kids with ODD

[scdoyle]

Has anybody here had a child with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)? We have an 8 year old son who is causing a lot of problem within the family because he just absolutely refuses to follow rules. He refuses to do homework, pick up after himself, take a bath when we ask him to and numerous other things. He fights a lot with his brothers and sister and will NEVER apologize if he's hurt one of them or done something wrong. According to him nothing is his fault. What's really frustrating is that he does well in school and at church and typically does what his teachers ask. It's only at home that he acts like this. We've been taking him to LDS Family Services to meet with a therapist, but things seem to be getting worse lately. Anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with this sort of child?

[mightynancy]

I have had students with ODD; my heart goes out to you! I only have them for six hours a day (with breaks like recess and music class!).

Perhaps a different counselor would be a better fit? Not every counselor is right for every patient. What resources can the school provide? In your shoes, I think I'd approach this with the school counselor or nurse. If you have good health insurance, they may be able to provide referrals.

ODD is so difficult to deal with - many people who haven't experienced it blame the parent, blame the child, etc. It's hard to find support. Plus, mental disorders are hard because it's difficult to see where willful behavior ends and disorder begins. All my best to you.

[scdoyle]

I have had students with ODD; my heart goes out to you! I only have them for six hours a day (with breaks like recess and music class!).

Perhaps a different counselor would be a better fit? Not every counselor is right for every patient. What resources can the school provide? In your shoes, I think I'd approach this with the school counselor or nurse. If you have good health insurance, they may be able to provide referrals.

ODD is so difficult to deal with - many people who haven't experienced it blame the parent, blame the child, etc. It's hard to find support. Plus, mental disorders are hard because it's difficult to see where willful behavior ends and disorder begins. All my best to you.

Unfortunately, the school won't help much since it's not affecting him in school.

The therapist at LDS SS did mention that we may need to take him to a psychologist because his condition may beyond her scope of expertise.

[Sali]

I have a child with this. He also has severe ADHD and Frontal Lobe Syndrome. Unfortunately the ODD is the hardest to treat. If I knew what I know now, I would have had him under a Psychiatrist as soon as I could. ODD is notoriously hard to treat and the earlier a child is treated with possibly both medication and therapy, the better the outcome. ODD left untreated has a high likelihood of turning into CD (Conduct Disorder) and then later on ASD. (Anti-Social Disorder).

My heart goes out to you. I understand how it is so hard to raise a child with this condition and the chaos, heartache and stress it causes the whole family. If you need anymore help, please feel free to PM me. I wish you all the best and send you big hugs and prayers as I know you need them.

[pam]

I have a child that was diagnosed with this. The most horrible fits I've ever seen. If he didn't get his way you saw an immediate transformation come over him. He would yell and scream and cry for me to say yes..just so he could stop what he was doing.

Honestly, counseling didn't help. Perhaps it was the social worker we met with. I found the sessions a complete waste of time. What did help was medication they put him on. It calmed him, he was able to concentrate more and the fits became less.

[Gwen]

when i was doing private tutoring i worked with a child that had this diagnosis. other than that first hand experience i don't know a lot about how it comes out in others with the disorder. i was under the impression that it affects everything they do, it would be the same everywhere. so i guess my first question is why is it a problem at home and no where else? is it a correct diagnosis or is there something else going on? i may be wrong and it is possible and i just don't know enough about it so i'm just asking (don't want to be misunderstood and think i'm pointing fingers).

i have to say you have my sympathies. he was my hardest client to work with and i had kids with nearly every learning disability in the book. we had days when we didn't get anything done, he sat under the table the entire time. we talked about homework and we "mentally" did the work but nothing got physically done. his poor mom was so stressed most of the time. i probably spent as much time with her talking about what we did and reassuring her she was a great mom as i did working with him.

i found for me (i only had to deal with an hour or so a day during the week so i know it's different) staying calm was the biggest factor. if i didn't fuss or get upset that he wasn't listening. i found the more requests i made he would just do the opposite. so we spent a lot of time talking about his choices (i of course lead him toward the "right" choice) and then i let him decide what he was going to do. i don't know if i was doing things right i just followed my instinct on dealing with him. but it was working with him that i got probably the greatest compliment i've ever gotten. his counselor is the one that suggested he come to us so we saw a lot of his clients. one day his counselor calls my mom (my boss) and wanted to know what i was doing with him. he said every time they tried to talk about anything he would say "i know, i know, ms gwen says that all the time"

a very consistent schedule helped too. he had to know exactly what was going on and when and why and how and what was expected of him. i always had to tell him if i was out, who would be working with him, etc. if something came up last min he was my only client that got a personal phone call about it. it was difficult but i have nothing but good memories of him, great kid.

you have a great kid too. just have to figure out how to bring him out. hang in there.

[pam]

when i was doing private tutoring i worked with a child that had this diagnosis. other than that first hand experience i don't know a lot about how it comes out in others with the disorder. i was under the impression that it affects everything they do, it would be the same everywhere. so i guess my first question is why is it a problem at home and no where else? is it a correct diagnosis or is there something else going on? i may be wrong and it is possible and i just don't know enough about it so i'm just asking (don't want to be misunderstood and think i'm pointing fingers).

It didn't come out in school or other places for my child either. Only at home.

[Suzie]

Has anybody here had a child with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)? We have an 8 year old son who is causing a lot of problem within the family because he just absolutely refuses to follow rules. He refuses to do homework, pick up after himself, take a bath when we ask him to and numerous other things. He fights a lot with his brothers and sister and will NEVER apologize if he's hurt one of them or done something wrong. According to him nothing is his fault. What's really frustrating is that he does well in school and at church and typically does what his teachers ask. It's only at home that he acts like this. We've been taking him to LDS Family Services to meet with a therapist, but things seem to be getting worse lately. Anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with this sort of child?

Did you try medication? Brain scans came normal? Sometime ago I came across this site (don't worry about the title, they also also talk about ODD):

Images of Obsessive Compulsive Spectrum Disorders – Amen Clinics and I think it may be helpful.

[mightynancy]

If he's doing well at school, there is likely a reason. Do they believe you when you tell them of his ODD? You'd think they'd want to give you some support. I imagine their structure, techniques, choices, whatever, help him to keep it together through the school day. OR he is exercising a great deal of self-control just to get through the school day and then falls apart at home (my son was like that - he has an anxiety disorder).

I agree that a psychiatrist can be a great place to turn.

[scdoyle]

Well, we went to the see the therapist yesterday and she says it looks like a combination of ODD and OCD and suggested that we take him to see a child psychologist so we can get some meds for him. Hopefully that will do the trick because me and my wife are going out of our minds right now.

[Guest]

I have no idea what ODD is... I've never encountered it. Or if I did, I didn't realize it is ODD...

I googled ODD and learned quite interesting stuff! This one sounds like it could help you deal with it while you're still looking for help from the pros:

Solutions to Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Man, I don't know if I can survive a child with ODD... so sorry!

[Gwen]

i wonder if identifying what he is OCD about if that will help you to decrease the ODD fits. you can try to create a schedule around it to help reduce his stress and decompress the entire house.

i also suggest (was always effective with all the kids i worked with) explain his issues with him. don't do it in an excuse way so he doesn't have to try and don't do it in a "you are bad because" way. just as a fact of life. this is how your brain works and so we need to try x, y, and z to help you have a happier life. let him give ideas on what might work.

my kids all understand where their strengths and weaknesses are. when they understand it's harder for them they are more willing to work on homework longer for that subject. when my 7 yr old understands his seizures he stopped fighting when it was time to take meds. i find kids are smart, understanding what is going on gives them power in their own life, they seem to respond very well to that.

[pam]

The thing is with ODD, many of the kids realize it's happening but are powerless to stop it. If they are told no, it instantly triggers something in them that makes them just go crazy so to speak.

For the parents that is the hardest thing. Knowing that when you say no you know what the outcome will be, it's almost easier to just say yes. Just to avoid the violent fits that can sometimes occur. It was heartbreaking to have my child cry and scream and beg me to just say yes so he could stop their behavior of the moment. He knew what was happening. It wasn't until I put him on medication that we were able to work through some of these things.

Though eventually he refused to take it. After having his father tell him on the phone (hadn't seen him in 4 years at that time mind you) that he didn't think any child should be medicated. But that's another story.

So we were back to square 1. But eventually he pretty much outgrew it. He's 19 now and at times I see hints of it.