I am new here, and really need some friends

[limpaini]

opps..... tried to edit and deleted. I am not too computer savy. Anyway, those of you who may have offered up advice, please feel free to contact me if you want.

Edited September 3, 2013 by limpaini

[limpaini]

please excuse typos.... this is hard to write about and I am crying as I type.

[Blackmarch]

Welcome! so sorry to hear that, no worries about the typos nothing compared to what I do when I use my parent's keyboard.

[Guest]

You can't carry a whole marriage on your own. I'm so sorry. I know this must be very painful, and you have some tough choices to make.

[strawberrycombs205]

hi. everone in my commberry205: myselp i am new and i like to be friend.

[strawberrycombs205]

hi everyone i am new at my community and wanted to be friend. i am here at library center in Mo.

[strawberrycombs205]

that i been reading my book of mormon and cams about in Mosiah2:24 and i like it.:)

[mnn727]

The Stake President didn't do you or your husband any favors last time, hopefully he will not repeat the same mistake twice

D&C 121 7-8

Specifically given to Joseph Smith while in Liberty Jail but is true in for all people in a bad spot.

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

[limpaini]

Thanks for the replies. I have a lot of "faith" (for lack of a better word) in my stake pres. But I do think something serious needs to occur, regardless of my decision of staying or going. Anyone that has been through this knows what an emotional roller coaster it is. One moment I am ready to walk, next moment I want to fight tooth and nail to save my marriage. But that's the folly- it doesn't matter one bit how hard I fight, if he isn't going to do his part, it makes no difference. Part of me believes this will inevitably happen again, though I fully believe in the power of Christ's atonement (which is why I was able to stay previously). It's just such a mess being a stay at home mom with kids. I guess that is self centered to say, these things are always a mess.

I really just want to be with someone I trust, who adores me as much as I do him, and who I can reasonably see myself with in old age. I have long had part of my mind wondering if that would happen with my husband. I so deeply want him to be this man.

Sorry. Like I said, I just need somewhere to let it out and not feel terribly judged. No one in my life knows what it going on. I'm too humiliated to let it out.

[Blackmarch]

hi everyone i am new at my community and wanted to be friend. i am here at library center in Mo.

Welcome

I love being at libraries... I tend to avoid them now or i'll spend the whole day there XD

[drham3rd]

Welcome I'm so sorry you are going through all the pain in your life. Having been through a failed marriage, I sympathize with you. Remember, you must take care of yourself and your children. That needs to be your best approach. Pray for guidance and find someone in your ward you can lean on....do not be concerned about what people may think, you need support right now and that is what the Lord calls all of us to do, love and support each other. May the Lord bless and keep you in all strength.

[John11111]

If your wanting to stay in your marriage and make it work you will need to find out what it is you were not doing or doing wrong and fix it.

Spouses dont just go off and cheat for no reason they do it because they are missing something they need in there marriage and found someone else to meet that need.

Im not trying to sound mean but right now you can only fix yourself you cannot fix or change your husband.

Counseling would be a good thing to start with sometimes it helps to have another perspective to open your eyes to whats wrong in your marriage.

Marriagebuilders.com is also a great place to start it will help you to understand why it happened and what you guys can do to fix and better your marriage. His needs her needs book also is a great resource.

I have been where you have been and if you want to make your marriage work and even be amazing you can do it with work. It will not be easy but it can be done.

[McLainDow]

Sometimes when spouses cheat it has nothing to do with the other spouse. Especially if they are a Narcissist or have certain types of emotional trauma. I think it is best on a forum like this to not diagnose what is going on in someone's marriage without knowing all the facts.

[limpaini]

As I stated, this isn't the first time my husband and I have gone through this. I have indeed sought therapy for myself, to improve myself, not to change him. I will probably go back because it helped tremendously. I know I can't change him, that is not my goal. I am just trying to decide if trying to rebuild my marriage is a lost cause. I am also aware that most of the time both parties have some fault when these things occur. My husband doesn't want to put any blame on me, but I can think of reasons that would have aided him in justifying his poor choices. I can't rush into leaving- I have no way to support myself and children. I am very fortunate to have a very supportive family and inlaws- but I can not face the humiliation of running to them yet again with this problem.

This has at least gotten me to reevaluate my ability to provide for my family. I will be changing that as soon as possible.

I am going to be talking to our bishop tomorrow. I know he is going to be terribly disappointed. He has grown to think of my husband as one of his few friends.

Thank you to all of you for allowing me to talk openly about this. I really appreciate it.

[McLainDow]

Good luck with your Bishop tomorrow. Hopefully the bishop will still be your husband's friend. Your husband will need him as he goes through the repentance process.

[Guest]

People cheat because they give up the capacity to make good choices. I believe that even in an unhappy marriage, we are bound to the covenants we made with our spouse. No one can blame their cheating on their spouse or the lack of whatever they were getting from their spouse. That sin is on their heads and theirs alone.

However, I do believe that marriagebuilders is an excellent program to heal a marriage after the covenants have been broken, and to strengthen the marriage even if nothing that severe has happened.

[Misshalfway]

Thanks for the replies. I have a lot of "faith" (for lack of a better word) in my stake pres. But I do think something serious needs to occur, regardless of my decision of staying or going. Anyone that has been through this knows what an emotional roller coaster it is. One moment I am ready to walk, next moment I want to fight tooth and nail to save my marriage. But that's the folly- it doesn't matter one bit how hard I fight, if he isn't going to do his part, it makes no difference. Part of me believes this will inevitably happen again, though I fully believe in the power of Christ's atonement (which is why I was able to stay previously). It's just such a mess being a stay at home mom with kids. I guess that is self centered to say, these things are always a mess.

I really just want to be with someone I trust, who adores me as much as I do him, and who I can reasonably see myself with in old age. I have long had part of my mind wondering if that would happen with my husband. I so deeply want him to be this man.

Sorry. Like I said, I just need somewhere to let it out and not feel terribly judged. No one in my life knows what it going on. I'm too humiliated to let it out.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It must hurt in the most excruciating ways. If it were me, I'd be just like you....one day wanting to walk and the next fighting to save the marriage. Only for me... I'd add wanting husband to hang by his toenails for a few hours each Tuesday! Or...maybe just saying I do. :)

Beyond that, you sound like you've got your head about you. You understand that this is his deal and that his behaviors are his responsibility. You know that it doesn't matter how hard your fight. I feel a deep respect and honoring that you can find that centeredness through all the pain and confusion. And I love that you still have fight for your desires to be in a relationship with someone you trust and who adores you. You worry that you are self-centered. Yes, I can understand that too. But I'm not seeing it. I think you are doing great.

And it is such a mess when you are a stay at home mom. You choose this sacrifice from the best within you! But when the support system fails, you find yourself faced hard choices. It's something that fuels some anger in me. It sounds like it might in you too. Perhaps that anger can work for your good. Perhaps it can help you find power to do the harder things while the rest of you works to heal the wounds.

It's also hard when you know there's a strong probability that your husband will act out again. Knowing this doesn't mean you don't have faith in the Atonement. Knowing this means you are able to discern. Stay in that place! Trust your instincts! You clearly have strengths and gifts working for you. The Godhead and your specially appointed angels will help you stay in clarity if you remember to focus yourself into faith and trust.

Remember also to keep your faith in the Lord when it comes to you, your needs, and the giant dilemma before you. Your needs are known. As you exercise your faith and trust, you will feel the support on your right hand and on your left. Father will lead you by the hand. He will show where to put your next footstep. Remember it's like manna. He only gives the nourishment and guidance sufficient for the day. Discipline yourself to submit to these conditions. You will find in time that all your needs will be taken care of. This stuff is easy for God. Remember that when the load feels to heavy to bare.

My heart goes to you. To you, and to all others who find themselves in similar circumstances. Earth life and dealing with other imperfect humans and all their painful choices is just plain hard! And it's unfair! And some days, it just hurts too much! To you I wish all the supports from heaven and earth combined. And then I say stand up and go forward in faith. All is well. All was well before and all will be well now. All is well because you understand it! You can do this, little sister! And you won't be alone.

[limpaini]

Misshalfway, your words were so kind and uplifting! Thank you.