advice wanted

[marcspurs]

Hi guys, i am in need of some advice, i am a convert i have been a member for 20 yrs. Of that 20 yrs i would say 3/4 of that i have not attended church for whatever reason although i have always lived the commandments.

Here is my problem, i have my patriarchal blessing and it says that i can achieve greatness in the church, which is all good but my problem is i get nervous in saying prayers in a group, i am shy, although i have knowledge of the gospel, i should know a lot more than i do, i also cant get up in front of people and give talks and i that it is holding me back, i have missed out so much in my church life because of shyness.

Anyone got any ideas or advice

[Dravin]

Hi guys, i am in need of some advice, i am a convert i have been a member for 20 yrs. Of that 20 yrs i would say 3/4 of that i have not attended church for whatever reason although i have always lived the commandments.

Here is my problem, i have my patriarchal blessing and it says that i can achieve greatness in the church, which is all good but my problem is i get nervous in saying prayers in a group, i am shy, although i have knowledge of the gospel, i should know a lot more than i do, i also cant get up in front of people and give talks and i that it is holding me back, i have missed out so much in my church life because of shyness.

Anyone got any ideas or advice

For starters Patriarchal blessings are predicated on faithfulness. As you've been absent from Church 15 years it wouldn't surprise me if that blessing was forfeit. Though ultimately I'm not in a position to know, so take some guy on the internet's opinion for what it is worth.

Now concerning shyness, any advice depends on exactly why you are shy. If it is a general unease in social situations, in my experience, the key is exposure. Yes that means uncomfortable moments, that means diarrhea, stomach cramps, sweats, and looking white as a sheet (I'm speaking of my own past experiences) but with time as I realized that people weren't coming at me with mocking laughter or pitchforks and torches my physical anxiety response started to lessen. It helped that I had a Bishop who helped me by giving me baby steps to accomplish. In my particular case the greatest change came with anti-anxiety medication and a mission, I eventually went off the medication but a large amount of the past experience of people not rising up to smite me in social situations stuck with me, and now while I'm not a Chatty Cathy if there is the need I can teach a lesson, give a prayer, or give a talk.

[Dravin]

Hi guys, i am in need of some advice, i am a convert i have been a member for 20 yrs. Of that 20 yrs i would say 3/4 of that i have not attended church for whatever reason although i have always lived the commandments.

Here is my problem, i have my patriarchal blessing and it says that i can achieve greatness in the church, which is all good but my problem is i get nervous in saying prayers in a group, i am shy, although i have knowledge of the gospel, i should know a lot more than i do, i also cant get up in front of people and give talks and i that it is holding me back, i have missed out so much in my church life because of shyness.

Anyone got any ideas or advice

For starters Patriarchal blessings are predicated on faithfulness. As you've been absent from Church 15 years it wouldn't surprise me if that blessing was forfeit. Ultimately I'm not in a position to know however, so take that thought from some random guy on the internet for what it is worth.

Now concerning shyness, any advice depends on exactly why you are shy. If it is a general unease in social situations, in my experience, the key is exposure. Yes that means uncomfortable moments, that means diarrhea, stomach cramps, sweats, and looking white as a sheet (I'm speaking of my own past experiences) but with time as I realized that people weren't coming at me with mocking laughter or pitchforks and torches my physical anxiety response started to lessen. It helped that I had a Bishop who helped me by giving me baby steps to accomplish. In my particular case the greatest change came with anti-anxiety medication and a mission, I eventually went off the medication but a large amount of the past experience of people not rising up to smite me in social situations stuck with me, and now while I'm not a Chatty Cathy if there is the need I can teach a lesson, give a prayer, or give a talk.

[Bunny]

Why do you think Heavenly Father would specifically say to you that YOU CAN achieve greatness in His church? Heavenly Father knows you better than you know yourself. He is aware of your shyness. He is aware of the difficulties you face. He wants you to know that you can achieve greatness in His church but you have to know that too. You have to believe in what He has told you and work with Him to achieve that. If you ignore Him how can He help you? It is a great blessing and within your reach and you more than deserve it. Go after it - it will enrich your life in ways that you can't even imagine at this time. Start with baby steps set goals to read scriptures and to pray and build your relationship with God. Give your concerns to him. He will help you. Make it a goal to attend church more often - build relationships. Push yourslef to speak to people. It is hard. When I came back to church I was going through a dark time in my life. I remember going to a church activity and sitting in the car with three strangers and for the whole two hour journey I barely even said one word. I remember a guy saying to me when we were nearly back your really quiet arn't you? I nearly died because I felt so forced to say something but you know what it's ok and it doesn't even matter that much. Even now years on and married I still struggle sometimes with shyness. For me it's a self confidence issue really, always has been, and I just try my best to trust in the Lord and rely on Him. I still panic a bit after church when someone comes over to me to speak to me I find myself praying in my head and thinking crumbs what do I say to them ! but its ok and you know what people arn't too scary

[selek]

Hi guys, i am in need of some advice, i am a convert i have been a member for 20 yrs. Of that 20 yrs i would say 3/4 of that i have not attended church for whatever reason although i have always lived the commandments.

Here is my problem, i have my patriarchal blessing and it says that i can achieve greatness in the church, which is all good but my problem is i get nervous in saying prayers in a group, i am shy, although i have knowledge of the gospel, i should know a lot more than i do, i also cant get up in front of people and give talks and i that it is holding me back, i have missed out so much in my church life because of shyness.

Anyone got any ideas or advice

With the exception of shyness, your story might have been my own. I, too, have attended less often than I should have, and know perhaps less than I should.

There is not a single Latter-day Saint (outside of a padded room) who cannot look back and say, "I should've done this better, or that in a different way, or done this more often."

As far as your particular burden goes, I have two very basic questions:

How often do you turn to the Lord in prayer?

How many of your other burdens do you lay at his feet in prayer?

Shyness- and difficulty in public speaking- are common fears. They are also skills that must be honed to be fully effective. Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and Thomas Monson were not born charismatic speakers.

These were skills they acquired and honed over time.

I recommend a two-prong approach:

One, lay up your burden before the Lord, ask- and have confidence- that he grant you the words you need.

That's what Moses did.

And Abraham.

And nearly every other speaker who spoke through the Spirit.

Even J. Golden Kimball.

Second, find yourself a Toastmasters group. They are a club (for want of a better word) that teaches people how (and gives them opportunity) to practice giving speeches and presentations.

They can help you develop and hone the skills you'll need.

[derblitzenator]

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

"Everyone is shy --- it is the inborn modesty that makes us able to live in harmony with other creatures and our fellows. Achievement comes not by denying shyness but, occasionally, by setting it aside and letting pride and perspiration come first."

[mnn727]

Baby Steps: Pray out loud at home for yourself, don't forget to ask for help with your weakness during your home prayers, then once you are comfortable at home, raise your hand to give the prayer in a class, do that until you are comfortable, pretty soon you won't have a problem.

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Making Weak Things Become Strong

[skippy740]

I second the Toastmasters recommendation.

But visit 2-3 clubs before you join. There will be differences.

My mother is a member of Toastmasters. Her first club seemed to be run by a company owner who enrolled herself and all her employees. She seemed to run it as though it was her own enterprise in and of itself.

Now, my mom joined a new club where they all believe in God and say the pledge of allegiance at the start of every meeting. She is "at home" there.

So check out a couple and enjoy the process.

[Brigzy]

Try to remember no one is going to make fun of you or laugh at you if you mess up (in your eyes) in anyway. Start off with a quick prayer. Short and sweet. Even if you just say you are thankful to be there. You'll get used to it eventually.

[Brigzy]

Also, just because you are shy doesn't mean there aren't a million other ways to be great! There are a lot of callings that don't require public speaking. A good way to gain more knowledge is getting a seminary book or sny of the other helpful manuals and making an effort to study the lessons and read the scripture references and listening to conference talks. I like to listen to them while soaking in the tub or folding laundry.

[EarlJibbs]

"Greatness in the church" can be probably be only defined by yourself and Heavenly Father. I am not sure that your shyness would keep you away from that becoming truth. I am not sure what others think the greatness means, but I do not think of any calling as greater than another. They are all needed, some just more than others.

If you serve in the capacity you are called and help anyone at all, I would call that greatness in the Lords eyes.

If the shyness isnt clinical, that often times can be helped over time. If you get to know the people you are serving, you should be less shy around them... after time.

[brycematheson]

While serving on my Mission, teaching converts and inviting them to pray was very difficult for them at first. They had never prayed before in public, and it made them very nervous. They would always forget to say "in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen" at the end, and they were worried that you couldn't ask for help during a prayer. But after three or four times, they could pray fine. It's all about practice.

Being away from the Church for so long, it's obvious that you're going to feel nervous to return and that you might lack the knowledge that you wish you had. But there's never a better time to start than now. The Church isn't just for people who are well-versed in the scriptures. It's for everyone. And the Church is a great environment where you're not going to be judged. You're going to to feel welcome there.

As far as giving talks and lessons and having to speak, that's part of it. But that, too, will subside with practice. The reason they ask us to give lessons and to speak, is not necessarily just for the congregation, but more for yourself as well. I know for me, whenever I plan a talk or a lesson, I learn more than I bet the majority of the people in the congregation do.

To learn how to swim, you can't just dip your toes in and say you've done your best. You have to jump in with both feet. Give it a shot! You've got nothing to lose.

[applepansy]

For starters Patriarchal blessings are predicated on faithfulness. As you've been absent from Church 15 years it wouldn't surprise me if that blessing was forfeit. Though ultimately I'm not in a position to know, so take some guy on the internet's opinion for what it is worth.

Why forfeit? The OP is still alive. Still believing. Still keeping the commandments. And still able to grow in the gospel. We all grow in faith at our own speed. Just because someone has been less active for 15 years or so doesn't mean the blessing can't be fulfilled.

[Dravin]

Why forfeit?

Because the blessing may have been predicated on not being inactive for 15 years. I said it wouldn't surprise me, not that it was so.

Just because someone has been less active for 15 years or so doesn't mean the blessing can't be fulfilled.

Well, it's a good thing I didn't claim it couldn't be fulfilled.

Edited February 26, 2013 by Dravin

[MorningStar]

What does Heavenly Father consider greatness? Do you have to be an extrovert to be great? I don't think so. You can help other in quiet ways and you never know how you will influence them as you build friendships and serve others. :)

[NeuroTypical]

my problem is i get nervous in saying prayers in a group, i am shy, although i have knowledge of the gospel, i should know a lot more than i do, i also cant get up in front of people and give talks and i that it is holding me back, i have missed out so much in my church life because of shyness.

Anyone got any ideas or advice

I can say you're in good company. Up to ten years ago, I stressed myself into a state about such things. I absolutely hated and dreaded lessons, talks, anything like it. I had much fear because I didn't know as much as I needed. But talks and stuff came my way, so here's how I dealt:

I would start with reading everything I could find about the topic. A lot of the grief I had, was because I didn't have the faintest clue what I thought about a topic. After I knew a thing or two, and what source I could cite, I then wrote my lesson/talk out - often word for word, sometimes topic by topic. Then I'd practice saying my lesson out loud. I'd spend 2 hours for a 30-40 minute lesson. The starting and stopping was always horrible for me. My huge fear: "Hi brothers and sisters, um... I... uh..." (40 minutes of stunned silence passes). My second most huge fear was that I'd start opining about something and be so horribly wrong that half the people would leave the church, and the other half would tell the bishop. Writing out exactly what I'd say, and then practicing saying it, fixed that.

Even with all my preparation, I had symptoms of anxiety. Short breath, racing heartbeat, couldn't sleep the night before, nightmares when I did. It was like getting ready to run through a room of alligators. After the experience, I was so drained I had to go sit in the foyer by myself and not talk to anyone for half an hour.

Anyway, that was ten years ago. They made me Gospel Principles teacher. Every time, it got easier. Within 6 months, all the severe symptoms had dissapeared. Within a year, I didn't get stressed much. These days, I'm like "Oh - you want me to teach the nookie lesson on chastity in an hour? Sure - I can wing it - It'll be fun!" Knowledge and practice solved my problem. It was not easy, and there were some failures. But there were also great blessings for me, and many people have thanked me or told me I did great.

[idahommie]

Anyone got any ideas or advice

....ask the Missionaries.

Feed them, invite them into your home. Go on Splits with them.

Attend your meetings. Read the Scriptures.