Divorce and Sealing

[classylady]

My husband and I were discussing divorce and what happens to the Sealing Covenant between the spouses. From what we understand, the sealing is basically no longer in effect because of the divorce. But, what happens in the next life if the sealing is never cancelled in this life? We understand that the Lord will never force anyone to be together in the next life if that is not what they want. But, assuming the couple both merit the Celestial Kingdom, and all has been forgiven, everyone will love one another, and be able to live in peace and harmony together, would said couple feel that they should honor the sealing covenant they made in this life? Is there any doctrine on this? Or do you think anything we say would all be speculation?

DH and I are in this situation. He has been previously married/sealed. His ex-wife has never been sealed to another man. DH says he just doesn't know what he would do if his ex came to him in the next life and asked to be with him again. He doesn't know if he would feel responsible to accept her because of Priesthood Stewardship and the eternal covenant he made with the Lord and her. Breaking a covenant is serious business. What's your opinion on this? Again, this would be after all have repented and assuming they both merit the Celestial Kingdom and ex-wife does not have a husband.

For you men, would you feel that your Priesthood stewardship, feelings of responsibility, and the sanctity of a covenant, lead you towards accepting a former spouse?

Edited November 17, 2012 by classylady

[Dravin]

Is there any doctrine on this? Or do you think anything we say would all be speculation?

The latter.

For you men, would you feel that your Priesthood stewardship, feelings of responsibility, and the sanctity of a covenant, lead you towards accepting a former spouse?

Not sure. Though one thing to consider is that right now we are not required to live the highest law, that is that divorce and remarriage for anything other than adultery, is itself adultery. So I can see the argument for acceptance, particularly considering that I don't see ire or dislike existing between individuals in the Celestial Kingdom. So rankling based on, "I hate that man/women." kinda falls by the wayside. On the other hand will we be given a second chance to live a Celestial Marriage that we didn't live during mortality? This life is the day to perform our labors.

Edited November 17, 2012 by Dravin

[LetrellC]

A sealing can be broken on earth. I know this because, unfortunately, I have several friends who have had it done. Each was approved by the Prophet (or so I was told). The children in all four cases "went with"...remained sealed to the Mother.

Without going into the Temple Ordinances think hard about what you learned in the Temple. Just because one spouse chooses to remain sealed and seeks out the other, does not require the other to accept it. We must all remain worthy of such a blessing.

I personally believe that whatever happens (regarding spouses/family, etc), as long as we live such that we are worthy of the blessings of the highest degree of glory, we will be happy with the outcome and how we spend eternity. I for one, could use the quiet time (LOL). Sorry...don't mean to make light of it..but wow, today no one is home but me and I tell ya, I do like the silence in the air. LOL.

[Guest SquidMom]

My sister was married in the temple and is now divorced and remarried. They are still sealed. The bishop told her that she would have to get a letter from him, ( as they now live in separate staes,) in order to undo the sealing. She doesn't know what that would mean for the kids...

[Guest]

The kids remain sealed to the father, provided he's keeping his covenants.

[Vort]

I agree with Dravin. We do not have enough information to make informed speculation, so anything we say has about as much chance of being correct as a toddler's speculation on the effects of relativistic time dilation on high-speed particles in an asymmetric gravitational field.

[LetrellC]

It sounds like maybe it's case-by-case. That sounds a bit more reasonable to me.

[garryw]

The children in all four cases "went with"...remained sealed to the Mother.

Children remain sealed to both parents once they are sealed or BIC. Considering the children grow up, and get sealed to their spouses, it's misleading to imply belong to one parent or another.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife

It's hard to imagine a divorced couple in their 80's debating over who gets the children, when the children themselves are in their 50's. Likewise, there will be no debate over who gets the children in the next life.

Edited November 19, 2012 by garryw

[garryw]

This quote is attributed to Brigham Young (who himself was divorced several times), but of course, is not official in any sense:

You may inquire, in case a wife becomes disaffected with her husband, her affections lost, she becomes alienated from him and wishes to be the wife of another, can she not leave him? I know of no law in heaven or on earth by which she can be made free while her husband remains faithful and magnifies his priesthood before God and he is not disposed to put her away, she having done nothing worthy of being put away. If that disaffected wife could behold the transcendent beauty of person, the godlike qualities of the resurrected husband she now despises, her love for him would be unbounded and unutterable. Instead of despising him she would feel like worshipping him, he is so holy, so pure, so perfect and so filled with God in his resurrected body. There will be no disaffection of this kind in the resurrection of the just. The faithful elders have then provided themselves worthy of their wives, and are prepared to be crowned gods, to be filled with all the attributes of the gods that dwell in eternity. Could disaffected ones see visions, even of the future glorified state of their husbands, love for them would immediately spring up within you and no circumstance could prevail upon you to forsake them."

[midwestrob]

This is actually my first post. But i am going through a situation thats related to this thread. I have been sealed to my first and current wife for only three months. We met at a YSA conference in Nauvoo and had a long distance relationship. I was in Illinois going to school and she was in Des Moines Iowa. We got married less than a year from meeting and now the girl that i met at the dance is not the same that i know now.

She has exhibited that she has bi-polar issues. I dont know if she was in a manic state when we were engaged and now there is the other extreme. She does not want to do family prayer, scripture study, or family home evening. She has become very controlling. She wanted to have a joint account so i agreed, but she would go on wild spending sprees once we got paid. Now i have created a separate bank account where my paychecks go. She has moved in and out with her parents twice already but still wanted to be married. Now, i have found out that she set up an account on a dating website, not church related. I dont know if anything physical happened, yet i feel so betrayed and i am tired of the immaturity. Now she has moved out again back into her parents. I understand the sacred nature of the marriage covenant. I am going to my bishop Sunday to talk about this.

She wants to annul the marriage now. I am eventually wanting to be sealed to someone else who is more mature and emotionally stable, (not attached or coddled by parents). I am a convert so im still somewhat new to the church, even though its been two years since i was baptized.

What can or should i do in this situation? I dont think worthiness is the issue on her part,

but not understanding the sacred nature of marriage and treating our marriage like its a high school sweetheart deal.

She has lied to her family about me. Supposedly, im violent towards her, (i walk away when she starts screaming her head off at me.) I allegedly break the Word of Wisdom, (not true).

I want this marriage to work out but im afraid its too late.

Will I be in trouble if we divorce? Can I remarry again? Do I have to surrender my temple recommend now until a "divorce clearance" is granted?

[Just_A_Guy]

I would respectfully suggest that just because two people are fundamentally good and have many admirable qualities, doesn't necessarily mean that they are a perfect match for each other.

Taking Classylady's case, for example: Sure, if husband and ex-wife both wind up being Celestial Kingdom material, they (and Classylady) could probably, per President Kimball's statements, put a lot of effort the relationship and make something work, ultimately finding joy and fulfillment in the situation. But should they - will they - be required to do so, if ex-wife is able to find some other male whose disposition suits her a little better? I'm doubtful; though of course this is all speculative.

[Vort]

Will I be in trouble if we divorce?

"In trouble" in the sense that God will say "You have failed, you naughty boy"? I don't think any of us can answer that, but I doubt it. Or "in trouble" in the sense that your membership or standing in the Church will be in jeopardy? No.

Can I remarry again?

Yes.

Do I have to surrender my temple recommend now until a "divorce clearance" is granted?

No, not in general. In the case you described, I seriously doubt it. Talk to your bishop.

What a nightmare situation, especially with the false allegations of abuse. I wish I had advice to give. Best of luck.

[beefche]

What a horrible experience for you. I have a family member who is bi-polar and schizophrenic and has accused her family members of horrific things. Talk to your bishop and ask him these questions as well, I think you will find comfort in his answers and counsel to you.