Dr T Posted July 3, 2007 Report Share Posted July 3, 2007 Sass...uh um... What? I have to go back to work now? OK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted July 3, 2007 Report Share Posted July 3, 2007 Face it T, you're LOL!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aang1 Posted July 3, 2007 Report Share Posted July 3, 2007 Warning: I do not mean to offend anyone with this blonde joke, most of my family are actually blonde. A blonde, burnette, and a red head are on a deserted island when they find a magic lamp, they rub on it and the genie who comes out says "I will grant each of you one wish." The burnette says "I wish I were home with my family." and she goes back to her family, the red head says "I wish I were back with my family." then she goes back to her family, then the blonde gets lonely and says "I wish my friends were back with me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 4, 2007 Report Share Posted July 4, 2007 Lol, that's very funny Aang1!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted July 4, 2007 Report Share Posted July 4, 2007 Blind man walks into a resteraunt and sits down. Waitress comes to him, he orders a soda and a sandwitch, then asked her if she would like to hear a blonde joke... The waitress replies,"Mister, before you tell that joke...there are 5 things you should know, 1st: I'm a blonde, 2nd: the lady behind you is a blonde, 3rd: the lady next to her is a blonde, they are both rollerbladers and they lost tonight, 4th: the lady in front of you is a blonde and her husband left her for a brunett,5th: the woman who took your coat is my girlfriend and she is a blonde...now, are you SURE you want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks about it for a minuet and the replies, "Nah, no sence telling a joke if ya gotta explain it 5 times!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 4, 2007 Report Share Posted July 4, 2007 Hahaha....loved it Yediyd! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table. The wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My goodness!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 LOL! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 Since blonde jokes are the in thing...... Once upon a time a girl, who happened to be blonde, decided to take a trip to San Diego, She was puttin' along on the freeway just fine until she saw a freeway directional sign above her. It said "<--San Diego Left, so she turned around and went home. Elphie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Awww...that's a cringe maker Elphie! lol :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Glad I'm not a Blondie!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Same here Yediyd, I'm a boring, intellectual? brunette! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 I'm just boring! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Tut, Tut Yediyd...Dr. T's still counting!! You're not boring at all! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 Tut, Tut Yediyd...Dr. T's still counting!!You're not boring at all! :) Don't YOU start, too!!! I knew that would get me in trouble!!!I was J/K!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 LOL! I've given up counting since I've only got 10 fingers and toes! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted July 12, 2007 Report Share Posted July 12, 2007 (Yediyd sticks her thumb in her mouth, and snuggles in with her blankie...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted July 14, 2007 Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 This is for the cat lovers here on the forum - Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air -out of sight. The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?" She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it. "She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her." Never underestimate the Power of God and His unique sense of humor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted July 14, 2007 Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Lol Iggy!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly." No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the seashore." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susieSA Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 A biker was riding on a highway along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said: "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said: "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required would reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 That's good Pammy. Thanks :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susieSA Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 Kids are quick . TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. __________________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. _______________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago . WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie.... Always say, "I am." MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." _________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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