Is it time to say goodbye?

[Bini]

OK I'm have a difficult time dealing with this.

I've been successfully breastfeeding since the birth of my daughter and she's now approaching her third month. When I say "successful", I'm referring to the fact that I never had milk supply issues or latching problems. Just before Thanksgiving came around, I started pumping to give myself a break from baby, and this helped a lot with my PPD. I was less stressed and baby seemed happier. Shortly after that, baby went from 2 ounces a feeding to 3-4 ounces a feeding. I couldn't pump fast enough to keep up with her feeding schedule, so we began supplementing and doing half/half (breastmilk & forumula). We did this for a couple weeks and I was able to build up some storage. Well, baby must have gone through another growth spurt because her eating became more frequent (about every hour or so) and she still wanted to eat the 3-4 ounces! It only took a few days for her to gobble up all that stored breastmilk! Ugh. So I decided to go back to the breast again and wean her off bottle feedings all together. Baby hates it! I'll nurse her all day long, even while doing chores, and she'll wiggle around and fuss. The LC said that milk supply will pickup and match the demands of what baby needs. But DH isn't convinced and neither am I for that matter.. Baby acts like shes always hungry when I'm breastfeeding her. She's never full or satisfied. I'm not sure what went wrong but I feel as if my breastfeeding days are now over :[ I'm also starting to feel a strong sense of failure too. DH keeps reminding me that the most important thing, is that baby gets fed and that I'm not stressed out to the point where I can't function. He's right but my LC keeps insisting that I can go back to breastfeeding if I just stick it out. I feel like I have been — diligently! In fact, when I breastfeed, baby is literally on my breast all day long. I'll even let her sleep and suckle but she fights it. I've even noticed that her sleep routine has worsened since going back to breastfeeding because she's waking up hungry often :[

Suggestions?

[Jenamarie]

It could be that she's gotten used to the immediate gratification that the bottle gives. You don't have to suck so hard to get milk from a bottle, and you get more, quicker, and the fatty "hind" milk (the "cream" so to speak) is mixed right in with the regular milk that is what baby gets for the first few minutes of nursing before getting to the hind milk. And if you're doing formula too, that takes longer for a baby's tummy to digest, so she would be "full" for longer than on straight breast milk.

It may well be that you're nursing days are limited, but DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!! Not everyone is meant to nurse for a long time, and if your baby is well fed and happy then you're doing an excellent job as a mother, whether you're feeding her breastmilk or formula. :) (or, as another friend of mine succently put it: It's formula, not Drain-o!) I know our society right now is so strongly conditioned with the "Breast is best!" mantra, but formula isn't going to doom your child. And a happy, relaxed mama of a well-fed, thriving baby is highly preferable to a stressed-out mama of a cranky, always hungry baby.

But please let your Dr. know if you do decide to ween from nursing, as doing it too quickly has been known to cause some women (like a dear family member of mine) to have flair ups of PPD, and with your history of having been through that before, that's something I'm sure you don't want to have to deal with again.

[applepansy]

I agree with Jenamarie. She is used to the bottles instant gratification. At the breast she has to work (suck) to get milk and its different than sucking an a bottle's nipple. The more you nurse the more milk you make if you are getting enough fluids. This works better for some women than others but it is really a supply and demand. Because we can't see and measure without pumping its really hard to know how much baby is getting. The more she grows the more she will demand which then feels like you're not making more, but you are. I felt like I was walking around with my shirt open all day.

Are you getting enough fluids? Every time she nurses you need to drink a glass of water/milk/something you enjoy. But stay away from caffeinated drinks.

I also agree that you need to do what is best for you and your baby. If that's the bottle then that's more than ok. If you can continue to supplement the bottle with breast milk (even an ounce or two) its worth it, but if you can't that's OK too. Just do what is best for you both.

I had four children and only successfully nursed one more than 2 months. I did pump and supplement which cut down on the emotional and physical stress. Nursing a baby is a physical stress which then contributes to the emotional stress. Do what is best for you and baby. A happy mom means a happy baby. The old saying "If momma ain't happy, nobody is" started somewhere. :)

Addition: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!

Added story: My mother had five children. I was oldest and age 12 when my baby sister was born. Mom had tried to nurse us all and it was far from successful until the last one. It was also emotionally traumatic for the whole family. She did things differently with my baby sister and it made all the difference. She and the baby came first. Everything and everyone came after that. This was 1970. There weren't the nifty breast pumps or LCs. She moved a bed and a rocker into the baby's room. My baby sister was born in October. Mom drank water, milk, juice ...and during Christmas she drank so much Meadow Gold's eggnog that her milk turned the color and thickness of the eggnog. The point of this story is two things--First, Four healthy kids no breastfeeding. Second, Its possible to be successful even if its hard IF you can relax and put you and baby first. Bini, just do what's feel right for you!

Edited December 22, 2011 by applepansy
another story that might be helpful

[Guest]

Jena and Apple hit it on the head, Bini.

You can increase production by increasing frequency of pumping if this is more comfortable for you. Then your baby can stay on the bottle. I loved nursing. For some reason, I found either breastfeeding or pumping very relaxing. Both my children didn't wean until past 18 months. They basically just weaned themselves off.

But, I never was able to do breastmilk 100%. I had to supplement with formula/solid food the entire time. When they started solids, I only fed them milk twice a day - when they wake up in the morning and once more before they go to bed at night. When they went through their 3/4 month growth spurt, I increased the amount of formula, I didn't change my breastfeeding routine. When they started solids, I was super happy not to have to spend megabucks on formula because my breast milk was enough for the day.

Anyway, I fired my LC two weeks after my first kid was born. She was stressing me out more than helping me. I had so many problems the first time (I have breast deformity that made breastfeeding quite tricky). I get what she wants me to do on day 1. I didn't need her breathing down my neck making me feel sucky for everything that is not going as expected. If I hit a snag (like growth spurts), I asked friends and family and researched on the internet... zero presure.

Until today, I still consider giving birth and breastfeeding my biggest accomplishments. But, if I would have quit on week 2, it wouldn't have made me feel a failure either. I consider LC's like beauty magazines - they make me feel ugly. Of course, that's just my personal opinion.

[rameumptom]

If baby's ready for a bottle, then give her the bottle. If you want to augment the Simulac (or whatever), go for it.

[Jennarator]

I agree with thte others. Formula is a heavier and thicker milk. She gets full faster and it lasts longer.

When I had my babies, I was (still am) working full time and had to pump. I couldn't keep up and ended up just doing formula. I am going to try my best this time not to have to give up, we'll see how it goes.

[Guest]

Remember that the LC has a strong bias.

The more babies I've had, the more I become convinced that as long as baby is fed and everyone is happy, things are great. The vehicle of food isn't nearly as important.

I've nursed the older ones until about 19 months. With my twins, one could happily nurse all day, and the other wants little to do with it. So I have a bottle baby and a breastfed baby. Both are happy, healthy, and thriving. The formula baby actually sleeps better, though she has a more easy-going personality, so I don't know if it's related to what she eats. There's my double-blind study for you. :)

[prisonchaplain]

Usually the happy-go-lucky babies are more heavily influenced by the paternal genes...:-)

The ladies probably have better advice then I do. However, if you are sold on breastfeeding, I'm not so sure you have to give up just yet. Whichever way you go, it should probably be 100%. Mixing options would seem to leave the decision up to the baby...

[classylady]

Bini, all the advice so far has been good. Do what is right for you and your baby. I was able to breastfeed my first four babies with relatively minor problems, but with my fifth baby, I didn't produce enough milk. He was a lazy nurser. I thought he would be nursing, but he wasn't nursing strong enough to bring my milk in. So, I ended up pumping, to get my milk supply up, and supplementing with formula. I was lucky in that he didn't mind going back and forth from mom to bottle. Which was good because at the time, I was back in college full time and had to leave him with dad or a sitter. Every baby is different, and you would have thought that by my fifth child I would know what was up. I had no clue that he wasn't getting enough until his doctor's appt. showed he wasn't gaining weight. I was able to breast feed all my kids until they were about 15 to 18 months old. That doesn't mean they're on the breast all the time.

When is it recommended that babies start cereal? If you want to keep breastfeeding, you may want to give yourself a goal of breastfeeding at least until she is old enough to eat cereal. Cereal will help her have a full tummy and give you a break on the number of feedings, and then decide from there. Just a thought. But, no matter what you decide, if baby and mother are healthy and happy, then you are doing a great job. Don't stress about it. Enjoy your precious little one.

[Bini]

I understand the LC will be biased and my pediatrician isn't much better, or I should say, she's also a strong advocate of breastfeeding. So the pressure to nurse is a bit of a double whammy I suppose. At baby's 2 month checkup, her weight was in the 30 percentile. So even though she was born at a good weight (7lbs 11oz), she hadn't gained a lot since birth, weighing in at 10lbs exactly. But the pedi assured us she wasn't under weight, just a bit smaller than most her age. At that time, I didn't even question whether she was being fed enough because our breastfeeding routine went pretty smoothly. Now, over a month later, I'm not sure baby would have weighed 10lbs at her 2 month checkup if I had been supplementing.. I'll never know I guess.

As for introducing rice/cereal, I believe I'm supposed to wait until her fourth month to do it. At least, that's what I'm recalling, I'll have to double check on that. I know solids aren't supposed to be introduced until 6 months at the earliest.

Thanks for the suggestions. I know that from baby's POV, breast or bottle doesn't really matter, as long as she's eating and feeling satisfied. Obviously, it's more of a hang-up for mama than anything. It's just hard to acknowledge that my breastfeeding days may be winding down, and it's even harder to drop those feelings of failure because as a mama, you always feel like you could have done more.. On that note, I'm going to pump again and do so more frequently. Hopefully that will help increase supply for baby, as I'm sure supply is part of the issue now since I've started supplementing.

[applepansy]

Bini, You're being a good Mom!

[jayanna]

I would start the rice as soon as possible, some babies do take it a little earlier. I worked in day care for about a decade, and I have seen a lot. Some babies just need the cereal, some moms give it to them b/c they think they are supposed to. Babies who don't need the cereal but get it anyway are usually overweight. Babies who need the cereal wake up at night a lot and are underweight.

Starting cereal can make her a little dehydrated, and make bm's a bit harder for her, but with her being breastfed I doubt it will be much of a problem. If you give it to her before bed she will sleep for a long time and be really hungry in the morning, so let your milk build up during the night and she will use it when she eats next. It will also make her stomach expand a little and give her a bigger appetite.

YOu are such a good mom!