I feel abandoned by my Visiting and Home teachers.

[Pokie]

Hello, I am a recent convert and not sure about a lot of things regarding mormon culture.

Specifically Home and Visiting Teaching.

My problem is best understood after a short introduction.

Yes i am a convert, but also someone who suffers from depression and low self esteem. Through all the crap that has been my life, i have become a fighter. Someone who can be sure of herself and fight her own battles. But lately i have become worn down, as sometimes happens. I have several callings in the church, Visiting teaching(Which is freaking sweet, i have an awesome companion who is showing me the ropes and lovely sisters to visit) and as a YSA leader (Ugh). This being said, i still am lacking knowledge, so maybe i'm obsessing over nothing.

Okay, now to the problem. I feel abandoned by my visiting and home teachers.

I've only seen either pair once or twice, and none at all in the last 2 months. We have a fairly small branch, so its not like they won't see me. I guess the problem is that i'm not thought of.

And this is tearing me up inside. I feel unloved, i know its stupid and creepy and weird, but i feel unwanted. I can't sleep from thinking about it, and sometimes i start to cry and can't seem to stop...(Its the combination of this and family issues). It certainly doesn't help my self-esteem. I mean i know i'm not a perfect and can come off as aggressive, but i don't know if i can fight anymore. I've fought for so much in my life, and i'm still a weak person who isn't worth it.

I'm not sure if this is a battle that i can even win.

Any words of comfort or advice is appreciated.

[pooter1]

It is very rare in my ward to find good visiting teachers and home teachers.The last time we saw our home teacher was about a year ago. I don't know if its like this everywhere or not. I do know about depression. Going to the temple has helped more than anything I have ever tried.Work towards going to the Temple.I will be glad to be your friend and talk with you.I suffer from depression,anxiety attacks and low self esteem.I think the low self esteem comes from the attacks I have and not be able to control them at times. You are loved.I pray every morning for people like us.Go the temple, read your scritpures,pray,go to the church,pay your titihing and you will receive blessings.This is the only way I have ever found any peace.

[Sunshine_Lily]

This is common unfortunately in many wards/branches. Since I've moved into my ward 3 years ago, I've only had 2 visits from my visiting teachers and only 1 visit from my home teachers. Most members aren't as faithful when it comes to visiting the people they are assigned to visit each month.

Please don't take their actions as a sign that you are unloved. They probably have no idea that you would like to see them more often. They next time they come to visit, say "I love that you take the time to visit me." As they leave say "I can't wait to see you next month!" or "Please stop by next month, I would love to visit with you again." Just a small hint that you would like them to visit more often.

Depression is a very tough battle - I've have my own battle with depression and sometime members can trigger those feelings of worthlessness or unloved in my head. I have to constantly work on my depression, some days are easy and some days I can't get through without crying. Just remember, you are not alone. Heavenly Father understands your situation. He understands how you feel and why you feel they way you do. When ever you feel alone, pray. This often helps me, even if its just to remind me that Heavenly Father loves me.

Also, if you feel like your depression is too much to handle and you can't win please see a doctor. There was a moment in my life were I felt like couldn't handle my depression anymore and decided to see my doctor. My doctor was very helpful and prescribed me an anti-depressant which makes me feel a million times better!! There are still rough days, but not nearly as many before I saw my doctor.

[applepansy]

Ask your Bishop or the High Priest Group leader who your Home Teachers are. Ask the Relief Society Pres who your Visiting Teachers are. Then call or visit them. Or if that's too much our of your comfort zone. Send them a card or note. VT and HT is a two way street is a lot of ways.

We all have lives that interfere with our callings sometimes. Some more than others and sometimes procrastination is the culprit. That doesn't mean you're not thought about or unloved, it just means people are busy in their own lives. So, reach out to them.

[Vort]

Hello, I am a recent convert and not sure about a lot of things regarding mormon culture.

Specifically Home and Visiting Teaching.

My problem is best understood after a short introduction.

Yes i am a convert, but also someone who suffers from depression and low self esteem. Through all the crap that has been my life, i have become a fighter. Someone who can be sure of herself and fight her own battles. But lately i have become worn down, as sometimes happens. I have several callings in the church, Visiting teaching(Which is freaking sweet, i have an awesome companion who is showing me the ropes and lovely sisters to visit) and as a YSA leader (Ugh). This being said, i still am lacking knowledge, so maybe i'm obsessing over nothing.

Okay, now to the problem. I feel abandoned by my visiting and home teachers.

I've only seen either pair once or twice, and none at all in the last 2 months. We have a fairly small branch, so its not like they won't see me. I guess the problem is that i'm not thought of.

And this is tearing me up inside. I feel unloved, i know its stupid and creepy and weird, but i feel unwanted. I can't sleep from thinking about it, and sometimes i start to cry and can't seem to stop...(Its the combination of this and family issues). It certainly doesn't help my self-esteem. I mean i know i'm not a perfect and can come off as aggressive, but i don't know if i can fight anymore. I've fought for so much in my life, and i'm still a weak person who isn't worth it.

I'm not sure if this is a battle that i can even win.

Any words of comfort or advice is appreciated.

Home and visiting teaching are a weak point for many wards in the Church. It's not you, it's the rest of us. Seriously.

I would suggest you talk to your Relief Society president and tell her how much you miss your visiting teachers. Better yet, CALL YOUR VISITING TEACHERS AND ASK THEM TO VISIT. I bet they'll be there by the next day. Similarly, for your home teachers, call them up, or talk to your high priests group leader and tell him you'd really like your home teachers to visit.

[Sharky]

I & my wife can both relate very directly with the OP, in more ways then one. Add to that the fact that we live in a very rural area where ward members are spread out & in some areas of the ward, like where we live, members are few & far. The roads are mostly graveled and street ligts are non-existant.

Currently we have a VERY good match with our home teacher. He come monthly & calls or texts a few other times during the month plus always seeks us out to shake our hands at church. This is a RARE thing to find in a home teacher!

Even with such a great home teacher, he has periodically felt overwhelmed when things in his life seemed to be pulling him down & then maybe our needs (emotional or physical or spiritual needs) seemed to weigh him down even more.

During those times he has struggled to Home Teach. He has struggled to even attend church. Struggles to be the friend that we need.

We have never held back, when we need that visit & we see him struggling with his own needs, we take the time to stop by his place with a plate of goodies or some veggies or a loaf of home-made bread.

We visit him & make sure he knows that visit counts as his his HT visit to us that month.

Invaribly he will come visit us later that month & those visits always seem to be the most special most spiritual visits!

Going & visiting him provides so much more for us by our helping him, relieving some the pressures from his life & our giving to him once in a while.

Sometimes it is hard to put yourself out like that, to work up the courage to go visit your home teacher or visiting teacher. Sometimes calling them just to talk seem like something you just can't bring yourself to do. Sometimes asking for that ride to church to help ensure you go seems like an impossibility. Sometimes those things are very VERY difficult to do .... I know, I've been there.

But I promise you, that if you will put forth the effort to be a friend to them that you will find so much more in those relationships as well as in your friendships with other ward members and with the Lord as well.

Edited November 28, 2012 by Sharky

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

First I want to echo the others and say, it's not you. Unfortunately this is an issue in most (probably all) wards. And it can be very painful. I am sorry this is hurting you.

I think there are two things to consider here. First is that this is a common problem. I think the principles behind visiting and home teaching are wonderful...it is how we put them into practice that is the problem. I believe we have these programs because the Lord wants us to truly learn to love one another and minister to each other. Some of us are better at that than others. Some have a long way to go. . .:) But it is not you.

I have had the same problem and have been proactive about it asking/inviting them to come over....or asking leadership for a change...sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.

It is frustrating, but as followers of Christ we still have a lot of work to do in this area.

Second, try to remember that Depression Lies!!! When you are depressed, you sometimes have thoughts that are not true or see things as being far worse than they are. Though you can't always change that, you might be able to fight back by telling yourself, "Depression Lies"....that's all you don't have to change it. Just remind yourself that you might feel differently about the situation when you feel better.

I hope you will feel better. Whatever happens with your visitng and home teachers....know that the Lord loves you.

[Guest]

My home teachers in the YSA ward were the worst. I had exactly one HT visit, and only because one of my HT's worked in the same place I did. The "visit" was in the cafeteria at work, and went something like this:

"Are you Eowyn Lastname?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well I'm your home teacher. So, consider yourself home taught."

And he never said another word to me.

I think I might have had VT's once. I remember going to VT myself, but I can't say whether I went monthly or not.

As others said, HT and VT are glorious programs that are horribly underused and unappreciated by so many of us who should be doing it and let life get in the way. Thanks for reminding me that I need to be better about it. It's not you, really. I think that those who get taught regularly are the exception, unfortunately, and I think it's worse in YSA wards.

I'll also echo LP's words about depression's lies. Remember, that just as the Spirit is our truth teller and the bringer of light, the adversary is the father of all lies, and in my experience preys on us worse when we're depressed. Isolation and depression open us up to believing those lies. The best way to fight darkness is with light. Seek after the Spirit and ask to feel of your Father's love and to know the truth.

[Pokie]

Thank you all so much!

I still am not sure on what i should do, but i think the best course of action is to love the sisters i visit more.

I think what set me off last night with the restlessness and low self-worth last night was that our local missionaries visited earlier that evening and kinda made me realized how disconnected i am from the fellow saints in my branch. I'm really happy that they did think about me long enough to shoot me a text and come out to see me, even though it did give me massive anxiety afterwords.

Curse and bless this human experience!

[mnn727]

When you see your home and visit teachers, ask them when they'd like to come over.

Its a weak point with some people, I've been in wards where percentages of families visited were below 30% and in wards where they approached 90%. Don't be afraid to invite them over when you see them in Church, they'll probably be relieved and if you do that a couple times they'll get the idea.

[MormonMama]

It's definitely a church-wide problem.

We moved into our new ward in June and have never seen our home or visiting teachers. I have not been assigned to visit teach anyone. DH was assigned a companion for home teaching but has never been able to get in touch with him and doesn't feel comfortable going alone.

We moved from a WONDERFUL ward, but I still almost never saw a visiting teacher in over two years. We had a great home teacher who came faithfully every month but his companion was almost never able to come due to his job as a police officer.