Hello Everyone....Can you Help My Selfish Self?

[openyourmind]

Hello Everyone,

I am new. I'm a mom of 6, aged 9-21. I am not LDS but have been involved with a great deal of members in my community as their children have grown up along side of mine. My two eldest daughters are now LDS.

Here is my problem. I've always felt drawn to the mormon church. I've always felt comfortable with the religion and the people.

Here comes the selfish part......I am a very busy person. I'm a mom. I'm an elementary school principal. I also tend to really enjoy my "alone" time as my life is so full and busy in so many other areas.

Have any of you ever felt hesitant to commit to something because you just don't want to take on anything more? I know that I should NOT feel that way when the Lord is involved. But, I'm being honest....I do. I have my own spiritual relationship with God yet I know that I'm not doing enough.

I'm torn.

[zippy_do46]

"I have my own spiritual relationship with God yet I know that I'm not doing enough."

Sometimes we just need to express our needs. I think you already know what you need to do. As an elementary principal would you accept a child not doing the best that they could do. Heavenly Father will not give you any more then you can do with His help. All we have to do is ask.

[openyourmind]

Thanks Zippy,

That was very well put.......sigh.

[Just_A_Guy]

You don't need to over-extend yourself; you just need to prioritize everything in a way that works for you.

[jayanna]

I know that some people feel overwhelmed by social pressure, trying to make themselve perfect in front of everyone. They don't want to say no to people, and think they have to take every responsibility they possible can, which is not how it is supposed to be.

Actually, since joining the church I feel so much more at peace and calm about my life. I love Sundays, I love going to the temple. I see beautiful things all around every day. I am more cheerful, and my family likes to be around me more.

If I have a family emergency there is a support system there for me.

When we have family scripture study, my kids fight a lot less...it is great, it really is. :) The best part about the gospel is that you always get more than you give.

[openyourmind]

You all make some excellent points. I am somewhat of a perfectionist....and so this makes sense....I often avoid things that I'm not certain I can give my all to.

Just_a_Guy, thank you for the link to the article. I am very glad to have joined this forum. I think I knew these things already but sometimes lose my perspective and need to be reminded.

I need to start small and re-prioritize.

[ConquestT4]

Remember that becoming a member and really living the gospel bring so much more peace and joy into our lives. Our bodies and minds need breaks and get-aways sometimes. Absolutely.

I feel that as I live the gospel and as I repent and come unto Christ my ability to deal with everyday life increases and I am more capable of going through life without struggling. I see things more positively and experiences that would normally stress me out or make me mad don't affect me as much. I can deal with things better now because of the gospel and what I have learned and applied to my life. At least the same things that made me struggle and want a break 5 years ago don't phase me as much now. The Atonement, or Christ's sacrifice, has power to forgive us of our sins but also to enable us to do more than we would normally be able to do. It literally can change us and who we are.

It will never be "easy" but God will not make life harder than it has to be. Just as He won't let us be tempted beyond what we can bear He will not make us DO more than we can handle. Step by step. A scripture in the Book of Mormon in Mosiah says that "everything must be done in wisdom and order. It is not prudent that a man (or woman) run faster than he hath strength." God won't expect more of you than you can give. Don't be afraid of sacrifice for when we sacrifice we always get something more valuable than what we sacrificed. We don't decide when but it always works. I hope that makes sense??

Honestly, I am a perfectionist too and I respect what you have said. I have ran into lots that feel like you do. Read the scripture again

• Mosiah 4: 27

  27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and aorder; for it is not requisite that a man should run bfaster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

and remember that God doesn't expect you to change who you are in an instant. This is a lifelong journey. The bible says that even Christ learned and grew "line upon line, precept upon precept." It sounds simple but he just wants our best effort. (This doesn't mean we can "halfway try" either but only we can decide what is our best)

God knows how much we struggle and work. He has set aside a day of the week to come unto Him in reverence and prayer. It is a day of spiritual, mental, and PHYSICAL recharging and strengthening. Living this commandment to the fullest will not just bless you but your whole family. I can promise you that.

When you decide to be baptized you will also receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost.

Have you been taught by the missionaries about this?

The Holy Ghost, or "The Spirit," as he is often called is there to give us that comfort when we need it. He can help you get what you get out of your alone time maybe. I know I have been comforted many times in my life. I can remember being comforted today even now that I think about it.

Last, your not alone. The members are there to support you. Many have similar experiences. You can talk to the bishop of the ward. He will be happy to guide/assist you where he can. Don't be afraid to talk to him. Its more common than you think to talk to him.

Everything will fall into place. God has designed the test of this life that way so it must be a step of faith for all. You can never know how this is true for you personally until you try it. Meanwhile we are happy to support and encourage you! I look up to people like you who are honest enough to express how you feel.

Good luck!

[Guest]

Hello Everyone,

I am new. I'm a mom of 6, aged 9-21. I am not LDS but have been involved with a great deal of members in my community as their children have grown up along side of mine. My two eldest daughters are now LDS.

Here is my problem. I've always felt drawn to the mormon church. I've always felt comfortable with the religion and the people.

Here comes the selfish part......I am a very busy person. I'm a mom. I'm an elementary school principal. I also tend to really enjoy my "alone" time as my life is so full and busy in so many other areas.

Have any of you ever felt hesitant to commit to something because you just don't want to take on anything more? I know that I should NOT feel that way when the Lord is involved. But, I'm being honest....I do. I have my own spiritual relationship with God yet I know that I'm not doing enough.

I'm torn.

Like you, I'm a very busy person. I'm a wife and a mother of 2 kids under 10 years of age, a full-time homemaker, a full-time programmer, in graduate school for 6 credits per semester, I am an assistant soccer coach, a Primary teacher, a music conductor, an avid reader, a weekly movie goer, and the caretaker of a dog, 2 turtles, a multitude of fish, African soft fur rats, and 7 snakes. And I'm a Mormon.

If I can do it - you can too!

[Guest mormonmusic]

I was like Anatess a while ago except without the affinity for animals...busy as blazes, and I got burned out from it after doing it for several years.

I think it's wise to NOT take on more that you can handle. After the period of burnout, my performance suffered on even basic tasks for a while, after this huge period of achievement. And now my job has been affected and attitudes of senior managers toward me. It's terrible.

I've now become rather militant about how much extra stuff I'll take on. Just because I'm a member of the church doesn't mean I have to volunteer for every single service opportunity that comes along --even if the leaders in the Ward are adamant that "everyone should do it". That boundary on my time is part of what's keeping me going to Church during this difficult post-stress period in my life.

But I have also fed my desire to be of service to others, but am now doing so only when I really feel like I WANT to -- and often, it's anonymous and arms length, like when I took my children out to a place in our community that needed some work, and we just did it without asking anyone and without anyone knowing it was us.

So, I agree -- you have to be careful and put a hedge around your life and your time, and make sure you get that time your need for self-renewal, reflection, and also, have only enough extras in your life for you to do them well and sustainably....that's my new attitude for now. Until I get a whim and change it again....life is not static.

[Guest]

I was like Anatess a while ago except without the affinity for animals...busy as blazes, and I got burned out from it after doing it for several years.

I think it's wise to NOT take on more that you can handle. After the period of burnout, my performance suffered on even basic tasks for a while, after this huge period of achievement. And now my job has been affected and attitudes of senior managers toward me. It's terrible.

I've now become rather militant about how much extra stuff I'll take on. Just because I'm a member of the church doesn't mean I have to volunteer for every single service opportunity that comes along --even if the leaders in the Ward are adamant that "everyone should do it". That boundary on my time is part of what's keeping me going to Church during this difficult post-stress period in my life.

But I have also fed my desire to be of service to others, but am now doing so only when I really feel like I WANT to -- and often, it's anonymous and arms length, like when I took my children out to a place in our community that needed some work, and we just did it without asking anyone and without anyone knowing it was us.

So, I agree -- you have to be careful and put a hedge around your life and your time, and make sure you get that time your need for self-renewal, reflection, and also, have only enough extras in your life for you to do them well and sustainably....that's my new attitude for now. Until I get a whim and change it again....life is not static.

I do those things because I WANT to, not because I HAVE to. Therein lies the difference.

Church callings is not something you do "when you have time". Church is part of that central force that drives everything you do, so you "make the time". Self-renewal and reflection is all but part of that thing we call Church. Church is not part of that thing called "extra". Going to the movies? Yeah, that's extra. Watching TV? Yeah, that's extra. Yet, when we are given the opportunity to serve we say No, I'm too busy. But, it seems like we are never too busy to sit down and watch TV... or post random stuff on the internet.

[openyourmind]

Anatess,

That may work well for you but that doesn't mean it works well for everyone.

[pam]

What happened to "all in moderation."

Sometimes you just have to say no.

[Blackmarch]

Hello Everyone,

I am new. I'm a mom of 6, aged 9-21. I am not LDS but have been involved with a great deal of members in my community as their children have grown up along side of mine. My two eldest daughters are now LDS.

Here is my problem. I've always felt drawn to the mormon church. I've always felt comfortable with the religion and the people.

Here comes the selfish part......I am a very busy person. I'm a mom. I'm an elementary school principal. I also tend to really enjoy my "alone" time as my life is so full and busy in so many other areas.

Have any of you ever felt hesitant to commit to something because you just don't want to take on anything more? I know that I should NOT feel that way when the Lord is involved. But, I'm being honest....I do. I have my own spiritual relationship with God yet I know that I'm not doing enough.

I'm torn.

hehe sounds like you just need to be baptised, you'd fit right in with the rest of us:P

God will always try to draw us out of our comfortable zones- whether it's time, self esteem, skill, obedience and/or social aspects- it will always seem to be a huge if not insurmountable obstacle to us... but when we trust the lord (pray, pray a lot for it) n whatever matter and take that leap of faith, you will be surprised at how much you will accomplish with it and how much you will be blessed by the Lord for making that sacrifice.

I'd wager that everyone here has been through that trial on multiple occasions... for me it's never easy.