Struggling with bishop

[Nicolebybee]

My bishop said a few things that truly hurt my feelings very badly. I'm not going to quit going to church but I feel very badly each week when I see him. I know bishops are human and make mistakes. But I truly feel my bishop dislikes me and thinks badly of me. Surely bishops can't like everyone in their wards. So how do I get over feeling so badly each week? It has been probably six months now and tears are always still very close to the surface.

[Quin]

If it's been 6 months ... I would have to suggest you're not going to just get over feeling badly.

Which leads me to suspect that EITHER what he said was true OR that it's something you work hard doing the opposite.

The first one is the hardest, so I'll table it for the moment.

If it isn't true:

The second one has an intermediary step... Which is to meet with him and point out exactly how untrue what he said was.

At that point he can either decide to believe you, or not... But either way the miscommunication is dealt with & the problem begun to be addressed.

Ahem. Which is another thing... He may be completely unaware that it has affected you as much as it has. Oftentimes things that bother me not at all, send others into fizzles, and vice versa. Not being mind readers, we generally don't know how much something we've said or done has affected someone... Yep. Even if they react strongly in the moment. It's not uncommon to have someone bawling in your office one minute (as a boss, or a teacher, or ANY position of authority... So I suspect it's the same for bishops), and then cracking jokes, working hard, totally fine the next. In fact, in some jobs, it's expected that a person may break down on the 1:1, and then be fine, better, best as soon as they're no longer 1:1.

So while you may be simply gutted over this statement, it may very well be possible that he's clueless it's affected you this much, for this long. He may not even remember saying XYZ to you after this long, or have even meant something totally different.

To be clear, since you were leaving the actual incident out I have no idea what it's about or how memorable it is in the scheme of things. So the above is just fairly generic what ifs and could bes. I'm not saying he did forget, or meant something different, and he may well be aware how much it's affected you. Or not. No way to tell without talking to him, or more detail.

If it IS true...

Then you've got some simpler options: sort it and move on.

Yeah. I said simpler, not easier, unfortunately. The simple things are always the most difficult.

Q

[notquiteperfect]

A few thoughts -

- One antidote is to serve him.  You can do this anonymously and as often as you decide.

- Another is to pray for him.  (Matthew 5:44)

- You may want to consider saying something to him just so he can learn from it.  Keep it simple ("I'm sure your heart was in the right place but I need you to know that what you said really hurt my feelings."), hand him a plate of cookies, wish him a nice day and leave.

 

x

[Louloudi]

Someone said something to me a few weeks at that really upset me.  I'm not sure he meant to, but it definitely made me feel angry and then really upset.  

 

The best thing is to speak with him about it - it's not like I want to be best of friends with him, but I don't want to feel bad when I see him or think about it - so that involves doing something I really don't want to in order to make it better.

 

Similar perhaps with you and the Bishop.  Avoidance is often easiest, but it doesn't solve anything. 

[Guest]

This would be the perfect time to practice the principle of Forgiveness.

 

Forgiveness does not require an "I'm sorry".  Read about forgiveness in the scriptures and conference talks and then see how you can apply it to your bishop.  Forgiveness is Freedom.  And it will make things so much better.

[MacDow]

Yes what the post above me says. Also, remeber hurt feelings, if not dealt with can lead to resentemnt and resentment is corrosive to the soul. I cant stress enough how horrible resentment is.

[Backroads]

Unfinished business?

 

I say you approach your bishop with the problem, express the feelings you have pent up in the most polite way you can (use "I" statements), and get this sorted out.

 

At the same time, work on forgiving him. 

 

They're two separate issues.

[Palerider]

I would go speak with your Bishop....after all your both human and both make mistakes.

[estradling75]

Consider this... Our example and goal is to become like Christ.  Christ knows every flaw and imperfection we have, Christ suffered for our sins which many of us continue to do even though we know that.  He has every reason to feel abused, illused and taken advantage of by us... Yet he loves us anyways..  So when you struggle to work which your bishop remember Christ and what he has put up with from you.  Can you do any less for another one that Christ also loves?

[Dravin]

I would go speak with your Bishop....after all your both human and both make mistakes.

 

It's also the scriptural approach:

 

 

D&C 42:88

 88 And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.