then wake up at around 5. If you keep it up, it'll end up being a habit and you'll be able to sleep. You just have to reset your clock. It'll be hard if you've never had to do it before, though.

LOL, I can't count the number of times I tried that. My sleep schedule just naturally shifts back. There was awhile where I'd have a cycle where I'd have a sleepless or close to sleepless night once every week or so -- battling to get the morning-person sleep schedule to stick. It never did work just based on that.

But that's just me.

[Wingnut]

Funky, ten years ago, for two consecutive summers, I worked 12-hour overnight shifts, got home at 5:00am, and slept until around 2:30ish. I hated it. Though I have no doubt your suggestion would probably work, I think that with a two-year-old, being mentally out of commission for a day in order to reset my internal clock probably isn't much of an option. Plus, I'm not as young as I used to be, and I'm not sure I'd make it all night anyway.

Faded, I am a stay at home mom, with no specific place to be in the morning, which gives me no motivation to get up by a certain time. Also, I should clarify that the difference in schedules between my husband and I causes small amounts of contention that spill -- still in minor ways -- into other areas as well. Overall, though, I think my marriage is probably in pretty good shape if the contention I'm worried about is my own bedtime.

Ideally, I think I'd like to get up around 6:30am and be in bed by 11:00pm on a pretty regular basis.

[Elphaba]

I am a night person. I always have been. My dad tells me that when I was two years old, I was up at 9:35pm every night, in the backyard, watching the Disneyland fireworks. My dad is a morning person, so even then he groaned, knowing that I wasn't. My mom is very much a night person. It's not uncommon for her to go to bed around 2:30am. For me, my typical bedtime is between midnight and 1:00am, sometimes later. If I go to bed earlier, I often just lay awake in the dark for an hour or more, not ready to sleep yet. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning (despite a cheery two-year-old serving as an alarm clock), and I'm lucky to be up before 8:00am. Once I'm up, I'm usually fine. On the rare occasion when I'm up "early" by choice (earlier than 7:00am), I really enjoy it, and I feel energized and productive.

My husband is very much a morning person, more than my dad was. It's pretty much unheard of for him to sleep until 7:00am, even on a Saturday. It causes us a small but significant amount of contention in our marriage to have such opposite and incompatible schedules.

According to an article in Psychology Today, Intelligence: The Evolution of Night Owls | Psychology Today, night owls are much more intelligent than day people. In fact, given your husband is up before 7:00 am, it is likely he is "Very Dull (IQ < 75)," while the fact that you go to bed/wake up later means you are "Very Bright (IQ > 125)." Sounds about right.

I never sleep. I'm a genius.

Elph

[Wingnut]

ELPHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where have you been? I love that you came out of hiding to insult my husband's intelligence.

[Tarnished]

According to an article in Psychology Today, Intelligence: The Evolution of Night Owls | Psychology Today, night owls are much more intelligent than day people. In fact, given your husband is up before 7:00 am, it is likely he is "Very Dull (IQ < 75)," while the fact that you go to bed/wake up later means you are "Very Bright (IQ > 125)." Sounds about right.

I never sleep. I'm a genius.

Elph

I don't think I can really believe that. As Faded stated in our relationship he is the night owl and I am the morning person. And we are about the same intelligence level, which is pretty high. I would say that I am probably smarter than him but that would probably cause problems, so I will just say that our intelligence level is about the same, which works well for us.

As far as changing your sleep schedule, I have at times had to become more of a night person. Faded is the more dynamic of the two of us and I am often willing to give up waking up early so that I can spend more time with him.

My problem is that I naturally pop right awake at 7 am or earlier, and our dogs insist on being fed if one of us is awake. So if I know that I need more sleep because I need to stay up later then I feed them and then go back to sleep. Doesn't work for everyone, I know.

As for turning a night owl into a morning person, I don't really know. Other than sleeping pills I don't really know any good way of getting a night person to fall asleep easily. Faded suffers from insomnia so I know that even the best intentions of going to bed don't always work for him. It is a difficult conundrum.

[hordak]

Why change for him?, perhaps he needs to learn to heed the call of the night.

Fellow night owl here.

Night time is the right time

"Listen to them - children of the night. What music they make." Dracula

[Elphaba]

I don't think I can really believe that. As Faded stated in our relationship he is the night owl and I am the morning person. And we are about the same intelligence level, which is pretty high. I would say that I am probably smarter than him but that would probably cause problems, so I will just say that our intelligence level is about the same, which works well for us.

I wasn't serious. I was making fun of someone who is far from dull-witted.

By the way, congratulations on your pregnancy. From past conversations I know how much it means to you to have a child and I'm very happy for you.

Elphaba

[bl8tant]

Aside from "just go to bed earlier," what might you suggest to help me? Are any of you reformed night people? What helped you change your routine?

Joining the Marine Corps did it for me. 800-MARINES and you're good to go. HTH.

[Tarnished]

I wasn't serious. I was making fun of someone who is far from dull-witted.

By the way, congratulations on your pregnancy. From past conversations I know how much it means to you to have a child and I'm very happy for you.

Elphaba

I didn't figure you were serious . Thank you for the congratulations, we appreciate it! :)

Hordak - I kind of agree with you. As a morning person I find it is easier to adapt to a night schedule than it is to have my spouse adapt to a morning schedule. However, getting a 2 year old child to understand that may be a bit difficult for Wing.

What I like most about being a morning person is that the morning is often very quiet, because people are still sleeping, and I can get more done in the morning because of it. If I get things done in the morning then I have the rest of the day to have fun! :)

[Guest xforeverxmetalx]

If possible, you could try to just eliminate your internal programming for a certain time altogether. It works for me anyway, and I like it. You might think that having a rhythm is a good thing but for me it's proved useful to not have an internal clock.

I was always a night owl... staying up as late as I could get away with. But give me a long vacation where I didn't need to be up at a particular time, I started staying up later and later until eventually I was getting up early and then back to a normal time, and back to late again. Been doing this for awhile now. Back when I was in school, I had one semester where I had a whole lot of homework, but never wanted to do it in the few hours after school every day, so I decided to wake up early instead to do it. For awhile I was up at 3 or 4am to do homework as well as having time to chat online and whatever else before seminary, going to bed after dinner or sometimes earlier... I was dead tired by then. So for awhile, I was a morning person. Another benefit of having seemingly no internal clock is that I've never experienced jetlag, even after two flights to Europe and back. Actually I wonder what the big deal is.

So if you can just reprogram your internal clock by going to bed as late as you want for a few days, going to bed and waking up later and later, eventually you'll end up going to bed at the time you want.

[beefche]

Considering you have a 2 year old, wait for about 16 years and then change your schedule.

[rameumptom]

Changing just for the sake of change does not usually help us permanently change a habit. People go on diets, stop smoking, etc., just to go back later because their brains are wired a certain way.

You have to rewire your brain to adjust to a new schedule. This includes establishing a new schedule. But it also means taking time out for a few minutes each day to ponder upon the "why" you are doing it. Reward yourself for the times you succeed, and chastise yourself when you fail. Consistency is necessary. You will slip up, but if you do not mete out an appropriate consequence, then your mind will not take you seriously.

Learn some relaxation techniques that you can do for 10-20 minutes prior to going to sleep. It will help relax you, and is a form of rewarding the brain by increasing serotonin, while reducing the stress hormones we normally inject into ourselves daily on the move.

[Wingnut]

So if you can just reprogram your internal clock by going to bed as late as you want for a few days, going to bed and waking up later and later, eventually you'll end up going to bed at the time you want.

I already do stay up as late as I want, and wake up later and later. It sucks. It's what I'm trying to change.

[Guest xforeverxmetalx]

I already do stay up as late as I want, and wake up later and later. It sucks. It's what I'm trying to change.

So just let yourself stay up later... I mean like this...

Let's say normal/early is 11pm-7am.

But you want to go to bed at 2am and wake up at 10am.

The next night, you go to bed later, at 4am, and wake up at noon.

The next night, you're not tired till 6am, and wake up at 2pm.

Then it's 8am to 4pm, 10am to 6pm, etc till you make your way to 11pm-7am. Ta-da.

You can do it as gradually or quickly as your body lets you... I'd say just don't set an alarm, wake up when your body wants to, and go to bed when you're tired. The circadian rhythm is actually about 25hrs long, so it should come pretty natural.

[Wingnut]

That won't work with a two-year-old to take care of.

[Guest xforeverxmetalx]

That won't work with a two-year-old to take care of.

Then it's going to be difficult to adjust to any new sleep pattern since it takes time. In that case I can only say, set your alarm for when you want to be up and just deal with being a bit tired. And maybe you'll be in bed earlier the next day so it's easier to get up.

[Dravin]

Then it's going to be difficult to adjust to any new sleep pattern since it takes time. In that case I can only say, set your alarm for when you want to be up and just deal with being a bit tired. And maybe you'll be in bed earlier the next day so it's easier to get up.

This. It is how I adjusted to school both last fall (when I started) and this fall (after the summer break).

[Mahone]

As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing between the hours of 2am and 7am. 2am is the latest I will stay up unless for something very specific, and 7am is the earliest I get up, and only then because I have to. 7am often turns into 7:30am on days where I know that rush hours won't be so bad.

[Dravin]

7am often turns into 7:30am on days where I know that rush hours won't be so bad.

I'm a night person, but the one thing I dislike more than getting up early is rushing to school (or work when applicable) so I'm a 10 minutes early person, combined with the rush hour traffic along my route I go in early even if my class schedule doesn't demand it. Both to keep the schedule and to avoid fighting traffic.

[Faded]

Faded, I am a stay at home mom, with no specific place to be in the morning, which gives me no motivation to get up by a certain time. Also, I should clarify that the difference in schedules between my husband and I causes small amounts of contention that spill -- still in minor ways -- into other areas as well. Overall, though, I think my marriage is probably in pretty good shape if the contention I'm worried about is my own bedtime.

Ideally, I think I'd like to get up around 6:30am and be in bed by 11:00pm on a pretty regular basis.

As my dear wife has already pointed out, I struggle mightily with the sleep schedule issue. My body simply wants to be asleep when the Sun is up and awake when it's dark outside.

The best success I've had has either come from a work schedule (which obviously can't work for you) or by manufacturing a set of very good reasons to be awake at a specific time. When I am being consistent with my exercise, scripture study and house-cleaning goals being done by a specific time in the morning, I find it a lot easier to wake up at the same time every day. When I'm slacking off and not keeping up on that morning routine, then my sleep schedule drifts. I still have nights where I don't get to sleep as early as I would like, but I think the exercise component is pretty key. The body is tired and needs to recover, therefore the body doesn't play nasty tricks on me and keep me awake until 7:00 AM or later. Usually 4:00 AM at the worst (I get home from work at 2:00 AM.)

When I make sure I'm awake by 10:00 AM and try to get done with my morning routine by 12:00 Noon, then my sleep schedule seems to stay where I want it.

Speaking as an experienced insomniac and night owl, that's been my most successful approach.

[Guest]

Night owl here too. My brain just seems to work much better at night. I am lucky that my job is pretty flexible.

If I have to be up by a certain time in the morning (taking kids to school, etc.), I sometimes just don't sleep at all - usually just work all through the night and get my projects completed, then I won't have to work in the morning. Yep. It doesn't bother me much until I've gone more than 2 nights of no sleep.

But, with the kids' schedule, my time isn't really my own, so I have to adapt to their activities - my husband is also a night owl, so no problem there. But, my husband's job is not flexible with time - he has to be at work at specific times because they go in shifts - it varies week by week but he has not much choice in when it starts.

Anyway, from my experience, you can't really change into a morning person (tried and failed plenty of times - and so did my husband). You can train yourself to be able to handle the mornings but you can't really be a morning person. So, how do I train myself to handle the mornings? EXERCISE. Truly, this works! Right when you wake up - even before you have breakfast - go out and walk, do some yoga, flip the TV channel to an exercise station and follow along, whatever works. I sometimes go out walking when I'm still half asleep that I forget to wear socks... Anyway, once you've got that blood flowing, the endorphins will kick in and get you up and energized and ready to face the day. This could be just 30 minutes - it's enough to get your heart rate up.

But, my advice to you for your husband and you being on different time zones... I say don't sweat it. Just worry about your child's time zone. You just need to sit down and accept each others' differences so that you can split up the responsibilities so that your husband can take care of the morning stuff while you take care of the night stuff. I suggest you spend lunch time together as often time as you can. This shouldn't be too hard for you being a SAHM. You can pack a lunch/picnic/eat out somewhere with your husband for lunch - with or without the children.

Anyway, this is just my 2 cents. Try the exercise though. It is my morning medicine.

[UrbanFool]

Morning person here. I have a border collie who washes my face starting at 2 minutes to 7:00am. When that doesn't get me up, she pulls my covers off. And she knows to drag them to the end of the bed so I can't grab them and pull them back up.