your honest thoughts on a mixed marriage

[me1600]

hubby and I are super happy we have a 10 month old son. I am thinking of converting. my hubby, is agnostic. seriously, how hard will this be? on my emotions in the church? etc. Husband will support my decision 100% as he love LDS for may reasons as do I, he just is not ready to take the next step.

but I heard a woman saying her bitterness that her husband did not call family together for family prayer nor will he be able to give priesthood blessings.

me? I just want to be accepted and loved and supported in the church. as a woman in a mixed faith marriage can this happen? by the way I live in NYC.

[Vort]

If someone is considering joining the LDS Church without his/her spouse (but with the spouse's support), I think it's great. Only good things are likely to come of it, in my opinion. The Church emphasizes the importance of marriage, of selfless service to one's spouse, and of being a good parent, so it's very likely to be a big bonus in the marriage.

In contrast, if someone is already a faithful Latter-day Saint and is considering marrying outside the faith, I think that is a hard thing. The reason is that the LDS Church is already important to the member (else by definition, s/he wouldn't be "a faithful Latter-day Saint"), and marrying someone who manifestly doesn't share your convictions from the very outset is a recipe for disappointment. Unlike in the previous case, it's not a matter of adding something good to a pre-existing situation; instead, it's a matter of forming an unequal partnership with someone who doesn't believe the same, and then putting expectations on the spouse that were known from the start not to be realistic. I have seen successful marriages in this case less often than in the first case.

Bottom line: In your case, with one member of a couple considering joining the LDS Church and the other supporting that position, I think it's a wonderful idea and very likely to be a help to the marriage.

[estradling75]

The hard part in mixed faith marriages is the implied or unspoken expectations. In the case of you and your husband there should not be any. Everything is going to be new to both of you. Therefore as things come up you can discuss it together and work out a solution that works for you.

As for the church in NYC I can't speak from personal experience for that area. But generally you get out of things what you put into them. Just remember they are on the same road you are thinking about taking and just a prone to stumble and needing a helping hand now and then as well.

[ChooseTheSun]

hubby and I are super happy we have a 10 month old son. I am thinking of converting. my hubby, is agnostic. seriously, how hard will this be? on my emotions in the church? etc. Husband will support my decision 100% as he love LDS for may reasons as do I, he just is not ready to take the next step.

but I heard a woman saying her bitterness that her husband did not call family together for family prayer nor will he be able to give priesthood blessings.

me? I just want to be accepted and loved and supported in the church. as a woman in a mixed faith marriage can this happen? by the way I live in NYC.

Funny, I thought this was a post about mixed race marriage! Got one of those, lots of fun for sure.

I also have a mixed faith marriage. Less fun at times than if we were sealed, I'm sure. No family home evenings, lonely times in the pews. However, the Holy Spirit has brought me to the Church for a reason, so I know both my husband and I are where we need to be today.

Absolutely I would be heading for rocky marriage times if I saw LDS marriages as idealistically in-sync and perfectly obedient, an impossible standard for any family, especially if only one parent is a member. As an LDS wife, if I was nagging the husband to go to church, forcing him to sit through scripture readings, scolding him for WoW issues, all because in my mind that's what must be done to be LDS, it would be very unpleasant.

The Church teaches Family First, and as a woman I interpret that as building my faith to enrich my family by being a better wife/mother. Maybe I read the scriptures alone, but I'm reading them anyway, quietly praying for patience and for my family's spiritual health, and that can only attract blessings to my imperfect home. I also consult freely with my Bishop (who himself is a convert with many non-member family members). There's more of you (us) than you think!

Good luck and welcome! Enjoy the process, savor the progression, and don't let someone else's failed expectations taint your enthusiasm for the Church!

[LDSJewess]

Me1600,

I think you will be fine. If you and your husband are super happy and he is supportive of your decision, and in turn you are supportive of his religious choices or lack therof, then things should be just fine. My advice is that neither of you become so rigid in your thinking that you become judgemental or critical of each other or your differences.

My husband and I have a very diverse background. We married over 20 years ago and at the time we were not sharing the same religious experience. My husband comes from a Protestant Christian background and at a much earlier time in his first married life he was active and even a Sunday school teacher. I met him 6 years after he was divorced from his first wife and at that point he was more of a spiritual seeker rather than interested in organized religion. His thinking became more esoteric. I am Jewish and when I met my husband I was attending synagogue occasionally and observing High Holydays, and active in the Jewish community socially.

So when we married we were semi active or as some would say (Easter Christian and Yom Kippur Jew). LOL And I attended services with my husband at a Methodist church and on Easter Sunrise services, and he attended Shabbat services with me when I was inclined to go. I attended services at synagogue on High Holiday days and that is the only time my husband did not share. He doesn't think he could handle several long days of Hebrew services LOL.

About 2 years into our marriage we were introduced to the LDS church by some wonderful friends. We studied with the missionaries for about a year and decided to join the church. A year later we were sealed in the Temple. Our five children were either in the latter years of high school or college, and by then were not a part of our religious life.

A I stated in my intro, my husband and I were very active in the LDS church for several years. We each had callings, went to the Temple etc: Then we moved away and never really connected to our LDS community. We have since moved again and we have been going back to church.

We will still likely go to the Methodist church on Christmas eve because my husband loves the tradition, the candle light service and the Christmas caroling. I will still go to a synagogue to fast and pray on Yom Kippur and hear the sound of the shofar because the tradition is a part of my life and I enjoy praying in Hebrew and singing the music.

All in all we support each other in every aspect of our lives. This may sound complicated to some, but to us it makes all the sense in the world. We know what we believe and we each have a wonderful testimony. And we continue to learn and grow in our faith.

Our children are all happy and healthy and we have 14 grandchildren now. Of our five children, Two are practicing Catholics, one an observant Jew, one inactive Latter Day Saint still finding her self spiritually, and one Evangelical. Of the grand children, one wants to be a cantor, his sister is in Hebrew school and soon to become a Bat Mitzvah, another was baptized in the LDS church and is becoming more active than we are and has talked about wanting to go on a mission some day, a younger daughter just made her First Holy Communion in the Catholic Church.

You should be around our place at family Holiday dinners LOL

The wonderful thing about our salad bowl family with so many different religious flavors, is that we all love and respect each other and support each other. There is an unspoken rule in our family that no one judges another and no one becomes rigid and tries to coerce one another especially in their religious life. The reason is because it can cause one to lose their faith.

What is interesting is that we all follow the words of wisdom even though the LDS family members are a minority. I take it a step further with dietary practices as most other family members do. Not because we are LDS or Jewish, but because it truly is "wisdom" to keep our bodies healthy.

If we have guests that want coffee, wine, white bread, soda, sugar, pork and things that we don't consume they are welcome to go to the store and buy and prepare as they wish. Our only rigid rule is no smoking on the property inside or out.

So just stand by the convictions of what you believe in and walk our own talk and live by your own example, and honor and respect your family members to do the same and you will all be enriched by it.

Welcome and congratulations on your own decision. May your life be filled with love and peace.

[Jennarator]

I know many women that are married to non-memebers that have been thru the temple and such. They seem to handle it fine. Talk to your husband. Ask for his support, not just tollerance. See what his opinion is. Find out what he thinks.

Also, if at all possible, don't let him stand in the way of what you know is right. Pray and decide what to do. I trust the Lord will help you with this.

[Backroads]

As has been said, if you are free from expectations or bitterness about each other's beliefs, you'll be fine.

I would discuss how you plan on handling your kid's spirituality, though.

[Truegrits]

A mixed faith marriage can most assuredly work.

I am LDS, he is not.

He not only supports me, my beliefs, my involvment in the church, he is also an integral part of the scouting program in our Ward. He has been a part of scouting for the past nine years.

He is at every family Baptism.

I have no expectations of his becoming LDS. I respect his beliefs, as he does mine. He may never go to the Temple with me, but he in no way begrudges my going.

I do think it is important to talk about the expectations each would have concerning any children, before the marriage, though.

[me1600]

I loved the church I am talking with the missionaries. now DH is upset with me. He has no idea about the church he is just scared of it. Saw an ad for mormon.org in our taxi and I was very excited!!! He is so weird so skeptical. This is going to make me a better person. why doesn't he get that?

[ruthiechan]

One word. Fear.

He's probably afraid it'll change you to the point where you're not he same woman anymore. Maybe it has something to do with the change in expectations, something that was discussed in this thread. Maybe he's afraid you'll become so active in the church you'll leave him behind and stop paying attention to him. Maybe he's talked to people about it and they're riddling him with doubts about your baptism.

He needs assurances that you will always love him and support him. That you won't try to force him to follow along. Right now you are delving in to the church massively and it's probably what you talk the most about right now and he may be wondering if you'll ever talk about something else at great length.

Pray for him. Pray for you. Pray to know how to resolve the issue. I know you are feeling the Spirit. The missionaries will help guide you in your prayers, in recognizing the Spirit. You can talk to the Bishop of the ward you attend and get advice from him.

He needs you. So, tend to him, as if he were a garden most beautiful and worthy of such tender maintenance.

Whatever you do, do NOT let this become a power struggle between you. That'll make things harder, as I am sure you know. From your original post it sounds like he is a keeper, kind and supportive, but also human.