Issues With my father.. what should I do?

[Nelly]

I have recently became engaged on Christmas day. I told my mom and she was really happy,and so were others..My dad wasn't there because he was taking care of his mother because she was ill. He was out of town.

My dad finally came home about two weeks ago, and ever since he's been back he hasn't been so nice to me. He says some really harsh things, always is yelling, and always blames that I never do anything, and I'm wrong, and thinks of the worse scenarios to happen to me.

I tried to talk to him about getting married in June.. that wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't accept the fact that I want to get married. I am in school, and will be finishing school. That's what me and fiance plan to happen anyways because he knows how important it is to me.

I don't understand why he doesn't want me to get married, he's taking everything out on me like it was my fault, because I wanted to be happy. My dad isn't the happiest guy in the world, and my parents don't have much of a relationship..don't ask me why they're still together.

My sisters says the only reason why he is acting this way is because I'm his favorite, I'm the youngest of the 7 of us girls, but I feel like it isn't true by the way he keeps treating me.

Me and my fiance decided to get married in December by this year, I haven't told him that yet, because I'm too scared of his reaction. I really need advice really on how to handle this. I am an adult now, I do pay for bills, and my insurance, and other stuff..

I just feel like he doesn't want me to leave because I contribute so much to my family because he doesn't work and my Mother only has ever since I was little.

Should I go on with the marriage, or let him make me wait?

I feel like it's my choice ultimately what I want, and he is going to have to accept it sooner or later..

any thoughts? Thanks :).

[Gwen]

are there issues he's really worried about? does he think you aren't old enough? not known the guy long enough? rushing marriage? etc.

if you don't know the answers to those then i would try to talk to him about it. start with "it's obvious you aren't happy about this could you tell me why?" go from there.

if it's none of those things and he's really just being selfish then you need to focus on your life and let him deal with it.

[Wingnut]

I see two things at work:

(1) He's having issues letting his "baby" grow up. Understandable.

(2) His mother is quite ill (I assume is a pretty serious situation if he was away caring for her for several weeks, especially over Christmas). Clearly, he's stressed out about that. Also understandable.

Give him some time and space to let him get his head around the idea.

[NeuroTypical]

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Whether your dad is happy or not, getting married involves you leaving their family and starting your own. From a practical every day standpoint, you are no longer your dad's kid, you are your husband's wife. That means if you show up to visit, and your father is rude or makes life hard, or insults your spouse, you pick hubby over dad. If you get hitched, and dad has certain expectations that conflict with your husband about what you'll do and not do, be and not be, you go with your husband and tell dad no thanks.

Are you willing? Go for it. Are you too worried about pleasing dad? You probably need to mature a bit more.

[Guest DeborahC]

How old are you?

[Nelly]

I'm going to be 20 in a few months, but my fiance is a few years older.

I think you're all right.. Gwen, Wingnut, and Loudmouth_mormon. I am old enough to make my own decisions, I think my Dad doesn't want me to grow up, or he's trying to hold on to me longer.Many people believe that I need to move on, and it's time for me. All my other sisters left at 18-19..why is it different for me?

He says it's 'getting a degree' he's more concerned about, but me and my fiance already talked about me finishing school since I'll be done with my two year degree by the end of this year. We both know it's important to me, and he respects that's what I want as well, and he will make sure I get it. I think a lot of it too as Wingnut says, is the frustration of him always being with his Mom, he seems to be doing a lot better since he's not sitting at the hospital everyday since she's passed away.. but still I'm getting blamed for most any problem at this point at home if something is not done.

I've tried talking more to him about it Gwen, but it seems like he doesn't want to talk about it or tell me why he doesn't want to. There's nothing wrong with the guy, he's amazing and gets along very well with my family.

Also my dad is kind of the controlling type of person, if I keep letting him hold me back, when will he ever let me go?

I really appreciate all your advice and thoughts towards this!

[kcomstock]

How about asking your mother to talk to your dad. Then have a one on one dialogue with him when you find out what's bothering him.

[Nelly]

Thanks Kcomstock, the issues has been resolved -finally- around April/May, thank goodness. I'm getting married in December and he's more than thrilled with it, I had to stand up for myself for once, even though it's scary with my father .

Thanks everyone !

[Jennarator]

Thanks Kcomstock, the issues has been resolved -finally- around April/May, thank goodness. I'm getting married in December and he's more than thrilled with it, I had to stand up for myself for once, even though it's scary with my father .

Thanks everyone !

That is GREAT news! Congrats to you, your fiance, and all invollved.

It's a good sign that you are not "rushing things" since things are on track after a few months and looking better than ever.

[kcomstock]

Thanks Kcomstock, the issues has been resolved -finally- around April/May, thank goodness. I'm getting married in December and he's more than thrilled with it, I had to stand up for myself for once, even though it's scary with my father .

Thanks everyone !

Wow! Wedding bells come December!!!

Congratulations