Nahilolo Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 A little background: I have been invistigating the church for a while now. Looking up info online, reading a little bit of the BOM, creeping on lds.net, I still haven't gone to check out my local ward (look at me using the lingo), but I feel like that might be soon to come. One of my worries is that maybe sometime down the line if I decide to join the church I wont be seen as a desirable partner for a nice LDS man. I'm not what you would call a nice "wholesome mormon girl." I am covered with tattoos, I have crazy hair (currently have a bright red mohawk), but I worry the most about my sexual history. I was never promiscuous but I had two very long term relationships that I was sexually active in. I am about to turn 23 by the way. I have no problems following the law of chastity if I join the church. Sex is not an issue for me. My issue is that because of my past I wont be able to find a nice member to date and eventually marry and have children with. It would sadden me so much because one of the biggest things that made me interested in the church was the emphasis on family and the thing I want most in the world is to be a wife and mother. Am I totally off base with this fear? If you were a twenty-something year old guy could you overlook the tattoos and the past?Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Halo Nahilolo! That's great that you are finding comfort in the doctrines of the restored gospel! It is wonderful indeed! It's always a challenge finding a lifetime companion. There's always the desire to want to "belong" to feel "normal" and all that stuff. The Church is a beehive of differing personalities. You can see from Mormon.org how vast the differences are in the membership of the Church. But yes, avoiding tattoos and beeing chaste (among other things) are taught in the youth programs and similarly in the young single adult wards, so there would be a little challenge to overcome there. But, what you will experience is that, after that initial "first impression from physical attributes" is overcome, your personality and spirit shines through and for sure will push past that barrier. Never judge a book by its cover. That's wisdom shared by all - including LDS people. Unfortunately, human beings are not always wise... I've been reading the adventures of Drizzt Do'Urden again. And what I learned from that dark elf is that overcoming the difficulties of being "different" (in Drizzt case, the impression of his dark looks that associates him with the evil legacy of the dark elves) will require some work on the person who is "different". It is easy to take offense when people make instant judgments without digging beneath the surface, but it is better to give that extra effort to win their hearts in friendship and love despite their prejudice. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunkyTown Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 A little background: I have been invistigating the church for a while now. Looking up info online, reading a little bit of the BOM, creeping on lds.net, I still haven't gone to check out my local ward (look at me using the lingo), but I feel like that might be soon to come. One of my worries is that maybe sometime down the line if I decide to join the church I wont be seen as a desirable partner for a nice LDS man. I'm not what you would call a nice "wholesome mormon girl." I am covered with tattoos, I have crazy hair (currently have a bright red mohawk), but I worry the most about my sexual history. I was never promiscuous but I had two very long term relationships that I was sexually active in. I am about to turn 23 by the way. I have no problems following the law of chastity if I join the church. Sex is not an issue for me. My issue is that because of my past I wont be able to find a nice member to date and eventually marry and have children with. It would sadden me so much because one of the biggest things that made me interested in the church was the emphasis on family and the thing I want most in the world is to be a wife and mother. Am I totally off base with this fear? If you were a twenty-something year old guy could you overlook the tattoos and the past?ThanksI grew up listening to Lars Frederiksen, Agnostic Front, the Ramones and classic punk hardcore. I used to have a shaved head(Don't any more. Too much upkeep) and I didn't have problems dating, but I admit I didn't have any tattoos. Your mileage may vary.What you're asking could legitimately be a concern. There will be some guys who won't date you because of the way you look, but you probably recognized that before you joined the church there were some guys who wouldn't date you because of the way you look. Ultimately, I think you'll do fine. There's going to be a time when you find the person who makes you all twitterpated, who you want to come home to and who wants to come home to you. If there are bumps along the way, just know that there are bumps along the way with everyone.You are awesome. And thanks for making a post that let me use the word twitterpated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 I know a few LDS with tattoos, etc. Start where you are at, and follow the Holy Spirit's guidance. If the Lord leads you into the Church, take that leap of faith and allow him to open doors as necessary. The Spirit may guide you towards a more modest look. While you can't do a lot with the tattoos, you may be able to modify your hair, etc. I have a good friend in Alabama, who joined the Church covered in tattoos. He wore earrings and long hair, etc. As he grew spiritually, he once heard a prophet encourage the members to be modest in their appearance. He stopped wearing earrings and cut his hair short. He began dressing in white shirts and ties. This isn't because he felt compelled by the membership to do it, but because he was spiritually in tune and felt that this is what the Lord wanted him to do. Be patient and exercise faith in God. He will prepare all things, including a wonderful relationship for you, as you grow and prepare spiritually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nahilolo Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks for the feedback so far everyone! I really appreciate it! I don't mean to be annoying but no one has commented on my bigger issue of being sexually active. Would a guy be freaked out at the fact that I have had two long term sexual partners? I know the law of chastity says you should wait until you are married to have sex, so would a mormon guy have a problem marrying a girl who has had sex before she became a member? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 You will find a wide spectrum of responses to your past from potential partners. Some might struggle with it (and perhaps even be judgmental). Others would completely understand. Not everyone you will meet has been a life-long member. There are other converts that understand and are not so naive as to the realities of life and past experiences. There are also divorced men who have been in relationships with cold and inexperienced women who could see your self-knowledge as reassuring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseTheSun Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Keep the faith. I know when I joined, I was assured that my baptism/confirmation washed away any past sins, and they certainly included more scandals than a couple of "long term sexual partners". The issue is how you live now. There would be lots of lonely converts if that wasn't true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks for the feedback so far everyone! I really appreciate it! I don't mean to be annoying but no one has commented on my bigger issue of being sexually active. Would a guy be freaked out at the fact that I have had two long term sexual partners? I know the law of chastity says you should wait until you are married to have sex, so would a mormon guy have a problem marrying a girl who has had sex before she became a member?Some will, some won't. We may be LDS, but we're also human... raging hormones affect our youth just as much as everyone else. Therefore, there are those who understand and accept that stuff.Just like you might have to understand and accept that your future husband could be some virgin guy who has no idea what to do in intimate situations and would more than likely be super awkward or scared that he won't be able to satisfy you because of your "vast" experience... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the feedback so far everyone! I really appreciate it! I don't mean to be annoying but no one has commented on my bigger issue of being sexually active. Would a guy be freaked out at the fact that I have had two long term sexual partners? I know the law of chastity says you should wait until you are married to have sex, so would a mormon guy have a problem marrying a girl who has had sex before she became a member? Some men may have an issue with it, some won't. But the same is true outside the Church to a lesser degree. As an Adult convert myself I had a past sexual history and so did my convert wife (and not with each other). We were both single when we joined the Church, then met and got married after becoming members. The good news is that there are more Converts worldwide than there are lifetime members currently.I'd have more trouble with a bright red Mohawk than a past sexual history -- but thats me Edited February 28, 2011 by mnn727 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 For the most spiritual, they will realize that as long as you have sufficiently repented of your past, it is in the past. You are more than just a couple experiences that occurred prior to your gaining a testimony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nahilolo Posted March 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thank you again everyone for all of your kind words. You have no idea how much this has been on my mind. I really want to visit my local ward to check it out, but I have this fear that I am going to stand out like the girl with the scarlett letter... or maybe girl with the scarlett hair. You have really put me at ease. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl62 Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 I'm just curious, but what are your tattoos? The reason I'm asking is because some may end up making some nice conversation pieces. My girlfriend has 3 butterfly tatoos that not only does she absolutely love, but just about everybody who comes in contact with her and sees them is always making a comment to her about how beautiful they are. Grocery stores, movie theaters, etc. She has absolutely no regrets whatsoever about having them because to her they represent the most harmless creature on earth and that's how she likes to depict herself. She's actually thinking about getting a 4th one! If someone is going to snub and judge you over superficial things like looks and tatoos and not get to know the beautiful person that you may be inside, then why would you want to have a person like that in your life anyhow? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dekylo Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Yes, you will most likely stand out but that may not be a bad thing. It may actually make it easier for members to approach you. Recognizing you as someone they haven't seen may make it easier for them to ask if you're new, whereas they may hesitate to ask someone who doesn't stand out as much if they're new due to the potential embarrassment of finding out the person has been in the ward for years. As for your past, that all depends on the attitude of the individual single men. I grew up about as traditional Mormon as possible, yet I was engaged for a time to a woman who had a child from a previous relationship. Though we ultimately didn't end up getting married, the fact she had had a sexual relationship earlier played no role in the decision to break the engagement. All of us come to a point in our spiritual progress where we have to step into the unknown in order to go forward. It can be scary but if you trust the Lord he won't let you down. I hope all goes well for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nahilolo Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Carl62: I have 7 tattoos so far. Pink Bows on the backs of my calves (they look like the bows on the tops of presents) they symbolize what a gift my legs are since I had a horrible knee surgery 2 years ago that left me bed ridden for about 4 months. Pink scissors on my right forearm because I'm a hairstylist. I also have another hair themed tattoo taking up the whole top part of my right arm. I have a set of cherries on my shoulders and finally a tribal heart on my lower back. The only thing shocking about them is how big they are. I love them because they are how I express myself. I dont wear jewelry or flashy clothes. I just have tattoos and crazy hair, other than that I am a very traditional wholesome person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 You're a hairdresser! Then yeah, man, you can have scarlet hair, purple hair, orange hair, spiked up even and everybody would be like, yeah! She's a hairdresser! No problem at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMinja Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) My own two cents- The past is the past and people are people. Everyone makes mistakes, some judge others based on those mistakes and others are more accepting and forgiving. One important thing to note though- Even if some of the members are judgemental and give you a hard time about your appearance and past, we are taught that one cannot sin against knowledge they do not have. If you were not brought up to believe that pre-marital sex, tattoos, and crazy hair is bad, who can blame you for having them? In the Book of Mormon, there is a point where a prophet is speaking about the Lamanites. Many of the Nephites had become prejudiced against the Lamanites and judged them for their "sins". However, it was pointed out that those "sinning" Lamanites would be better off than the Nephites, because the Lamanites did not have the knowledge of the gospel, and their actions were therefore not as serious as the Nephites prejudices. You are considered in the same light as those Lamanites. What you have done will not affect your future spiritual progression should you decide to join the church, as long as you recognize the need to now change those behaviors and live a chaste life- which you already said you have no problem with. Good on you, and woe to anyone who judges you for your past. Edited March 4, 2011 by JudoMinja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackmarch Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 A little background: I have been invistigating the church for a while now. Looking up info online, reading a little bit of the BOM, creeping on lds.net, I still haven't gone to check out my local ward (look at me using the lingo), but I feel like that might be soon to come. One of my worries is that maybe sometime down the line if I decide to join the church I wont be seen as a desirable partner for a nice LDS man. I'm not what you would call a nice "wholesome mormon girl." I am covered with tattoos, I have crazy hair (currently have a bright red mohawk), but I worry the most about my sexual history. I was never promiscuous but I had two very long term relationships that I was sexually active in. I am about to turn 23 by the way. I have no problems following the law of chastity if I join the church. Sex is not an issue for me. My issue is that because of my past I wont be able to find a nice member to date and eventually marry and have children with. It would sadden me so much because one of the biggest things that made me interested in the church was the emphasis on family and the thing I want most in the world is to be a wife and mother. Am I totally off base with this fear? If you were a twenty-something year old guy could you overlook the tattoos and the past?ThanksIf a potential spouse is doing what they can to follow Christ, the tattoos should not be an issue. (but this not being a perfect world, theres probably a bunch that would shy away from people covered in tats.. however I don't think that would be the grand majority, we have people from all walks of life in the church, i'm pretty sure that you'd run into someone that would understand, sympathisize and care for you enough to overlook such)When you repent, and then are baptised, your past sins should not be an issue. (I would however get an examination from a doctor tho if I were in your shoes). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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