Feeling overwhelmed

[Smallfootsteps]

I've been investigating the LDS church for a month. I have a 15 year old daughter and I'm a single mom to her. I have friends (actually friends of friends but they're nice people) who are members of the church and they invited me so I went along a month ago. I've been going for 4 weeks now and I stay for the full 3 hours every Sunday. I started seeing the missionaries and to begin with everything was fine. But in the last few weeks our meetings have been twice a week at night and I've started to feel really tired and stressed and overwhelmed about all the new information I've been receiving. I like the church and I'm certainly wanting to keep investigating but now the missionaries are pushing me to set a baptism date and I'm just not ready for that. I've only read about 1/3 of the Book of Mormon and I'm still finding some concepts that are taught at church on Sundays difficult to understand. My daughter is also still very new to it all and she's wanting to wait before she decides to commit to being baptized. Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed? We've got another meeting arranged with the missionaries and my friends in two days (the last one was only yesterday) and I honestly feel like crying at the thought of more information overload. I feel like the church is right and I'm meant to be there but why does there have to be such a fast and intensive process to be educated and why is there such pressure to get baptized? Shouldn't I be given adequate time to read the Book for Mormon and pray on it? Any advice would be much appreciated because right now I feel exhausted and completely overwhelmed. I'm on the verge of taking a break and just pausing and reflecting for a few weeks, I'm worn out already. 

Edited November 28, 2016 by Smallfootsteps

[yjacket]

1st off, I'm very glad that you've decided to investigate the Church and the restored Gospel.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ is absolutely awesome!-it is the solution to the problems of the world.

I've never been an investigator, but I have been a missionary and yes depending on your background it can be overwhelming.  Sometimes as missionaries and members we can forget how much new information there is and that can be very overwhelming.  My biggest piece of advice is just to be upfront with the missionaries about your concerns, fears, being overwhelmed etc.  

While the missionaries are young, they have very good hearts and genuinely want what is best for you. Baptism is the process through which we make a covenant to God that we will be a disciple of Jesus Christ and to become a member of His Church. It is a very important covenant for individuals to gain salvation and as such the missionaries (who's entire purpose for 2 years is to bring people to Christ through baptism) are very focused on helping individuals make that very important covenant. Sometimes, if the missionaries are not perceptive enough this can come across as aggressive pressure to be baptized.

If you are not ready for a baptismal date, just tell them. 

However, the process of changing our lives to honestly become disciples of Christ is lifelong; but just because it is a lifelong process doesn't mean we have to wait until we know everything to make a covenant with God that we want to become a member of His Church and be His disciples.  That's the beauty of the Gospel, we just start out on the small and simple things and we continue to grow until our faith becomes stronger and stronger.

As far as the amount of knowledge goes, there is a set of questions asked prior to baptism to ensure you are ready for baptism.  The questions are listed below, if you can answer 1,2,3,5,6 in the affirmative and 4 in the negative, you are ready to be baptized regardless of the amount of knowledge you have or don't have-the only thing that it depends on is your desire to be baptized.  If you answer 4 in the affirmative then you can be baptized, but it will require a few more steps.  

If you have confusion or lack knowledge on any of those questions then it's okay-that's what the missionaries are their for, to help guide you along the way-but always remember this journey in this life back to Heavenly Father by becoming a disciple of Christ is an individual matter.  The missionaries and even the Church are simply guides and helping stones along the way of our personal journey to coming to know our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

1. 1.Do you believe that God is our Eternal Father? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Savior and Redeemer of the world?

2. 2. 

   Do you believe the Church and gospel of Jesus Christ have been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith? Do you believe that [current Church President] is a prophet of God? What does this mean to you?

3. 3. 

   What does it mean to you to repent? Do you feel that you have repented of your past transgressions?

4. 4. 

   Have you ever committed a serious crime? If so, are you now on probation or parole? Have you ever participated in an abortion? a homosexual relationship?

5. 5. 

   You have been taught that membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints includes living gospel standards. What do you understand of the following standards? Are you willing to obey them?

   1. a. 

      The law of chastity, which prohibits any sexual relationship outside the bonds of a legal marriage between a man and a woman.

   2. b. 

      The law of tithing.

   3. c. 

      The Word of Wisdom.

   4. d. 

      The Sabbath day, including partaking of the sacrament weekly and rendering service to fellow members.

6. 6. 

   When you are baptized, you covenant with God that you are willing to take upon yourself the name of Christ and keep His commandments throughout your life. Are you ready to make this covenant and strive to be faithful to it?

[Jane_Doe]

Hi @Smallfootsteps!  Welcome to the forum and (more importantly) welcome to checking out the LDS church!

Learning the Gospel is a big journey, and it is very easy to get overwhelmed by it all.  If you want/need to slow down and take time to have small footsteps, that is 100% ok.  Just tell people that's what you need.  Missionaries are ~19 and get very excited- which sometime leads to them trying to run too fast too quickly (which as a mother of a teenager, I'm sure you know *nothing* about this  ).   Just tell them exactly what you have written here and stick to your guns. 

 

Edited November 28, 2016 by Jane_Doe

[Guest]

Of course you're feeling overwhelmed.  All the different activities and way of life changes you're encountering would be overwhelming to just about anyone.  Don't think this makes you weak in any way.  To change your entire life and system of belief is a major undertaking.  

Remember that the gospel of Jesus Christ does not promise perfection in this life.  It means that while we admit our failings, we will continue to keep on striving towards perfection.  That is what endure to the end means.

Do as your moniker would indicate.  Take baby steps and just keep moving forward.  Just keep on trying.

 

[anatess2]

I'm a convert to the Church.  I was Catholic and married my husband who was an inactive Mormon attending the Catholic Church with me... My husband started going back to activity in his Church a couple weeks before we got married.  I actively studied the Church for 3+ years before I asked to be baptized.  I purposely didn't set appointments with missionaries except to host missionary dinners.  I told them they're not allowed to ask me questions.  Rather, I want to ask the questions and they get to teach me the answers.  I said the same thing to my husband's family.  I told them if they proselyte to me in my house without my asking, they can leave.  Same thing if I'm at their house, I'm going to leave.

But it is different for me since my husband is a member, so they can't really "give up on me" and not contact me again since my husband has home teachers, etc.  So, even as they think I lost interest (never did - I just had several testimonies from my Catholic days that only I can resolve), they eventually come back.

In any case, you can tell the missionaries you need to space out the appointments a bit to give you time to absorb the lessons.  Yes, they're probably going to feel they're gonna lose you so they might end up a bit more dedicated but if you assure them that you're not losing interest, you're just feeling overwhelmed, they'll understand and surrender more to the Holy Spirit in their interactions with you.  Then you, yourself, can surrender to the Holy Spirit instead of the missionaries.

Hope it goes well...

[Anddenex]

6 hours ago, Smallfootsteps said:

Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed? We've got another meeting arranged with the missionaries and my friends in two days (the last one was only yesterday) and I honestly feel like crying at the thought of more information overload. I feel like the church is right and I'm meant to be there but why does there have to be such a fast and intensive process to be educated and why is there such pressure to get baptized? Shouldn't I be given adequate time to read the Book for Mormon and pray on it? Any advice would be much appreciated because right now I feel exhausted and completely overwhelmed. I'm on the verge of taking a break and just pausing and reflecting for a few weeks, I'm worn out already. 

Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed?

Yes, as human beings we all have different strengths and different methods of dealing with life's experiences. As a son of a father who converted in his twenties, and a mother who converted in her twenties I gained much more an appreciation for my father and mother and the choice they made in being baptized. Their choice has blessed the lives of their children richly. It is OK.

I feel like the church is right and I'm meant to be there but why does there have to be such a fast and intensive process to be educated and why is there such pressure to get baptized?

Wonderful, the Church is right (the gospel is true). Most missionaries were baptized at eight, and then simply took the next steps. If you know the gospel is true, then the next logical step is to be baptized, and this is probably the mindset of your missionaries (I am pretty sure it is, but could be wrong). What you are seeing as "fast and intensive" they are viewing as another step, and they probably don't have the experience to look at it any other way, until you tell them (I know I didn't on the mission and am now wondering if this is why some people I shared seem so eager and then they didn't want to talk anymore and we never met again, if so I wish they would have been more open). As other have shared be open, and if you are truly moving forward, they will just need to understand.

Shouldn't I be given adequate time to read the Book for Mormon and pray on it?

Yes, and everyone will have a different meaning as to what is adequate and what is not. My mother joined the church after three weeks of hearing the discussions; however, she dated an in-active member who was answering her questions before the missionaries even showed up. My father on the hand, felt over-whelmed to the point of telling the missionaries to go away (when really he didn't want to give up coffee ). He received a promise, honored the promise, and was baptized not long after, but he wasn't baptized, nor my mother, until they were ready. As others have shared, allow the missionaries to know what is in your heart. If you want to finish the Book of Mormon before being baptized that is great also (In my home, with my children, none of my children have been baptized without reading the Book of Mormon in its entirety and then taking Moroni's promise at the end of the Book of Mormon (Moroni 10:2-5) although a witness can be received without reading the whole Book of Mormon). Let them know and together determine a time that will be less "intensive" for you. They are probably thinking, the more we are there the more she will feel the spirit. They are probably anxious themselves and for you.

I'm on the verge of taking a break

Well, then if needed openly communicate, but I assume the missionaries will feel somewhat like I did on the mission. Does she really want to take a break, or is she really telling us to go away? If you need a break, my only suggestion would be, don't miss the next appointment

May the Lord continue to bless you with strength, and that would be my last thought, pray for strength and the Lord will strengthen you.

[yjacket]

9 minutes ago, Anddenex said:

If you need a break, my only suggestion would be, don't miss the next appointment

Yes, missed appointments as a missionary hurt. That was almost always a sign that things were not looking good. 1 missed apt . . . maybe they forgot life happened etc. more than one in a row and you quickly learn that you will probably be crossing that person off the teaching pool list.

[Smallfootsteps]

1 hour ago, Anddenex said:

Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed?

Yes, as human beings we all have different strengths and different methods of dealing with life's experiences. As a son of a father who converted in his twenties, and a mother who converted in her twenties I gained much more an appreciation for my father and mother and the choice they made in being baptized. Their choice has blessed the lives of their children richly. It is OK.

I feel like the church is right and I'm meant to be there but why does there have to be such a fast and intensive process to be educated and why is there such pressure to get baptized?

Wonderful, the Church is right (the gospel is true). Most missionaries were baptized at eight, and then simply took the next steps. If you know the gospel is true, then the next logical step is to be baptized, and this is probably the mindset of your missionaries (I am pretty sure it is, but could be wrong). What you are seeing as "fast and intensive" they are viewing as another step, and they probably don't have the experience to look at it any other way, until you tell them (I know I didn't on the mission and am now wondering if this is why some people I shared seem so eager and then they didn't want to talk anymore and we never met again, if so I wish they would have been more open). As other have shared be open, and if you are truly moving forward, they will just need to understand.

Shouldn't I be given adequate time to read the Book for Mormon and pray on it?

Yes, and everyone will have a different meaning as to what is adequate and what is not. My mother joined the church after three weeks of hearing the discussions; however, she dated an in-active member who was answering her questions before the missionaries even showed up. My father on the hand, felt over-whelmed to the point of telling the missionaries to go away (when really he didn't want to give up coffee ). He received a promise, honored the promise, and was baptized not long after, but he wasn't baptized, nor my mother, until they were ready. As others have shared, allow the missionaries to know what is in your heart. If you want to finish the Book of Mormon before being baptized that is great also (In my home, with my children, none of my children have been baptized without reading the Book of Mormon in its entirety and then taking Moroni's promise at the end of the Book of Mormon (Moroni 10:2-5) although a witness can be received without reading the whole Book of Mormon). Let them know and together determine a time that will be less "intensive" for you. They are probably thinking, the more we are there the more she will feel the spirit. They are probably anxious themselves and for you.

I'm on the verge of taking a break

Well, then if needed openly communicate, but I assume the missionaries will feel somewhat like I did on the mission. Does she really want to take a break, or is she really telling us to go away? If you need a break, my only suggestion would be, don't miss the next appointment

May the Lord continue to bless you with strength, and that would be my last thought, pray for strength and the Lord will strengthen you.

Thank you! I actually gave up alcohol, coffee and tea 3 weeks ago when I read the Words of Wisdom. Giving up coffee was easy compared to dealing with feeling so overwhelmed. Part of the problem also is that the missionaries have very heavy accents, I often can't understand them which is sad because they'll talk at length and I honestly don't know what they just said. I think this is just adding to my feelings of exhaustion and stress. 

[Smallfootsteps]

5 hours ago, yjacket said:

1st off, I'm very glad that you've decided to investigate the Church and the restored Gospel.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ is absolutely awesome!-it is the solution to the problems of the world.

I've never been an investigator, but I have been a missionary and yes depending on your background it can be overwhelming.  Sometimes as missionaries and members we can forget how much new information there is and that can be very overwhelming.  My biggest piece of advice is just to be upfront with the missionaries about your concerns, fears, being overwhelmed etc.  

While the missionaries are young, they have very good hearts and genuinely want what is best for you. Baptism is the process through which we make a covenant to God that we will be a disciple of Jesus Christ and to become a member of His Church. It is a very important covenant for individuals to gain salvation and as such the missionaries (who's entire purpose for 2 years is to bring people to Christ through baptism) are very focused on helping individuals make that very important covenant. Sometimes, if the missionaries are not perceptive enough this can come across as aggressive pressure to be baptized.

If you are not ready for a baptismal date, just tell them. 

However, the process of changing our lives to honestly become disciples of Christ is lifelong; but just because it is a lifelong process doesn't mean we have to wait until we know everything to make a covenant with God that we want to become a member of His Church and be His disciples.  That's the beauty of the Gospel, we just start out on the small and simple things and we continue to grow until our faith becomes stronger and stronger.

As far as the amount of knowledge goes, there is a set of questions asked prior to baptism to ensure you are ready for baptism.  The questions are listed below, if you can answer 1,2,3,5,6 in the affirmative and 4 in the negative, you are ready to be baptized regardless of the amount of knowledge you have or don't have-the only thing that it depends on is your desire to be baptized.  If you answer 4 in the affirmative then you can be baptized, but it will require a few more steps.  

If you have confusion or lack knowledge on any of those questions then it's okay-that's what the missionaries are their for, to help guide you along the way-but always remember this journey in this life back to Heavenly Father by becoming a disciple of Christ is an individual matter.  The missionaries and even the Church are simply guides and helping stones along the way of our personal journey to coming to know our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

1. 1.Do you believe that God is our Eternal Father? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Savior and Redeemer of the world?

2. 2. 

   Do you believe the Church and gospel of Jesus Christ have been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith? Do you believe that [current Church President] is a prophet of God? What does this mean to you?

3. 3. 

   What does it mean to you to repent? Do you feel that you have repented of your past transgressions?

4. 4. 

   Have you ever committed a serious crime? If so, are you now on probation or parole? Have you ever participated in an abortion? a homosexual relationship?

5. 5. 

   You have been taught that membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints includes living gospel standards. What do you understand of the following standards? Are you willing to obey them?

   1. a. 

      The law of chastity, which prohibits any sexual relationship outside the bonds of a legal marriage between a man and a woman.

   2. b. 

      The law of tithing.

   3. c. 

      The Word of Wisdom.

   4. d. 

      The Sabbath day, including partaking of the sacrament weekly and rendering service to fellow members.

6. 6. 

   When you are baptized, you covenant with God that you are willing to take upon yourself the name of Christ and keep His commandments throughout your life. Are you ready to make this covenant and strive to be faithful to it?

Thank you! It's not just the missionaries pressuring me to get baptized, it's also my friends. They sit in on every lesson and I think they feel I should be baptized quickly too. They said it shouldn't take months. They're friends of friends and I don't want to hurt their feelings (or the missionaries) but I'm so lost and overwhelmed and worn out. All I've done in the past few weeks is read and study about the Mormon church. And only last Sunday more stuff was said in the Sunday school class that I'd never heard of and just couldn't understand. I feel like my daughter is already getting upset that this has taken over our lives (literally) and she also can't see why we have to get baptized so quickly. The missionaries are young but my friends are my age so surely they'd understand how big a change this is to someone's life? I know it's a positive change but the process would be so much easier if I could adapt and learn at my own pace without all this pressure.

[Jane_Doe]

18 minutes ago, Smallfootsteps said:

They sit in on every lesson and I think they feel I should be baptized quickly too. They said it shouldn't take months. 

They are incorrect: sometime conversion takes months, sometimes years, sometimes only days.  There is no set time table.

They're friends of friends and I don't want to hurt their feelings (or the missionaries) but I'm so lost and overwhelmed and worn out. All I've done in the past few weeks is read and study about the Mormon church. 

It is better to be honest with people than to attempt to "spare their feelings".  Friends will understand.

The missionaries are young but my friends are my age so surely they'd understand how big a change this is to someone's life?

If they are life long members, actually there is a good chance they have no clue-- precisely because this has been their entire life.  

In a way it's very similar to computers: your daughter has grown up with computers and "well it's just so obvious", versus her grandparents have to take their time and learn at their own pace because it's not "obvious".  

I know it's a positive change but the process would be so much easier if I could adapt and learn at my own pace without all this pressure.

Amen!! 

[dahlia]

I'm a convert. I got the feeling my missionaries were pushing me to a date, but I had to push back and asked for a few weeks off. I had 'end of semester' business as a professor and also had some health issues and just needed a break. When the break was over, I was ready to renew my investigation. If you need the down time, take it. The Church isn't going anywhere.