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About Silhouette

  • Rank
    Senior Member
  • Birthday 07/18/1961

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  • Location
    Northern California
  • Interests
    I am a married 54 year old female living in California. I enjoy reading Medieval/Tudor/European histories and biographies, and I collect these types of books as a hobby. I have two children; my son is 22 and my daughter is 21. Both are away at college. I enjoy the Gospel very much, and I look forward to being here.
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  1. Silhouette

    A life without God

    I appreciate the words of support. We have been in marriage counseling (non LDS) for well over a year now. It has done a whole lot of nothing. I am under the care of a psychiatrist, who prescribes medications to keep me from going totally insane. It's not helping.I wanted to go to an LDS counselor for both marriage and psychiatric counseling. My husband agreed for the Bishop to set it up. The Bishop did so, but one of the provisions we had to agree and sign off on was that the LDS counselors would be sharing everything with our Bishop, and keep him advised of everything we discussed, our progress or lack thereof, and any new problems that might arise. I was fine with this but my husband refused at that point on the grounds that anything we shared should be kept confidential with the counselor and not be shared with anyone, including our Bishop. Our counselor is not LDS and does not understand LDS beliefs or philosophies. I recall once we were discussing with her what was detrimental to our marriage. I said that my husband's being inactive was detrimental. The counselor laughed aloud and said that was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard, thereby fueling my husband's disregard for my feelings on the matter, and digging him even deeper in his trench in his battle against the Church and me. The counselor does a great deal of harm whenever religion and the importance it has in our lives comes up. She thinks it's fine if I want to participate, but that I'm being unreasonable to expect my husband to do so. I'm fighting a losing battle. It's my Church friends and me, ranged against my husband and children, and their beliefs, and our marriage counselor. This new calling is going to take a great deal of time away from my home life. I feel myself drifting further and further away from my husband and children. And the truly sad part, the real tragedy here, is that the only reason I can muster to care is that I'd be out in the cold otherwise. I guess that does not speak very well of me, either. Anyway, thanks for your indulgence, everyone. I've derailed the topic without meaning to. My apologies to the OP.
  2. Regarding blessing the food "again". The food is still there, isn't it? No one stole it. It hasn't gone bad, has it? Your enemies have not poisoned it, have they? It's still nourishing, isn't it? It will prevent your going hungry, won't it? There are myriad reasons to bless the food "again", or at least give thanks for it. You could request that it "continue" to bless you. I see no issue with "vain repetition" here, as long as your heart is sufficiently meek and humble enough to realize that the food CONTINUES to be provided by God. As with pretty much everything, it's all about intent. It's sort of like tithing, to me. Some argue that tithing has already been paid on such and such an amount by someone else, so they question whether or not it's necessary to pay tithing on that same money "again". The truth is that tithing isn't about scorekeeping what has or hasn't been paid on an amount. It's about whether YOU keep the commandment of tithing, or are you going to try to slide by with the excuse that it's already been paid on this amount. Same with blessing the food. We are thankful for it once. Does that mean we are not thankful for it the next time it satisfies our hunger and gives us strength?
  3. Silhouette

    A life without God

    Thank you for your kind words, hugs, and suggestions. I'll look into obtaining these books.
  4. Silhouette

    A life without God

    My husband and I were very active when we first met and in the early years of our marriage. I was in the Relief Society Presidency and he was Elders Quorum President. The kids came along, and we stopped going when they were young because it was such a battle every Sunday to get them to get ready and attend. They absolutely hated Church. Hated their classes, and hated us for making them go. My husband baptized each of them when they were 8, and we all promptly became inactive. Fast-forward to present. Both kids are inactive still, they drink and have no idea of moral standards and despise organized religion. They have no tolerance for me attending Church and the duties and demands that my new calling entails. I've started attending again these past several months and received a new calling last week. My husband drinks every night, watches porn, lies, keeps secrets from me about my children and how they are doing because he agrees with them that it's none of my business, hasn't touched me in any affectionate way in over 7 years now. No hugs, cuddles, or kisses, no hand holding, no kind words, no empathy or sympathy about anything that concerns me, and sex has been non-existent for at least 7 years too. There has been zero support for me for the demands of my new calling (Primary Secretary), and he allows both our children to abuse me verbally and emotionally. Once my son shoved me and knocked me down and I called 911 because I was afraid. My husband got on the phone with them on the house phone and told them I was lying. The police came and threatened to arrest ME for lying and trying to file a false report. He is impatient and selfish, and views the Church and members with contempt and hatred. If I had the means to take care of myself financially, I would be out of this hell-hole faster than you could blink. As it is though, I must endure because I have nowhere else to turn, unless I wanted to be out on the streets homeless. I'm trying to be a good Mormon by accepting this new calling and attending regularly, counseling with my Bishop, etc., but as the saying goes, "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys." This might be awfully harsh, but it's the God's truth: If I had it all to do again, I wouldn't. Not with him.
  5. I respectfully disagree with some of this. Why would the missionary assume the person asking was a dimwit who wouldn't be able to understand what she was saying without having read the Book of Mormon first? Why would she assume he didn't have an open heart? Quite the contrary; some Gospel background and basic beliefs ought to be taught before asking an investigator to read the Book of Mormon. Before I was baptized, I tried reading the Book of Mormon and absolutely could not understand it at all. I didn't know who the people were that were in it, I did not understand where they were supposed to have lived... I hadn't a clue about anything in it. I had picked it up at the age of 12 from a street board that the local Church had at the mall. I admired it and thought it was "pretty", so the lady told me I could have it. No preaching was involved at all. So I was totally lost when I tried to read it. It took me calling the Church 3 years later and asking for missionaries to come, before I finally understood what the Book of Mormon was all about. I think that if things unfolded the way the OP describes, that missionary was very much in the wrong and was very insulting. There is no reason a missionary should hesitate to answer a question as straightforward as the one the OP asked. I'm sorry also that he felt slighted, but it sounds like he had every reason to. It sounds to me like he WAS slighted, and that she assumed he was stupid to boot.
  6. I agree, you cannot control random thoughts that pop into your head. The same thing happens to me, and I don't worry much about it. I think that if you voiced these thoughts, then yes, there would be something to worry about. But since you apparently do not, I think you're fine. Also, and this is just my opinion, you might be making things tough on yourself. You only listen to Christian music on the radio, for example. But they don't play Christian music at Church dances. Not that the music at these dances is inappropriate, it's just that there is definitely some "wiggle room" which opens up more possibilities that you might not have considered. You also mention that you only read books that are wholesome, which is fine, but are you being too hard on yourself in that area, too? For example, my sister-in-law and her husband are of a fundamentalist faith, and think just about everything is a sin. For example, they never allowed their children to watch or read the classic Cinderella when growing up, because it has "magic" in it, and magic is "of the devil". That's just one mild example of the fanaticism in their family. My point is that it's fine to do what's right, but one should not see boogeymen everywhere one looks, including random thoughts that you have no control over.
  7. No, this is not how the Church deals with honest questions. I am so sorry you had such a negative experience.Certainly no one is required to read the Book of Mormon before asking questions, although in the course of missionary discussions, you might be asked to read and ponder certain chapters and verses of the Book of Mormon in order to further understand a concept you're being taught. When I was investigating the Church, I loved being given reading assignments from the Book of Mormon. As to your question about eternal increase, it's always been my understanding that yes, we will indeed have our own offspring if we attain exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom. There is an excellent website that you can go to, to ask questions about the LDS faith. It's called It is staffed by knowledgable members who enjoy helping people (members and investigators alike) find answers to their questions about doctrine. The site is lovely and easy to navigate. I hope you will not let your bad experience with one unpleasant missionary deter you from seeking the truths you desire to know about the LDS faith. Please try again with Also, your local LDS missionaries would be pleased to help you in your investigation, of course. Please continue posting here and keep us informed of how you're doing. Despite what your bad experience might have led you to think, we truly care, and wish you the very best in your investigative endeavors. Best Wishes, Melanie/Silhouette
  8. Silhouette

    How are you celebrating Thanksgiving?

    We always go to my husband's parents' house, about 45 minutes away. My husband is Chinese, and his parents always make a huge meal featuring dishes from both American and Chinese cultures. They make enough food to feed an army. There is usually a small crowd of us, but numbers vary depending on whose kids are home from college for the holiday. This year there will be 3 from my household going. My daughter flies in later today. My son is staying in Hawaii and having Thanksgiving with his girlfriend and her family. My husband's sister and her family will be there, but not sure if her two older kids will be home from college or not. They have a younger son who will be going with them for sure. My husband has younger twin brothers who will both be there unless one of them has to work or something. Neither of them are married or have kids. It's a nice, cozy little gathering. After we eat around 1:00 or 1:30, the twins usually head to the living room to watch football if there's a game on, and if not, my young nephew will watch a movie or something that he brought. We all end up in the small living room, some of us on the sofa or recliner, with the rest of us sprawled on the floor in various stages of food digestion...The parents will not let anyone help them clean up after the meal, so they stay in the kitchen cleaning up and packing 3 sets of full meals for each of their kids' families to take home later. They are dead serious about not letting anyone help with the cleaning. I tried one time when my husband and I first got married, and was strongly rebuked for it. Not sure what my mother-in-law was saying because she was speaking in Chinese, but she was clearly angry. So I sat back down and have never tried again since then. She won't even allow her own kids to help. So we talk a bit, watch a bit of tv, share the newspaper....pretty soon my mother-in-law comes in and asks if anyone wants dessert. It's usually pumpkin pie a la mode, and we protest that we are too full from lunch but we have the pie anyway. The early evening sneaks in, and we can smell good things from the kitchen again. One by one or in small groups we make our way to the kitchen again. This time it's a very flavorful thin soup with chicken and some sort of Chinese fungi in it. The soup is completely clear. I don't know what the fungi is but it's wonderful. We gather around the small tv in the kitchen, some sitting at the table, some standing, and watch the Chinese drama or comedy that my in-laws are watching. Everyone laughs at something on the show, and I laugh too, even though I have no idea what just happened because it's all in Chinese. After the soup, the families start to drift off one by one, after Mom has made sure we all have our food to take home with us. We all say goodbye, and mention about how we will see each other again at Christmas, when we will gather there again. Thanksgiving is a lovely time in my family, and I have much to be thankful for, indeed.
  9. Silhouette

    Please Give Me Your Thoughts and Advice

    Ok, I went to Church and was sustained and set apart today as the Secretary in the Primary Program. The position entails: Consulting with the presidency to prepare agendas for presidency meetings. Attending these meetings and taking notes, and keeping track of assignments. At least quarterly, compiling attendance information and reviews it with the Primary President. Submit the information to the Ward Clerk. Making sure that the Primary President and Ward Executive Secretary are aware of children who will soon be eligible for baptism and who will soon advance from Primary to the Aaronic Priesthood and Young Women. Helping the primary presidency prepare an annual budget and account for expenses. Assisting children, teachers, and parents as requested by the primary presidency. Monitoring classes and maintain reverence during sharing time. Also assigning children to give talks in upcoming sharing times and inform the childrens' parents of the assignments. Being on standby to take over classes when a teacher is absent. Arriving at Church early to set up chairs and prepare the Primary room for the kids. Rearrangeing the room between sharing times of the smaller children and the older ones. Helping maintain reverence during the combined opening excersises. Lots of work, and I have no computer. Today was my first day in Primary and I've already come home and put three meetings and a baptism on the calendar. All within the next 2 weeks. It was exciting to be in Primary today, if a bit hectic. The blessing(s) when I was set apart were incredible and reassuring. I can do this, it's just going to take some diligence and effort on my part to learn everything and figure out how to make reports and programs for baptisms and such without a computer. There was no indication today that these people did not want me there, and I didn't let on that I knew. So..... Fingers crossed that it'll all work out.
  10. I don't think it's a matter of whether it bothers anyone or not, but rather of having respect and reverence for the sacred articles that garments are. But I couldn't find anything that says we shouldn't lounge around in just our garments, so I guess it's not doctrine or anything. I guess it comes down to the wearer's discretion on what they feel is appropriate. Similar note, briefly off-topic. As a young woman in the Church, it was taught from the pulpit in our ward that we should never let our Scriptures touch the floor, but that something, if only a sweater or some such, should be placed for the Scriptures to rest on. Even a ward bulletin or something should be put down first. The reason given was that the Scriptures held the sacred word of God, and that it was disrespectful to put them on the floor without some appropriate, if only symbolic, way of "supporting" the Scriptures. It's not doctrine, but it made sense to me, and I've done it ever since. Same with garments I guess, at least in regard to lounging around in them.
  11. Silhouette

    Help - need tea with caffeine

    Good point.
  12. Silhouette

    Appropriate tv shows

    I don't know if this has been mentioned yet, so I apologize if it has. I'm too lazy to read the whole thread right now. If you can get something called MeTV, they have nothing but older tv shows such as Lost in Space, Colombo, CHiPS, Emergency, Mr. Ed, and others like those. We enjoy it, and I've never seen anything inappropriate shown on it. Another great one for old shows like that is Antenna Television, which shows things like Dennis the Menace, F Troop, and others from that era. Both of these are usually carried by local stations. MeTV is all we watch on Saturday night anymore because they have "Sci-Fi Saturday Night", which is a lineup of Batman, Wonder Woman, Star Trek (The original series), Svengoolie, a host show that presents old black and white horror classics such as Dracula, Frankenstein, etc. Last night it showed the old Don Knotts comedy horror classic The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. After that show comes the old show Lost in Space, and there's one more after that which I think is also science fiction, but I can't recall the name right now. Maybe we need to get a life, but you can find us parked in front of the tv watching MeTV every Saturday night.
  13. Silhouette

    Hello there!

    Hello, and welcome to the madhouse.
  14. Silhouette

    Wayward gay Catholic looking for inner solace

    I think that acting on homosexual feelings is not of God, and I do not support same-sex marriage. That being said, looking back on my childhood and the way I was abused both physically and emotionally, I would have much rather been raised by a loving set of same-sex parents than the horrible heterosexual couple that I was born to. I have no idea how to reconcile the above two paragraphs. I do know this much though: If I were a parent giving a child up, and I had a choice of whether or not my child was put in foster care or adopted by a loving same-sex couple, I'd go with the same-sex couple. I guess I really am of two minds about this issue. No idea how to get the two ideas together though.