Repentance.

[ena]

Over the summer, I did something that I'm definately not proud of.

I know that I need to talk to the Bishop about it.. I just can't seem the find it in me to do so.

It's so hard for me to take that "leap of faith" and do what I know is right...

It sounds horrible, but, I don't necessarily feel bad about what I did. No matter HOW hard I try to make myself feel bad, I just can't! I find some way to justify it to myself..

The only time that I even feel a little remorse is when I think about my future and how I want to get married in the temple..

How do I go about repenting if I don't feel remorse?

I'm trying sooo hard...

[a-train]

Go to the Bishop immediately. Don't worry about remorse. I know a lot of folks say: 'You have to feel bad about it in order to repent.' The reality is, you may only feel what you did was offensive to God, but it wasn't naturally wrong. You may only have a slight intimation that it was wrong. THAT IS ENOUGH!

Example: Potato chips are not against the Word of Wisdom. My bishop said he once told his Stake President in a PPI that he had broken the word of wisdom. The Stake President, surprised, asked what happened. The Bishop told him he had eaten a whole bag of potato chips. The Stake President laughed and responded with a question of how this was any violation of the Law of Health. The Bishop explained that he had been under strict orders from his doctor, due to medical developments at hand, not to eat any potato chips. He explained further that he knowingly gave in to temptation and harmed his body and this was wrong.

Now the bishop didn't feel bad because potato chips are intrinsicly evil. He felt bad because he valued something as simple and small as the taste and feeling of eating a bag of potato chips more than his God-given tabernacle and the commandment to take care of it. This is real godly sorrow! He felt bad because he felt as though he disrepected and ignored the LORD, not because potato chips are evil.

What you did may not seem evil or malicious to you. But, if you feel that you did it out of self-indulgence and disrespect to God and the gifts He has given you, then you are on the right path.

Go to your Bishop immediately and let him serve you by taking the burden of determining by the Spirit your standing with God and the appropriate course of action from this point. I promise you that if you do so in complete honesty, regardless of what he says, you will leave that office with great happiness and a sense that you have lost a great burden.

God Bless

-a-train

[the_jason]

Over the summer, I did something that I'm definately not proud of.

I know that I need to talk to the Bishop about it.. I just can't seem the find it in me to do so.

It's so hard for me to take that "leap of faith" and do what I know is right...

It sounds horrible, but, I don't necessarily feel bad about what I did. No matter HOW hard I try to make myself feel bad, I just can't! I find some way to justify it to myself..

The only time that I even feel a little remorse is when I think about my future and how I want to get married in the temple..

How do I go about repenting if I don't feel remorse?

I'm trying sooo hard...

I'm confused. You're not proud of it, but you don't think it's wrong? Sounds a bit contradictary.

The first step of repentance is recognizing the wrongfulness of the sin. You can go through all the other steps of repentance, but if you don't think what you have done is wrong, you haven't repented. Sure, you could talk to your bishop, but about what? To tell him you did something that you don't believe is wrong? You'd just be wasting his time and your own. There needs to be some time spent on your knees and some serious reflection before you can continue on in the repentance process.

[Doctor Steuss]

[...] No matter HOW hard I try to make myself feel bad, I just can't! [...]

Perhaps I misunderstand the atonement, but it seems that Christ suffered so we wouldn't necessarily have to.

Based on your comment regarding a “Temple Marriage,” I will assume that this particular sin was of a sexual nature, and as it occurred during the “summer” I assume you are a teenager.

Part of the reason it isn’t feeling “bad” may be because your hormones are a little out of control right now, and chemically (and physically) it felt right due to the urges and chemical changes your body and mind are currently undergoing. This is not a viable “excuse” per se, but it may help you to understand why the things you are receiving from your conscience, mind and body are not necessarily reconciling with your knowledge of the Gospel.

Some primal urges feel “good.” I know this is a bit of hyperbole, but there are some people that don’t feel bad about violence (there was a time in my life when I was such a person). Not feeling “bad” about a particular thing does not necessarily make it “good.” I imagine the perpetrators of many of history’s travesties didn’t feel “bad” about what they did.

Now, I’m not equating whatever it was you did with such actions. I am merely trying to illustrate that oft times in life, the things we do will not necessarily feel bad despite the fact that they might indeed be far from holy.

Unless your bishop is brand new in his calling, he has probably helped others through the repentance process that have erred in a similar fashion. There may even be a chance that he himself struggled with similar transgressions in his youth (I know, it’s crazy to think our leaders were once teenagers and may have actually sinned in life). He will help you move forward and put this event behind you, and (in my own experience) may do so with a level of understanding and compassion that might surprise you.

All-in-all though, just because we don’t feel “bad” about a particular thing doesn’t necessitate that it is by default “good.” Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. And, trying to force yourself to feel “bad,” or attempting to bring about personal penance may not be the most productive course of action.

Also, remember that free advice is worth as much as what you pay for it... I'm just some anonymous hombre on the internet, so you must seek out your own path.

[Elphaba]

<div class='quotemain'>

It sounds horrible, but, I don't necessarily feel bad about what I did. No matter HOW hard I try to make myself feel bad, I just can't! I find some way to justify it to myself..

The only time that I even feel a little remorse is when I think about my future and how I want to get married in the temple..

How do I go about repenting if I don't feel remorse?

I'm trying sooo hard...

I'm confused. You're not proud of it, but you don't think it's wrong? Sounds a bit contradictary.Isn't that stating the obvious? Is it necessary to make it sound as if she's doing something wrong by being human and conflicted?

The first step of repentance is recognizing the wrongfulness of the sin. You can go through all the other steps of repentance, but if you don't think what you have done is wrong, you haven't repented. Sure, you could talk to your bishop, but about what? To tell him you did something that you don't believe is wrong? You'd just be wasting his time and your own. There needs to be some time spent on your knees and some serious reflection before you can continue on in the repentance process.

I would think, like -a-train and Doc have said, she should go to her bishop first. It seems to me she needs clarification and guidance from someone who cares about her struggle. Obviously it's an issue for her or she wouldn't have written about it here. Trying to go it alone until she feels differently, especally if she wants a temple marriage, could be very dangerous in terms of guilt, shame and depression. Going to the bishop now could prevent any of that.

Elphaba

[the_jason]

I would think, like -a-train and Doc have said, she should go to her bishop first. It seems to me she needs clarification and guidance from someone who cares about her struggle. Obviously it's an issue for her or she wouldn't have written about it here. Trying to go it alone until she feels differently, especally if she wants a temple marriage, could be very dangerous in terms of guilt, shame and depression. Going to the bishop now could prevent any of that.

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I did not encourage her to "go it alone." All I said was that remorse is the first step. As I stated in my previous post, if a person goes through the entire repentance process and still feels they've done nothing wrong then they haven't fully repented. I'm not sure she would be best served by confessing to her bishop an act that she doesn't think is wrong.

[Elphaba]

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I did not encourage her to "go it alone." All I said was that remorse is the first step. As I stated in my previous post, if a person goes through the entire repentance process and still feels they've done nothing wrong then they haven't fully repented. I'm not sure she would be best served by confessing to her bishop an act that she doesn't think is wrong.

I think it's fairly obvious she's not going to go through the entire process if she continues to feel as if she's done nothing wrong.

I only suggested going to her bishop in light of her comment that she wants a temple marriage. If that's true, then she needs help knowing whether or not she does, indeed, need to repent and what is involved. Only he can tell her that for sure.

Elphaba

[MadHatter]

Over the summer, I did something that I'm definately not proud of.

I know that I need to talk to the Bishop about it.. I just can't seem the find it in me to do so.

It's so hard for me to take that "leap of faith" and do what I know is right...

It sounds horrible, but, I don't necessarily feel bad about what I did. No matter HOW hard I try to make myself feel bad, I just can't! I find some way to justify it to myself..

The only time that I even feel a little remorse is when I think about my future and how I want to get married in the temple..

How do I go about repenting if I don't feel remorse?

I'm trying sooo hard...

I suggest you read "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball, you would understand the greviousness of Sin and the effects and the gravity of your situation, then you would understand why you need to repent. That book does a very good job of making you feel guilty.

[ena]

Thanks so much everyone for your advice. I'm going to try to make an appointment with my Bishop tomorrow. It's stake conference...but, hopefully I will still see him.

I feel like I have done all that I can by myself.

I am ready to do this.

Even though I am completely scared.

-Erika.

ps. I was looking through my mom's bookshelf, and we actually DO have it! So, I'm going to begin reading it right now.

[Palerider]

Thanks so much everyone for your advice. I'm going to try to make an appointment with my Bishop tomorrow. It's stake conference...but, hopefully I will still see him.

I feel like I have done all that I can by myself.

I am ready to do this.

Even though I am completely scared.

-Erika.

ps. I was looking through my mom's bookshelf, and we actually DO have it! So, I'm going to begin reading it right now.

nothing to be scared about.....I think you will find him wanting to help you..... :)