After betrayal, can my marriage be happy?

[pam]

Q: How do you have a healthy, happy marriage with a spouse you can’t ever fully trust because of addiction and betrayal trauma? [The addiction and betrayal were both sexual in nature].

A: Thank you so much for reaching out. This is an increasingly common issue as pornography use, infidelity, and dishonesty show up in the Church’s marriages, along with other forms of addiction. My sincerest sympathies for the heartache and pain this has caused you and yours.

https://mormonhub.com/blog/life/relationships/ask-a-mormon-therapist/after-betrayal-marriage-happy/

 

This article is written by a friend of mine.

[classylady]

Very good article!

[prisonchaplain]

I especially appreciated how the author distinguished forgiveness from trust. It's hugely important to forgive--but also to realize that in the forgiving, trust is not automatically bestowed. In fact, it may not come. Often, this separation of the two issues frees victims to do the forgiving. When it's realized that to forgive is not to excuse the sin, nor to insinuate confidence about the future, victims can often say, "Okay, I can forgive what has happened. In so doing I am not denying my pain, nor am I offering any can of endorsement for my betrayer, so yes, I can say, "Neither do I condemn, and I sincerely hope you will 'go and sin no more.'"  The author also points out that trust is ultimately a faith decision--and the faith is not in God, but in the person. It may be that trust cannot be restored. Jesus seems to recognize this possibility when he permits divorce in cases of unfaithfulness.