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JJTT

Petting with girlfriend, need to break up?

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I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 21. We've been dating for about 2.5 months. We only ever kissed and had just started to make out a bit until my roommates all went out of town last week. Suddenly me and my girlfriend had my apartment to ourselves and each day we saw each other we got more passionate. We would make out, kiss on the neck and kiss on the arms. She would also straddle me and there was some grinding. By the end of the week I was also putting my hand under her shirt, but not touching anything inappropriate.

While I felt like we were going too far, she never said anything and was participating just as much as me, so I regretfully continued this behavior. We had an argument over the weekend but yesterday we made up and ended up making out again and I ended up holding her breast for 3-5 seconds. She didn't say anything about it then and we eventually said goodnight and hugged. When I got home she texted me and told me that I can't touch her like that anymore and asked me to promise that I wouldn't. I apologized and promised it would never happen again.

I feel awful about the whole situation. I feel like I disrespected her. I texted her today but she hasn't responded. I am afraid she is hurt and feeling guilty and I just feel awful for her. Also, I now feel like we need to break up. I don't know if we really need to or if I am just freaking out. But, I feel as if I can't break up with her now because I went too far. But I don't feel like we are going to get married.

I just need some advice. Do we need to see the bishop? Do we need to break up?

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Yes, you need to speak with your bishop. After you speak with your bishop he will advise you on a course of action that will be beneficial.

Yes, you should feel horrible about the situation because you did disrespect her and her virtue. One thing our Father in heaven cherishes is the virtue of his daughters.

If you don't think you will be getting married then you and her need to have a heart-to-heart about ending the relationship, or staying together. However, listen to the counsel you will receive from your bishop.

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In addition to what Anddenex said...

The bottom line is... you need to stop. The sooner the better. If a break up is required to do so then as hard as it would be it needs to be done.

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If you wish to continue your ways then it is probably best to find a new girl who shares your views and not to decimate your current girlfriends moral standards

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Hey JJTT,

I think is normal that you may feel like that if you know what is right, sinning isn't fun after you have done it, but I think definelly you have to speak to your bishop. Sometimes we get carried by emotions that are not wrong just of time. I sense but (obviosly I do not read minds) that you are doubting of this girl worth because you have mention that she didn't say no, I want to say that she might had the same feelings as you did and just didn't know how to stop it, don't judge her If you two commit a mistake two of you can change and learn, or breaks up, don't be affraid to do so if you don't like her be honest, apologize and be a honorable priesthood holder, I find that more attractive in a guy than anything else. I remember a talk that a Sister gave and said, if you want to have a succesful marriage you need to:

Friendship-relationship-marriage

also she said that many of great future marriages are ruined by sexual engagedment before marriage.

A bishop told me (because I'm a sinner too) that most of young couples break up after sinning but most of them are losing the oportunitty to grow together and have a strong marriage. That's so true, I used to think like, "I will show the Lord that i love Him most and sacrifice my love for this person and the opportunity to be together so He may know that I have repented, but after my bishop talked to me it changed my perspective. I married that guy, he is a great husband, he never judged me and we have grown together, even thou we had have alot of challenges.

If you don't see any future with her regardless what happend I hope you have a really honest talk with her, But if you see or feel otherwise, first of all stop the bad behavior talk to your bishop, talk to her, set goal, and keep away from temptation.

Remember that all of us have weakness so she does as you too.

I hope you heart may be filled with gratitude to our Lord and pray for help guide and forgiveness.

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What's the purpose of the relationship if you don't think this girl is marriage material?

There are a thousand and one ways to be friends... none of which involve touching breasts... maybe friendship is a better course of action for you both?

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What's the purpose of the relationship if you don't think this girl is marriage material?

There are a thousand and one ways to be friends... none of which involve touching breasts... maybe friendship is a better course of action for you both?

i don't think it is a matter of marriage material rather than an inability to control sexual urges before marriage. If you are that attracted physically and also maintain an attraction to each others personality then IMO that is perfect marriage material. If you believe that you truly do want to be with this girl yet want to be abstinent before marriage then why not see a counselor together to find ways to avoid or deter sexual contact? If you both constantly feel regret there is no way a healthy relationship can unfold.

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i don't think it is a matter of marriage material...

Except his OP says he doesn't think he's going to marry this girl... that's why I'm confused as to what is the expectation of this relationship.

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Except his OP says he doesn't think he's going to marry this girl... that's why I'm confused as to what is the expectation of this relationship.

in that case you=win

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I feel like I disrespected her.

So often we have people come here asking if they have to talk to their bishop, that what they've done isn't that bad, etc. They want to know how far they can go before really getting into trouble (answer: not very far). I'm glad to see a humble attitude, and someone worried about the other person's feelings rather than simply covering their own hide.

The bottom line is... you need to stop. The sooner the better. If a break up is required to do so then as hard as it would be it needs to be done.

Agreed. The behavior needs to stop, and if the only way to do so is through a breakup, it's worth it, especially if you don't see a long-term future with this girl.

Except his OP says he doesn't think he's going to marry this girl... that's why I'm confused as to what is the expectation of this relationship.

Not all dating has to lead to marriage. Dating can just be for fun, too.

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You need to have a frank conversation with her. Let her know that you are also uncomfortable with the level of physical intimacy in the relationship. I can almost guarantee that you are both thinking different things when you are making out and touching each other all over. I imagine in those moments that she is thinking, 'This feels so good. He must really love me!' In your mind, you might be thinking, 'This feels so good, I want more.' Getting aroused and wanting more is completely natural for men when they are with another woman. There is a time and a place for those activities, and it is after marriage.

Don't arouse those feelings before getting married. Getting involved too much physically before marriage can quickly open the emotional floodgates, and once they are open, they are VERY difficult to close. Your a man, and have a pretty good indication of when you are aroused. Set up appropriate boundaries to limit that arousal. If you get aroused when she touches your leg, then that is off limits. If you get aroused when kissing passionately, than that is off limits.

There is nothing wrong with being sexually aroused, it means that your body is working properly. There will be a time and a place for that. You just have to make sure you are in control. Setting appropriate boundaries can help you stay in control.

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This brings up the question of, what is ‘petting’, I’m sure people that use that term for humans, don’t mean the same way as petting an animal, so, let’s be clear on its definition.

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