Help with Gossiper!

[missmollymormon]

?...

Edited October 11, 2013 by missmollymormon
privacy

[skippy740]

You don't just have a gossiper. You have a busybody:

1 Timothy 5:13

13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

1 Peter 4:15

15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.

2 Thess 3:11

For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.

So, what do we actually DO about this? While revenge can sound like a fun idea, it isn't recommended.

I'm willing to bet that she's lonely and doesn't know how to make and keep friends. Doing all this 'stalking' is probably her way of trying to reach out to people and have an excuse to connect with them.

Note: I don't know why I'm typing this. I initially thought of getting some kind of restraining order, but this would only affect the symptoms of the situation and not help solve it.

What needs to happen is a strong, but loving conversation to inform her that her behavior is completely out of line. It borders criminal activity and if it doesn't stop, you WILL get a restraining order.

"But you know... I don't know you very well. And even with our history so far, you really don't know me very well. Let's get together for lunch and lets just talk. I'd like to be friends... as long as we can be friendly."

Now, to have a discussion like this, you have to imagine her as a lonely person... who doesn't have a lot of friends. Based on your post, that's probably true.

What I think she may need, is someone to care and love her. I know this sounds hard, but could that person be you?

[annewandering]

Is the woman getting mental health help with her issues? Lonely or not she needs to be at least evaluated. For your sake, everyone she comes in contact with, and for herself.

[NeuroTypical]

Wow - that's quite a story.

I would recommend a series of escalating steps.

1. Have you and your mother both approach her, and tell her quite plainly, but not angrily, that both of you no longer want any attention from this sister. Tell her you appreciate her concern, but you value your privacy, and would like her to stop keeping an eye on you, trying to help, etc. Write down the time, place, and what was said.

2. If her behavior continues, I would approach her again, with you, mother, and one or two other people (trusted friends, the bishop if he'd be willing). Restate your request a little more plainly and clearly. Say you've tried asking nicely, but no really, you must insist that she stop. Tell her she is causing you folks stress and anxiety, and you want her to stay away. Write down the time, place, who was there, and what was said.

3. If this were happening here in the USA, and the behavior continues, I would recommend you report her to the police, show them the documentation, and file a complaint. They would at least visit this sister and reconvey the message, and might threaten arrest or actually arrest her. Ask for a copy of their report. (Not sure if this is how it works in Australia, but basically, if it gets to step 3, it's time to refuse to have anything to do with her at all, and have someone else start dealing with her.)

4. If the behavior still continues, contact a lawyer and seek a court protective order to force this woman to keep her distance or go to jail. Give your lawyer all the documentation.

Hopefully, step 1 or 2 would be all it takes.

[Martain]

Truth is a knowledge of things as they are, as they have been, and as they will be. Truth is what is sorely missing from this sisters equation and it is truth that will set her free.

From your words I ascertain that this sister believes that you and your family are breaking the law of chastity correct? Now where would she get that idea? From the Lord? No. Do you think an idea she came up with on her own would alone have sufficient power to motivate her to such lengths as these? Somehow she has obtained a very powerful motivator that has convinced her that such activity was happening and has lead her to seek proof. Isn't it possible that in her concern over you and your family, she sought for revelation outside of her stewardship and received revelation from the wrong source?

When I read your words I remembered a section in a book I'm reading called "Hearing the Voice of the Lord: Principals and Patterns of Personal Revelation" by Gerald N. Lund which I feel would explain her motivations and the knowledge on which your leaders could combat them quite clearly. The underlined formatting is sections that I draw parallel to what may particularly apply to the sister in question with all other formatting drawn from the original.

God's house is a house of order (D&C 132:8).

STEADYING THE ARK

A second application of this principle of order has to do with priesthood lines of authority. If any member of the Church could receive revelation or direction for the Church or for a group of people or for individuals over whom they have no jurisdiction, the result would be mass confusion and disorder.

There was an incident in the Old Testament that teaches this principle. The Ark of the Covenant was the most sacred and revered object in ancient Israel. It rested within the Holy of Holies in the Tabernacle and later the temple. Even the priests who had responsibility for its care were not allowed to touch it. When it had to be moved, two staves were put through four rings on the sides of the Ark. This allowed it to be moved without anyone touching it.

Centuries later, the Ark was captured by the Philistines. Later when David became king, he determined to bring the Ark back to Jerusalem. As it was being moved by the priests back to Jerusalem, it passed through a village over a rough piece of ground. The Ark rocked back and forth and looked as if it might fall off. A man by the name of Uzzah, who was not a priest, reached out to steady the Ark. The record states, "And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error; and there he died by the ark of God" (2 Samuel 6:7).

To some this may seem to be a harsh response. Were not Uzzah's motivations good? Wasn't he just trying to protect something very sacred? Why then would he be punished so severely? The account is very brief and there may be other factors that are not given, but some things are clear. Uzzah was not a priest. Therefore he knew he had no right to even be close to the Ark , let alone touch it. These restrictions surrounding the Ark were well known to all of Israel. What was Uzzah thinking? The Ark was the symbol of the power and glory of God. Did he think that somehow Jehovah was not capable of preventing the Ark from being damaged? Did Uzzah think that God depended on him and him alone to save it?

It doesn't matter that Uzzah's intentions may have been good. He was unwise and went directly counter to the order that God had established. And he did so knowing that others who had approached the ark unworthily had previously been struck down.

There is a great lesson in the tragedy of Uzzah for us today. There are those in the Church who feel like they are the only ones who can "put things right." They feel they have a special spiritual endowment that allows them to see things where there is need for correction. This may be a a local level with a bishop or a stake president, or, in some cases, they are are convinced that the prophet is going astray and need correction. And they come to this conclusion in spite of the fact that they hold no priesthood keys and are out of the proper line of priesthood authority.

Thus, figuratively speaking, they reach out their hands and try to "steady the ark." Of these kinds of people, President David O. McKay said:

It is a little dangerous for us to go out of our own sphere and try unauthoritatively to direct the efforts of a brother. You remember the case of Uzzah who stretched forth his hand to steady the Ark of the Covenant. He seemed justified when the oxen stumbled in putting forth his hand to steady that symbol. ... The incident conveys a lesson of life. Let us look around us and see how quickly men who attempt unauthoritatively to steady the Ark die spiritually. Their souls become embittered, their minds distorted, their judgement faulty, and their spirit depressed. Such is the pitiable condition of men who, neglecting their own responsibilities, spend their time in finding fault with others.

This is not to suggest that priesthood leaders will never make mistakes or need correction. But there is an established order in the Church to correct such mistakes when they happen. A member can bring things to the attention of a stake president, for example, if it is believed a bishop is doing something wrong. But it is out of harmony with the order of the priesthood for an individual to command one who presides over him or her and demand that they change things in order to comply with what the individual believes is required. To allow that would be to sow such disharmony and contention in the Church as to drive out the Spirit completely.

...

"HORIZONTAL" REVELATION AND PRIESTHOOD KEYS

It is in the concept of keys that we see what is wrong with someone trying to "steady the ark." Someone who has not been given the right to preside and direct the affairs of the Church (which right can be directly traced to the Apostles), cannot properly correct presiding officers, reveal new doctrine, unveil a new interpretation of scripture, or command a priesthood leader to take certain action. It is contrary to the order of authority God has established.

A further extension of this principle is found in what could be described as "horizontal revelation." Well-meaning but misled individuals see things in others that they feel are not right and so they receive "a revelation" that tells someone what they are doing is wrong, or what they need to do to put things right.

However, that is outside the order of God, because the principle of priesthood authority and keys applies here as well. We will not receive revelation meant to direct (or correct) someone for whom we have no priesthood responsibility or who is not within our priesthood jurisdiction. (In this case, parental authority is included in the broader concept of priesthood authority because it is given by God.)

If worthy, we are entitled to receive revelations for ourselves, parents for their children, and members of the Church in their callings. But the right of revelations for others does not extend beyond our own stewardship. James E. Faust, Ensign, March 2002, 4

In secular as well as spiritual affairs, Saints may receive Divine guidance and revelation affecting themselves, but this does not convey authority to direct others. Harold B. Lee, Conference Report, April 1970, 55

Having had some experience with receiving and discerning false revelation, it is easy for me to imagine that perhaps this sister, with good intent, sought to "steady the ark" in reference to you outside of the lines of stewardship and has been deceived by revelation(s) that were not from God has thus become convinced that all she has said of you is truth instead of falsehood.

To me it would so easily explain her motivation, her conviction and her diligence in trying to "help" you. If it were me, with someone else present as witness, I would ask her why it is that she is so convinced that I had done all these things. I would ask her how should could possibly know whether I had or had not done these things unless she had received revelation on the subject. My thoughts are that if such is the case, she would then come forward and indicate that she actually had. If she did not come forward I would then ask her point blank, have you received any revelation which backs up what you believe I and my family have done?

If she says yes, you'd then know the root cause of this behavior and could advise the Bishop such and let him take it from there.

Edited July 1, 2013 by Martain

[Iggy]

Amazing - I am baffled as to why your Bishop has not taken her and her husband's temple recommend away. She is bearing false witness against others. I am baffled as to why you continue to answer her intrusive questions.

You and Mum continue to go to the Temple, keep the Holy Ghost close to you and pray that this woman be protected from the adversary.

Personally, I would do as Loundmouth_Mormon has suggested. But I would go one step further ~ I would tape record &/or video tape each encounter.

Plus I would also ask the Bishop if he has gone to the Stake President with this - to seek council on how to deal with this sister.

[waywardsciotosaint]

You should ask your bishop if the Stake has a disability specialist that can help with the situation in a safe manner that helps this woman. If it is not a mental illness, maybe the ward will be willing to have a special fast and prayer day to help members deal with gossip. Everyone will know who it is for and you just may be surprised that the spirit can change her. Taking it to the courts is the modern day answers, but as someone who works in the courts I can attest it does little to help people in their personal progression, it often can make situations worse. It also would be an opportunity for the Adversity to show to non-believer s how LDS treat each other.

[Dravin]

Personally, I would do as Loundmouth_Mormon has suggested. But I would go one step further ~ I would tape record &/or video tape each encounter.

If you are going to take that step I recommend making sure you do so in a manner that is legal in your locality.