Latter Days Guy Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 Since returning to the church my wife has been against me attending. She has constantly tried to get me to stop going and has tried everything bar asking me to choose between the church and our family. Well that has now changed. My wife has given me the ultimatum of choosing between her and our family and the church. I love my family so much and I also love the church, I just do not know what to do. I want to remain true to the church but I cannot face loosing my family, especially as we are expecting our second child in a little under 10 weeks time. I have tried to get her interested in the church but she will have nothing to do with it. I am at my wits end, I do not want to leave the church but it looks like that may be the only option that I can make to keep my family. I've come here to get it off my chest, as I have found that all of you at LDStalk are such caring and deeply spiritual people. You have helped me back into the church of my youth as much as the missionaries who came round at my request. Now I must make the this terrible choice, I don't know which way to turn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonKairos Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 GB, sorry to hear about this dilemma, with a capital "D." What is it about you attending Church that upsets your wife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 Since returning to the church my wife has been against me attending. She has constantly tried to get me to stop going and has tried everything bar asking me to choose between the church and our family. Well that has now changed. My wife has given me the ultimatum of choosing between her and our family and the church. I love my family so much and I also love the church, I just do not know what to do. I want to remain true to the church but I cannot face loosing my family, especially as we are expecting our second child in a little under 10 weeks time. I have tried to get her interested in the church but she will have nothing to do with it. I am at my wits end, I do not want to leave the church but it looks like that may be the only option that I can make to keep my family. I've come here to get it off my chest, as I have found that all of you at LDStalk are such caring and deeply spiritual people. You have helped me back into the church of my youth as much as the missionaries who came round at my request. Now I must make the this terrible choice, I don't know which way to turn.Wow, my heart really goes out to you...wish I had an easy answer for you, but this is a TOUGH place for you to be in, I can only pray for you, and ask God to give you wisdom.....some advice I CAN give... Just live what you believe in front of her, don't try to drag her into the fold. "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinoin still"Don't make the same mistake I did...I nagged,pushed and prodded my husband...he faught the church even harder and our marrage eventually ended, I am as much to blame as he is, I had to learn some hard lessons. I will pray for you. may God bless you! Yediyd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter Days Guy Posted June 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 Thats the problem, she won't tell me what it is she doesn't like. She just calls the people at church a bunch of nutters and that she doesn't want to be brainwashed by them. I only wish she would explain her problems to me and then maybe we could work it out but that just doesn't happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpacktr Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 GB, Although the Lord stated that we must choose between our loved ones and the gospel, the church sees that families are very important. You may want to please your wife at this time (let your Bishop/Branch President know what you are doing) and focus on her. If she is preggers, that could be part of it (I know, very politically incorrect, but let's be real: Pregnant women can be tough at times! ). Focus on your family. Pay your tithes. Study the scriptures. Pray. Perhaps you can get permission to have the sacrament, either at your home or somewhere else, a couple times a month. Love your wife and let her know she is the most important part of your life and pray the Lord will soften her heart. And then turn it over to the Lord. It will work out someway, somehow, in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yediyd Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 Thats the problem, she won't tell me what it is she doesn't like. She just calls the people at church a bunch of nutters and that she doesn't want to be brainwashed by them. I only wish she would explain her problems to me and then maybe we could work it out but that just doesn't happen.I am the only member in my family, my sister is JUST like your wife...she knows nothing about this church, but refuses to even listen to anything I have to say about it. I'm brainwashed, yet she doesn't even know what I believe! I am a former Baptist, she is "claiming " to still be a Baptist, but never reads her Bible, goes to church, or even tries to curb her fowl language, I could except her closed mindedness if she actually practised what she spposedly believes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter Days Guy Posted June 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 Don't make the same mistake I did...I nagged,pushed and prodded my husband...he faught the church even harder and our marrage eventually ended, I am as much to blame as he is, I had to learn some hard lessons. I will pray for you. may God bless you! YediydThanks for the advice, I have never actively forced the church on her. I have asked a couple of times if she would like to talk about the church, usually after she has mentioned something about it, but she just doesn't want anything to do with the church at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeAir2006 Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter Days Guy Posted June 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 I've had a talk with my wife and we have now come to an understanding over the church and its role in my life. She said she shouldn't have told me to make the choice between her and the church and as long as I don't shove it down her throat she will not mention it again. She has finally realised that the church is an important part of my life and has said she will not stop me from attending, which is a big step for her to take after what she originally said. She told me that she thought that the church would try and steal me away from her and the kids, that they were like the moonies or Scientology. Hopefully over time she will begin to ask more about the church, but I'm not going to force it onto her. I really want us to be united together in the temple so we can spend eternity together, hopefully she will come to find out more about the church and discover we aren't a bunch of loons who brainwash people! Anyway, thank you all for your advice and prayers. I do believe that the Holy Spirit has been at work today and that it was your prayers that help. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeAir2006 Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Username-Removed Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 Since returning to the church my wife has been against me attending. She has constantly tried to get me to stop going and has tried everything bar asking me to choose between the church and our family. Well that has now changed. My wife has given me the ultimatum of choosing between her and our family and the church. I love my family so much and I also love the church, I just do not know what to do. I want to remain true to the church but I cannot face loosing my family, especially as we are expecting our second child in a little under 10 weeks time. I have tried to get her interested in the church but she will have nothing to do with it. I am at my wits end, I do not want to leave the church but it looks like that may be the only option that I can make to keep my family. I've come here to get it off my chest, as I have found that all of you at LDStalk are such caring and deeply spiritual people. You have helped me back into the church of my youth as much as the missionaries who came round at my request. Now I must make the this terrible choice, I don't know which way to turn.GB, thats a tough one. I think its very good that you are asking people here and doing your research. I know its difficult to get answers from Heavanly Father unless I have done as much research, and sometimes, even come to my own conclusions.1) My parents are not Mormon and I did hurt my relationship with them when I joined the church. However, while my father is not very much a part of my life, my mother really is. We have many common thoughts when it comes to Jesus Christ - someday I see her joining possibly.2) I am divorced, and I was married in the temple. My marraige was horrible after 7 years, the last 4 were ... well it was like outer darkness! LOL. Anyways, Heavanly Father did answer my prayers on that one, and I did eventually divorce her. But, I did have a lot of spiritual growth that was being hindered by her, and perhaps heavanly father saw that.Its difficult for me to fathom a great marrage, with one spouse in the church and one outside the church. There might be some control issues there that perhaps she needs to consider. We did go to counceling for nearly 3 years before we got divorced! No kidding! So, our decision was not quick. I think there may be other issues there besides merely the church. Perhaps if those were fixed, the church issue would be a non-issue. Im not sure if this makes sense, if not, disregard it.Those are my thoughts. Divorce is really really hard on everyone. Im just glad I got the answer from Heavanly Father before I went through it.Good luck my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missitta Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 ((((GB-UK)))) Wow what a horrible situation to be in. It is good that she is able to see how important the church is in your life and she is willing to compromise. :) I speak from experience when I say when you're pregnant, you aren't yourself. Maybe if you give a little time, stand by her during the prenancy and everything, then try discussing things with her again after your child is born things might turn out a little better. Until then leading by example is a pretty good way to go. See if she will allow the home teachers over on occassion or if not, ask the bishop if members of the ward could come over as friends to assist her after the birth of the baby. Let me tell you, having someone drop by with ice cream or offering to do the dishes for you as a new mommy or being hugely pregnant is like having angels drop down from heaven. Maybe seeing the members in a service light will help her see that the churhc isn't as bad as she thought. Best of luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck Mormon Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 I've had a talk with my wife and we have now come to an understanding over the church and its role in my life. She said she shouldn't have told me to make the choice between her and the church and as long as I don't shove it down her throat she will not mention it again. She has finally realised that the church is an important part of my life and has said she will not stop me from attending, which is a big step for her to take after what she originally said. She told me that she thought that the church would try and steal me away from her and the kids, that they were like the moonies or Scientology. Hopefully over time she will begin to ask more about the church, but I'm not going to force it onto her. I really want us to be united together in the temple so we can spend eternity together, hopefully she will come to find out more about the church and discover we aren't a bunch of loons who brainwash people!Anyway, thank you all for your advice and prayers. I do believe that the Holy Spirit has been at work today and that it was your prayers that help. Thank you.Good to hear GB. Hope all goes well for you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinny15 Posted June 6, 2007 Report Share Posted June 6, 2007 This is very hard for you Im sure. I think that your Father in heaven will stick by you and your wife cannot take your family away from you. You have the choice to stay with your kids and teach them what you know is right. God will help you. He will soften the hearts of many to be your friend and those in charge of allowing your children to stay with you. Just pray allot and stay faithful my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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