Dating In The Lds Church

[carguy12]

just now i had broken up with my girlfriend because of the stupid rules regarding dating in the lds church. i have come to believe that they are only out to make sure people dont lose virginity. my girlfriend and i were so harmless and so good together but the church pulled us apart and i have lost a lot of faith in the church because of it.

[StrawberryFields]

Sorry to hear about that Carguy.

How did the church pull you apart?

[Guest ApostleKnight]

I assume either you and/or she were under 16? Two observations (having passed through that period myself):

(1) Any relationship that can't survive without exclusive one-on-one dating until both parties are 16 years old is weak.

(2) The Prophet puts forth standards as protections, not punishments. If you and your ex can't go out with a group and still have fun until you're both 16, you simply lack self-control, not faith in the Church.

But for any of us to really understand what happened, you need to give a little bit more background. For instance, did your ex say she didn't want to date exclusively and you said you did and she broke up because she had to choose between standards and you?

If you put her in that situation, don't blame the Church...purchase a mirror and point your finger at the real culprit. But again, I'm not equipped to comment fully without more information.

Exactly how did it happen?

[Dr T]

Hi Carguy,

Is that a declaration from the president that went out the whole church as a mandate or is that a ward issue?

Thanks

[Palerider]

just now i had broken up with my girlfriend because of the stupid rules regarding dating in the lds church. i have come to believe that they are only out to make sure people dont lose virginity. my girlfriend and i were so harmless and so good together but the church pulled us apart and i have lost a lot of faith in the church because of it.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!.........do tell more......

[MBASS]

If I remember correctly, when I talked to carguy, he was taking discussions because his girlfriends parents would not allow them to date unless he was a member. Her parents from what I gathered were very strict this rule. They seemed very harsh and unless he was immediately was baptized, he was not good enough.

Carguy-not all members of the church are that way, their actions do not represent the church. While a lot of LDS families prefer their children to date LDS, not all do. I think a dating age of 16 is appropiate no matter what religion.

Dr T-there are no mandates for dating. There is the recommendation to date when you are 16 and to date members. The theory is you marry who you date, thus date members, marry members. The ultimate goal is to be married in the temple where both parties have to be in good standing with the church. It is usually individual parents decisions on how they're children date.

[Palerider]

and to add to the dating at 16yrs.....it should be with groups.......I have 3 daughters and 2 are married and sealed in the Temple to returned missionaries....having said that they have all dated young men who were non-members as well as members.....there were some young men who were members that I was not all that impressed with...I will say this as a Dad....it wasn't any easier when my oldest started to date and when my youngest started.......I guess Dads just have a hard time when their daughters begin to date....

[Dr T]

Thank you MBASS. I anticipate that it will be hard when my daughter starts dating. I always says that she will not date anyone until she's married. :)

[carguy12]

the church pulled us apart because of the stupid dating rules that seem so controling and pointless to me. i thought people in this church lived by their own will.

it pulled us apart because her mom is deeply into the church and really takes it very seriously. for the past 6 months she had been pressuring my girlfriend to not go out with me. i had shown nothing but repsect to this girl and family and this is how her LDS family treated me. to me they were sneaky and just trying to do what was right for them and nobody else. so if this is what all people are like in the church then i really have to reconcider baptism. like i said in my first post, i have lost a ton of faith in this church because of it.

and i dont mean to sound concieted but if this is how they treat good people then i'd like to see them when you do something wrong.

[BenRaines]

Without knowing how old the boy and the girl are it would be hard to determine what right parents have in determining who you date. Here are the guidelines I used raising three daughters.

These were my rules. Guidance from the church direction on setting them but they were not the church's rules.

No pairing off in couples until age 16

No attending dances until 14

No dates with only the two of you until grad from high school. Can be in pairs but no "Just the two of you, alone in a car"

No steady dating until after high school. There is a difference in dating and courting. Dating is where you date multiple people. Courting is where it is exclusive and preparation to marriage.

All boys had to have a personal interview with me before going out on any date with my daughter. This was the "Dad's Rules" meeting.

It allowed the girls to eliminate the creeps that wanted to date them. They would never meet with me and allowed me to set the rules.

Ben Raines

[Latter Days Guy]

From what you say they are looking out for what they believe is best for their daughter. If I was in a similar situation then I would as a father probably do the same thing. My daughter is only four years old, so i still have a couple of years to go before I have to deal with this situation. But in the end I would do what I believe is in the best interest of my daughter.

[prisonchaplain]

Thank you MBASS. I anticipate that it will be hard when my daughter starts dating. I always says that she will not date anyone until she's married. :)

Some of the inmates tell me there is a way to altar a shotgun so that it is semi-automatic. Maybe we should compare notes?

[Dr T]

Always ready for that PC.

[prisonchaplain]

the church pulled us apart because of the stupid dating rules that seem so controling and pointless to me. i thought people in this church lived by their own will. it pulled us apart because her mom is deeply into the church and really takes it very seriously. for the past 6 months she had been pressuring my girlfriend to not go out with me. i had shown nothing but repsect to this girl and family and this is how her LDS family treated me. to me they were sneaky and just trying to do what was right for them and nobody else. so if this is what all people are like in the church then i really have to reconcider baptism. like i said in my first post, i have lost a ton of faith in this church because of it. and i dont mean to sound concieted but if this is how they treat good people then i'd like to see them when you do something wrong.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but priorities seem out of wack here. Carguy lists himself as a Protestant, was dating a Mormon, and seems to be basing his decision to convert on how his girlfriend's parents treat him. IM always HO, Carguy needs to:

#1. Seek out, firm up, and commit to the God he will serve, and the manner (i.e. church structure) he will worship him in.

#2. Learn how to be a boyfriend--to put the other first.

#3. Appreciate that today's parents of girlfriend could become tomorrow's inlaws--deep respect and honesty are required.

#4. SLOW DOWN! 16? Wow--I married at 31. You don't have to wait 15 years, but if you or your g/f have any desire to study, you'll likely have to weight 6-8 years. So, relax, enjoy life, study hard, prepare yourself to be successful with God, with employment, and, of course, as a future family man.

Blessings Hermano!

[carguy12]

ok i could understand if i was a greasy guy who didnt care about nothin and was into some bad things but im acknowledging her religion and im even close to getting baptized for myself because i like it but i never did anything wrong and it is definetly thier lose by not letting their daughter date me.

[BenRaines]

I would never join a church just to date a girl or to marry someone. Doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons.

Ben Raines

[carguy12]

im not joining for her....its for myself

[StrawberryFields]

As a mother of a 17 year old daughter (July 18th turned 17), I want to very best for her and it doesn't have to do with being a member of the church. Sure, I want her to stay clear of those who smoke and drink and are just in the world existing. It is up to me to help guide her in these decisions, because she does not have the wisdom behind her of knowing what she does now will affect her life. No, I have not prevented her from making mistakes completely, but I sure will voice my opinion on important topics like dating.

im not joining for her....its for myself

If it is for yourself then it shouldn't matter if you are able to date her or not.

[carguy12]

im saying its the church that pulled us apart because her mother talked to my mother and i once about how she wants ehr to go on group dates and stuff like that which is in the for the strength of youth booklet

[Maureen]

im saying its the church that pulled us apart because her mother talked to my mother and i once about how she wants ehr to go on group dates and stuff like that which is in the for the strength of youth booklet

Do you have a problem with going on group dates, carguy12? BTW, how old are you?

M.

[carguy12]

i wouldnt mind a few group dates but i also dont see a problem with individual dating either.....im 16

[Guest ApostleKnight]

Then don't worry about it. Focus on your relationship with God and Christ for the sole purpose of personal joy, not to impress parents or potential girlfriends. If they don't respect you even after you join the Church, as you said, their loss. There are plenty of fish in Zion my friend.

[Palerider]

You would not be able to single date my daughter....and I would not care what religion you are....this is not the LDS church telling me this.....this is called the Gospel of Palerider.....and if you want to date Pale's daughters you have to go thru him............ B)

[prisonchaplain]

i wouldnt mind a few group dates but i also dont see a problem with individual dating either.....im 16

You're upset with the LDS church, because you believe its culture and mores have come between you and a lovely girl. Yet, this Protestant is probably more hard-nosed on this than any of the LDS posters here. I read the "Don't be unequally yoked" passage of Scripture very seriously. You ought not to date anyone for whom marriage is out of the question. And, marriage is out of the question for people of different faiths. As a dad of three girls, I would be very suspicious of one who suddenly decides to investigate my church AFTER gaining an interest in my daughter. Missionary romance is a huge mistake (by that I mean dating with the hopes of making a convert out of potential partner).

So, either convert for yourself, and then fish the waters of Zion--or get right with the God of your own tradition, and search the plentious waters of that pond. Thus saieth dad of three girls.

[carguy12]

iam not and i repeat AM NOT! getting baptized for the girl.