How do I convince my parents of me serving a Mission?

[friedmann]

Hello Brothers and Sisters,

I've been inactive in this forum for a while now, but I really want to change this, because this is really such a great place to connect to others who share my faith :)

Anyway, a few relevant things happened since I last wrote something on here: I got baptized earlier this month and I will be ordained a Priest in two weeks. My family came to Church with me twice and also to my baptism and they didn't like it a whole lot unfortunately...

Which is something I totally don't understand, but I probably have to live with it. My real problem is that I'm 18 years young, male, and that I would like to serve a Mission. I'm aware this is a big deal, but I know that I have still a lot of time left and that realistically in two or three years it could happen, and I want it to happen with all of my heart. Until my family came to Church with me for the first time, three weeks ago, they all knew about that, and they neither supported nor opposed. They just said that if I don't use their money and don't do anything dangerous they would let me go, but after coming to Church with me, they all have developed a very strong opposition. Some of their points of critique include:

- I couldn't pick up college again after returning

- I wouldn't be able to pay for my Mission so necessarily it would be them to pay for it

- The two years of my life would be wasted

- A Mission would harm my chances to get a job

- I would forget everything I've learned in school and college

- I promised that I would never serve a Mission (which I didn't)

- All RMs who say that they benefited from serving a Mission are lying because they want others to serve as well so they can baptize a lot of new tithing-payers

- I already speak three languages so it's unnecessary to possibly learn a fourth one

- I wouldn't learn anything I would benefit from in real life, only to preach spiritual lies.

Something that bothers me especially is that my parents announced that they would no longer accept me as their son if I would serve a Mission, because I'd break up with what they raised me to be. I don't really want that, even though I've expressed towards them that I still want to serve, since I know that it is a commandment that weights heavier to me as long as they are the ones who reject me, and not the other way around.

Of course I'm aware that not a single one of those arguments even passes by the truth closely, so it's not me who needs to be convinced. It's - In fact - not even my parents who need to be convinced of those things to be wrong, because they are settled on it and because they won't even permit discussion to happen. The point is rather that I would love if some of you could share with me how they convinced their parents to be allowed to serve a Mission. I'm sure there are a few converts on here who might have been stuck in a situation similar to mine. It would be awesome to know what you did because I don't feel like there's anyone in my ward who really understands my situation and who is close enough to me to talk to them trustfully.

Also, I have a question: From what I've heard, it is necessary for a prospect Missionary's parents to sign the Mission papers in order for the Missionary to be called to serve. Is that true? So there is no way to go on a Mission if both parents don't approve it? That would be good to know too.

Thanks so much for your support already!! :) I hope you have a fantastic day!

[HEthePrimate]

It's possible that some anti or other has spoken to them, or they've read stuff on the Net that freaked them out. My mother had to wait a few years until she was 18 to join the Church because her parents wouldn't give permission. She later served a mission, and it wasn't until decades later that her mother finally joined the Church.

Anyway, back to your situation. If you want to serve a mission, and can pay for it, then go for it! If you can't pay for it, talk to your bishop about how to make it work. The Church really wants young men to serve missions, and may be able to help pay for it--that's what the missionary fund is for. They'll understand if your parents won't want to pay because they're not members. Just talk to you bishop and see what he says--don't give up!

If you do go on a mission, make sure to write to your parents and other family members regularly. Let them know you love them, and there are no hard feelings because they didn't want you to go. Then two years later, when you come back, you'll be the same person, but with a bit more experience, and they'll see that the "cult" hasn't turned you into a zombie, or anything crazy like that. And you can resume college, etc.

Good luck!

HEP

[Vort]

Congratulations on your baptism! I do not know what you should say to your parents, but let me respond to your list item by item:

• - I couldn't pick up college again after returning

  False, as a great number of return missionaries can attest.

• - I wouldn't be able to pay for my Mission so necessarily it would be them to pay for it

  Don't know about this. My son left for the MTC yesterday, and in about a year he earned all the money he needed for his mission, at a rate of less than $10 per hour.

  In any case, it's possible fellow ward members will be able to help out. You might be surprised at how much support there is for a prospective missionary in your position. Talk to your bishop.

• - The two years of my life would be wasted

  Obviously, those who serve missions don't think so.

• - A Mission would harm my chances to get a job

  What kind of a job? I don't believe a mission harms your chances for such. At least, I've never experienced a problem in that regard. Not sure what to make of this objection.

• - I would forget everything I've learned in school and college

  False. Take it from me, the knowledge does not just evaporate. It might take you a semester or so to get back in the swing of things, but your knowledge won't go away.

• - I promised that I would never serve a Mission (which I didn't)

  Then there is no need to respond to this one, right? :)

• - All RMs who say that they benefited from serving a Mission are lying because they want others to serve as well so they can baptize a lot of new tithing-payers

  Not sure how to respond to being called a liar along with literally hundreds of thousands of others who testify that serving a mission was a tremendous benefit, except to say that they are wrong.

• - I already speak three languages so it's unnecessary to possibly learn a fourth one

  Good for you! You'll probably be called to Tennessee. We don't serve missions so that we get to learn another language. That is something we do in order to serve, if need be.

• - I wouldn't learn anything I would benefit from in real life, only to preach spiritual lies.

  You misspelled "spiritualize". :)

  Missions do indeed teach the missionary great and important life lessons, so the statement above is false on its face. Nevertheless, your intent in serving a mission should never be about what you might gain. That's not what a mission is about.

Something that bothers me especially is that my parents announced that they would no longer accept me as their son if I would serve a Mission, because I'd break up with what they raised me to be. I don't really want that, even though I've expressed towards them that I still want to serve, since I know that it is a commandment that weights heavier to me as long as they are the ones who reject me, and not the other way around.

Don't know what to tell you about this. That's a very tough thing. I am loath to suggest to a young man that he abandon his parents, who after all love him and are only concerned with his well-being.

You have to be your own man. You should never abandon your parents, but you cannot control what they do. You can control what you do. You should always seek to do the will of the Lord, whatever that may be. Fast and pray, then do what you feel is right. Let the chips fall where they may. Your parents may very likely come around, but whether they do or not, you will know that you did as the Lord desired.

Also, I have a question: From what I've heard, it is necessary for a prospect Missionary's parents to sign the Mission papers in order for the Missionary to be called to serve. Is that true? So there is no way to go on a Mission if both parents don't approve it? That would be good to know too.

I have never heard this. I don't know it to be false, but I don't remember signing anything for my son in his mission papers submission.

Best of luck to you, and God bless you and your family.

[ldsz]

I am also a convert in the church and I am going on a mission next month to la misión Perú Lima Este. I am 19 and I joined the church 5 years ago.

I used to be a cadet at the United States Air Force Academy. Last year, it was ranked among the top ten colleges in the United States. I bring this up to address some of your points. Keep in mind too that at the academy, your freshman year has no gimme classes, but 18 credit hours of hard stuff. Mormons are authorized to separate from the Air Force after their first or second year to serve a two year mission and then return to the academy to resume their studies where they left off. They knew that I would go when I applied, they were okay with that. They would let me return, as they do with every missionary. Most of the LDS students are ranked among the top of the class, showing that they certainly most not have forgot all they were taught. The languages learned enhanced the air force career. I could go on, but you probably aren't thinking of going to the Air Force! But my point is, you can prove that those concerns are all false with your own example. Of course the BYU's will let you serve a mission, but also many schools in the West (like Utah State where I may go) let you apply and then defer, or defer after your freshman year. Many people have done that, and they still graduate and get a job. One man from my ward once told me "I'm 50 years old, two years ahead in work really wouldn't get me anywhere at this point, the mission didn't have any affect on my career whatsoever"

Now, my parents were shocked when I wanted to serve a mission as well. They are not paying a cent, granted they are okay with it now and excited for me. I have been blessed with some donors from my ward who are going to make it possible for me to go. So, you have that route, as you discuss it with your bishop and as he directs. But you can definitely save the money up too! I know many men who took just one year off college to gather money to pay for a mission. That's what I am doing to pay my share. Although, trust me, the more you can pay, the more meaningful it will be to you.

Now, it's tough when you hear things like you won't be accepted in the family as you practice your faith and serve a mission. I went through some very stressful times. My parents hearts were hard against the church and it took them a good year to get comfortable with the idea and 5 to begin to embrace it. They are not members still and looks like they won't be, at least for a while. Time will work in their favor as you are an example of righteous and pure living. I mean, would they rather have a son who is morally clean and serve a mission, or a drinking partying son who could have served two years in jail? My parents had both, and they like my route much better! Satan wants less missionaries. But I know that as you serve a mission, they will see blessings in their lives like never before. They may not make the connection, they may not embrace the church, but they will notice a difference and hopefully recognize why.

Let's see, I am having just diarrhea of the mind right now... Just trying to sort through it all figuring out what else I want to tell you, because I know how it is, I have been there. Sorry for the jumbled thoughts. Hopefully I was coherent. Well, send me a message and we can chat! Best of luck man! Hope to see you out in the mission field!

[ldsz]

By the way, my parents did not have to sign anything for me to go on a mission. It was all me. This is as off October of last year.

[Guest]

There comes a time in every child's life when they become old enough to have to spread their wings and fly out of the coop. Usually, this event does not sever the ties between parents and children as the parents usually would realize the kid has become an adult and is now making his own decisions which they start to accept and respect.

Unfortunately, there are times when the parents have a hard time with the transition and would still try to use emotional means to guilt-trip the child to submission. Sometimes, the only way the child can gain independence and start living his own life is by a hard separation.

I went through this. No, not in a mission. In getting married. I chose a man who my parents refuse to accept. I had 2 choices - 1.) give up the love of my life and my eternal future with him to keep my relationship with my parents intact, or 2.) marry the man that I chose to spend the rest of my life with and sacrifice my relationship with my parents.

I chose to elope with my husband. My parents did not speak to me for over a year. My brother did not speak to me until my first child was born. I continued to keep in touch with my family even though I usually end up getting the phone hung up on or the door closed in my face. I understood where they were coming from. I love them just the same. Now, 14 years later, my husband and my mother are best friends.

What I'm trying to say is - Know your heart. Know the Will of God. And then do your best to follow Him. Put your faith in Him and everything else will fall into place.

Good luck!

[Backroads]

Also, I have a question: From what I've heard, it is necessary for a prospect Missionary's parents to sign the Mission papers in order for the Missionary to be called to serve. Is that true? So there is no way to go on a Mission if both parents don't approve it? That would be good to know too.

Considering you are legally an adult at 18 and the age minimum to serve is 19* I can't see how parents' approval comes into it.

*For males.

[Backroads]

Something that bothers me especially is that my parents announced that they would no longer accept me as their son if I would serve a Mission, because I'd break up with what they raised me to be. I don't really want that, even though I've expressed towards them that I still want to serve, since I know that it is a commandment that weights heavier to me as long as they are the ones who reject me, and not the other way around.

You are right: it is your parents' choice to reject/accept you and I'm glad you've realized that.

Out of curiosity, exactly what did they raise you to be and how does serving a mission destroy it, in their eyes?

[RMGuy]

Vort has a very good response for you on this one. I would only change one thing, and add one thing to what he wrote.

Your first point about schooling might be true depending on location. For example, I know in many parts of Europe it is difficult/impossible to begin a univeristy program and then leave for a couple of years and then come back. For many young LDS, this means either waiting on college until after the mission (what I would recommend), or completing college and then serving the mission. If you are in the US, this is generally not a problem. If you are outside the US you may want to check with some local schools/as well as missionaries that have served from your home country for information.

I would also add to Vorts comment about forgeting what you learned in school and college. You may forget some of the formula's etc., but you will gain a greater knowledge of how to study, time management, and responsibility that will serve you well when you return to your studies.

-RM

[Jennarator]

You get a job now, raise what money you can. Let your parents see how serious you are. They will or will not come around, that is their choice. Let your bishop know of your intentions, he can advise of anyone that might be able to help you can raise all the money.

Pray are your parents will undersand and accept your choice, if they don't it is still their choice and Heavenly Father gave them that agency. Be prepared for this to go either way. If you go, make sure you have plans for when you get home as they might not let you back home.

Remember it's not easy to make this kind of choice. Personally I have never met anyone in your situation that decided to go and regretted it. There might be some out there, but none that I know. All of them that have went on missions even though their parents wouldn't let them live with them after the mission, said they would still choose to go on a mission if they had to do it agian.

Just my 2 cents.

[Vort]

Your first point about schooling might be true depending on location. For example, I know in many parts of Europe it is difficult/impossible to begin a univeristy program and then leave for a couple of years and then come back.

Good point. My answer assumed you were American, or at least in an equivalent situation to most Americans.

[friedmann]

Thanks for all of your answers! I really appreciate them :)

Out of curiosity, exactly what did they raise you to be and how does serving a mission destroy it, in their eyes?

Make a lot of money, build a nice house, drive a nice car, don't get married too early, don't have children, care only for yourself and not for others. I don't think there's a reason why I would need to answer the second question.

I will get a job when I finish school next month. Right now it would be pure insanity to work besides school where I spend all day. However, most of what I earn there will go into financing college to start with.

I'm German and I live in Germany, but I'll start college at Weber State in Utah this fall. I'd leave for my Mission after getting my Associate's, which would be the easiest thing to do. I'm happy you assumed I was American though... That honors me quite a bit, languagewise.

Finally, I'm aware that I don't serve a Mission in order to learn a language or to get a better job, but I have no other way of argueing with my parents because this is the only thing that could possibly count for them, at least a tiny little bit.

[Guest]

Thanks for all of your answers! I really appreciate them :)

Make a lot of money, build a nice house, drive a nice car, don't get married too early, don't have children, care only for yourself and not for others. I don't think there's a reason why I would need to answer the second question.

Interestingly, the 2 years you spend on a mission gives you life skills that can increase your chances at succeeding at any endeavor you attempt afterwards. At the very least, it lowers the chances of you getting married and having children too early. It doesn't even have to be an LDS Mission. Striking out on your own - internships, travelling on a backpack across Europe, engaging in a cause to save Dolphins or something - gives you an education and a maturity that you cannot get from a college.

I will get a job when I finish school next month. Right now it would be pure insanity to work besides school where I spend all day. However, most of what I earn there will go into financing college to start with.

I'm German and I live in Germany, but I'll start college at Weber State in Utah this fall. I'd leave for my Mission after getting my Associate's, which would be the easiest thing to do. I'm happy you assumed I was American though... That honors me quite a bit, languagewise.

This makes sense. I say bring the matter up to your bishop now. He can give you some advice on how to prepare for it in the years to come.

Finally, I'm aware that I don't serve a Mission in order to learn a language or to get a better job, but I have no other way of argueing with my parents because this is the only thing that could possibly count for them, at least a tiny little bit.

Suddenly, a Tennessee mission sounds just like the thing for you! They speak a different kind of English there. LOL.

[Vort]

I'm German and I live in Germany, but I'll start college at Weber State in Utah this fall. I'd leave for my Mission after getting my Associate's, which would be the easiest thing to do. I'm happy you assumed I was American though... That honors me quite a bit, languagewise.

I got my second bachelor's degree from Weber State! I was a mid-30s married father of almost-three cramming 48 hours in two quarters for a second BS degree, so my experience was atypical. But I enjoyed WSU, and from what I could tell, it was a good experience for the younger undergrads, too.

[Jezebel2011]

Hello Brothers and Sisters,

.

- I couldn't pick up college again after returning

.

Thanks so much for your support already!! :) I hope you have a fantastic day!

Just to answer one of your points.

Three of the missionaries whom have been in our Ward in the two years I have been attending have returned home to the USA. All three have started doing a University Degree.

One in maths

One in engineering

One in engineering robotics

All are doing tremendously well.

It must be difficult for your parents to understand what a mission actually means when they aren't LDS themselves.

I say that if you want to do a mission then don't be dissuaded from it. If you feel it in your heart then it is something that you must do.

[Backroads]

Thanks for all of your answers! I really appreciate them :)

Make a lot of money, build a nice house, drive a nice car, don't get married too early, don't have children, care only for yourself and not for others. I don't think there's a reason why I would need to answer the second question.

I will get a job when I finish school next month. Right now it would be pure insanity to work besides school where I spend all day. However, most of what I earn there will go into financing college to start with.

I'm German and I live in Germany, but I'll start college at Weber State in Utah this fall. I'd leave for my Mission after getting my Associate's, which would be the easiest thing to do. I'm happy you assumed I was American though... That honors me quite a bit, languagewise.

Finally, I'm aware that I don't serve a Mission in order to learn a language or to get a better job, but I have no other way of argueing with my parents because this is the only thing that could possibly count for them, at least a tiny little bit.

Hmm. The first four expectations are fairly reasonable dreams for parents who want a good life for their kids, but I have to take issue with the demand you don't have kids and lead a selfish life.

Yay for Weber State! I never actually went there, but I'm a native Ogdenite!

If it works for arguing with your parents, I see nothing wrong with persuading them with the practical skill results of a mission.

[Just_8Guy]

I very likely would not have the employment I have now if I would not have served a two year mission. Skills were acquired by me there that would not have been learned in other parts of my life. More importantly the eternal blessings I received from doing the LORD's work cannot be counted in this life.

[shine7]

friedmann:

~first of all, let me say how much I admire your steadfastness, keep up the marvelous work of your good testimony.

~you do have someone at your ward to talk to: go to your bishop for needed loving support

~you are like the early members of the church.....they gave up family and everything to follow the Truth. I do hope you don't have to give up your family.. I do suggest that you strive to not talk to them about any of this right now, as they are quite hostile it seems.....maybe hoping to change your mind?? Do what Christ would do: love them peacefully and prayerfully, seek charity, the pure love of Christ.

~may I just say wow......you are an impressive young man......I have children that grew up in the gospel and are now athiests......I'd love to have them fighting the good fight like you are.

~study the early church members and what they went through to be a member

Edited March 4, 2012 by shine7