A lonely mormon

[David13]

44 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Not sure what you mean by "paying professionals", but it's just as lonely to be 18 or thereabouts being sooooo far from home giving up 2 years of your life while a lot of your friends are getting on with theirs.  They need you to be their friend, not just a - I'm feeding you because I feel I have to, but I'm not your friend.

Anatess

I do feel I'm their friend.  That I can and will be a friend to them.

What I mean is that they have the other missionaries who they consider their friends and associates and colleagues and they have 100 others (mostly families) to feed them and socialize with, which is like their family, or family away from their family, and 100 duties and responsibilities, so usually with me they eat and run, about as fast as they can.  Now, of course, it could just be me and my personality, but I doubt it. 

Paying professional.  A paid professional is like your lawyer.  Your lawyer, doctor, dentist is generally not your friend.  They are paid professionals.  You can become personal with them and become friends but it usually isn't done for professional, legal, and personal reasons.  They need to keep a professional distance.

A paying professional, is a full time missionary who's 24 hour, 7 day a week job is to be a missionary for the church, and they pay for that privilege. 

Friends and people who are there just for the friendship.

dc

[anatess2]

2 minutes ago, David13 said:

Anatess

I do feel I'm their friend.  That I can and will be a friend to them.

What I mean is that they have the other missionaries who they consider their friends and associates and colleagues and they have 100 others (mostly families) to feed them and socialize with, which is like their family, or family away from their family, and 100 duties and responsibilities, so usually with me they eat and run, about as fast as they can.  Now, of course, it could just be me and my personality, but I doubt it. 

Paying professional.  A paid professional is like your lawyer.  Your lawyer, doctor, dentist is generally not your friend.  They are paid professionals.  You can become personal with them and become friends but it usually isn't done for professional, legal, and personal reasons.  They need to keep a professional distance.

A paying professional, is a full time missionary who's 24 hour, 7 day a week job is to be a missionary for the church, and they pay for that privilege. 

Friends and people who are there just for the friendship.

dc

Okay, I understand about lawyers.  But I believe it is different for missionaries.  They don't need to keep a "professional" distance when the main assignment of their job is to love.  Now, sexual relationships, yes.  Keep distance.

Anyway, we take missionaries out fishing or skating etc. etc. on PT days.  And they teach us stuff when they're here for dinner (we usually have them over on FHE nights) so they don't just eat and run.

[David13]

On 6/4/2016 at 7:20 AM, pam said:

And why can't they become friends?  When I was growing up, my home was the "home away from home" for the Elders.  I seriously don't remember a time that we didn't have a set of Elders at our house just hanging out.  That was 40+ years ago and I'm still in contact with many of those same Elders.

Good for you and I guess your family, Pam.

I'm my case they consider me like most of the people in the ward, a client.  They do not get to "hang out".

Their time is strictly regulated.  They have work to do at all times, otherwise they must be studying scripture, etc.

So basically it's a professional (for them) relationship.

They have numbers on a check list that they need to check off.  They have reports to file and goals to accomplish.

They don't get to hang around as 'at large friends'. 

Don't get me wrong, they are friendly, considerate, all that. 

dc

[David13]

2 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Okay, I understand about lawyers.  But I believe it is different for missionaries.  They don't need to keep a "professional" distance when the main assignment of their job is to love.  Now, sexual relationships, yes.  Keep distance.

Anyway, we take missionaries out fishing or skating etc. etc. on PT days.  And they teach us stuff when they're here for dinner (we usually have them over on FHE nights) so they don't just eat and run.

Well, sexual relationship would be more than personal relationship, which is what I'm saying.  They have a professional relationship with is mutual love of the brothers and sisters and the gospel.  But not necessarily a personal relationship such as personal friends.  And again, you are a family.  So they fit in as adopted kids.

Don't forget I'm an older single male.

I suppose if I had a wife and some kids they would come and play with the kids.  However, it would be as the full time missionaries. 

I guess what I'm thinking of is the proper role identification.

I have a neighbor who's head is rather screwed up.  He hadn't seen or talked to his mother for many many years.

Then he reconnected.  And after 15 minutes announced that now his mother was now his "best friend".

A mother is always a mother, never a "best friend".  Your best friend is your best friend, and your mother is your mother.

Different roles.  And proper role identification is always important.

I think, getting back to the op, op should not try to make friends with the cop on the corner, nor the mailman.  He should be friendly with them, but should seek friendship for the sake of friendship.

But in the meantime, get out and serve others, thereby making himself a friend to them, without seeking anything (including friendship) in return.  And having less time to worry about his loneliness.

dc

[pam]

2 hours ago, David13 said:

 

I think, getting back to the op, op should not try to make friends with the cop on the corner, nor the mailman.  He should be friendly with them, but should seek friendship for the sake of friendship.

 

Again I just don't understand why one can't be friends with the cop on the corner or the mailman.  Why should their employment limit them?

[Southern_Bell]

I can seriously sympathize with your situation.  After all, it can be very hard to make friends.  Heck, I am ridiculously shy, so even getting to know people is a real stretch.  But being lonely is pretty terrible, and I don't do well with that, either.  My advice: don't wait for anyone to make the first move.  They might be terrified to admit that they need a friend as badly as you do.  I know I've always been embarrassed to say so, and you can't force someone to be your friend anyway.  That doesn't mean that you give up, though.  There is a Primary song that says, "If you want to have a friend, you must be a friend, too."  So, be friendly.  Sit somewhere different each time you go to church.  Introduce yourself, and find out about the person next to you.  Tell the BP that you need a calling where you will have the opportunity to get to know people in your branch.  Even if you don't get a calling right away, serve them.  You love people because you serve them, and you serve them because you love them. Go to activities.  Go to as many activities as you can.  Does the branch do small groups for basketball for example?  Go do it, even if you're terrible at it.  It will give you more opportunities to socialize.  After all, I find that it can be challenging to have any sort of real conversation with someone at church that doesn't have to do with church or the lesson.  There just isn't really enough time between lessons and wrangling children for me to make that happen.