Fixing a Toxic Friendship?

[unixknight]

2 hours ago, Lost Boy said:

You'll have to figure that out yourself 

That's... cryptic.

[JohnsonJones]

Well, it's possible to think someone's a good person, even if you oppose each other's views so vehemently it could become a mortal life and death struggle.

For example, there are some things FAR MORE important than simple politics.  (the following is somewhat tongue in cheek and not completely serious...though some of it is serious...you can figure out which)

For starters...Football and College.

A prime example is @MormonGator and I.  The differences are stark.  He apparently thinks Florida is great, but I, being a Georgia Fan know that only fools love Florida, while Georgia Football defines everything that is good in life.

Football rivalry in the South is far more serious than little political differences.  Political differences mean you don't talk to someone else...Football rivalries mean blood, sweat, and tears.  Also the occasional Vandalism of fields, schools and mascots. 

it's amazing that me and @MormonGatorcan even be in the same thread together!!!

Georgia Bulldogs believe Orange is the color of the enemies of Order, righteousness, and all that is good in the Universe (so it covers more than the UofF).  UofF seems to think Florida State or Alabama is more interesting than a snarling Bulldog.

But somehow, despite all that, I think we actually see many things eye to eye.  Don't know how that happened.  We've learned through the fine University of Georgia educmication system that Florida Gators were the spawn of Hell so how @MormonGator is more towards a great guy and wonderful person beats me.

Maybe it's because I moved away from the University of Georgia (we can't all teach at the Lord's university) and so my perceptions of right and wrong have changed somewhat (because as we know, if there's one thing that a religion consists of in the South...it's football).

Or it's that I think @mormongator is a pretty decent guy...and he's polite to me, but inwardly knows the great venom between Florida and Georgia!!!

 

 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, unixknight said:

There's a guy I am friends with, and we've known each other for several years.  In some ways, he is as close a friend as I have ever had, but at the same time I have been feeling greater and greater stress from it.

He and I have wildly different views on everything from religion to politics.  In and of itself that isn't a problem for me as I have had friends with different views plenty, and in fact I welcome that because it challenges me and helps me improve my own understanding and ability to articulate my beliefs.

The problem is that it has gotten worse since the election in 2016.  He's always been an angry guy but lately there's a tension that wasn't there before.  I don't think it's directed at me, but now I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells when certain subjects come up.  It also doesn't help that he occasionally drops little comments and remarks that normally I would respond to, but I genuinely worry about what might happen between us, because my own frustration is growing.

Normally I would just sit down with him alone and hash it out, and I have tried to arrange it but it never seems to happen.  When we're together it's always in a group or too brief for a deep conversation. 

Because I bite my tongue as much as I do, I sometimes wonder if he even still realizes how differently we see things, and whether he would still accept me as a friend if he did.

Its been taking up more and more of my thoughts and I can't keep the status quo up any longer... yet I greatly value him as a friend so just cutting him out isn't a desirable option for me. 

Any thoughts?

Well, just count your blessings that it is "only" political.  I have a friend who is a bit insane.  And I mean that from a clinical/technical way.  He does his best to control himself.  But he sits upon a knife's edge sometimes.  And I wonder if he's going to kill someone.  I am being literal.  I don't believe I've ever felt in danger myself.  But sometimes I wonder if the people we're talking to are in danger.

[Guest MormonGator]

6 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

 I have a friend who is a bit insane. 

@Vorts personal problems concern all of us, but you didn't need to share it with everyone on the forum. 

[Midwest LDS]

9 hours ago, unixknight said:

There's a guy I am friends with, and we've known each other for several years.  In some ways, he is as close a friend as I have ever had, but at the same time I have been feeling greater and greater stress from it.

He and I have wildly different views on everything from religion to politics.  In and of itself that isn't a problem for me as I have had friends with different views plenty, and in fact I welcome that because it challenges me and helps me improve my own understanding and ability to articulate my beliefs.

The problem is that it has gotten worse since the election in 2016.  He's always been an angry guy but lately there's a tension that wasn't there before.  I don't think it's directed at me, but now I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells when certain subjects come up.  It also doesn't help that he occasionally drops little comments and remarks that normally I would respond to, but I genuinely worry about what might happen between us, because my own frustration is growing.

Normally I would just sit down with him alone and hash it out, and I have tried to arrange it but it never seems to happen.  When we're together it's always in a group or too brief for a deep conversation. 

Because I bite my tongue as much as I do, I sometimes wonder if he even still realizes how differently we see things, and whether he would still accept me as a friend if he did.

Its been taking up more and more of my thoughts and I can't keep the status quo up any longer... yet I greatly value him as a friend so just cutting him out isn't a desirable option for me. 

Any thoughts?

That's tough, especially when he was/is a good friend like you describe. Politics and religion have seen the death of many friendships. I think, like any relationship, it's all about communication. If you can discuss your issues still, you can definitly save your friendship, and if you can't talk you won't be able too. My best friend is a Baptist preacher. I know the first time I mentioned I was a Mormon he became concerned for my immortal soul😈. But, after being good friends with me for years, I finally convinced him I'm a Christian. The rest of Mormonism is still a heretical cult, but somehow I'm saved😉. I consider it progress, and I love his different perspectives on things, plus we have a lot of similiar interests. He is a great guy, and if your friend is as fun to be around as mine, I really hope you can resolve your differences.