Marriage question?

[nathansanchez]

I am a recently returned missionary with a simple question that I am curious about. I am currently dating someone who is not a member, but who has a date for baptism for a few months from now. We have been talking about a more serious relationship, and this may end up in marriage. She loves the church, and wants to be baptized for her own reasons (she investigated the church before she started dating me). Do we have a civil marriage on our own time, or do we wait the 14 months from now and get married within the temple?

 

 

Any advice is appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

ns

[Backroads]

I've seen it both ways. I suppose it depends on what you want from the wedding day. As it stands, the temple date is at least 14 months away no matter what you do. Is it important your sealing be your marriage? Is it important family be present at your wedding? Consider these things.

[Silhouette]

When my husband and I married, we asked our Bishop about this very thing, because I had not been in the Church long enough to get married in the temple. He consulted the Handbook which said that if one has a marriage outside the temple, one must wait the full time before getting married in the temple UNLESS THERE WAS A VALID REASON WHY THE COUPLE COULD NOT ATTEND THE TEMPLE AT FIRST. Then the handbook went on to outline what some of those valid reasons might be, one of which was this: That one of the parties had not been in the Church long enough to attend the temple.

We were married at Church by our Bishop, and then were sealed in the temple just 6 months later, by which time I had been a member long enough to attend the temple.

This was 25 years ago. I don't know if things have changed since then, but it might be worth looking into.

[PolarVortex]

This "may" end up in marriage?  There's your answer.  If I were you, I'd focus 100% of my energy on deciding whether or not I really wanted to marry her, and I'd put the temple/civil question onto a back burner.  No, I'd take it off the stove completely. 

 

The sequence of decisions should be: (1) should we marry? (2) if so, when? and (3) how and where?   Sounds to me like (3) has elbowed its way into the front of your queue.  You can't make decision (3) wisely without clear answers to (1) and (2).

 

I suspect part of you might be thinking that the marriage may not happen at all if you don't strike while the iron is hot, even if that means you settle for a civil marriage in the short term.  If so, I'd urge you to think very carefully about what you're doing. 

 

And what's the deal with her waiting 2 months for her baptism?  If it's a simple scheduling thing based on her preference for a convenient time, that's one thing.  If she's still wrestling with the baptism decision then you should help her clear that up, then take a breath for a few days or weeks, and then start talking with the M-word.  Most blunders I see other people make are traced to poorly serialized decisions.

 

Thank you for your missionary service, by the way.  I think that's great.

Edited October 5, 2014 by PolarVortex

[Str8Shooter]

I am a recently returned missionary with a simple question that I am curious about. I am currently dating someone who is not a member, but who has a date for baptism for a few months from now. We have been talking about a more serious relationship, and this may end up in marriage. She loves the church, and wants to be baptized for her own reasons (she investigated the church before she started dating me). Do we have a civil marriage on our own time, or do we wait the 14 months from now and get married within the temple?

 

 

Any advice is appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

ns

My advice and very strong suggestion is to wait for temple marriage.

You should ask yourself why you are dating someone who is not of the faith. It becomes difficult to have a celestial family if you date individuals who cannot participate in it. A recently returned missionary should know this.

[Leah]

My advice and very strong suggestion is to wait for temple marriage.

You should ask yourself why you are dating someone who is not of the faith. It becomes difficult to have a celestial family if you date individuals who cannot participate in it. A recently returned missionary should know this.

This. Exactly.

[priesthoodpower]

My advice and very strong suggestion is to wait for temple marriage.

You should ask yourself why you are dating someone who is not of the faith. It becomes difficult to have a celestial family if you date individuals who cannot participate in it. A recently returned missionary should know this.

This. but let me offer my perspective that you wont hear in sunday school.

 

The benefit and blessings of waiting for a temple marriage rather then a civil one first, is because you will train your body to abstain from that oh so tempting sexual encounter with your spouse, in doing this you set the bar high from the beginning which will make it 100 times easier to live those high standards through out the duration of your marriage.

 

Me and my wife did the temple marriage our first try (12 years ago) and it was a huge blessing.

 

as far as life after marriage, good luck bro!

[believingisachoice]

Nathan continue dating her after her baptism. Then wait at least 6 months and observe her committment to the gospel. If she has fire in the belly for the first 6 months, and then she starts challenging you to be better then she's most likely being baptized for her own reasons and not for you.

 

Deciding on who ot marry is the biggest decision of one's life. Good luck.

[Silhouette]

Nathan continue dating her after her baptism. Then wait at least 6 months and observe her committment to the gospel. If she has fire in the belly for the first 6 months, and then she starts challenging you to be better then she's most likely being baptized for her own reasons and not for you.

Deciding on who ot marry is the biggest decision of one's life. Good luck.

I always thought that one SHOULD get baptized for their own reasons, rather than doing so "for somebody else". Hopefully those reasons include a love for Christ and our Heavenly Father, and all the other righteous reasons one might have for getting baptized.

I'd be more wary of the situation if the girl DOES get baptized just for the OP.

I see nothing wrong with challenging someone to do better. The missionaries do it all the time. They challenge people to come to Church, to read the Scriptures, and many other things pertaining to the gospel. Challenges are issued from the pulpit all the time by Church leaders and speakers.

Perhaps I see this situation in a more hopeful light than many people, having been a woman in the exact same situation. I've noted my story in a previous post, but will do so again briefly here: Our Bishop married us in the chapel after I was baptized, but before I was able to attend the temple. Six months later we attended the temple

and were sealed.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with doing it that way. In fact, the way we did it was suggested to us by our ward and stake leadership. My family, who are non-members, was able to attend our chapel marriage, and my brother-in-law gave me away. We had a lovely reception afterward in the cultural hall.

When it came time for us to be sealed, after I'd been a member long enough to attend the temple, we had a few of our close Church friends go with us.

While I agree with waiting a few months after her baptism to marry her, I see absolutely nothing wrong with having a chapel marriage first. Naturally she can't attend the temple until she's been an active member for the required amount of time, however, that doesn't mean you can't be married in Church before you're sealed.

Now, this was 25 years ago...perhaps things have changed since then. If so, others will correct me, I'm sure. But pertaining to my own situation and how it was done, I doubt if our Bishop and Stake President would have encouraged such a scenario if there was something wrong with doing it that way.

Edited October 6, 2014 by Silhouette