sealing of children to father

[nbigler4]

I was born into the covenant, got married civilly at 19 and in the 8 years we were married, we had 4 children. We never got sealed together. We got divorced in 2011 and while I have taken a slightly different path, he has moved on and is now getting married in the temple. He is asking me to have the children sealed to him and his new wife.

I'm extremely torn up over this. I'm not looking for anyone to come down on me, to tell me that I'm being selfish if I were to say no. But honestly, I feel that if I let them be sealed to him, I would be giving up my maternal rights to them in the afterlife. 

My kids are 13, 11, 9 and 6. From what I understand, what my kids have been told is that if they are sealed to him and his new wife, they will all live together in heaven, eternally, as one big happy family. And that I will still be their mom and they can come see me and visit anytime in heaven. I feel like they're not being told the entire story...

The kids live with him, 2 hours away. I suppose to explain myself, thru the marriage I wanted a divorce so many times and tried to make it work, only to have him tell me that "we don't need counseling" and that "our communication was just fine" etc. By the time he finally let me out, I was so desperate that when he threatened to take me to court in front of a judge and jury for custody of the kids, I felt I would lose the battle anyway and because I had wanted out for so long and knew a custody battle would prolong things, I granted him custody of the kids, a decision which I now regret with all my heart.

A quick overview on my current beliefs- I'm still Christian, I still believe in the Holy Trinity. I'm a good person but I've made some terrible mistakes that are not good for my salvation. I don't go to church anymore and I have questions and mild doubts about some of the teachings. I'm very open minded but realistic. I'm one of those kind of people that like factual answers to my questions as apposed to "just have faith".

Can anyone tell me how this is all going to work out? For me and for the kids? Am I completely insane and selfish for not wanting the kids to be sealed to him and to let them make that choice when they're 18? 

[Guest]

Honestly I think it's reasonable and fair for you to request that they make that choice as adults.

[Jane_Doe]

I don't have advice for your difficult situation here, but feel I could at least clear up some misconceptions--

* YOU are their mother, and NOTHING anyone else does can change that.  The only person who can forfeit that right is you.  Note: I'm not saying this to be critical, but to point out that no one can "unmake" you as their mom (unless of course you forsake that role).

* We don't really know how eternal families work in the afterlife, but a person can speculate that it is unlikely they are copy-paste from what we know here (just the simple logistics of it all).  We do know that God does not force anyone to be anywhere or with anyone they don't want to be, and that God facilities love.  You will be in the place eternally that brings you the most joy, you children the same, and their father the same.    Where those places are, or how the logistics work, we do not particularly know.

* Any person who enters the celestial kingdom as a sealed person will have been perfected in the blood of Christ.  Whatever flaws they have now (temper, poor communication, laziness, etc) would have been washed away.  A person who is sealed in the Celestial kingdom is as perfect as Christ Himself.  Such a person is very far removed from the fallen embryo's we are now. 

* May I suggest a hardcore study of faith for yourself, to work through things (this and in general)?  I hear you in the "just have faith" answer seems like a cop out and annoying-- I feel the same way.  But did you realize that the "experiment upon the Word" speil is actually the scientific method?  Faith is NOT blind, but a scientific experiment, validation, communication, trust, and relationship with actual divine being. 

[classylady]

As Jane_Doe has said, you being their biological mother will never change. And even if your children are sealed to their father and his new wife, that doesn't necessarily mean they will all live under one big house in the next life. My understanding of the next life is that our children will be adults, and will live within their own household just as our own adult children in this life do. They will come and visit Mom or Dad, grandchildren will visit grandparents, parents will visit children etc., just like we do now.  Basically, how I understand it, they are being sealed into the family of God. That is a good thing.

[Anddenex]

When I read your post there appears to be come misunderstandings of the gospel (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). In order to make sure I have understood correctly I will reiterate what you have shared:

1) I was born into the covenant, got married civilly at 19 and in the 8 years we were married, we had 4 children....I would be giving up my maternal rights to them in the afterlife.

As you were born in the covenant you are sealed to your parents, and in the afterlife you will continue to be sealed to your parents if they remain faithful to the covenants they have made before God. As you were married civilly, you were never sealed to your children. There isn't any parental rights you would have in the afterlife, without the sealing covenant. It is the sealing that binds on earth and in heaven. It is the sealing that brings promised blessings, otherwise everything else is until death do we part. Our ability to biologically produce offspring isn't sufficient for any afterlife promises or blessings if we haven't done our part. This is similar to adoption. We have biological mothers and fathers and then adoptive parents who then are sealed to their adopted children. The biological parents will not receive any promises regarding their offspring in the afterlife.

2) I'm extremely torn up over this....A quick overview on my current beliefs- I'm still Christian, I still believe in the Holy Trinity. I'm a good person but I've made some terrible mistakes that are not good for my salvation.

The idea of being torn over this would be expected. You were raised a member, made some decisions which you no longer participate in the Church. As you have knowledge of principles of the gospel, this creates more turmoil as you understand, not fully, the concept of sealings and blessings in the afterlife pertaining to fathers and mothers. That is wonderful you are still a Christian (although as members we believe in the Godhead, not the "Holy Trinity").

According to your choices, as of now, it really doesn't matter if they are sealed to your ex-husband and to his new wife (I would say the same if the roles were reversed), it is actually better for them that they are sealed (such that they aren't denied any blessings of the covenant). An important scripture is found in Doctrine and Covenants 82: 10, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." If you are still continuing to follow the path you are choosing now, whether they are 8 or 18, it doesn't matter, but for them it does, especially if they could be partaking of the sealing covenant and promised blessings at an earlier age.

However, in light of "I'm a good person but I've made some terrible mistakes that are not good for my salvation," then begin making choices that will be good for your salvation. Exercise your faith unto the principle of repentance and return to the Lord so that he may pour out his blessings upon you. You are not lost to the Lord. There isn't any decision you have made (I would assume) that would cause you to forfeit being an heir of God.

3) Can anyone tell me how this is all going to work out? For me and for the kids? Am I completely insane and selfish for not wanting the kids to be sealed to him and to let them make that choice when they're 18? 

The only teaching we have regarding how these situations work out in the end is that all things are done by a God who knows all things and will work out every detail according to his knowledge, his love, his mercy, his grace, and his justice (remembering he (along with heavenly Mother) are perfect in these attributes).

Are you insane? No, the love a mother has for her children isn't insane. Selfish? Yes, if you are continue to walk the path you are currently, and don't have any desire to make a change to come back to the Church, then yes, it is a selfish desire. As the children being sealed to their father and his current wife will be a good thing for them, and it will have no affect on you in this life as these are afterlife blessings and promises. If you have desires to return to the fold, desires to live righteously that you could have your children sealed to you, then no, it isn't selfish, it is also a righteous desire -- and is to be expected, which is why all things are worked out by a God who knows all things.

***************************

Now, I could be wrong, but I don't think he needs your permission to have the children sealed to him, if he has full custody which it appears he does. I understand him reaching out is what the Church has requested, but I don't think permission is needed. If you want to know further on that matter, contact your local bishop for more information. If you have desire for your children to be sealed to you, then contact your local bishop, begin the path of repentance, otherwise think upon the children, as whether they are 18 or 8, it doesn't matter if you haven't made the decisions to come back the fold anyways, and a sealing in the temple wouldn't affect anything temporally. All temporal matters would remain as they are.

[Edspringer]

Hi, nbigler4

On 25/07/2016 at 11:55 AM, Anddenex said:

Now, I could be wrong, but I don't think he needs your permission to have the children sealed to him, if he has full custody which it appears he does. I understand him reaching out is what the Church has requested, but I don't think permission is needed.

Just to clarify things:

In the Church’s Handbook 1 (3.6.2), it says that children under 21 years of age whose biological parents have been divorced can be sealed to the father/mother and a step-father/mother if:

1 – That parent holds legal custody of those children;

2 – The other parent grants the permission for the sealing to occur.

I liked what Eowyn said. Maybe you should talk to your ex-husband and kids to postpone this sealing to when all the kids understand and are able to decide what they want about the matter.

Besides, commune with Heavenly Father through meaningful prayer and scripture study, go back to Church and use the atonement of Jesus Christ. This is no cliché.