help with repentance process - pornography and masturbation

[guitarmaniac]

Hello, I'm 15 and I've been looking at pornography for about 4 years now, and about 2 years ago I discovered masturbation. At first it was just looking at naked pictures on and off for a few months at a time, but since I started masturbating I have been watching full on sex videos a few times a week and masturbating afterwards. I really want to be clean again but could never bring myself to tell anybody. I have been clean for a week now and am planning on making an appointment with my bishop tomorrow, but I'm scared. Here's why:

There are only 5 or 6 young men in my ward and I have always been the one that comes early every week to set up the sacrament, does my duty to god and scouting, and goes to seminary everyday. I'm the quiet, respectful one that can get things done. I love the church and I always love seminary and feel the spirit daily when I'm there. I read my scriptures pretty much everyday but I have been struggling with personal prayer. I have gone on every youth temple trip and passed the sacrament unworthily since I turned 12.

The other reason is my parents. My mom still won't let me get a smartphone because She thinks I'll use it to look at porn. It took a lot of convincing for her to let me get an iPod touch. I've lied to her for years saying I don't look at porn, that I know how to control myself, and she still worries. Will I have to tell my parents? What will they do when I tell her I have been watching porn? I have an iPod touch and my own personal desktop computer, and I can't live without them(I make money as a freelance web designer and investing in the stock market, both of which require a computer)

I have been tempted like crazy this week but I've stayed strong since last Friday(8 days ago). Here are my questions:

How do I tell the bishop what I've done once we're in his office?

How long will I have to stop passing the sacrament?

Will I have to tell my parents?

How do I tell my parents?

What will they do?

What do I say when people ask why I'm not passing(or taking) the sacrament?

Sorry I have so many questions I'm just nervous. I realize I'm still worth a lot and that God still loves me, and I'm willing to suffer a little, I just need some help because I already have trouble talking to people. I also realize the bishop is the only one who can truly answer some of these questions, I just need some guidelines.

Edited September 23, 2012 by guitarmaniac

[Vort]

You're 15 years old. I'm almost 50. So let me give you a little bit of perspective on this.

Good for you for going eight days "clean". That's great. But it's about 99.6% certain you will not be able to maintain this alone. I am not trying to be discouraging, just realistic. When you have let the genie out of the bottle, as it were, the genie is not going back in without a fight.

At fifteen, you are just a little more than two years away from being an adult and living on your own. What you might or might not be allowed to do for the next 900 days is almost irrelevant compared with what you will be able to do (or not be able to do) for the 30,000 days of the rest of your life after that. So don't worry that you might not be able to get a cell phone. That stuff is totally, completely, utterly unimportant.

Your mother might find out (though the bishop probably won't tell her without your approval), and if she does, she's likely to be disappointed. This might be true. But take my word as a father: Even when we're disappointed with something our children have done, we love them just as much, and we tend to get behind them and try to encourage and strengthen them. Which, my friend, is what you need.

You're the good boy in your ward? Good for you. But even good boys like you live in our fallen world, and even good boys occasionally slip up, do stupid things, and find themselves in over their heads. Which is where you are now. Fortunately, our Heavenly Father has made a way for us to find our way out of such a predicament. It starts by going to your bishop and telling him what's going on.

Yes, it is possible your bishop will instruct you to avoid exercising your Priesthood authority for a few days or weeks. That's okay. In fact, that is much better than using your Priesthood authority under false pretenses.

And don't worry about people asking questions. No polite person would ever ask such a question, or probably even notice. And if they did, your answer would be, "The bishop is in charge of sacrament and assignments. I just do as I'm told."

My advice to you is exactly what my advice to my own son would be: Go see the bishop immediately, and get started on removing this from your life. The sooner you start, the sooner you finish and the better off you are.

[pam]

How do I tell the bishop what I've done once we're in his office?

You just tell him.

How long will I have to stop passing the sacrament?

That's something that would be up to your Bishop.

Will I have to tell my parents?

If you are unable to pass the Sacrament, you might have to tell them why.

How do I tell my parents?

Just being honest with them is sometimes the best way to go about it. Perhaps asking for their help and guidance. But remember, they may tell you things that you don't want to hear. Keep in mind, you would have asked for help.

What will they do?

I'm not your parent so I would have no idea what they would do.

What do I say when people ask why I'm not passing(or taking) the sacrament?

Discuss that with your Bishop.

[x1134x]

Good Luck. Just remember: D&C 64:9-11

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

11 And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.

If people who do find out hold it against you and do not FORGIVE you, that is not your problem. That is them choosing to remain in their sin.

[MorningStar]

There is no reason why you should have Internet access where your parents can't see it. Any work you have to do on the computer can be out in the open. Your mom was right to worry, as you can see. You will have to be in charge of your recovery the rest of your life, so if you're serious about overcoming this, it would be wise to hand your iPod touch over to your parents and put your desktop computer in a public area. I'm pretty positive my son hasn't been looking at porn, but I still told him tonight that he won't be owning any devices with Internet access. His birthday is coming up, so we were on the subject of what things he is allowed to have.

Good luck to you tomorrow. :)

[fuse]

My advice is to look for spiritual guidance from your leaders, and not treat them like the moral police. Is your masturbation adversely affecting your life? Are you missing school because of it? If not, then what is the problem? Is it the guilt that other people put in you? Who said masturbation was immoral anyways- it doesn't hurt anyone. I'd much rather you mb in your bathroom then go out and impregnate young girls.

[Guest]

My advice is to look for spiritual guidance from your leaders, and not treat them like the moral police. Is your masturbation adversely affecting your life? Are you missing school because of it? If not, then what is the problem? Is it the guilt that other people put in you? Who said masturbation was immoral anyways- it doesn't hurt anyone. I'd much rather you mb in your bathroom then go out and impregnate young girls.

Wrong. It doesn't take much, here on lds.net or on the Church website or anywhere else, for that matter, to find very clear instruction from the Church that masturbation is not okay.

[fuse]

Why? What is wrong with it?

[Guest]

Do a little search and read the 5 million threads where this his been hashed out ad nauseum.

[fuse]

I'll sum it up: because somebody says so. That's not a very rational reason.

[Guest]

Wrong again.

[Vort]

Wrong. It doesn't take much, here on lds.net or on the Church website or anywhere else, for that matter, to find very clear instruction from the Church that masturbation is not okay.

In only four posts, fuse has made it quite clear that he is unimpressed with the Church's claim to divinity or its members' attempts to find their place in a wicked world. You know, that exclusionary temple and all, and those offensive beliefs that the place one is used to is better than other places.

[DReyes]

The desire for pornography does not go away once you are in a physical relationship with someone else. Masturbation only further isolates you from your partner and when there is isolation, the relationship suffers. Just because you are 15 doesn't mean it's okay. The time will come when you will want to be in a relationship with someone and if you want a good one you don't want to go into it with shameful habits or hiding things from them. This was the main reason for my own divorce.