Praying at meals, when you're not eating?

[BadWolf]

Here in divorce-land... Money has been pretty tight. I'm FINE, or will be eventually... So this isn't something I want to bring up with people IRL.

I cook for my DS10, but only eat, myself/usually, once a day. It saves me a couple hundred dollars a month, which lets me keep my son in sports (about the only 'normal' he has in his life right now) and do a few small things that keeps him from knowing how bad off things really are. (We're talking $20 a month 'it's the little things'. Buying a book. Getting taffy with his mates. Renting a movie. Cooking for 6 one night to have friends over. That type.)

So you can see why I don't want people IRL to know I'm not eating, when its a CHOICE on my part.

But I don't know how to handle prayer at meals.

When I'm not eating them / I'm doing my best to make sure my son doesn't notice. School weeks are easy. Weekends and holidays I'll clean the kitchen while he sits at the bbar and we chat and he eats, or we'll curl up with a movie or book as a 'treat', or I'll have his dinner for him in the car after sports. But to keep him from noticing, involves not doing sit down prayers at the table, kind of thing.

Praying at mealtimes is fairly new to him, so its not something he catches until one of his friends, or the elders, or scout leader, etc. brings it up. But that's becoming a more and more often thing.

So I'm just really not sure how to handle prayers before meals. Suggestions?

[applepansy]

Its still ok to teach him to say a prayer before eating. I often don't eat with my grandson, mostly because I am often nauseous because of health issues and meds. So we say the prayer and he eats while I talk to him or do other things.

My grandson is 4yo. Sometimes he asks, but he knows grandma doesn't always feel good.

How old is your son?

[Backroads]

My husband does not view mealtime prayers as food-only blessings--in fact, he considers meal prayers as a bigger prayer time than at night.

Try changing up the mealtime prayer culture. It does not HAVE to be y'all gathered around the table Norman Rockwell style since it doesn't sound like that is your usual eating style anyway. Focus on your boy and start teaching him that this meal is a good time to pray--not necessarily about just blessing the food. That might help take away the direct association between the prayer and the meal so he won't be so apt to notice what your'e doing.

[BadWolf]

How old is your son?

10! :) (Not sure how that happened. Toddler last week, turned around twice, and now he's 10. I have to be careful not to sneeze, or he'll be driving.)

So he's still young enough to redirect, but old enough to catch on. And have some pretty strong views.

[applepansy]

10! :) (Not sure how that happened. Toddler last week, turned around twice, and now he's 10. I have to be careful not to sneeze, or he'll be driving.)

So he's still young enough to redirect, but old enough to catch on. And have some pretty strong views.

And I'm sure he loves his Mom and worries that you're taken care of too.

I like Backroads suggestion

[BadWolf]

My husband does not view mealtime prayers as food-only blessings--in fact, he considers meal prayers as a bigger prayer time than at night.

Try changing up the mealtime prayer culture.

Examples? My background is loosely Catholic, Buddhist, & Islamic. So I'm not sure what changing the culture would look like.

It does not HAVE to be y'all gathered around the table Norman Rockwell style since it doesn't sound like that is your usual eating style anyway. Focus on your boy and start teaching him that this meal is a good time to pray--not necessarily about just blessing the food. That might help take away the direct association between the prayer and the meal so he won't be so apt to notice what your'e doing.

That's part of the problem, is that it usually is more Norman Rockwell (meets family circus). I'm distracting him currently by eating on the go, with movies, etc. during times when he's home more. But if/when I bring up being time to pray... He jumps on where's MY breakfast/lunch/tea??? (English teatime, not actual 'tea').

[Backroads]

Examples? My background is loosely Catholic, Buddhist, & Islamic. So I'm not sure what changing the culture would look like.

That's part of the problem, is that it usually is more Norman Rockwell (meets family circus). I'm distracting him currently by eating on the go, with movies, etc. during times when he's home more. But if/when I bring up being time to pray... He jumps on where's MY breakfast/lunch/tea??? (English teatime, not actual 'tea').

Perhaps I used "culture" too strongly. Many families use the blessing as everyone sits down, thanks God for the food, and eats. Simply try making it another time to pray rather than an actual food blessing.

[BadWolf]

No worries! What I actually meant is that in all 3 its a very ritualistic 'Sit, pray, eat' sort of formula.

Huh. Didn't realize how deep that went. No eat. No pray. No sit. I appear to have just gone backwards logic in my solution-ing.

[Guest Doctrine]

It sounds like your having some trouble feeding your self and your family at the moment instead of trying to hid the fact your not eating, you should talk with your bishop to see if you could go get some food at the bishops store house, they have great food and if you dont like hand outs you could always help out there if it makes you feel better.

I am just saying iam a little concern your not eating, if i understood your story right.

[skippy740]

It sounds like your having some trouble feeding your self and your family at the moment instead of trying to hid the fact your not eating, you should talk with your bishop to see if you could go get some food at the bishops store house, they have great food and if you dont like hand outs you could always help out there if it makes you feel better.

I am just saying iam a little concern your not eating, if i understood your story right.

x2! This was going to be my suggestion.

[BadWolf]

It sounds like your having some trouble feeding your self and your family at the moment instead of trying to hid the fact your not eating, you should talk with your bishop to see if you could go get some food at the bishops store house, they have great food and if you dont like hand outs you could always help out there if it makes you feel better.

I am just saying iam a little concern your not eating, if i understood your story right.

That's very, very sweet..., but I'm fine. I don't NEED help, right now. I just don't have anywhere else to cut back on except my son's martial arts or the grocery budget.

Once my divorce is final in a few months, Ill be able to supplement my income with student loans (Im precluded, currently, due to my ex's income). Meaning in 3-6 mo, everything will be worked out, g.w. : )

So this is really reeeeeeally temporary. I can do 6 more mo standing on my head, and it might not even be that long. And my kiddo-only budget is about the same as missionaries get. So no worries. He's good.

If I had no money, I'd touch base. Instead, like a lot of people, things are just tight. Unlike a lot of people, I CAN eat... I'm simply choosing not to, in order to spend that money on extras (like martial arts) & a better quality diet for my son (and movie rentals -no tv etc-, books, and taffy... LOL, not counting the taffies as 'better quality', though! Never fear!).

I'm keeping my blood sugar up through out the day (soda or sugar water), eating dinner with my son every other week when he's home, staying hydrated, taking my vitamins, lowered my activity level, the whole shebang. I might get a little fat from tanking my metabolism, but I certainly won't starve. I forget to eat for a couple days all the time, and COULD eat if I chose to (and sometimes do) so it isn't a hardship. Not like for a lot of people who don't have a choice. When there's nothing to cut, and no food.

Choice is huge.

It's just a little challenging, right now, is all. Life is good!

I just don't want my son to know. His dad puts him through the wringer. Too many adult worries on little shoulders.

[Guest]

You both can pray for blessing over his food. No need to hide it from your son. You're on a diet - not a lie in your case. 10 year olds understand diet.

I am on a diet and there are times when my kids eat and I don't because it's not the proper time for me to eat. I sit on the dinner table sometimes with nothing, sometimes just munching on shredded lettuce. And yes, we all pray over the food.

Suggestion: Ramen Noodles taste pretty good. It costs around 25 cents each, sometimes less when it's on sale, and it has 2 servings per package - so you can eat half now, eat half on the next mother/son meal. Or you can even split one package between the two of you. Yes, it's not the healthiest thing. But, like you said, it's only for 6 months, right?

[Irishcolleen]

Bad Wolf,

You are under so much stress right now! My heart goes out to you and I AM praying for you. Proper nutrition is important, especially when you are under stress like a divorce. You need to stay healthy for your son! Please do whatever you need to do in order to eat more!

If you feel uncomfortable going to your bishop you could ask a pastor of another church. They can give you food or financial assistance confidentially. They won't make you attend their church in order to get the assistance. I frequently work in our church office and I have seen many people come in for food or gas money. Our pastor just prays with them, finds out what type of help they need, and then gives it to them as he's able. At times he may help the family work out a budget and put them in touch with other resources like job training, etc..., but in cases like yours, he would just give food/money and a ton of prayer.

If I knew where you were I'd be at your house in a matter of minutes with a big bag of groceries.

[IamMe]

Bad Wolf,

If I knew where you were I'd be at your house in a matter of minutes with a big bag of groceries.

Me too.

Been there, done that, it's not a nice way to live.

May I offer a couple suggestions? There are ways to shop for groceries super cheap, sometimes even something like a cup o soup, that will help ease off the hunger and at least have some nutritional value.

I also coupon to bring our grocery budget down, judging by the size of my butt that I'm sitting on right now, we must eat quite well. It's not as hard as you may think, it's just a matter of combining a sale with a coupon to get more mileage out of your grocery budget, I'd be happy to show you the ropes if you pm me.