How To Make A Point And Agree To Disagree.

[rosie321]

Help!

I want some thoughtful discussion!

I have a difficult time putting things into understandable words but seeing the posts lately I feel I have to make a post for all, including myself of course, to consider.

There are so many strong opinions on this board and so many different personalities that express views. Each person communicates from their point of view . I personally enjoy reading comments from a number of people and hearing strong opinions from different people. I really appreciate all the regular posters here. Even the ones that get me riled up in sensitive areas and the ones I've "fought" with. It's sad to see people upset so much. Instead of learning and growing we attack or walk away so as to not be harmed or harm others . I posted this post to see if there is a way we can get along better and allow everyone the freedom of speech. Whether we agree or not. How can this really be done?

Graciously Heather has allowed us all here into her site and the mods give up much time to the site.

I'm sad to see people going personally after others. There are a lot of strong opinions here and strong differences in beliefs. There are the rules of the site and its design of respecting one another. Yet it seems that this is not happening. How can we personally integrate the rules into our posts and express diverse ideas without offending or driving others away? Some views are in direct opposition to others. How do you express opposition to an idea without providing offense to a person? In the context of this site, how do you think it should be done? Sometimes respecting others and following the ideal of the site is a hard goal to achieve in practice due to strong passionate views or because someone is struggling with a matter. Others might be blinded to how it may come across and some may take offense. The status quo answers may not be good enough for some and they may push things farther than appropriate. Sometimes hearing different opinions no matter how wacky they might be can lead to appreciation of the truth. For example, since this a predominantly LDS site, those not LDS may want to hear more thoughts then read about it and pray about it. They may need sources especially if their heart is leaning them differently. Yet LDS posters may be troubled because this is what you do. You are lacking faith if you don't. So it may come across that LDs don't care or don't have any validity. LDs may see a trouble maker in the midst rather then learning from others and loving one another warts and all.

Recently I personally have done a lot of posts on the priesthood. I clearly state that I admire all the sacrifices and hardwork that is done by it, though I question some of the things done, its ability to handle everything as one person and changing doctrines. I respect the church but expressed my opinionated voice that things were not as perfect as they might be others jumped down. I fought back. Meanwhile a person who expressed her concerns and could have used some support was hurt in the process. It troubles me how far the discussions went and the tone that things went to. Can't we learn to take more from one another and help each other more even if we disagree? Or at least agree that at the end of a skermish to walk away shaking hands?

Sometimes even opinions, when expressed as such can be helpful. Newbies or people dealing with things will probably come across strong. Can the regulars do a better job of recognizing this tendancy and steer others to positive things rather then pouncing on it? There are others on the boards who like to rile feathers to get people thinking and on their mind track. Patience and tolerance is needed for those who express them in that manner also. There are many who express themselves in varied ways. Point being, everyone deserves respect.

I believe effective communication of your ideas and opinions is an art. There are some on this site who are more eloquent at expressing themselves. I beg for patience from those who are to the rest on this site who are not. Communicating electronically necessitates an added complexity. People miss out on the non-verbal communication and things can be taken differently. Before taking offense can we seek to clarify. Can't we try and get along..please?

I like it when people state their disagreement or explain why. I don't mind to see posters take things out of control a little when they are too passionate about something. Sometimes I push people farther than liked to find out more , if others do not seem to understand what I am saying, or its on a matter I really care about. I am a true believer that things will balance out if we get along and the people are open. It can be a beautiful thing to see all the views and forms of expression and see how God is able to shape things over time.. Some people go a little too far at times (I put myself at the front of that line sometimes:()

So....

How can we post dissenting opinions without offending others?

Where do you draw the line between humor and offense?

How can we better show compassion and care in the posts while still being true to your beliefs?

Sometimes the truth is offensive. Is there a way to make it more palateable? (like flavored medicines?)

If I dish something out can I take whatever comes back?

[b]Can we all just get along now?

.

[shanstress70]

I think it's great that you care about this, Rosie, and want to do something.

However, I don't think it's completely possible. It's a message board. People come and go all the time. Even if the board and its present members were able to pull off something like you're talking about (we can all disagree but do so nicely and respect each other), new people would join and would wreck the whole thing. The only way to not let that happen is to carefully screen each new person and school them on how they are to behave on the site.

I think we should all just be OK with whatever happens here. There will always be disagreements (sometimes not stated in the nicest way), people will always get p@#$ed off and retaliate in a mean-spirited nature, some will leave, some will be banned, people will always complain about the moderation, etc. It's a message board and those things happen.

In the three years or so that I've been here, there are slow times, busy times, boring times, happy times, high drama times, etc. Like the tide... it changes around here.

My advice is that if this drama bothers anyone here, just don't come back for a week or so, and I bet when you do it will have calmed down. If certain posters bother you, put them on ignore. Life's too short to let a message board get you all riled up... there's enough of that in real life!

[Dr T]

How can we better show compassion and care in the posts while still being true to your beliefs?

That is the question. For example, Push said she will be talking to the LDS missionaries. I posted that they would be comforting and easy to talk to. It probably came off as a positive post but I don't feel comfortable with it and it was really more of a warning about what to expect and the path they take people vs. support. I couldn't say, something like that though. It is her decision but the more I grow in the Lord the more I feel uncomfortable with LDS beliefs (as I've listed in previous posts) yet how can I post without offending but still being faithful to my own beliefs? That is the real question for me. I try not to be offensive but things like this post are obviously offensive to some people. I was just trying to come forward and answer your question to the group as honestly as possible. There is always this push for "What is similar" vs. "What are the differences" between the Christian faith and LDS faith. Anything that is seen as opposed is seen as "Oh, that contentious so lets just call it anti and get angry or call someone names/make fun of them" vs. trying to understand what the person is saying.

[rosie321]

..... I don't think it's completely possible. It's a message board. People come and go all the time. Even if the board and its present members were able to pull off something like you're talking about (we can all disagree but do so nicely and respect each other), new people would join and would wreck the whole thing. The only way to not let that happen is to carefully screen each new person and school them on how they are to behave on the site.

I think we should all just be OK with whatever happens here. There will always be disagreements (sometimes not stated in the nicest way), people will always get p@#$ed off and retaliate in a mean-spirited nature, some will leave, some will be banned, people will always complain about the moderation, etc. It's a message board and those things happen.

In the three years or so that I've been here, there are slow times, busy times, boring times, happy times, high drama times, etc. Like the tide... it changes around here.

My advice is that if this drama bothers anyone here, just don't come back for a week or so, and I bet when you do it will have calmed down. If certain posters bother you, put them on ignore. Life's too short to let a message board get you all riled up... there's enough of that in real life!

Good points Shantress. I by no means think this post is going to solve anythings. My thinking was that if enough of the regulars can come to some agreement or area of acceptability then it would be easier to accomodate other newbies. Also it is good for everyone to have awareness of what and how they say things so as not to fuel the fire and make it easier for things to be resolved. In the end I agree we just have to agree not to agree or like things at times. Cuz that's just the way it is

How can we better show compassion and care in the posts while still being true to your beliefs?

That is the question. For example, Push said she will be talking to the LDS missionaries. I posted that they would be comforting and easy to talk to. It probably came off as a positive post but I don't feel comfortable with it and it was really more of a warning about what to expect and the path they take people vs. support. I couldn't say, something like that though. It is her decision but the more I grow in the Lord the more I feel uncomfortable with LDS beliefs (as I've listed in previous posts) yet how can I post without offending but still being faithful to my own beliefs? That is the real question for me. I try not to be offensive but things like this post are obviously offensive to some people. I was just trying to come forward and answer your question to the group as honestly as possible. There is always this push for "What is similar" vs. "What are the differences" between the Christian faith and LDS faith. Anything that is seen as opposed is seen as "Oh, that contentious so lets just call it anti and get angry or call someone names/make fun of them" vs. trying to understand what the person is saying.

thanks Dr T. You illustrated what I was trying to say. As a major poster even you wrestle with that question. Who would think? :) I'm of the belief that just the mere wrestling with that question will help. It will make you more concious of what you say and do. It will be interesting to read others comments.

Even if the board and its present members were able to pull off something like you're talking about (we can all disagree but do so nicely and respect each other

it would probably be a really boring site too :)

[BenRaines]

How about we follow this in our postings?

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, ilovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Well it was just a thought. :)

Ben Raines

[rosie321]

How about we follow this in our postings?

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, ilovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Well it was just a thought. :)

Ben Raines

Sounds good. That would be a great thing to keep in focus.

There are so many different topics here that can bring out the fighting spirit from different people at different times.

In the battle for truth and right (and each one holds their own "truth" and beliefs dear) it can get really messy :)

Maybe some can only hope for Snoopy Christmas's? " (like the christmas song) here on this site. Brief moments of respite from battle to celebrate christmas and peace on earth.

[Josie]

I agree completely Ben, if we would just try to treat other people the way we wanted to be treated, what a wonderful place it would be? If we follow the 13th article of faith you just posted, we would be doing that.

Josie

[prisonchaplain]

Random thoughts on agreeably disagreeing: When in disagreement or doubt, ask lots of questions, and offer a few pieces of information. Avoid engaging in personality contests. Try not to assume nuances (I learned this from living overseas). If somebody seems aggressive, just question the thing said, rather than the perceived emotion behind (so just what were you trying to communicate by waiving that soiled temple garment???).

Also, have confidence in your own faith. If your walk with God is secure, you are less likely to be threatened by questions that seem critical.

Hope these help.

[pushka]

Rosie, thanks for your OP...it was beautifully worded and got to the point directly.

I've been feeling dismayed about the conduct of various members of this site for a few months now, and have noticed and pointed out occasionally how many newbies are quickly leaving the site, having been offended by certain comments made on a number of threads about all sorts of issues. They didn't get offended by the differing points of view, rather by the way in which those views were worded, the lack of compassion that appeared in some posts, contention caused by the people who they expected more from...a phrase I've noticed lots on this site is that more is expected of the LDS because they have the fuller truth...so it's understandable when newbie LDS people are offended by some of the posts by fellow LDS members.

It really upsets me when I see attacks on some members, I know that other members have commented on the posts of certain members frequently, surely not all of those people who suggest that a certain poster/s is rude and offensive aren't all wrong? I don't want to point to any particular members of the site, but I do recall on one or two occasions suggesting that before we reply to a perceived offensive post, we ought to sit back, count to 10 and think carefully about our response..so simple, yet it can be so effective...nobody's perfect, and we're all prone to jump to conclusions which may be wrong at times, take offense when none is meant, but hopefully with a little more mindfulness we can overcome the majority of offenses caused to others.