Are most people fair-weather friends?

[GeorgiaRED]

Unfortunately, some people who I used to consider friends turn out to be a fair-weather friends. When I say friends I don't mean acquaintances. Perhaps I'm surrounded by dishonest people.

I do realize that when I was younger I chose the wrong friends and I'm not that surprised but I used to know this guy that I had been friends with for 13 years. Several years ago he went to jail and was recently released from prison. I always wrote him, visited him several times, and even send him money and now that he's out he stopped talking to me all the sudden.

I suspect that the main reason he stopped talking to me is because he can't take advantage of my good nature anymore. He was like a brother to me but I did see several red flags because after he was released he seemed very distant and didn't show much interest in being my friend.

I have many acquaintances and one of the reasons I go to church is to meet "decent" people. I only have one friend who is a Saint and he's one of the most Christ-like people I've ever known. He has helped me gain a stronger testimony of the gospel.

I would like to hear from your experiences.

Are most people fair-weather friends?

Thanks in advance!

[annewandering]

I dont think most are fairweather friends but I do think most people tend to get involved in their own lives. Cant blame them since I do the same. :)

[classylady]

Friendship takes effort. And, I'm sorry to say, I'm probably the one who lets the ball drop. Like Annewandering says, I just seem to get caught up in my own life, and I haven't always made time for friends.

[Guest]

I have a lot of good acquaintances and few really good friends. I don't have a lot of time to maintain friendship and actually my closest friends are those who are also in a busy phase of life with young kids, and understand that time is a rare commodity. But we always pick up where we left off.

[HEthePrimate]

Mormons have a tendency to blame themselves for everything. So if you ask, "Are most people fair weather friends," chances are somebody will say that you are not being a good enough friend.

It's good that people are willing to take personal responsibility for what they do wrong, but I don't think it's normally healthy to take responsibility for what other people do wrong. The fact is, some people ARE fair weather friends.

Of course, some people would otherwise be good friends, but may be facing difficulties in their life, and not be able to be there for you the way you'd like/need. So you don't want to give up on their friendship, because it's not really their fault, and they may be there for you in the future.

And it's true that friendship takes work, and you need to be a good friend to them, and be there for them when they need it. It's a two-way street.

How's that for a non-answer? Relationships are a complicated matter. On the one hand, you have your needs, and there are times when you really need a friend to lean on. On the other hand, everybody has their own lives and troubles, and we need to be understanding when others disappoint us. And on the third hand (or your foot? ), we need to BE the good friend that other people need.

Peace, and good luck.

[GeorgiaRED]

Interesting replies.

[funkenheimer]

A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body.

My closest friends are family but I do have a few other close friends. Oddly enough my 2 closest friends or buddies are non-members, not that that makes any difference. They are the kind of friends that would drop anything to help out. They helped me through my divorce. They took me fishing when I knew neither one of them really liked to fish (I don't even think they bought licenses).

I think that most people in general are selfish. I think that's human nature. But every now and then you come across some people who are truly remarkable human beings. Perhaps I have just been blessed.

[pam]

I think that most people in general are selfish. I think that's human nature. But every now and then you come across some people who are truly remarkable human beings. Perhaps I have just been blessed.

I'm not sure I agree that most people in general are selfish. I think most good people would love to do more for friends and family. Yet in this fast paced world we've built for ourselves and the numerous obligations that use our time..it's unfortunate we can't do more.

Even those I find that can't always assist I find are truly remarkable human beings.

[dahlia]

A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body.

Are you from Philly?

[Misshalfway]

I tend to agree that the "fair weather friend" thing tends to happen. And I agree it's hurtful... and sad really.

Earlier in the thread somebody said that people are inherently selfish. I look at it like people are inherently protective.

That means that if getting involved or staying present with a friend in trouble or with a difficult situation triggers fear or discomfort of some kind, then they'll probably avoid the situation. Maybe they are afraid of taking a social hit if they stand by you. Maybe they freeze cause they don't know what to do and they don't want to be intrusive. Or maybe the situation triggers "stuff" (ie. shame) inside that has nothing to do with you, but is something the person doesn't want in their awareness. So they avoid, or blame, or become oblivious.

What I'm saying is that I don't think people are jerks. I just think need to protect ourselves interfere's with the part of us that really wants to support and connect with others. I guess that makes us act like jerks..... :)