coed sleepovers?

[Soulsearcher]

I'll also add that one of the other reasons that the guys being gay doesn't help is that some women of varying ages consider them a non-threatening challenge. Either they like the idea of trying to "convert" them or that if they do cross lines it doesn't count cause he's gay. As silly as this sounds i've seen it happen. I've seen the same happen with girls that want to try and bed missionaries out in the field. They like the challenge. Just cause it seems safe doesn't mean all parties are all on the level.

[HEthePrimate]

Co-ed sleepover? Your place or mine?

[IAmTheWork]

Eek. I just looked up the definition of 'co-ed', so I guess my previous answer shouldn't apply. I thought we were discussing young teens, and my reference to them sneaking off for sex was in regard to later teens, if they've been constantly mistrusted, etc. (That happened a few times in my past ward).

As to the gay question lizzy16; good point. But you probably wouldn't know I guess, as being gay or bisexual isn't something a young person would shout about in the church, is it? Well, not unless they were about to leave.

[Backroads]

I wouldn't say appropriate or in appropriate. I know some general authorities who advise that ANY sleepovers are inappropriate.

I've been to a few growing up. Nothing happened in mine. They were sort of incidents where we stayed up far too late playing Dungeons and Dragons (yes, I am a nerd) and then sort of fell asleep in the same room. And yes, it was planned as a sleepover and my dad dropped me off. HOwever, one in particular, I remember my dad taking me over right after we had the missionaries over for dinner and my mom jokingly gave me crap about it right in front of them.

Then again, I had two good childhood friends who wound up bringing their baby to prom because of a co-ed sleepover. (Good news: They have been sealed in the temple, have three more kids, and are very active in their ward).

At Boy Scout camp, we had strict policies about girls and guys in the same sleeping quarters. Because of so many summers of this, even now I'm naturally against it. The BSA has brainwashed me that way.

Really, it depends on the kids involved. If kids want sex, they will find a way. I don't think a co-ed sleepover is necessarily bad.

[pam]

Let's see what the CHI says about youth activities overnight.

Overnight activities for combined groups of young men and young women or for combined groups of male and female single adults are not authorized unless approved by the stake president and bishop. Such activities are only rarely held, such as for a youth conference or temple visit.

On overnight activities, leaders arrange sleeping accommodations so that male and female participants do not sleep in immediate proximity to each other. Male and female leaders must have separate sleeping facilities. Married couples may share the same quarters if appropriate facilities are available.

When staying in tents, youth may not stay in the same tent as an adult unless (1) the adult is his or her parent or guardian or (2) there are at least two adults in the tent who are the same gender as the youth.

If adult leaders and youth share other overnight facilities, such as a cabin, there must be at least two adults in the facility, and they must be the same gender as the youth.

All overnight activities must include at least two adult leaders.

A sufficient number of adult priesthood leaders must be present at all times during overnight activities to provide support and protection. In the case of Young Women activities, priesthood leaders must stay in facilities separate from the young women.

Whether it be a church activities or a personal activities these are good guidelines to follow. Why should our standards drop away from Church?

[IAmTheWork]

Cuddling on a date might be appropriate in moderation, but group cuddling in a sleepover context is far from appropriate behavior.

Yep, for co-eds I'd agree, now I know what a co-ed is! For kids though, not at all inappropriate, depending upon their age of course. (I'm thinking well before dating age).

[Wingnut]

As to the gay question lizzy16; good point. But you probably wouldn't know I guess, as being gay or bisexual isn't something a young person would shout about in the church, is it?

Lizzy didn't say anything about the church. She actually lives in an area with a relatively low LDS population.

[IAmTheWork]

Lizzy didn't say anything about the church. She actually lives in an area with a relatively low LDS population.

Ah, thanks Wingnut. By 'you' in the wouldn't know sentence, I meant plural, as in 'we'. Maybe I should have said that.

[rameumptom]

We are told to avoid the appearance of evil. Co-ed events, unless carefully supervised, can lead to some serious problems.

You'll note that during Youth Conferences, boys and girls are completely separate during sleeping hours. Even on campouts, boys and girls are in separate sleeping areas, each with an adult to supervise.

The reality is, the logic/thinking part of the brain does not become complete until about 22 years of age. Kids may enter into an event innocently, but hormones and peer pressure can quickly turn a good event into a tragedy.

There is a reason why the Church tells teens: no dating until 16, and then you shouldn't steady date.

If we say "yes" as others have suggested, we are only asking to increase the risk for kids that cannot think for themselves under peer pressure. Should we allow a car full of girls to drive anywhere they want, with cell phones on, and all talking away? We shouldn't but it is a very common event that leads to a lot of teen deaths. And to place kids into an unsupervised (or not very well supervised) situation is just asking for trouble.

And it doesn't matter if the boys are gay, because then you have another problem regarding sexual relationships to deal with. While there may not be risk of pregnancy, homosexual sex still is the major reason for HIV/AIDS infection.

[IAmTheWork]

And it doesn't matter if the boys are gay, because then you have another problem regarding sexual relationships to deal with.

In co-ed age sleep-overs, well any where youngsters are sexually mature, how would anyone know if two gay guys or girls were quietly 'getting it on'..?

[Wingnut]

In co-ed age sleep-overs, well any where youngsters are sexually mature, how would anyone know if two gay guys or girls were quietly 'getting it on'..?

What do you mean by "co-ed age"? Co-ed means male and female together. There's no age restriction.

[IAmTheWork]

Ah, apologies for being British. :) I Googled co-ed, and all the results said college age. Mind you, it occurs to me that I don't know what you folks call 'college'. In the UK, college is after school years, usually from 17 to 18 onward.

[Wingnut]

Used alone, the term "co-ed" often refers to a female college student. This is slang.

A reference to a co-ed activity or event refers to an activity or event at which both males and females participate.

I get the confusion now, though.

[Mahone]

Ah, apologies for being British. :) I Googled co-ed, and all the results said college age. Mind you, it occurs to me that I don't know what you folks call 'college'. In the UK, college is after school years, usually from 17 to 18 onward.

I was similarly confused after I did the same thing.

[lizzy16]

Well, sorry for the confusion.

And wings right. I wasn't referring to my member friends when I brought this subject up.

[gonefishing8888]

What do you think of Co ed sleepovers?

I'm agreeing with those who are saying 'inappropriate.'

It's a parent's job to say 'no.' That's one very major way of instilling values and morals. "Yes, but" just puts parents and kids on the same level, and has those parents impotent and bargaining with their own kids for authority and control.

Inappropriate.

[Guest DeborahC]

I think sleepovers are fun! I remember having them as a child and one of my favorites was making a clothesline tent with my cousin (also female) and sleeping out under the stars.

But I think "coed" sleepovers can be thin ice, no matter the age of the person. I came home from work one day and my babysitter had caught my 2 year old son and a neighbor girl "playing doctor." I think the curiousity about the opposite sex is natural and innnocent at that age. But ... in order to protect them from inappropriate behavior, why tempt fate?

On the other hand, I liked Wingnut's answer. When you shout "no!" at something, you just get more of it. Instead, you need to provide appropriate alternatives, I believe. I'm not saying negotiate with a 3 year old... they need to know to STOP when you yell stop, because you can see the train that's coming behind the bend that they are too young to see. But a teen is trying to find their identity. They are going to test the waters, with or without your support. So it's to your advantage to be on their side in their eyes, or they WILL rebel nine times out of ten.

We live in a world where children have learned to be in control of their parents, and the law supports their efforts! It's really messed up, to me.

I reared 3 sons, and my M.O. was to never say no until I had really thought it over. Often, out of fear of the world, we shout "no!" before we really think. Teens need to LEARN to use the responsibility we've taught them. We've made it impossible by our child protective laws, etc. Kids used to be anxious to get a job the minute they could. I worked at a packing house at age 13. I drove the family car to work (no license) but we lived in the country. Today, children are not allowed to really hold a job until they are 16 and sometimes 18, as though that's the magic age they'll wake up and suddenly be responsible.

If my children were not asking to do something that would hurt them or another person, my answer was almost always yes. The times I did say no, they knew I meant it!

I also believed (and still do) in corporal punishment. For example, many children act up in church, only to be taken out to play. When MY children acted up, they were taken outside, given a REAL spanking, and then as soon as the crying stopped, were ushered back into their seats. It only took once or twice and they figured out they WERE going to church and they WERE going to be quiet!

As a result, I had a lot of friends asking me, "Why are your children so well-behaved?" Three little boys would sit very quietly and respectfully through Sacrament... no problem..

Now I'm not saying my way is the only way.. but it worked for me. And my point is, I didn't just give them whatever they wanted all the time.

But I did choose my battles.

[Gramajane]

We took our 5 kids out if they were noisy-

BUT not to play--

We (one of us) would take them to a dark (do not turn on the light, and no windows is best!)

room, sit on a hard chair, and have the child sit on a hard cold chair too, with no talking etc.

If they didn't sit on the chair, then they were held on the lap, with no snugglies, but "blank"

WHEN they were sitting quiet, (bored to death, nothing to even see!- no paper and pencils etc!)

THEN we would tell them how pleased we were to get to go back and join the family and enjoy the meeting. and our kids did great!

-- We also learned to love "Love and Logic" parenting (see on the web)

where you let THEM make as many choices (among SAFE things) while they are young,

so they learn to think for themselves --

but also we would give some facts.

LIKE-- the reason WE stopped with ANY sleepovers

(unless visiting family who would have to stay in a hotel otherwise, but still at our home we all have our own beds or sleeping bags! and supervision for kids :)

was because we understand that MOST inappropriate interaction happened at sleepovers!

that is NOT saying every sleepover MAKES for inapprorpate interaction,

but it is a fact that is WHEN most happened--

so you reduce the risks.

If they are sleeping they aren't interacting anyway

and we know that lack of sleep lowers our inhibitions and deadens our thinking processes

so-- why in the world put the kids together then??

-- so let them get together, and stay up a BIT later,

but with supervision and with a go home time

but certainly not all coed sleepovers !

[Wingnut]

On the other hand, I liked Wingnut's answer. When you shout "no!" at something, you just get more of it. Instead, you need to provide appropriate alternatives, I believe. I'm not saying negotiate with a 3 year old... they need to know to STOP when you yell stop, because you can see the train that's coming behind the bend that they are too young to see. But a teen is trying to find their identity. They are going to test the waters, with or without your support. So it's to your advantage to be on their side in their eyes, or they WILL rebel nine times out of ten.

It's worth noting that in my case, with my friends in high school, it was us as a group of friends who came up with the idea of separate sleeping arrangements for an otherwise-overnight activity. The idea was presented first to the parents of those who would be hosting, then the rest of our parents. My parents, who were probably the most strict of all my friends' (my mom gave me a curfew of 11pm on prom night), didn't even bat an eye. I think it's a good example of our parents having taught us correct principles, and we appropriately governed ourselves.

[JohnnyRudick]

. . . We live in a world where children have learned to be in control of their parents, and the law supports their efforts! It's really messed up, to me. . .

I believe we today live in a world where most children

have a very hard time with the word "no".

That includes many adults as well.

We now have a growing population that explodes

every time they are told "no".

Wonder why that is:rolleyes:

[Lisa-marie]

I'm not sure about where you are from but I have found up until the age of say 17, 18... most of the "inappropriate" contact happens between that of the same gender rather than opposite gender. all co-ed sleepovers I know of have been girls in one room guys in another which has always worked out well.

admittedly all of my coed sleepovers have been with the AAC (Australian Army Cadets) were the male, female ratio is like 20:3 I still remember one of the officers on my first camp saying to the group on the 2nd night "we came here with 32 cadets, we do not want to leave with 32.5 If we catch anyone trying to make that .5 we will ring your parents and you will be taken home as soon as convenient and a possible discharge from cadets." It worked out well...

whereas I have been to all female slumber parties where pictures are taken of the girls in inappropriate contact with each other on phones and then sent to the guys...

whereas those who are forbidden from sleepovers are often neglected by their class mates... not all of these always happens, but just making sure you know possible consequences for all choices.

[Guest]

I'm not sure about where you are from but I have found up until the age of say 17, 18... most of the "inappropriate" contact happens between that of the same gender rather than opposite gender. all co-ed sleepovers I know of have been girls in one room guys in another which has always worked out well.

admittedly all of my coed sleepovers have been with the AAC (Australian Army Cadets) were the male, female ratio is like 20:3 I still remember one of the officers on my first camp saying to the group on the 2nd night "we came here with 32 cadets, we do not want to leave with 32.5 If we catch anyone trying to make that .5 we will ring your parents and you will be taken home as soon as convenient and a possible discharge from cadets." It worked out well...

whereas I have been to all female slumber parties where pictures are taken of the girls in inappropriate contact with each other on phones and then sent to the guys...

whereas those who are forbidden from sleepovers are often neglected by their class mates... not all of these always happens, but just making sure you know possible consequences for all choices.

This is sooo true! My dad took me out of an all-girls high school to a co-ed high school because there was more trouble in the all-girls high school than the co-ed one!

Sleepovers are fine if you trust all parties - including your children - completely and a trustworthy/responsible adult is supervising at all times. Co-ed or otherwise.