family time vs. serving in the church

[gualeguaychu]

Here's my situation. I recently started a new job, but I had to give up 7 days of vacation each year as part of the package. In my calling with the YM, I'm expected to go on our summer hike/camp/adventure which lasts 5 days. If I go with the YM, it won't really leave me much time for family vacations and personal time off (I could take a 1 week family vacation and some time off at Christmas and that's about it).

Because of where our YM are going this year, I can't really just go for a few days. It has to be all or nothing.

So my question is, I know we're supposed to sacrifice all (including our time), but is this really what is expected of us? Where do you draw the line between serving in the church and making time for yourself and family?

I'm very torn by this and will probably feel guilty with whatever I choose to do.

[Guest mormonmusic]

At one time, I would've defaulted to the choice that helps the Church. However, I would now be willing to go with the family option if that's what my family wanted. I would talk about it with your family and see how they feel about it. If they are OK with you going away on that vacation with the youth, then I would go ahead with the youth trip. however, if the family objects, go with the family.

Your family will always be with you, and the vacations are the things they really remember. The youth are important, but the people who will be with you from now until you die are your family members. They come first.

After years of giving, giving, giving, I have come rest that the Church moves along just fine without me if it needs to...

Edited October 14, 2011 by mormonmusic

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[RMGuy]

The family is the basic unit of the church

No success can compensate for failure in the home

A little personal story: For many years I, like mormonmusic above would have defaulted to the church position. I thought that my relationships with my wife and children were good. I would try to fit them in as much as possible amd make time to spend with them even while fulfilling my callings. For example, while serving on the HC, I used to take one of our children each week with me on visiting assignments. They were good times. Then I one day I got to thinking.....really thinking.....that sometimes what we say in the church is contradicted by the way in which we act. I thought about the two quotes above, and I changed my behavior. Now family comes first. There is a church activity, but we have other family plans....then we do the family event. Guess what? When I though my relationships were good, they weren't. They are now. In our house, family comes first.

-RM

[skippy740]

You're not Superman! You can't do it all. That's why we are given choices.

You have a new job... in this economy, that's worth a lot of wheat! (Wheat is more valuable than gold in the Book of Mormon.)

As the patriarch of your family, you are entitled to guidance by the Spirit of what you should and need to do.

As the Bishop of your ward, he needs to be aware of life's changes in your life that affect the other tasks/responsibilities in your calling and how you are handling that and your home life.

The #1 calling we have in this life is being a husband/wife/mother/father. Never feel guilt for choosing to focus on your #1 calling and priority in this life.

There. You have my permission to not feel guilty for choosing to spend your limited vacation time with your family. :)

[Guest gopecon]

I was told by a stake president (at least I think that's where it came from) before taking a calling in leadership that - paraphrasing - something is wrong if you never put your family before a meeting.

[Jennarator]

I agree with all the other. Choose you family.

[beefche]

My opinion? Consult with your wife (include kids if you feel that is appropriate). Make decision with your wife, then pray for confirmation. Once you decide what to do, don't feel guilty about your choice. You will know that for whatever reasons (and some of which you may not be aware), you gained Heavenly Father's confirmation on your choice and it will be the best choice for you and your family.

[Guest gopecon]

We do need to remember that sacrifice is occasionally called for in the Church. This is an issue in which there is not a one-size-fits-all answer. Beefche is right - if you consult with your family and pray about it and feel comfortable with your decision - then go for it!

[applepansy]

About 26 years ago I was working full time. We had 3 little boys. I worked for a Construction related industry......mostly men in the office. We all worked long hours in the summer months here in Utah. Its better to pour concrete in the summer months than in January.

One day I ran across a quote. I think it was Pres. Kimball, but I don't have a copy and I haven't been able to find the quote again. It said (paraphrasing): Men, you all have work, family, and church responsibilities. You have to support your family. You have a responsibility to serve in the Church. Your family needs your time...... and so on. At the end of the quote he said "And all need time." (SEE BELOW)

I think what he was trying to tell us is that we have to balance our lives.

I can't tell you if you should stay home or go with the YM. Only you know where you need to be. You know your wife and children. You know your calling and the YM. You know your work responsibilities. I will suggest praying about it, maybe fasting too. If there are compelling reasons why you need to be home, talk with the Bishop. He knows you and your family better than anyone online does.

Best wishes in your decision.

Addition: I'm amazed. I found the quote. Its President Lee. " “Most men do not set priorities to guide them in allocating their time and most men forget that the first priority should be to maintain their own spiritual and physical strength; then comes their family; then the Church and then their professions, and all need time.” (Bishop’s Training Course and Self-Help Guide, sec. 2, p. 7.) "

This scripture comes to mind too: Doctrine and Covenants 10:4

Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be diligent unto the end. The key here is "be diligent to the end"

Edited October 14, 2011 by applepansy