Dating A Married Woman?

[anthony]

I am a 25 year old member of the Church and she is not. She has been married for only a couple of months. She has told me that he is not attractive to her and she is only married to him because she knows he will never leave her. She has said she lives like this because she does not want to actually fall in love with someone and be hurt. Supposedly her husband knows all of this and I believe he does...though I'm not sure he knows that she wants to date other guys- myself included.

So here are the questions in my mind right now, please answer any or all, I promise to listen to whatever you have to say-

Is it wrong to date her?

Would I be excommunicated for something like kissing her?

What if I fall into temptation and do more than just kissing?

Are platonic/friendly dates okay?

[Gwen]

Is it wrong to date her? yes

Would I be excommunicated for something like kissing her? can't say, you want to chance it? it never stops there

What if I fall into temptation and do more than just kissing? that is adultry, you probably already know that

Are platonic/friendly dates okay? no, that is how affairs start

she is already commiting adultry in her heart, you want to be part of that?

[Jason]

I'd really love to chime in on this one, but I think I'll stick to the swinging thread in the adult forum.

[Brother Dorsey]

I am a 25 year old member of the Church and she is not. She has been married for only a couple of months. She has told me that he is not attractive to her and she is only married to him because she knows he will never leave her. She has said she lives like this because she does not want to actually fall in love with someone and be hurt. Supposedly her husband knows all of this and I believe he does...though I'm not sure he knows that she wants to date other guys- myself included.

So here are the questions in my mind right now, please answer any or all, I promise to listen to whatever you have to say-

Is it wrong to date her?

Would I be excommunicated for something like kissing her?

What if I fall into temptation and do more than just kissing?

Are platonic/friendly dates okay?

Well......all I can say is break it off now before you do something that will be extremely hard to repent for....she is not a member of the church, she does not know the covenants you have made...dating a married woman is wrong, kissing a married woman who is not your wife is wrong, anything more than kissing is bordering on adultry...adultry can get you excommunicated from the church....and yes platonic/friendly dates are okay as long as she is single. My whole hearted opinion is her husband knows nothing of this and she is lying to you....be careful Brother, the adversary is working hard on you.....walk away, no, run away from this NOW! Satan is really tempting the natural man in you so your spirit is losing control...don't let that happen. Don't make a mistake you will regret...good luck. I hope you make the right choice.

[anthony]

<div class='quotemain'> I am a 25 year old member of the Church and she is not. She has been married for only a couple of months. She has told me that he is not attractive to her and she is only married to him because she knows he will never leave her. She has said she lives like this because she does not want to actually fall in love with someone and be hurt. Supposedly her husband knows all of this and I believe he does...though I'm not sure he knows that she wants to date other guys- myself included.

So here are the questions in my mind right now, please answer any or all, I promise to listen to whatever you have to say-

Is it wrong to date her?

Would I be excommunicated for something like kissing her?

What if I fall into temptation and do more than just kissing?

Are platonic/friendly dates okay?

kissing a married woman who is not your wife is wrong, anything more than kissing is bordering on adultry...adultry can get you excommunicated from the church

Perhaps I don't really understand the word "adultery". Am I able to commit adultery even though I'm not married? Or would I be making her commit adultery thereby bringing those sins down upon my own head?

[Gwen]

adultry is what married ppl do

fornication is what single ppl do

and yes you are bringing both upon yourself

[Fiannan]

You don't know want to know what they do to people engaged in this sort of behavior in Turkey.

[rosie321]

Like it or not she made a heavy commitment with her husband and the Lord.

Heavy consequences face those who do not honor those commitments. She needs to say faithful. While she may not love this guy he is good and faithful to her from what you said. He provides security.

As far as not loving him, what about the number of arranged marriages that actually do turn out well? Love, in my opinion, only needs to be a small portion of the marriage. Commitment is number 1. As you stay commited love will only grow. You will always have days in a marriage that you will not feel a burning love towards your mate. The dark side of both of you may shine through at times. Love may seem far away, especially when kids enter in. But its the commitment that will keep you there and carrying on. Its the one ingredient that has made the longest marriages survive through some of lifes deepest hardships and struggles.

Commitment is a hard word to swallow though. Look at the divorce rates. While there are some for justifible reasons for it sadly it always comes with a price and must be carefully weighed. Much higher then the lack of love she's feeling towards her husband right now. Its not something that should be taken lightly. I've never really known people with justifiable reasons who have ever enjoyed it. It brings pain.

You need to encourage her faithfulness, to not do so is a sin of which you will face consequences too. By hanging around her you are encouraging her to break the marriage vows and not live up to the commitments she has made. Especially since you know she is struggling with this be with her only at group times, if you have to be around her at all. Build up her husband towards her. Do all you can to be a support to them and a builder.

Flee from tempatation.

Repent and find someone else to be with.

[Brother Dorsey]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'> I am a 25 year old member of the Church and she is not. She has been married for only a couple of months. She has told me that he is not attractive to her and she is only married to him because she knows he will never leave her. She has said she lives like this because she does not want to actually fall in love with someone and be hurt. Supposedly her husband knows all of this and I believe he does...though I'm not sure he knows that she wants to date other guys- myself included.

So here are the questions in my mind right now, please answer any or all, I promise to listen to whatever you have to say-

Is it wrong to date her?

Would I be excommunicated for something like kissing her?

What if I fall into temptation and do more than just kissing?

Are platonic/friendly dates okay?

kissing a married woman who is not your wife is wrong, anything more than kissing is bordering on adultery...adultery can get you excommunicated from the church

Perhaps I don't really understand the word "adultery". Am I able to commit adultery even though I'm not married? Or would I be making her commit adultery thereby bringing those sins down upon my own head?

If there is sex and one or both partners are married but not to each other then it's adultery regardless if one is single. Being a participant in a sin makes you guilty of that sin....."Hey officer...I didn't actually rob the store....my friend did, I was just driving the car", or "I didn't actually kill the guy, my friend did, I only gave him the gun, encouraged him to do it and watched as he shot him" or "Lord, I didn't actually commit adultery, she was the married one, I was single, I only did what she wanted." No...my Brother don't ask anyone here to justify this for you.....if you haven't gone that far with her then stop....if you have....go see your Bishop and talk to him....repent and you'll feel a whole lot better....have you been to the Temple and received your endowments?

[anthony]

<div class='quotemain'> <div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'> I am a 25 year old member of the Church and she is not. She has been married for only a couple of months. She has told me that he is not attractive to her and she is only married to him because she knows he will never leave her. She has said she lives like this because she does not want to actually fall in love with someone and be hurt. Supposedly her husband knows all of this and I believe he does...though I'm not sure he knows that she wants to date other guys- myself included.

So here are the questions in my mind right now, please answer any or all, I promise to listen to whatever you have to say-

Is it wrong to date her?

Would I be excommunicated for something like kissing her?

What if I fall into temptation and do more than just kissing?

Are platonic/friendly dates okay?

kissing a married woman who is not your wife is wrong, anything more than kissing is bordering on adultery...adultery can get you excommunicated from the church

Perhaps I don't really understand the word "adultery". Am I able to commit adultery even though I'm not married? Or would I be making her commit adultery thereby bringing those sins down upon my own head?

If there is sex and one or both partners are married but not to each other then it's adultery regardless if one is single. Being a participant in a sin makes you guilty of that sin....."Hey officer...I didn't actually rob the store....my friend did, I was just driving the car", or "I didn't actually kill the guy, my friend did, I only gave him the gun, encouraged him to do it and watched as he shot him" or "Lord, I didn't actually commit adultery, she was the married one, I was single, I only did what she wanted." No...my Brother don't ask anyone here to justify this for you.....if you haven't gone that far with her then stop....if you have....go see your Bishop and talk to him....repent and you'll feel a whole lot better....have you been to the Temple and received your endowments?

Yes, I am a returned missionary as well. Perhaps I've grown weak in the faith, I'm not sure. But I havn't done anything with her yet and am grateful for your replies.

[prisonchaplain]

Maybe this is a serious inquiry...can't judge...but a Returned Missionary doesn't know the answers that, to this humble observer, are glaringly, loudly obvious???!!!

Short answer: There are passages in the Proverbs about not even going down the street, wherein is the house, of the adulterous woman.

[rosie321]

Some other thoughts to consider

It seems as though you either see her in a damsal in distress or are really liking her attention. Probably a little of both.

But is she really a damsal in distress? She has a husband that SHE CHOSE to be with and signed on the dotted line for at least death does she part. No one coerced her into it. He is a decent guy from all that she and you have said. How is she in distress? She doesn't care about commitment?

The only person I see in serious distress or very close to it out of the two of you is YOU.

Continue waking up now before the chains are tied on so tight that you'll never break free.

Consider also you will be creating serious heartache for a lot of people. Not just this guy. I'm sure this guys family is really going to love you for messing around with their loved one and making a mockery of the vows that were made.

What would happen if you actually got together? Don't expect people to pat you on the back and justify what you have done. Its not too different from what King David did. Bathsheeba was not his. Her husband was a diligent servant but David took what wasn't his to take. Granted I don't believe you'd literally send him to his death but figuratively in my eyes that would be exactly what you're doing. Don't expect to ever be viewed in a good light or to recieve any kind of blessings from such actions

[cuddleduckies]

Ok, I think everyone has pretty much answered your original questions.. I agree with pretty much everything said. I also understand that while you probably already knew the answers to all of your questions you needed to hear other people say that 'cause their is some form of lust involved and that tends to through out reasonable thinking.

Now, set your questions aside for a minute (not that they aren't important and great guidelines)... she said that the only reason she married her husband was cause he wont leave her... that she doesn't want to be in love cause she doesn't want to get hurt... she never said anything about having any problems hurting other people. She has security and isn't going to leave her husband... do you wanna risk YOUR heart on that? If their marriage did break up (with our without your involvement), knowing what she said about him, could you trust her not to do the same thing (just marry for security w/o love ever being involved and not cheat again) to you?

It looks like to me that being involved with this women is a lose, lose, lose situation. The odds of this relationship leading to a marriage that will last through the eternities without jeprodizing your eternal happiness and wellbeing is one in infinity times infinity. Are you willing to risk your eternal happiness on that one chance? I hope not

[rosie321]

Oh one last thing....

Slap (across the head)

Got it now?

[Jason]

Biblically (especially from the OT) speaking, it is my understanding that Adultery only occurs between two married people. It is fornication if one or both are single.

Perhaps PC can bring me up to speed on that for sure?

[anthony]

Thank you all very much for the support and thoughts on this subject. I'm honestly not sure if I can resist the temptation at this time but I am at least having more of an....internal dialogue, wrestling with myself I suppose you could say.

[Outshined]

Look, I don't think you really need answers. You already know what is right and what you should do, but are having conflict with what you want.

CTR, brother.

[BenRaines]

You are asking if any good LDS man could find a married woman who is unhappy with her marriage if it would be ok for the two of them to have something going on. What are you smoking? For more than 30 years I have been told not to find myself in a situation where, since I am married, I would be alone with a single or married woman. In business I don't "Do Lunch" with a woman alone unless it is my wife. A group of coworkers may go to lunch and I will go. I don't give rides to women in the car alone. I don't ask for a ride in the car with a woman alone.

Avoid the very appearance of evil.

Ben Raines

[Jason]

I say go for it. "Eat, Drink, and be Merry for tomorrow you may be in UTAH!"

CARPE DIEM!!!!

[Fiannan]

Anthony, she wants to date other "guys"? So uh, you can just be at the front of the line? Uh, what next, you are going to ask if there are any members who spend the holidays at Club Hedon?

[StrawberryFields]

The post says dating a married woman. HAHA

DON'T do it pal.

Not only is it wrong, you might look desperate. Remember the Gold Rule here. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, your mother, or your sister.

[Ray]

Enough counsel has been given, but here's another thought I haven't seen brought up.

There are other women in this world. Why do you want this woman, specifically?

I'm guessing it's for the sex, or for the hope that there will be some sex.

Are you one of those men who can be led around by your "joystick"?

[Ray]

Just so you know... being a returned missionary doesn't mean you are or were ever a saint.

Sorry if I shattered your paradigm.

[Fiannan]

If Anthony is related to the gal they all might get the golden opportunity to appear on the Jerry Springer Show, especially if she's ever been an "exotic dancer". Then again, if her husband starts lloking kinda cute then the Rikki Lake show might be a possibility.

[rosie321]

Thank you all very much for the support and thoughts on this subject. I'm honestly not sure if I can resist the temptation at this time but I am at least having more of an....internal dialogue, wrestling with myself I suppose you could say

Well here's another thing to add to your internal dialogue and wrestling

D&C 19

15 Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I asmite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your bsufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.

16 For behold, I, God, have asuffered these things for all, that they might not bsuffer if they would crepent;

17[color=#FF0000] But if they would not repent they must asuffer even as I;

18 Which asuffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might bnot drink the bitter cup, and shrink— 19 Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and afinished my preparations unto the children of men.

20 Wherefore, I command you again to repent, lest I ahumble you with my almighty power; and that you bconfess your sins, lest you suffer these cpunishments of which I have spoken, of which in the smallest, yea, even in the least degree you have dtasted at the time I withdrew my Spirit. ..............................

23 aLearn of me, and listen to my words; bwalk in the cmeekness of my Spirit, and you shall have dpeace in me.

24 I am Jesus Christ; I acame by the bwill of the Father, and I do his will.

25 And again, [color=#FF0000]I command thee that thou shalt not acovet thy bneighbor’s cwife; nor seek thy neighbor’s life.

SOME BIBLE VERSES

Thou shalt not commit adultery. Exodus 20:14 (Deuteronomy 5:18, Matthew 5:27, 19:18, Mark 10:19, Luke 18:20, Romans 13:9, James 2:11)

Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her. Leviticus 18:20

And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. Leviticus 20:10

If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. Deuteronomy 22:22

If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you. But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter: For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her. Deuteronomy 22:23-27

And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free. And he shall bring his trespass offering unto , unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering. And the priest shall make an atonement for him with the ram of the trespass offering before for his sin which he hath done: and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him. Leviticus 19:20-22

And spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him, And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner; And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled: Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon; for it is an offering of jealousy, an offering of memorial, bringing iniquity to remembrance. And the priest shall bring her near, and set her before : And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is in the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water: And the priest shall set the woman before , and uncover the woman's head, and put the offering of memorial in her hands, which is the jealousy offering: and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse: And the priest shall charge her by an oath, and say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness with another instead of thy husband, be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse: But if thou hast gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband: Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell; And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen. And the priest shall write these curses in a book, and he shall blot them out with the bitter water: And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water that causeth the curse: and the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter. Then the priest shall take the jealousy offering out of the woman's hand, and shall wave the offering before , and offer it upon the altar: And the priest shall take an handful of the offering, even the memorial thereof, and burn it upon the altar, and afterward shall cause the woman to drink the water. And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people. And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed. This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled; Or when the spirit of jealousy cometh upon him, and he be jealous over his wife, and shall set the woman before , and the priest shall execute upon her all this law. Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity. Numbers 5:11-31

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:27,28

It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. Matthew 5:31,32 (19:9)

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. Mark 10:11,12

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. Luke 16:18

For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Romans 7:2,3

For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: Matthew 15:19 (Mark 7:21)

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Galatians 5:19

The eye also of the adulterer waiteth for the twilight, saying, No eye shall see me: and disguiseth his face. Job 24:15

Such is the way of an adulterous woman she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness. Proverbs 30:20

Related verses: 2 Samuel 12:11, Psalms 50:18, Jeremiah 7:9, 9:2, 23:10,14, 29:23, Ezekiel 16:15-34, 18:6,11,15, 22:11, 33:26, Hosea 3:1, 4:2,13,14, 7:4, Malachi 3:5, John 8:3-11, Romans 2:22, James 4:4, 2 Peter 2:14

THIS IS NOT A MATTER TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. THINK HARD AND CAREFUL ON THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED AND WILL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. DIALOGUE THESE VERSES OUT WITH YOURSELF. YOU DO HAVE CHOICE BUT AT WHAT COST?