Temple

[An Investigator]

Hi

Sorry if I have posted in the wrong place,  I am just looking for a little advice and I don't really want to chat to my ward about it.   I have been a member for little under a year now and I've been twice to the temple to do baptisms.   It was nice,  I enjoyed it when I got there but I also found it very nerve racking as I get a bit anxious from time to time.

 

Anyway... I have really thought about this a great deal but I've decided I never want to go to the temple and be endowed.   My spouse isn't a member so no problems with sealing or anything.   I feel that strongly I've even had nightmares about going.   I honestly just don't feel it's for me.  I plan to keep worthy to go.   Will this effect me in Church at all? Can you be a member and never be endowed?  

[Jane_Doe]

Speaking personally, I grew up in the church, and still waited until I was 30 before was endowed.  I just didn't feel ready and didn't want to rush a flower to bloom.  Most people had no idea- it's not like it's written on your forehead.  Those who knew were those who I told, and no one ever harassed me about it.  Quite a few were actually supportive of my self-awareness in that regard.  When I was ready, everyone was supportive then too.

On a different note, I would suggest mediating on what about the temple has been causing you this level of anxiety from your baptismal experiences.  (In case you haven't already-- you've obviously put a lot of thought into this).  

[An Investigator]

4 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

 

On a different note, I would suggest mediating on what about the temple has been causing you this level of anxiety from your baptismal experiences.  (In case you haven't already-- you've obviously put a lot of thought into this).  

I just don't see it as a priority, I feel it would be making me even more spiritual ly different to my husband (and garments).   If people are saying don't worry Heavenly Father will sort it all out and I can't be sealed to my family now, why the rush,  I might change my mind at some point who knows.. I doubt it will be any time soon though. 

[Mike]

27 minutes ago, An Investigator said:

I just don't see it as a priority, I feel it would be making me even more spiritual ly different to my husband (and garments).   If people are saying don't worry Heavenly Father will sort it all out and I can't be sealed to my family now, why the rush,  I might change my mind at some point who knows.. I doubt it will be any time soon though. 

Right. Never say never  But I'm (not intending to judge on any level so take me at face value) curious about your remark that you are spiritually different to your husband. What did you mean?

[An Investigator]

Well as my husband isn't a member joining the Church has changed our lifestyle,  wow, keeping the sabbath,  use of language, what media we watch.  My husband is supportive but doesn't follow the rules of the Church,  why would he. This feels like yet another thing which I'm doing alone, marking me out as different,  especially as I would have to wear garments afterwards. 

[Mike]

20 minutes ago, An Investigator said:

Well as my husband isn't a member joining the Church has changed our lifestyle,  wow, keeping the sabbath,  use of language, what media we watch.  My husband is supportive but doesn't follow the rules of the Church,  why would he. This feels like yet another thing which I'm doing alone, marking me out as different,  especially as I would have to wear garments afterwards. 

As one who was born and raised in it and yet made many acquaintances with people born and raised differently I fully get it about the lifestyle issue. Hahaha, I remember one time in a fast-and-testimony meeting when the daughter of a friend stood and remarked that she just couldn't imagine how her life would be without the Church. In my mind I smiled and said to myself, "That's right, Sweetie, you can't imagine. Perhaps that's because you don't know what it's like. But there are millions of people without the Church who are doing just fine in the way you are saying".  I hope that doesn't sound judgmental. It's only meant to illustrate how challenging it can be to see someone else's world view. 

But I'm still curious about the spiritually part. I hope you and your husband are not so far apart--like when (if) you're doing something like sitting under the stars on a warm night and talking about things that are really really important to the both of you.  Know what I mean?

 

Edited March 4, 2017 by Mike

[An Investigator]

8 minutes ago, Mike said:

 

But I'm still curious about the spiritually part. I hope you and your husband are not so far apart--like when (if) you're doing something like sitting under the stars on a warm night and talking about things that are really really important to the both of you.  Know what I mean?

 

Yes I do ? I guess that's why being endowed isn't that much of an issue because it's not something we can do together.   

[Mike]

7 minutes ago, An Investigator said:

Yes I do ? I guess that's why being endowed isn't that much of an issue because it's not something we can do together.   

I can understand. I hope you and your husband have much happiness together. All my best to both of you.

[Jane_Doe]

1 hour ago, An Investigator said:

I just don't see it as a priority, I feel it would be making me even more spiritual ly different to my husband (and garments).   If people are saying don't worry Heavenly Father will sort it all out and I can't be sealed to my family now, why the rush,  I might change my mind at some point who knows.. I doubt it will be any time soon though. 

That makes sense.  You take ALL the time you two need.  

[Bad Karma]

On 3/4/2017 at 3:01 PM, An Investigator said:

Well as my husband isn't a member joining the Church has changed our lifestyle,  wow, keeping the sabbath,  use of language, what media we watch.  My husband is supportive but doesn't follow the rules of the Church,  why would he. This feels like yet another thing which I'm doing alone, marking me out as different,  especially as I would have to wear garments afterwards. 

The church has changed your life style? Good, it is suppose to, for the better.

Why would he? Because he might know the blessings of the church in that his faithful and loving wife would lead him into his inheritance, it's waiting for him. Gently of course. 

Another thing you're doing alone? Why not do it together? Why worry about the garments? You can wear them as underwear, or wear your underwear under them depending on the occasion. This is easily doable, I don't know why so many people fall apart about our garments. 

Talk to God about it, the highest source in these matters is the best place to start.

[zil]

My bishop is a seminary teacher.  He taught RS last Sunday.  Among other things, he taught from the new(ish) "Doctrinal Mastery Core Document" from Seminary on Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge.  In that, are three principles:

1. Act in Faith (includes faith that God is the source of all truth)
2. Look at things from an eternal perspective
3. Seek understanding through divinely appointed sources (see #1), such as the scriptures and prophets

When you approach the question from this perspective, I suspect the answer becomes simpler.  I second the suggestion to take the matter to God - of all people, he knows the best possible choices to bring about the best possible outcome for everyone involved.

That said, here are a few of my thoughts, which are likely useless, especially when compared with whatever God has to say on the matter (warning, I'm having a bad month, so it may show):

0. Urgency is not the same as priority.  Sometimes, a trivial but urgent matter takes precedence over a higher priority (more important) matter out of sheer necessity.  Covenants should be a high priority (important) matter.  Whether they are an urgent matter may vary from person to person - I don't feel like I can answer that question for anyone but me.

1. Perhaps it comes from being old and crotchety, but if people are applying excess or inappropriate pressure for you to hurry up, I say tell them to back off - I recommend snarling at the same time, bare teeth and all (assuming a more polite form of "mind your own business" hasn't worked - note that whether you are endowed is the business of the bishop and he may well engage the ward council to aid him in that business).

Related to this, it's OK to tell people what you're thinking and where you are in the process.  Or to tell them, for example: "I'm giving it personal consideration, and need more time.  It's not that I have doubts, only that I need to be sure I do the right thing at the right time for me and my family."

Note too, that in all likelihood, the bishop and ward council are sincerely concerned for your spiritual welfare (not as in: "oh no, we're gonna lose her" or "oh no, she's not good enough"; but rather, as in: "we know the power and joy which comes from receiving covenants and ordinances, and want her to have those in her life").  Even if that seems improbable to you, please take my word for it: it's highly probable.

It should be noted as well that statistics only lie when we want them to, and this particular statistic says those who receive temple ordinances soon after becoming members tend to be stronger in the long run than those who do not (and I'm sure that's no lie).  (No doubt, this fact contributes to the sincere concern mentioned above.)  This fact seems to me to be logically connected with the fact that power is received through temple covenants.

2. It also seems to me that one should only make these covenants because they want them, consider them important, and have prepared themselves for them, sincerely desiring to make that step.  If one isn't there, one should continue along the path until getting there, and not act in response to peer pressure.

3. I married a non-member after having been endowed.  The garment was never a problem for either of us.  Frankly, I do NOT get what the big deal is about garments.  Build a bridge already.  (Not said to you specifically, @An Investigator, just me being old and crotchety and reacting to having seen an awful lot (from my perspective) of "complaints" about garments lately.  Seriously, from day 1, I had no problems and never have, and don't get why so many others do - and no, they don't fit perfectly, and no, bras were so not meant to be worn over another article of clothing, but so what?  I've got better things to think about.)

4. I'm not sure you can live with another human being (e.g. a spouse) and not impact one another's spirituality.  Whether one holds the other back, or one helps the other forward, or whatever, I think it's unavoidable that there will be significant impact on each other.  But I have a hard time seeing how temple covenants and ordinances would be a separator unless the people involved choose to make it one.  But if there's a risk here, waiting may be wise.  We don't know your husband or his thoughts, nor do the people in your ward (know his thoughts, anyway).  The Lord knows all.  Let him help you decide the right timing for you.

I'm going to go eat a cookie now.

[An Investigator]

Thanks zil you have given me alot to think about.   I think maybe I might be abit scared about going.    No one has even mentioned it so I'm certain it's not even a thing.   I'm just going to ask for another recommend to do baptisms and give myself another year to think about it. 

[Guest]

On 3/4/2017 at 3:47 PM, An Investigator said:

I have really thought about this a great deal but I've decided I never want to go to the temple and be endowed.   My spouse isn't a member so no problems with sealing or anything.   I feel that strongly I've even had nightmares about going.   I honestly just don't feel it's for me.  I plan to keep worthy to go.   Will this effect me in Church at all? Can you be a member and never be endowed?  

Apart from the statement about nightmares, I don't believe there is a problem with that.

In my earlier years, there were only two reasons why most people even go their endowments: Mission & Marriage (temple marriage).  If you didn't go on a mission, you were not endowed until just before you got married.  If you didn't go on a mission or get married, you were never endowed except by special request or if a person was quite old.

I'm not sure why the policy changed.  But it did.  At some point the policy was for bishops to offer the idea of getting endowed after a certain age (younger than previously) regardless of their mission or marital status.  Now it has become the norm to get endowments at the one year mark for all adult converts.  Again, I'm not sure why.  I personally feel uncomfortable with this idea simply because it is not what I grew up with.  So, I don't see your reticence as a problem.

You can always change your mind later.

Edited March 17, 2017 by Guest