Walmart Is Now Complaining

[Ray]

A wife keeps insisting that her husband go with her to Walmart, and he gets bored when he goes shopping, anywhere. He prefers to get in, get what they need, get out, and be done with it. But Mrs. (anonymous) just looooves to browse.

Walmart just sent her a letter... (what would you do about this?)

Dear Mrs. (anonymous),

We appreciate your patronage at our store, but over the past six months your husband has been creating a disturbance. We have documented some incidents on our video surveillance equipment and I will list each incident below. We hope to resolve this in a hospitable manner. We can’t be responsible for allowing this to continue.

1. June 24: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. July 8: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals… again.

3. July 22: Walked up to an employee and told her in an authoritative tone, There is a 'Code 3' in Housewares.

4. Aug 5: Asked a clerk at the Service Desk to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. FYI, we still have those at our Service Desk.

5. Aug 19: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Sep 2: Set up a tent in the Camping department and told other shoppers he'd let them in if they each brought a pillow from the Bedding department.

7. Sep 16: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. Sep 30: Walked up to a security camera… to use it as a mirror… and just stood there while picking his nose.

9. Oct 14: While handling guns in the Hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where he could find the antidepressants.

10. Oct 28: Darted around the store, looking suspicious, while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. Nov 11: From the Auto department, he put a funnel on his head and skipped around the store while acting like Tinman… you know, like in the Wizard of Oz.

12. Nov 25: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!”… “PICK ME!… “PICK ME!”... and startled quite a few customers.

13. Dec 2: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he dropped to the floor, assumed a fetal position, and yelled "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

14. Dec 9: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, and then yelled, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

[shanstress70]

Was this letter about you, Mr. Ray? :)

[Winnie G]

This is funny and I have to say I have a hubby who cant help himself ether. Really!

He is the guy who plays with all the toys that say try me and levees the who shelf of toys singing or doing what ever they do and move on quickly. I think he is at his worst at Christmas and all the singing Christmas stuffys singing then move on.

I’ve seen other hubby’s do this so I don’t think he is all that strange. I even find my self doing it at time, but my hubby he is the pro. He can get a whole shelf singing in a round before he moves on.

I love that man.

[Ray]

Thanks, Winnie. I'll have to try that sometime. :)

[StrawberryFields]

THANKS!!!!

[babygirl]

lol, i have seen stuff like this in emails all the time...there is one that says things to do in an elivader(sp) cant really remember all of it but its very similar to that...so funny.

[LionHeart]

Here they are Dancer. They are very funny. I think my favorites are #3, #8, #10, and #11.

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they

open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

L.H.

[TXRed]

I know one young man who goes into Wal Mart with his wife and waits until they are on an aisle with some elderly woman to say, "Hey, Sis, Mom's on the other aisle. . . . . ..Come on, give me a kiss. . . . . .she won't see." Just cracks him up to see the various reactions.

I'm telling you, we all, obviously spend waaaaaaaaaaaay too much time in Wal Mart, because most of us have done some really goofy things there. In fact, our YW's group went on a "shopping spree" to Wal Mart as an activity. All they did was to go try on strange looking clothing styles (different than what they might normally buy) and take their pictures in the clothes. They had a blast! But, they did not buy anything.

My hubby likes to prod me to hurry up and leave Wal Mart by embarrassing me. He comes up behind me and pats me on the behind and makes a few comments to me. Yes, we're married, but it still never fails to embarrass me.

So; I conclude that Wal Mart is NOT just a store. . . . . . . . . . . .it's a Recreation Center.

Merry Christmas!! & Peace,

TXRed

[Fiannan]

Walmart -- bringing the USA's people together...in the unemployment line!

[Outshined]

My wife is always embarrassed by my conduct in Wal-Mart. I was walking past a display of those big swimming pool "noodles" this summer, so I grabbed one and whacked my 11-year-old son across the back of the head. He grabbed one, and we had a full-blown "light saber" battle, complete with sound effects.

She bought some generic dog biscuits Saturday to give the local dogs when we go for a walk or run, and I made a big scene, complaining that they don't taste nearly as good as the name brand... B)

[Winnie G]

I had a guy friend years ago who would wait till a elevator door would open with people in it and yell at me. “WHAT $50 DOLLARS AND NO BRAKFAST”!

Need less to say I would look for a escalader or take the stairs.

[prisonchaplain]

Ray, is this some twisted communist attack on a great American capitalistic institution? If so, I'll respond with words from the great 80s rock group, Oingo Boingo:

There ain't nothin' wrong with a capitalism

There aint nothin' wrong with free enterprise

--What's wrong with you???!!!

--You middle class socialist brat!!!

You ain't worked a day in your life!!!

When I was in college, we Young Americans for Freedom would dedicate this song on the radio station to our adversaries over at the Peace Action Coalition.

Or, maybe Ray...you were just funnin'???

[StrawberryFields]

I have been to quite a few different Wal-marts. It puzzles me why they design their parking lots so that they are not flat. I have seen shopping carts hit cars hard because of these 'slanted' parking lots. My daughters car got hit once too. They have been careful to post sign of their lack of liability....

[boyando]

I heard that they are doing a up date to the movie, rainman. The only thing that they are going to change is the words "K-mart" ###### too "Walmart ######".

allmosthumble

[Marsha]

I have been to quite a few different Wal-marts. It puzzles me why they design their parking lots so that they are not flat. I have seen shopping carts hit cars hard because of these 'slanted' parking lots. My daughters car got hit once too. They have been careful to post sign of their lack of liability....

SF,

Even with signs posted they are still liable. It is up to them to have enough manpower to bring the carts in.

My brothers car got hit once, they paid for the damages. Sign or no sign. Liable they are.

It is just like the grocery stores now put grapes in zipper bags. Slip and fall.

Ice on the sidewalk? The shopowner is responsible.

Around here there is a grocery store called ALDI'S. To use one of their carts you have to put a quarter in a device, then they are released from the cart ahead of it. When finished, take the cart back and put the chain in the lock and you get your quarter back. You NEVER see a cart in their parking lots!

Wonder when the major dept stores will follow? I have seen the quarter carts used for years.

Marsha

[StrawberryFields]

<div class='quotemain'>

I have been to quite a few different Wal-marts. It puzzles me why they design their parking lots so that they are not flat. I have seen shopping carts hit cars hard because of these 'slanted' parking lots. My daughters car got hit once too. They have been careful to post sign of their lack of liability....

SF,

Even with signs posted they are still liable. It is up to them to have enough manpower to bring the carts in.

My brothers car got hit once, they paid for the damages. Sign or no sign. Liable they are.

It is just like the grocery stores now put grapes in zipper bags. Slip and fall.

Ice on the sidewalk? The shopowner is responsible.

Around here there is a grocery store called ALDI'S. To use one of their carts you have to put a quarter in a device, then they are released from the cart ahead of it. When finished, take the cart back and put the chain in the lock and you get your quarter back. You NEVER see a cart in their parking lots!

Wonder when the major dept stores will follow? I have seen the quarter carts used for years.

Marsha

Hummm, I didn't know that.

About the grapes in zipper bags...I say it is only an "E" for effort. They don't actually zip. It may keep more off the floor but the ones I have seen don't even zip up.