mnn727 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Internet blockers -- really? I can see that for the kids in the house, but for the husband (or wife)? If you get to that point I think there's more of a problem. My thought for adults is either they can control themselves or they can not. besides most people have other computers, smart phones, etc they can get to, not to mention old fashioned books and magazines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 On a more random note, it is fascinating how the male and female brain can differ in the view of sex.Last night, I get home from work to find my Victoria's Secret catalog in the mailbox. Yay. I sit down on the couch and browse through it... and soon discovered that my husband wasn't very useful in responding to "do you think this is cute/sexy?" questions as he struggled to look at the actual product/pattern... I was friends with some single guys in Provo and when I saw they had the Victoria's Secret Catalog, I was merciless. I said, "You know one of them is a transvestite, don't you?""WHAT?""You didn't hear that? It's that guy right there. No, definitely that guy. You were lusting after a dude."I thoroughly ruined the catalog for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finrock Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Good afternoon Backroads! I hope you have been having a good day today. =)And that harder question is what I was getting at. Repentance and love are givens we all should know...People may intellectually know these things, but that doesn't mean they really know them. What I mean is that I think you are assuming that it goes without question that the spouse will react in a loving way or in a way that will facilitate repetance for the sinner.It seems to me that the hard part is learning to view the sinner as a person who is critically wounded and needs help and support, not more lashings. Most often the easy reaction is to get angry, feel resentment, feel disgust, and then react based on those feelings.Regards,Finrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I think it's easier on the spouse when the person with the porn problem confesses on their own, showing remorse, and asking for help. Finding the evidence is a horrible shock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I think it's easier on the spouse when the person with the porn problem confesses on their own, showing remorse, and asking for help. Finding the evidence is a horrible shock.Which brings us full circle to my point.Put it back in the sin category and out of the 'you pervert I want a divorce' category. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Internet blockers -- really? I can see that for the kids in the house, but for the husband (or wife)?If you get to that point I think there's more of a problem. My thought for adults is either they can control themselves or they can not.I congratulate you for not having had such a hard time "kicking the habit", as it were; but for a lot of us LDS males (myself included) - it just isn't that easy. Ideally, yes; there's going to be a sufficient change of heart to the point that the stuff no longer interests me. But I'm not there yet, and that change of heart isn't going to happen while I'm accessing the stuff daily. I'm quite willing to accept some outside help to keep me accountable for my online behavior. Now, I'm not sure a web filter is actually necessary - I have X3 on my Android, which gives me free rein on the internet on the understanding that an activity log will be emailed to my wife. But my wife has asked to put K9 on my PC, and I'm willing to do that to keep her happy.Does my wife have some kind of objective right to be able to control - not just be aware of, but control - my internet access? Maybe not. Should she be as outraged by my porn problem as she is? Who knows. Is it wise for her to speak of divorce if I don't get my act together? I'm not convinced of that, by any means. But quite frankly: I lost my moral authority to lecture my wife about how she should feel, when I started viewing porn. I love her, I love the Lord, and I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to heal my relationship with the both of them. I figure that it's their prerogative - not mine - to set the terms for that healing process. So, there you have it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I'm also finding using AdBlocker &/or AdBlocker + in my Chrome browser simply helps reduce the advertisements. As we all know, "sex sells"... and doesn't help someone trying to keep his thoughts pure. It's not available for Internet Explorer, but I do know it's available for Chrome & FireFox. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Which brings us full circle to my point.Put it back in the sin category and out of the 'you pervert I want a divorce' category. I don't think a lot of guys understand how much better it would go for them if they tearfully told their wives they had a problem. If the wife finds it and wants to gouge her eyes out/scrub her brain with Comet, she's going to be angry on many more levels. I talked to a woman online who's three-year-old found a print out her husband hid under the bed and wandered over to her with it. You're just not going to think, "Aw, poor guy has a problem!" No, you're gonna go mama bear on him.It's much easier not to have to see that stuff yourself or think that your children are at risk of seeing it. One of my guy friends from high school found his dad's collection and he told him, "Don't tell your mom about the pretty ladies." He lost a lot of respect for him that day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Morningstar, That is PERFECT advice for the addict coming here to find out what to do. My advice in the other thread is about how to talk to the addict spouse when they won't come to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Morningstar,That is PERFECT advice for the addict coming here to find out what to do.My advice in the other thread is about how to talk to the addict spouse when they won't come to you. Unfortunately, too many guys believe their wives will leave them if they tell, but they're really sabotaging themselves by not telling. She will think things are much worse than they are. Others aren't ready to tell because they don't want to give up the habit. They know there will be a lot more obstacles if there is accountability to someone.Darn porn to heck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All_Apologies Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 Porn causes a lot of problems. I attend a sexual addiction recovery group and I know quite a few people who cannot enjoy sex with their spouse because they are into porn. Sometimes, they even have erectile dysfunction because of it. It also appears to make people preoccupied with sex, where they are unable to consider things that are more important. It also makes people feel like they are a walking lust ball. Some cannot even go out and get a job because all they want to do is masturbate. For real. These are observations from what I have seen/heard from other addicts. Not from my own experience. I have experienced similar symptoms from my own manifestation of sexual addiction. (My addiction: Couldn't stop committing adultery just using my own strength. I needed God's help to stop.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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