Non-lds Seeking Guidence

[smylie]

Thank you to all who have answered.

[a-train]

Is the old flame married? You know that most LDS are going to shut those dreams down right? Hate to break it to ya, but you need to follow Tammy Wynette's advice and 'STAND BY YOUR MAN'!

-a-train

[smylie]

Is the old flame married? You know that most LDS are going to shut those dreams down right? Hate to break it to ya, but you need to follow Tammy Wynette's advice and 'STAND BY YOUR MAN'!

-a-train

As I was typing I was thinking," I know how this sounds. It sounds like I'm a crazy, obsessed, crackpot!" I'm not I promise! I don't mean that I am so overwhelmed by thoughts of my ex that I can't function, he just crosses my mind more often than he should. All the thoughts and feelings I put in my post are a concentrated version of thoughts and feelings built up over all these years.

I don't want anyone to think I'm planning to leave my husband, I couldn't hurt him like that. I do love him I just don't want to confuse residule feelings for an old flame with an important message I'm supposed to be recieveing from God. I am on a serious soul searching, personal inventory, what it all about, who is God, odyssey (I guess you'd call it) and I have got to deal with feelings for my ex once and for all. So I put EVERYTHING out there to get insight from all angles.

Thank you for your reply.

Oh, and I'll be singing that song all night ...thanks alot! I don't even know but about 3 lines of it!

[StrawberryFields]

Forget it Rachel, He's mine!

J/K.

I believe things happen for a reason and maybe your meeting him and having a 'connection' to him was a way for you to become interested in the church. You have both chosen other people to be with and have invested a great deal of time. Seriously, sometimes I just think the grass may be greener on the other side.

Has your husband ever heard anything about the church? Maybe that is part of the draw to this ex-boyfriend...the church and the blessings.

I have to be honest now, in some ways your longing for this other man is a form of cheating on him and your family. IF you were meant to be together it will happen. There could be a time when your old and wrinkled and you find the each other are single who knows.

I would strongly suggest you put this man out of your life. Stop thinking about him. You are living only a half life with your husband and your family to continue longing for another. Do you know how blessed you are to have a wonderful husband? Every day he sacrifices for you and your family as he works to make a living. Can you even imagine the pain this knowledge would do to him?

Do yourself a favor, move on and never look back. Be grateful that you have a good man in your life, this is where your soul can find peace.

All my best, SF

[smylie]

Yes I do know this, I am very blessed. I do pray for the Heavenly Father to make these feelings go away. Eventhough I have never cheated on my husband physically, I guess I have emotionally for letting thoughts of someones else even enter my mind. I do have a burden on my heart beacause of that. He has heard some about the church, but was raised Methodist. We met with the missionaries a couple times. The subject of Kolob came up with some of our LDS friends who I feel VERY comfortable just asking any question to, and he was alittle bewildered. I've been studying the church for a long time, so it didn't "throw" me like it did him.

Just talking about him makes me want to go hug him and thank him for be such a great husband. Thank you for that.

[StrawberryFields]

You are Welcome. :)

Thank you for not taking it like I was beating you over the head.

[LT04]

Smylie,

I can relate to how you feel. I understand how you love your husband, yet still have feelings about your old flame. It’s my opinion you will always have a place in your hart for him, just be mindful you need to keep a bigger place in your hart for your husband. I know easier said than done, and like Dr. Phil once said we don’t legislate emotions we just have them.

As for the point about having an emotional affair, I’m sorry to be so blunt but yes you are. Like I said before you don’t get to pick your emotions but if you have so many devoted to your ex you now have less room to devote to your husband. You and your husband could be closer together and have that finishing each others sentences if you weren’t preoccupied.

I hope I didn’t offend you that wasn’t my intent. I was just hoping to show you your situation from a different perspective. As for your other question about knowing if the church is true or not if you are unsure now you haven’t received an answer yet. Knowing if the church is true is like being in love if you are unsure you are not, when there is no doubt in your mind you are. Now this is just the gospel according to me and maybe this doesn’t apply here but the LDS church isn’t for every one maybe G-d has a different direction for you and that’s why you are unsure. Just some food for thought.

-LT04

[shanstress70]

You are going down a slippery slope. Don't keep thinking about him, and whatever you do, don't meet him. You could ruin both your marriages. If you were meant to be, you'd be together now! But I honestly don't believe in people who are meant to be together. However, if it WAS meant to be and I'm wrong, perhaps you'll be together after this life.

[StrawberryFields]

After 25 years of marriage, and 4 very difficult years of family trials, I can honesty say I don't think about any ex's in a longing way. B) Life is fragile so if you have something good hold onto it, treasure what you have. A bird in the hand is better than....

[Traveler]

The first step toward evil is to satisfy self.

The first step toward righteousness is to discipline and sacrifice self.

You have an opportunity or choice to seek to step towards good or evil - the very center of our existence and purpose in this life.

My recommendation is to take a step towards discipline and sacrifice of self.

The Traveler

[Brother Dorsey]

Please bear with me, I promise thare is a question here.

When I was a teenager, I began dating a guy who is Mormon, I am not. From the first moment we met, we had an instant connection. We talked everyday for hours and never ran out of things to talk about, we laughed all the time, we never had that "he/she's going to break-up" feeling most couples that age have. There were times when I would get the feeling like he was going to call and pick up the phone before it rang and he would be on the line. All knids of things like that. After about a year and a half, a bad decision on our part was discovered and we were forced to stop seeing each other. I felt like the life had been sucked out of me. We secretly saw each other for awhile, but that never works, and the relationship eventually ended. I didn't date anyone for quite some time. I finally began seeing a man I had worked and when he asked me to marry him I said yes. I hate to say it, but a huge decidng factor was that I thought my ex didn't care for me anymore and I wanted a way out of my parents home. I still had great resentment toward them for the break-up with my ex. Honestly, I went into the marriage not really sure it would last. I didn't (and still don't) have that kind of connection with my husband.

Fast forward 15 years... I am still married. He is a good man, a good father, he is steady and stable, a good provider and truely tries to give me everything (not just matrialistically) I ask for. But still 16 years after the break-up, not a week goes by that I don't think about my ex., not a month goes by that I don't dream of him, and not a year goes by that I don't break down and cry over him. It's like my soul misses him.

We run into each other in town about once every year or two, we still seem to have that "something". We can talk so comfortably. I don't mean we look longingly into each others eyes, but the times we have caught eye contact, that connection is almost shocking. In one moment of extreme weakness, I told him I had had dreams of him and he said he had of me as well.

OK, here are the questions. Since learning that he is Mormon (back in high school) I have been studying the church. I know ALOT about it. How do I know if the answer I get when praying to know it the church is true is a real answer from the Holy Spirit? How do I know it's not me just wanting to be close to my ex (we would attend the same ward) or if it's no, then it would be no becauae I'm wanting to avoid temptation?

Secondly, I understand eternal marriage for the most part. I know you must be sealed to your spouse in the temple for it to be for time and all eternity, but what if he truely was the one I was supposed to be with forever and meeting him was God's plan for me to be introduced to the church but now we've married other people? Don't get me wrong, I have no intentions of causing disruptions in my ex's marriage, I just want to know why I feel so supernaturally connected to this man and it seems to be tied to the church.

I love my husband, but I catch myself thinking things like, if my ex and I could have a celetial marriage we may be apart now, but we'd be together later, forever. I know that's not right to even think such things so frivorously or how that's even how it "works" and it's certainly not fair to my husband who has never been anything but good to me. I do love him and I have no intentions of hurting him. I just need to know why God would put such a strong bond between two people if they are never intended to be together.

I even posted this similar question on a psyhic board once and was told that my ex and I had previous lives together. not sure about all that though. Unless we hung out toghether before coming to this earth. :)

Please someone give me guidence that will lead to peace with in my soul.

Smylie....First of all....One of the biggest mistakes I have seen in the church is people who convert for love...."I love you so much I will join your church"! Never do that...convert for your own salvation, convert for your own testimony of the Gospel.....take the test...ask yourself "If I were to convert because I love him...what if he died, would I remain faithful'? Divorced him..".would I remain faithful to the Lord?" No, don't make that mistake....convert for your own convictions! Secondly...don't read too much in your running across each other as you stated and that "something" you think he might have...chances are he just wants to be your friend and is interested in your happiness because he once had a relationship with you. There is nothing unnatural with wanting to know what has "become" of an ex-love.....I too often wonder about my first love when I was a teenager, what she is like now, how her life turned out etc. and yes I still hold a small place in my heart for her.... Don't set yourself up for a huge disappointment and damage your marriage by overly thinking about what might have been....let him go...cleave to your husband. And I don't think you are supernaturally connected to anyone....you are however connected to everybody in this world as we are all spiritual brothers and sisters. My the Lord bless you....