Let's Count Our Blessings

[Churchmouse]

Regardless of how bad we think things are in our lives, there is always someone going through much worse.

Last Saturday there was a fire in a mobile home in rural Scioto County, Ohio. It was started by a kerosene heater the family was using to keep warm. Three of their five children died in the fire. All three were under 4 years old.

Yesterday, the grandparents were on the way to help their daughter plan the funerals. While driving through Picaway County, Ohio a SUV went left of center and hit them head-on. Both grandparents were killed.

If you are feeling down this Christmas, why not say a prayer for this family and then count your blessings.

[miztrniceguy]

I cannot count them. I would never get anything else done. I have too many to count.

[slamjet]

Regardless of how bad we think things are in our lives, there is always someone going through much worse.

I always hate it when someone brings out this line. I always answer back that I'm not someone else to me, and that I have real problems and I have my own tolerance as to what is an issue vs a catastrophe. I find it a useless gesture to compare ourselves to someone else. It's almost an exercise in pride.

I count my blessings by being aware of what the Lord has so generously provided for me. Not by comparing my trials with someone else and judging to what degree it's better or worse.

[Dravin]

I always hate it when someone brings out this line. I always answer back that I'm not someone else to me, and that I have real problems and I have my own tolerance as to what is an issue vs a catastrophe. I find it a useless gesture to compare ourselves to someone else. It's almost an exercise in pride.

I count my blessings by being aware of what the Lord has so generously provided for me. Not by comparing my trials with someone else and judging to what degree it's better or worse.

I tend to start rolling my eyes at the "Their life sucks so bad, buck up because someone's life sucks worse than yours!" glurge people sometimes use. I'm always tempted to respond with a story about someone who's life (by all appearances) is going a lot better than mine.

Edited December 22, 2010 by Dravin

[Churchmouse]

Such compassion. It just occured to me why I haven't been here for nearly a year.

[Bini]

I agree with what Slamjet/Dravin and Churchmouse have said. I'm not out there "comparing" myself to others, as far as, their life sucks and mine is so much better. But I can't turn a blind eye to someone who is much less fortunate than myself and not be appreciative of what I have. And yes, my own trials are valid and no one has the right to tell me they're not as serious or as "real" as another.

I'm thankful for living in America. I have lived in many countries and I'm amazed at the real freedoms we do have here and are able to exercise to vast degrees. I'm thankful for finding this site and making my own strides to returning to the one and only true Church. I'm thankful for my family and friends that put up with my stinky attitude from time to time. I have so many blessings, there is no possible way for me to account for all of them.

[Backroads]

Regardless of how bad we think things are in our lives, there is always someone going through much worse.

Here's my view on this: I agree, there is always someone that has it worse. Does that mean I don't have the right to feel pain? If we went by that logic, no one would have the right to feel pain for the trials they experience because no matter what someone will have it worse... which leads us to Christ, who suffered for all our pains so that we could feel that very pain yet be able to seek comfort through the Atonement. All our pain is real; the price has been paid, but that doesn't mean we don't feel it. And I think we should.

And, as Churchmouse said, we should step beyond our own pain and suffering and help others. We can't just wallow in it.

This year, my district decided not to renew the teaching contracts of many of its third-year teachers. After that, I met a wonderful guy to whom I am currently engaged and just might marry if everything points in that direction. If nothing else, meeting him was a blessing.

This past summer, the day I was hit by a wave of depression that I would never ever find another job, the BSA, for whom I have been working for in various ways for six years, offered me a part-time position. That very afternoon after a morning of crying. A position completely out of the blue. Three weeks later, another position in the office opened--full-time with benefits. Not nearly as much as I was making as a teacher (a sad thing to say ) but I'm getting by, I have something to do to keep myself busy, and it's less stressful than teaching.

I have the most incredible sisters anyone can ask for.

I have a cute kitty.

Nothing physically bad has happened to me.

I'm this close to publishing my manuscript.

I've renewed my testimonty (partially thanks to the help from this site).

So, , everything is working out.

[Dravin]

Such compassion. It just occured to me why I haven't been here for nearly a year.

You mean the compassion of comforting oneself with the knowledge that my life doesn't suck as much as someone else's? I wasn't aware that looking down on other's life situations to lift one's self up was compassion. Thanks for the heads up.

[Backroads]

You mean the compassion of comforting oneself with the knowledge that my life doesn't suck as much as someone else's? I wasn't aware that looking down on other's life situations to lift one's self up was compassion. Thanks for the heads up.

I will say that's probably not what was meant.

[slamjet]

I will say that's probably not what was meant.

Then what was meant? I mean how does seeing that someone else life situation is worse than ones own so don't feel so bad = compassion? It doesn't add up.

[pam]

I was sitting here thinking about this and I think I can see the point of what Churchmouse was getting at.

For example. I can feel compassion for someone going through the extreme trials of cancer and at the same time count my own relatively good health as a blessing. Which I think may be more of what Churchmouse is getting at.

We all have struggles in our life. What might seem extreme to one wouldn't to another. Yet it's real to the one experiencing it. As in the case in the OP, I hope I never have to go through what this family is enduring. I think it would be more than I could bear. But at the same time, I count my blessings that I still have all of my children alive and well.

Edited December 23, 2010 by pam

[Dravin]

I will say that's probably not what was meant.

Since I doubt he was responding to miztrniceguy that leaves both me and Slamjet's comments as to what she was responding to. Both of us commented on using glurge about someone's life as a motivator to get other's to feel better about their own to be an annoying tactic. I suppose it's possible he's making some sort of comment on how the thread isn't chock full of, "Oh, how sad!" responses but I find that doubtful, but even so that's hardly, if any, better as a comment. I suppose if Churchmouse pops back in that can clarify the intent of their comment and just what exactly they were responding to.

Edited December 23, 2010 by Dravin

[Dravin]

I was sitting here thinking about this and I think I can see the point of what Churchmouse was getting at.

For example. I can feel compassion for someone going through the extreme trials of cancer and at the same time count my own relatively good health as a blessing. Which I think may be more of what Churchmouse is getting at.

Oh for certain I don't think feeling grateful about ones own life because you see your trials are apparently lighter than another's and feeling compassion for them because of their burdens are mutually exclusive. I do take issue with it being implied to be inherently inclusive, that if one has compassion one will feel better about one's own life because of the trials of another.

Glurge just annoys me, and particularly as a ploy of emotional blackmail. Far better to just encourage other's to see that there is light in their life then to use another's life as show and tell to try to make people feel better with the threat of the implication of being ungrateful. Particularly because if someone is feeling very down it is really easy to see that if we can use other's perceived trials to make us feel better we can also use other's perceived lack of trials to make us feel worse.

That and it often comes across as dismissive oneupmanship (even when not meant that way). Oh you lost your house in a fire and broke your leg jumping out the second story window? Bo hoo, Fred has burns over 10% of his body, broke both legs, compound fractures, and lost his kid. It's like telling a child who lost their kitten to cheer up because at least he's not experiencing the holocaust. That there may be worse pain to feel out there does not eliminate the pain that is being felt by the individual at the moment. I do note that sometimes it can be useful when someone is wallowing in self pity (as opposed to pain) but has to be used very carefully and with an abundance of compassion and judgement else you fall back into dismissive oneupmanship.

Edited December 23, 2010 by Dravin

[pam]

I am not disagreeing with you at all.

I'm just saying, I'm not sure that was the intent of the OP. Hard to tell intent here sometimes. If that wasn't his intent, the comments that followed were a bit harsh . If the comparison really was to be..Look at this family..their life sucks and we should count our blessings..then the comments were spot on.

[slamjet]

But hey, I learned a new word "Glurge."

Ok, I've come to see how my original comment was harsh. I have trouble tempering what I say because I'm not talented that way. But I am working on, and getting a bit better at being tactful.

[pam]

LOL I learned that word too. I've never heard it before.

Believe me I have to watch what I say most of the time. I'm trying to do better on it myself.

[Dravin]

It should be noted I'm playing a little fast and loose with the definition. It usually applies to happy stories and I'm kinda using it to classify heavily emotional stories with moral lessons whether happy or sad.

Edited December 23, 2010 by Dravin

[slamjet]

It should be noted I'm playing a little fast and loose with the definition. It usually applies to happy stores and I'm kinda using it to classify heavily emotional stories with moral lessons whether happy or sad.

Whatever, it's fun to say it. "GLURGE" *giggle*

[pam]

Well no wonder I don't know the word glurge. If it applies to happy stores that explains it. Not being your typical female (I hate any kind of shopping with a passion) there are no happy stores for me. :)

[Backroads]

Then what was meant? I mean how does seeing that someone else life situation is worse than ones own so don't feel so bad = compassion? It doesn't add up.

Correct me I'm wrong, but here's how I interpreted it.

Churchmouse came in and said this is a time to think of those who are less fortunate. Then everyone seemed to interpret that as "Hey you're saying I should use others misfortunes to make myself feel better" when it seemed to me Churchmouse's focus was on feeling compassion for others while counting our own blessings--putting others before ourselves.

To me, it seemed everyone then started whining about how other's trials weren't necessarily worse and seemed to miss out on just having general compassion for others. Everyone started ripping apart the original post. I imagine Churchmouse was asking for compassion on those who were less fortunate. I can't find any evidence that a pity party or on the flip side mocking those who were less fortunate was expected. The "compassion please" post did not come until after the ripping apart of the original post.

If you would like, I can pick up the specific phrases that gave me this interpretation.

Edited December 23, 2010 by Backroads

[slamjet]

If you would like, I can pick up the specific phrases that gave me this interpretation.

By all means, shoot.

[Backroads]

Regardless of how bad we think things are in our lives, there is always someone going through much worse.

Last Saturday there was a fire in a mobile home in rural Scioto County, Ohio. It was started by a kerosene heater the family was using to keep warm. Three of their five children died in the fire. All three were under 4 years old.

Yesterday, the grandparents were on the way to help their daughter plan the funerals. While driving through Picaway County, Ohio a SUV went left of center and hit them head-on. Both grandparents were killed.

If you are feeling down this Christmas, why not say a prayer for this family and then count your blessings.

In this, there is no mention of "feel better because this family suffered". A family's tragedy was mentioned--I'm gossipy enough that I like mentioning newsworthy tragedies. Rather, instead of "feel better because they suffered" it was "feel better by saying a prayer for someone else and then feel better by thinking of your blessings." I see no word connections to the contrary. It's a fact that someone else has it worse off in many ways; I see no reason to argue that because I"m constantly "wow, glad that's not me".

The next two posts were:

I always hate it when someone brings out this line. I always answer back that I'm not someone else to me, and that I have real problems and I have my own tolerance as to what is an issue vs a catastrophe. I find it a useless gesture to compare ourselves to someone else. It's almost an exercise in pride.

I tend to start rolling my eyes at the "Their life sucks so bad, buck up because someone's life sucks worse than yours!" glurge people sometimes use. I'm always tempted to respond with a story about someone who's life (by all appearances) is going a lot better than mine.

Followed by the post asking for compassion. Immediately after.

From my interpretation there was merely "say a prayer for someone else" (always a good thing) followed by "I hate comparing myself with others" (with which I agree) rather than any example of showing compassion for others, which I believe is what Churchmouse was looking for.

[Dravin]

In this, there is no mention of "feel better because this family suffered".

The opening line can easily be interpreted that way though with a more neutral phrasing of, "No matter how badly we are feeling about our own lives there are others going through worse." Which is then followed by a particularly... looking for the word... strong example. Not people who's Christmas dinner will be Mac and Cheese, or people with loved ones away but something involving people burning alive (presumably) and the deaths of people coming to offer aid. The strong example concludes with count your blessings and a reference to the family which can easily be seen as a call for comparison (and an insinuation if you aren't now, after hearing the horror story, feeling life is good you are ungrateful).

I don't know if that's what slamjet was reacting to with his post, but that combined with his post is what made me broach the subject in agreement with his sentiments.

Something like: Remember the reason for the season, Christ, he who gave the greatest gift of all. If you are feeling down do some compassionate service for those who can use it, even if just to offer up prayers on behalf of those who can use them and remember that there are blessings in your life, you just need to think after them.

Probably wouldn't have triggered the same response I imagine. May I safety assume that my "Something like:" is a fair summation of how you are reading the OP?

Edited December 23, 2010 by Dravin

[Backroads]

The opening line can easily be interpreted that way though with a more neutral phrasing of, "No matter how badly we are feeling about our own lives there are others going through worse." Which is then followed by a particularly... looking for the word... strong example. Not people who's Christmas dinner will be Mac and Cheese, or people with loved ones away but something involving people burning alive (presumably) and the deaths of people coming to offer aid. The strong example concludes with count your blessings and a reference to the family which can easily be seen as a call for comparison (and an insinuation if you aren't now, after hearing the horror story, feeling life is good you are ungrateful).

I don't know if that's what slamjet was reacting to with his post, but that combined with his post is what made me broach the subject in agreement with his sentiments.

Something like: Remember the reason for the season, Christ, he who gave the greatest gift of all. If you are feeling down do some compassionate service for those who can use it, even if just to offer up prayers on behalf of those who can use them and remember that there are blessings in your life, you just need to think after them.

Probably wouldn't have triggered the same response I imagine. May I safety assume that my "Something like:" is a fair summation of how you are reading the OP?

Indeed it was how I interpreted it. Thank-you. And I understand how it could have been interpreted another way. I just wanted to point out what I saw.

[slamjet]

Well, I get what you're saying Back and I did not read any of what you saw into the OP. However, with your explanation, I can see where that was the intent. And if you are correct, then I owe an apology for jumping so hard and soon.

The problem is in the wording of the OP. It left little room to see the intent any other way.