Questions about a Temple Wedding

[Truther]

First of all I am not a Mormon, but my wife and Daughter are.

My daughter is getting to the age where she will start looking for a husband and I have a few questions.

She will most certainly marry a Mormon. She has already been to the Temple.

1. If she gets married civilly, it is my understanding that she will have to wait a year to get her temple marriage. Is this true?

2. If the answer to number one is true ( I think it is, but need confirmation), does getting married civilly make her unworthy to go to the Temple for that year she is waiting.....

3. If the answer to number 2 is true( I think it is, after all, why make them wait if they remain worthy?) My question is why does a non temple wedding make them unworthy? I can't find it in any of you books of doctrine....

I really want to ask my Daughter to have a Wedding that I can participate in, but I don't want her to compromise her standing in the church.

[pam]

Some good questions.

The usual practice and policy is, if a couple get married civilly there is usually a one year waiting period to be able to be sealed in the temple.

This doesn't make her unworthy during that year though to attend the temple if she chooses. It just means there is a year wait for the temple sealing. She could still attend the temple as much as she wants to. Unless of course there are temple worthiness issues that would keep her from going.

[Truther]

Soooo.....If she has a civil wedding, she can still attend in full membership and do everything was doing before she got married. Except she can't be sealed for a year.

Her and her husband can do marriages for the dead, but not for themselves......Lame....Just sayin......

That just doesn't make sense. Why would a church punish someone for getting married outside the church, by making them wait a year ,on one hand, and on the other let them continue as if nothing was wrong.

[pam]

Now I wonder if you are here to ask sincere questions or to criticize/condemn our practices and beliefs.

The best thing she can do is speak to her Bishop. I have known a couple of cases where they didn't have to wait a year. Her Bishop would let her know.

[Truther]

I came here to have discussions that I can't have with my family without stressing them out..I came here to get some info that would help me talk about it with them. But all I get is frustrated by stuff that makes no sense.

I get my motives questioned which makes me not want to ask questions. She can talk to her bishop? seriously....? Does he have enough authority to change this insane rule? Are you saying that some people in the church get special treatment?

I am starting to regret coming to this board, because everything I have learned tonight is scaring me away and making me want to take my family away from this church..Up until now I at least had hope.

[tubaloth]

Some good questions.

The usual practice and policy is, if a couple get married civilly there is usually a one year waiting period to be able to be sealed in the temple.

Pam can you elaborate on this more. The waiting period I felt was always for new members.

We knew new members have to wait a year to go to the temple. But for active, valid Temple Recommend holders I don't know why they couldn't get married in the temple sooner then a year? There very well could be a waiting period between a civil marriage and a temple marriage. Its not a common thing.

[pam]

Pam can you elaborate on this more. The waiting period I felt was always for new members.

We knew new members have to wait a year to go to the temple. But for active, valid Temple Recommend holders I don't know why they couldn't get married in the temple sooner then a year? There very well could be a waiting period between a civil marriage and a temple marriage. Its not a common thing.

It is of course case by case. But the general rule is about 1 year even for members. Now of course it also depends on the country you live in. For example..in the UK it is law that they must be married civilly first so of course the waiting period is waived.

That is why we get so many questions here and debates on this subject here on lds.net due to those families that have non members that would not be able to attend the marriage.

[Just_A_Guy]

Theologically, a Mormon temple marriage is associated with tremendous blessings and is given only after a person makes very strict promises to let nothing--nothing--come between themselves and obedience to the commandments of God. Not money, not work, not friends, not carnal desires--and yes, not even family. That principle does not come from us.

If a couple deliberately chooses not to make those specific promises at the time of their marriage, they are not under any formal condemnation. However, before they are given another opportunity to make those promises, they will be given a period of time in which to consider what those promises mean, what blessings are tied to them, and whether they are willing to (with God's help) re-pattern every aspect of their lives in order to keep those promises. It's not about "worthiness". It's about "preparedness".

On a personal level, I realize that - yeah - with the current policy the Church kind of is making a child choose between the Church and its theology, versus a non-practicing family member. I don't mean to downplay the hurt that comes with that kind of conundrum, but I would note that in practical terms this is pretty much the only time the Church is likely to ever ask her to make that kind of a choice. By your statements on this forum, however, you sound prepared to force that choice upon both your daughter and your wife on a day-in, day-out basis for the foreseeable future.

Food for thought.

Edited February 17, 2013 by Just_A_Guy

[skippy740]

My youngest brother baptized a woman about 3 years ago. They dated and had a civil ceremony. Her parents were not members, but were having missionary discussions and at least opening up their hearts a little bit towards the Church.

I thought it was wise of my brother and his, then fiancé, to wait to have a temple sealing after her parents could attend their wedding.

Yes, she is a "newer" member. But the same policy applies to lifelong members of the Church. I have two friends that I knew in high school who grew up in the Church. They had a civil ceremony first, then a year later they were sealed in the temple.

This is one policy of the Church that I don't agree with... but I sustain the leadership of the Church for teaching the youth to live worthy of a temple marriage.

Could you imagine the message we "could" be sending to youth when they "discover" that they could have a civil ceremony and then work for worthiness for the temple? They'll probably develop an attitude similar to this one:

2 Nephi 28:7-9

7 Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.

8 And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.

9 Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark.

Living one's life in accordance to temple standards of worthiness is just one way to prepare for the rest of their lives and for the next life:

Alma 34:32-34

32 For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors.

33 And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed.

34 Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.

[THIRDpersonviewer]

I came here to have discussions that I can't have with my family without stressing them out..I came here to get some info that would help me talk about it with them. But all I get is frustrated by stuff that makes no sense.

I get my motives questioned which makes me not want to ask questions. She can talk to her bishop? seriously....? Does he have enough authority to change this insane rule? Are you saying that some people in the church get special treatment?

I am starting to regret coming to this board, because everything I have learned tonight is scaring me away and making me want to take my family away from this church..Up until now I at least had hope.

Hi truther! how are you? At first things may be hard to understand but give it some time. I see where you're coming from. Especially when you haven't known what happens specifically in the church or anything for that matter, it may come as weird or different.

I've also lived in Thailand so there is a major difference in cultures. Some things were just so unusual. For instance, you watch what you do with your feet. If you point the bottom of your foot at someone, it's the same as us giving the bird. Over there you could point at something with your middle finger and they find no offense. It's just different.

The biggest thing I find is being calm when learning about stuff. If you feel tons of emotion, or a rush, or anything that builds up feeling, then you could end up looking at things subjectively. I try to be as objective as I can with things. I love science. Hopefully my name indicates some objectivity. I've noticed for myself when I have the above feelings and I am not calm, then I am not as alert to certain details that will really open my mind or understanding.

I'm sure it is not easy, and there are things that just don't seem to jive at first. For me, the answers have come when I sought to learn what everything is about. What is the center of the message? Why is that the message given to us? How does that help me? These questions will teach you a foundation so when you start looking at smaller details, like temple wedding procedures, janitors at church, home teachers, Priesthood, all these things will be understood better. I'm sure you know who home teachers are and the priesthood, but the more we learn and grow in our relationship with God, the better we understand the reasons we have them and how they are blessings in our lives.

I have a verse that I feel would be helpful, I'll give it to you if you want. It helps show what the center is, and then you can learn from that point and start taking topics closest to it and work your way out to those other things.

Even as members we continue to grow in understanding so don't worry about not understanding everything at first. Just take one thing, study it. Take another, study. Meditate to see how they connect, and then move to the next thing and keep repeating, while giving time to test out what you are learning. Your understanding will grow and you'll be a lot more at ease about it.

I hope that helps! Best of Luck to you!

[Vort]

Soooo.....If she has a civil wedding, she can still attend in full membership and do everything was doing before she got married. Except she can't be sealed for a year.

Her and her husband can do marriages for the dead, but not for themselves......Lame....Just sayin......

That just doesn't make sense. Why would a church punish someone for getting married outside the church, by making them wait a year ,on one hand, and on the other let them continue as if nothing was wrong.

If the Church's doctrine is revealed from God, as we claim it is, then Church practices are not "lame", even if they don't meet with your approval. Your opinion and five dollars are worth a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

On the other hand, if the Church's doctrine is not revealed from God, then everything about the Church is "lame", so your picking out a single element and branding it as "lame" is, well, lame.